The Price of Love

"Wh-what? Pack?"

"Did you think that you were going to live here after I found out about this?"

"And you wonder why I tried to keep this a secret."

"I want to know what you find so appealing about me that you didn't tell me this until I found it out myself?"

"You… want me… most of the time."

"I like you all of the time, Harry."

"You're the only one."

"I am not! A lot of people love you, Harry."

"A lot of people love me… you're the only one that puts up with me living with you though. Where are you going to send me?"

"Well, I'm sure Remus will have you for a few weeks, maybe the summer… I'm not sure."

"He thinks that I'm an attention-seeking psychopath.

"What!? Why?"

"I tried to tell him about what you were doing, but he thought I was just trying to get attention or something, and he wouldn't listen to me."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Well, I'm just going to have a talk with about this."

"But what's going to happen, Sirius. I mean, if the ministry gets wind of this, they'll… they'll send you back to Azkaban, or…"

His voice was low and depressed. "Maybe I should be sent back."

"What? NO!" Harry blinked in shock.

Sirius looked at him with sad eyes. "This is the most pathetic thing I've ever done. Harry, you deserve so much better then this. I mean, honestly… the fact that you kept this to yourself because me hitting you was the better alternative really says something about your life."

"Please, Sirius. Please, can't I stay here. Can't you stop drinking… everything will be okay then."

"Harry, you have nightmares about me. How are you supposed to go on living with me when I'm a constant reminder of what I did to you?"

"Sirius… but…"

"It's true and you know it."

"I'll deal with it. Sirius, I'm going to be having nightmares anyway, you know? And at least you'll… you'll be there for me when I wake up…"

"Harry, I mean…" Harry let him stumble over his word for a few seconds, but the more he did, the more obvious the reason became.

"You don't want to quit drinking… I'm right, aren't I?" His voice held a tone of suspicion, but he knew his answer…

"That's isn't… I will quit, Harry… I promise."

"If I'm not living with you, it really won't matter, will it?" He said, disappointedly.

"Harry, don't be like that… I will quit. Really, I will."

He opened up his closet and got out his trunk, and started packing it up.

"You sound so very determined." His voice toneless.

"I don't have to prove myself to you." His attitude turned angry, and he felt a wave of numbness come over him.

"Gee, it doesn't seem like my fear of you being very upset with yourself over finding out what you did seems justified."

"You know what, Harry? You mind your own business. Of course I'm upset with myself."

"You sure show it strange."

"Shut UP! I don't need to take this from you. You're still fourteen-years-old!"

"What are you going to do, beat me?"

"For someone that flinched at the sight of me getting mad, you sure are a cocky little bastard, aren't you?"

"If you want to fight me right now, go ahead. I'm not afraid of you when you're sober." But the shaking in his hands wasn't from anger.

"Harry…" He sat down on his bed, and put his head in his hands. "God, I'm sorry, okay?"

Harry stopped packing to sit down besides him. "It's all right."

"Yeah, like hell it is. I'm going to quit. I'll… I'll go into rehab. No, I'll do it on my own."

"Are you sure? It's really hard, Sirius. You think you can manage it on your own?"

"Do you think I can do it?"

After a moment of hesitation, He nodded. "If you really want to, I think you can."

"Then I will."

"Does this mean… that I can stay?"

With a deep breath, Sirius said "We'll see."

"Was that really necessary?"

"Not only was it necessary, but it was on sale."

"I can't see something like this being cheap."

"You leave that to me. Hand me that bowl over there." Sirius poured the contents of the jar into the wooden bowl.

Sirius had gone out for almost an hour, without prior warning, and had returned with a pensive, to Harry's distress.

"How many, erm, times, do you think I've done it?"

Harry fidgeted uncomfortably. "Maybe, like, ten to fifteen times."

Sirius winced, with an expression of grief. "Well, then, we've got a long day ahead of us, then don't we?"

"You want to see every time?"

He hesitated.

"No one will blame you if you don't, Sirius."

"No… I'm going to do it."

