The Ultimate Stupidity of Jesus. Part 2.

Jesus held his breath for a few seconds before letting it out slowly. He dived for the scrolls hidden beneath his mattress. His gaze settling on them, he breathed a sigh of relief, neither Michael nor God had sneakily taken them. He wanted to kiss and caress them, as if they were his children, or someone he was molesting. Or maybe his future children that he would molest. Whatever. Remembering to change back into men's robes, the scrolls resumed their place in his sleeve.

Praying he would actually get away this time, Jesus moved silently to the door and opened it slowly. Gritting his teeth as the door squeaked and wondering why it only squeaked for him when he was trying to get away and not when others were sneaking into his room at night.

Jesus slipped out of the doorway and down the hall, trying to act casual. This pretty much involved walking stiffly and trying to protect his left sleeve, which contained the scrolls. He managed to avoid most people who wanted his services, saying that it was his night off, and no he wouldn't be doing it for free, and hoping they wouldn't see through his pathetic lies.

He made his way outside and decided to start a long and perilous journey. Heading out of the small village, he began this walk without food, extra clothes, or any shoes.

After several hours of painful walking to nowhere in particular, (well he would have known if he had payed attention in Bible Studies and Geography), he came across a large field full of sheep.
'These will provide me with good cover for the night and relieve my sexual tension.' he thought happily. Just as he was about to leap in and satisfy his man-whore needs, he realised there was another person amongst the sheep.

"Excuse me sir!" Jesus called, "I require a bed for the night and your finest sheep in the bed." He approached the figure cautiously.
"Um, sir?" Jesus tried again.
"I heard you." came the reply, a high squeaky voice.
"Oh sorry, ma'am, but I was wondering if you could accomodate me."
"That will require a heafty payment." said the high squeaky voice.
"I apologise but I carry no money." Jesus said, hopeful that he would get this for free. Yes he's a tight ass. And no I don't mean that he has a tight ass. Not that I would know. Gross. shudders I only look at Ackradin's ass....
"Then we'll find another method of payment." The figure turned, Jesus gasped in horror. It WAS a man. Well as far as he could tell. The man, who had now resumed his proper deep raspy voice, instead of the fake girlish one, was eyeing him up. The man was wearing a young girls robe that barely covered his large rear. The remains of his shaggy, greasy hair clung to his face and wrapped around his large, elephant-like ears. His large, bulging eyes rolled in seperate directions. The man's mouth widened in a grin, revealing two yellow, decaying teeth. The stench of his breath and body odour wafted over to Jesus, who was nearly ten feet away. Jesus began gagging as he choked on the smell.

The strange, creepy man suddenly lunged forward, closing the distance between them with surprising speed. His thick, beefy arms closed around Jesus' scrawny frame and encircled him in a bone crushing embrace.

As Jesus was crushed against him, he noticed something else. The man appeared to have stuffed oranges in his robes, to make up for the lack of man breasts. This was surprising because 1) the man was exceedingly fat and 2) Jesus himself has never thought to do this.

Yeah so thats part 2. Heh heh scarred? I thought so. Look what happens when I get the urge to write. Well uh..gotta spend time with Ackradin! Can't ignore her for the bible. Well making fun of it.. Part 3 will be up..um..later. After lots of time with Ackradin. grins cheesily

-E.I