The Ultimate Stupidity of Jesus Part 3
Just
as Jesus figured, the man was clumsy and uncoordinated.
'I
never realised it could take this long.' he
thought in desperation, 'and
I can't believe how much he smells, its like for his whole life he
has gone out of his way to smell bad. It's almost like he's rotting
on the inside.'
The man, whose name turned out to be Marian, had worn himself out and fallen asleep on top of Jesus in an very uncomfortable position. Jesus tried unsuccessfully to remove the sweaty chunk of lard, but it was impossible. At last, Marian twitched in his sleep and half rolled off Jesus. He seized this chance and managed to drag himself out from beneath the pile of stench. Jesus retrieved his robe, with the scrolls out from the mud, thankful he had been able to distract Marian when he had discovered them. As he attempted to chip away at the caked mud, he saw that the scrolll with the faint reddish colour had been ripped. He gulped, knowing a certan SOMEONE would be VERY displeased at this.
Jesus busied himself with 'testing' all the sheep to see which one he wanted. He finally settled on a large ram. Now content he resumed his journey. Well actually, he stole the ram and rode it (not in the sick way for once) into the sunset. Um wait, I mean sunrise. This method proved good as he was able to get away long before Marian woke to the empty patch of mud next to him.
After an hour of riding, the sheep collapsed and died. Actually it just collapsed. I'm so used to adding 'and died' on the end of everything. So the sheep collapsed and Jesus had to drag its body into a clump of bushes.
The overhead sun
was hot and soon Jesus was very thirsty, as you can imagine. As he
inspected the sheep's body he noticed something...
"MILK!"
he exclaimed, "And the good Lord provides! Blah Blah Babble
Babble etc." So he proceeded to drink the 'milk'.
"Wow!
I didn't know male sheep gave so much milk!" feeling refreshed,
he was now in a really good mood.
Jesus fell asleep
in the sun, content with his last 'meal'. He was woken by an annoyed
bleating sound. Opening his badly burnt eyelids, he saw the sheep
standing over him.
"Baaaa..." the sheep said, trying to
indicate to the imcompetant human what he wanted.
So after Jesus had repayed the sheep and they were on speaking terms again, they set out for the next town.
When they arrived, Jesus noticed it was market day, and as he still had no money he attempted to sell himself so that he could lavish his sheep lover with gifts of gold and carrots.
Since no one would
accept him, he tried another method.
"But I'm Jesus, the son
of God!" he yelled, standing atop some poor bastards house. As
the people continued to ignore him, he began to jump up and down in
frustration. The roof, only being made of straw, collapsed, and he
found himself in bed with an old man who had leprosy.
"I am
the son of God!" Jesus screeched.
"And I asked God for a
lively young man as my dying wish. I don't care if he's slightly
insane!" the old man replied.
Jesus
turned and was about to leap off the bed, but the old man gripped his
arm, and this old man was surprisingly strong.
'Not
like the ones back home.' he
thought to himself. Or maybe it was just because Jesus was extremely
sissy and weak. I guess we'll never know.
At that exact coincidental moment, the old man's family chose to come in. Seeing Jesus' predicament they smiled and retreated, giving Jesus and the old man privacy.
So thats Part 3 so far. I'm not gonna post it on until I add more. I would like to know what people think...I think... R&R or whatever... and to Ackradin: umm I think I will be awhile on this one.. heh heh grins cheesily sorry... I have a feeling it's gonna be a looong story, for once. I'll make up for it! Promise!
Okay, never mind, I'll post this one. And uh..the msn group said its too long? Wtf?
-E.I
Okay and...
Megumi: (or whatever the fuck it is) I would like to thank you for your review. Your comment touched me deeply. Its people like you that make it worth continuing. You may even get a guest appearance. And now I know that I have accomplished my goal.
Ackradin: For being patient when I sit for ages writing this meaningless crap.
Oh and the strange symbols in chapter one are SUPPOSED to say Infinity squared. I went out of my way to find those especially and look what happens. Well someone WILL take the blame for this... –smirks- and I'll make myself feel better.