"Then I'm coming with you, at least."

"No- no, you've all ready gone through this once…"

"Sirius, I have dreams every night of this, I've seen it more then once. I'm just going to give you support."

"You don't have to…"

"No, I'm going. But, wouldn't this be considered underage magic, putting memories into this thing?"

"No, don't worry about it, I used to have a pensive growing up… or my brother did, and I borrowed it… lets just get to this, shall we?"

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed. "Are you sure you really want to put yourself through this?"

Sirius nodded almost indistinctly.

"What do I need to do?"

"All right. Take your wand and put it to your temple while thinking of the memory, then, move your wand slow away from you, and you should feel sort of like you're pulling something out of your ear. It might tickle a little bit the first couple of times."

"Ow!" He scowled. "That hurt."

"Yeah, sometimes it hurts, but only the first time."

"Ow! What are you trying to do to me?" It sort of felt like someone was pinching a nerving inside of his ear.

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad. By now you should have gotten use to it, and it won't hurt so much."

"Maybe it's because these are such painful memories."

Harry furrowed his eyebrows in thought. He finished, and noticed Sirius cast a hesitant look at the swirling liquid.

"Come on then."

They both but fingers inside of the bowl, exchanging nervous looks with each other.

They appeared inside of Harry's darkened bedroom, and he noticed himself resting against his pillows. He watched in anticipation as he opened the door to the bedroom to meet the drunken version of his Godfather. He turned from the sight of himself being pummeled, and knocked down the flight of stairs, and watched the sober version of his Godfather, and his response.

Sirius's breathing had all but stopped as he watched the exchange. "Oh God." He read on his Godfather's lips.

Rushing to the top of the staircase, they watched themselves beat, or be beaten with a sense of horror.

He noticed, as Sirius chased after himself as a dog, and he chased after Sirius, that he kept him close besides him at all times.

The tight knot in his stomach grew even more painful upon watching Sirius beat him. When he had left, they both walked over to see his own coiled and broken self shake, sob and wheeze on the now red grass. He felt a flush of embarrassment in seeing himself like that, but Sirius hardly paid notice to his discomfort. He was grasping his arm so tightly he thought it might be purple by this point.

He peeked out, and seeing no immediate danger, slowly sat up and got to his feet.

The memory ended and he was suddenly inside of his own bedroom again.

Sirius looked like he was still in shock. He looked down at him, his hand still clasping his arm. "I- What- how could I have… Oh my God!"

This time, he could barely make out his own self in the dark room, but he knew he must have been hiding under the covers in a ball.

Sirius was staring at his present form with scared eyes. "What happened this time."

"Watch."

The only noise was the slight whimpering coming from under his blankets. They jumped at the loud bang of the door being banged into.

The slurred unlocking charm was muttered, and then the violence commenced.

He squeezed his eyes in pain as Sirius moved up his arm to his shoulder and gripped painfully tight as he watched. "The stain guard. That's why I never noticed any blood on the floor." Sirius had charmed all the rugs to soak in stains so they wouldn't be seen.

He nodded his head, still undergoing a lot of pain. He didn't watch the scene unfold. He had watched it many times in his mind and his dreams. He watched Sirius's face as he watched.

He looked on with horror in his eyes. He looked liked he was watching a train wreck taking place and couldn't do anything to help. Every blow he heard delivered he moved a bit closer to him, until he staggered, almost losing his balance. It didn't get Sirius's attention, however. Nothing could distract him from the sight in front of him.

Harry saw his chances of ever living Sirius again wilting and pretty much dying.

He realized briefly that the scene was changing. "Where are we?" Sirius asked him. "We're... is this the shrieking shack? Why?" he asked. They stared into the tunnel and he could briefly see the outline of a cat.

Harry smiled sheepishly. Sirius realized what was going on, and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "This isn't going to work, Harry."

"You know what this means?" he heard a gruff voice say; nothing like it was now. "Turning in Pettigrew?"

