A/N: Hi, I'm back with this story, yeah! Let's all have some Elvish fizzy stuff (10 parts sugary soda and 90 parts sugar) and enjoy some weirdness, incest, angst, humor, what have you, it's all here! I think.

Chapter Seven: Osgiliath is Frozen!! Pre-Battle of Helm's Deep! What's an Ent?

On the road to Osgiliath...

"Nooo. This was NOT supposed to go this way!!" Legolas whines.

"Hey, has anyone see that gangrel creature that was stalking you two?" Faramir asks.

"Er..." Gimli and Legolas say.

"SURPRISE!!" Faramir says, pulling Gollum out of a hat! Literally.

"Nooo!! Ssstupid Rangersss, they hurtsss usss!" Gollum whines.

"Shut up, creep!" Says Ranger 5.

"Hey, where are the flames? Isn't Osgiliath supposed to be burning?" Asks Ranger 2.

"Yeah! I don't get it!!" Ranger 4 states.

The group moves closer to Osgiliath. Suddenly, Faramir makes the best observation ever since...er...something.

"DEAR LORD!! OSGILIATH IS FROZEN!!"

Meanwhile, with Merry and Gandalf...

"Hey, Treebeard, can you tell me..." Merry starts.

"CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET, HOW TO GET TO SESAME STREET!!!!" Gandalf sings.

"What, little Hobbity dude?" Treebeard asks.

"Er, can you tell me what an Ent is?" Merry asks.

"Aww I wanted to get to Sesame Street!" Gandalf moans.

"Shut UP!!" Merry and Treebeard yell.

Gandalf mutters something and starts to cry.

"Sheesh."

"Ok, Master Merry, an Ent is...a...thing...that looks like a...tree...except it moves around...and talks...and is not a tree." Treebeard explains.

"Well, I do believe that that just made me more confused than I previously was." Merry says.

"MY HEAD HURTS!!" Gandalf screamed.

"CHEESE IT!!" Merry yelled, giving Gandalf a bonk on the head with his little Hobbit dagger.

"Owww..." Gandalf moaned, falling into a deep slumber.

"Good. Now, can't we go to Isengard? I mean, that's his line and all, but seeing as he's temporarily dead..."

"No, dude, we've got to follow the books!!!"

"Yeah, but those Rohan People are already at Helm's deep!!"

"DANG!"

"And the Frodo people are already at the ruined Osgiliath! They sped ahead!!!"

"CURSE THEM!!"

"Ok, so let's speed ahead, as well!"

And so they jump ahead to the Entmoot, not caring about books or movies or what have you.

Meanwhile, at Helm's Deep...

"How'd we get here so fast?" Denethor wonders.

"Hallelujah for time jumps!" Eowyn says.

"AAAH!! THE ORCS!! THEY'RE COMING!!" yells a slightly beat up Boromir.

For reference, the battle with the wargs has occurred ("DIE YOU STUPID CREATURES!!!") and now everyone's at Helm's Deep. Eowyn has cried for Aragorn ("You mean he's dead? That's WONDERFUL!!!") and now it's time for the battle!!!!

"Ahhh! He's BACK!!" Denethor screams, running towards the caves.

"GET BACK HERE!!!" Eowyn yells, grabbing Denethor.

"Dang."

"Alright, what does the script say?" Eowyn says, smiling.

"Ahem. 'Lord Aragorn! Can't I fight with you? I mean, come on, I love you, you know it, let's get married and fight until we both a) die or b) kill each other from the stress of two warriors living in one house.'" Denethor reads.

"CURSE YOU ADSOL!!!!" Boromir yells, going pale.

"HAHAHA!!!" Eowyn laughs.

"Isn't there more?" Pippin asks.

"'Why don't you command the others to stand beside you? It's not fair! You must hate me!! But that's Ok, I'll keep on loving you! Love cannot be broken, love cannot be defeated, love cannot die, it lives on and on and on...'"

"ARGH!!" Boromir faints. And just then, a horn sounds somewhere...

A/N: Ah, yay! More is on the way soon, so hang in there!! Hang in there, people! It's coming!!! Curse the evil cliffie!!