"You're free." He heard his own voice, before it had change. He cringed at the sound of it, and he could see Sirius doing similar besides him. They began backing up so they could keep themselves in front of them as they spoke.

"Yes…," he heard Sirius say. "But I'm also- I don't know if anyone ever told you – I'm your godfather."

"Dear god, I looked bad, didn't I?" his now almost completely restored to health godfather asked him.

"Yeah, you did. But God, do you hear my voice?"

He watched his face light up at the suggestion of living with Sirius.

Sirius looked at him. "I'm sorry it took so long." He said.

"There was nothing you could have done, Sirius."

He saw the smile light up on Sirius's wasted face and he knew that Sirius saw it too, as he accepted with enthusiasm.

The memory ended before they could remember exactly what had happened next, but it moved them to another day of abuse and horror.

"I- I really can't believe any of this shit. How did you manage to keep any of this secret from me, Harry?" he asked many memories later as he watched his counterpart pummel his godson mercilessly.

"You usually don't see what you aren't looking for, Sirius."

"I don't know whether this means that you're really good at hiding things, or I'm just really clueless."

"I think it's a little of both." He said smirking, even whilst realizing that the situation wasn't humorous in the least.

Sirius shook his head.

The scene changed many more times, and by the time they had finished, they where both tired and hungry. Sirius heated up a pizza in the oven, and they went to bed.

"You remember what we're going to say?"

"That I got all of my wounds because I belonged to a gang, so I quit." He replied for the fifth time that day. "Will this guy believe me though?"

"I think your healer's a woman, and yes, she'll believe you. She isn't allowed to say anything about this anyway. Wizard healers are sworn not to speak of, or question their patient's cases. That's why we're in this smaller office in Ireland. They're less likely to recognize you."

"Sirius, who would recognize me? I've got red hair and this… this cleft chin. I hate this chin. I hope you know that."

"Yeah, you've told me many times. It'll wear off in three hours though. Relax. Keep your voice down, and call me Paul."

"The receptionist is away, and no one is around. Who's going to hear me?"

"Okay, so I'm paranoid. I shouldn't be making you do this anyway. I mean…"

"It's no big deal Sirius. Obviously I'm not going to tell her the truth. But won't they know my name? Don't they need my insurance information or something? Do I even have insurance?"

"Kevin Poole." He heard an Irish sounding voice say. Sirius nudged him.

"Don't worry about it, Kevin, I took care of all of it."

He got up and looked at Sirius.

"Aren't you coming with me?"

"H- Kevin. You're 14. Do you really need me to go with you?"

"Yes, I do. I don't do doctors… healers… whatever. I told you that."

"Okay, fine, I'll come with you."

"Yer healer will be with yeh in a bit, Mr. Poole. What is it yer here for?" she asked, looking at Sirius.

"Erm… injuries. He's being treated for injuries."

"Okay. Stand still while I measure weight and height please, Kevin." She instructed, waving her wand.

Harry cringed, but did as told. "115 pounds. That's not weighing yer clothes. Are you aware that yer son is underweight for 'is age?" the nurse asked Sirius.

"Yeah, I know. We're working on that." He said, giving Harry a look.

The nurse took his blood pressure and his pulse. "Yer pulse seems to be abnormally high. It might be recommended that yeh come back and have it taken again just to see that you've nothing wrong with yeh. It's probably just nervousness."

He gulped. Now there was something wrong with his heart?

"Yeah, okay. I'm sure everything's fine though." Sirius said, reassuring him with a small smile that said he wouldn't be coming back.

"Okay, then, Kevin, yeh can strip down to yer skivvies and the healer will be with yeh shortly." Harry realized just how obnoxious her smile was at that point, but she had already left.

He sat up on the examining table where he had had his tests run, shuddering. He had had bad experiences in the past with doctors. The Dursleys, being required to do so, took him to the cheapest, cruelest doctors that they could find. They, of course, never stayed in the room with him, so the doctor could do anything he damn welled pleased. And usually, he did.

"Harry, you're shaking. Are you all right?" Sirius asked him, concerned.

"You… you said this healer is a woman?" he said, not sure if he was more or less reassured by this.

"Nothing to be worried about, Harry. I used to go to this healer for checkups when I was a boy. I used to live in Ireland briefly. I doubt anyone would recognize me. They have a good reputation here."

His bandages had been unwound when he had gone to bed the previous night. Sirius had fought with him to let him stay in his room, offering to sleep in a corner, even, but Harry had blatantly refused. Of course, he had a nightmare… a sweaty, tearful nightmare, and however hard he had tried to tell himself that he was okay; he had ended up waking up Sirius and sleeping in his bed.

He was unnerved, as was Sirius but the amount of red that took up Harry's body. He sat, trembling almost violently in his boxers; scary memories he had blacked out coming back to haunt him.

Sirius seemed to come out of his own thoughts, and realized just how uncomfortable his godson was. He stood up and wrapped a gentle arm around his shoulder. Seeing the wounds helped him to remember not to be so rough with him. He took off his leather jacket and pulled it around Harry's shoulders.

He put his arms into the sleeves. It was a few sizes too big and he could easily pull his knees to his chest and wrap it around the front. He nestled his head in Sirius's side as he returned the arm to his shoulders.

The healer appeared very suddenly, and he automatically snapped his head up, but not before noticing a look from his healer clearing saying "Awww!"

"Hello…" she looked at her chart. "Kevin." She surprisingly didn't have an Irish accent. He looked at her nervously. She looked friendly enough, and his godfather was right there. She couldn't… do anything to him.

Sirius pulled away, and Harry reluctantly pulled off the jacket. He was a bit surprised that all she wore on her face was a look of clinical interest. "And how did you get these?"

"I was in a gang, but I've quit." He said, realizing the moment after that he had been too quick and sounded rehearsed.

She raised her eyebrows. "You don't look the type to be in a gang. You're awfully small."

He scowled at her, pretending to be offended. "Yeah, well I was."

"Okay, if you say so. So, are any bones sprained or broken that you know of?"

"No, nothing like that."

"So these are all just cuts and bruises?"

"Yes. That's it."

"Were you raped?"

Harry was taken aback by how forward this woman was. When he didn't answer immediately, she began prodding him to make sure he told if he was. "If you were, you should really get checked for STDs or AIDS, because there is no cure for muggle AIDS that wizards have found, and you should really know so that you don't spread it to anyone."

"See… Paul? You shouldn't joke about something so serious. I could have AIDS."

Sirius turned red. Though with embarrassment that he was so tactless, or because Harry was telling him that he might have given him AIDS, Harry couldn't tell.

"You told me you weren't raped, Kevin." He said with a strained voice.

"I know, I wasn't. I was just saying."

"If you're unsure… it could have happened when you were unconscious. Are you homosexual? Have you ever experience an-"

"No, okay? Could we please move off the subject?"

"Okay, if you're sure, Kevin."

"Most of these bruises are in their last stages of healing. I can't do anything about them, and they'll go away in a day or two. I can fix all the cuts and new bruises. And I can get rid of that black eye for you."

After almost five minutes of continuous spells, Harry was almost as good as new.

"Don't forget to schedule another appointment to check Kevin's heart on your way out." She said, leaving.

They both ignored her comment and headed straight for the fire.

"What now?" he asked, stepping back into their house.

"Now, we visit Remus."

Notes: I haven't had much time lately, and I'm getting a hell of a lot of reviews lately, so it's not looking like I'm going to be able to do them for a while.

If you've noticed, this chapter is longer then most of my last. I know, most people start off with small chapters and make them bigger. I do the opposite apparently. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. I'm doing some work on an original story, and I'm probably going to get a job for the summer, but this and Bitter are pretty much at the top of my list of things to work on, so it shouldn't be that long.

Keep checking my LJ for teasers. And yes, I thought that the comment about AIDS was tactless too. I had actually planned on taking that out but I was under a lot of pressure to get the chapter up, so I hope this helped at all.