Author: The story is based on a challenge by Bastet, and I kind of expanded on it.
Rodney swallowed nervously, he had a really, really bad feeling about this. "Um... oh." McKay stared at the DHD and mentally whacked himself. "You're looking at it upside down, stupid," he mumbled as his bad feeling left and was replaced by one of embarrassment. "McKay, you coming, or should we just leave you here?" Major John Shepperd and Lieutenant Aiden Ford sat in the cockpit of Puddle Jumper one, waiting for Rodney to join them.
"Where's Teyla?" Rodney asked as he took a seat.
Teyla ran in, wielding a gun and a death glare. "I saw you holding hands with that woman, Shepperd!" She yanked Shepperd out of his seat and pushed him out of the jumper. A volley of bullets flew after him. Shepperd dove to the ground as another round of gunfire chewed through the trees around him.
Ford and McKay gave Teyla worried looks, then slowly crept up on her and took her gun away. Teyla calmed down immediately.
"Was he hit?" Ford squinted, trying to see beyond the trees. Shepperd's head popped up cautiously.
"Is it safe?" he called out.
"Yes!" Rodney called back. Shepperd ran back to the Jumper.
"What happened?" he asked Teyla. "I do not know," Teyla answered. "O-kay. We'll get the Doc to look at you when we get to Atlantis," Shepperd said, staying a healthy distance from Teyla. She nodded.
Doctor Elizabeth Weir sat in her office pouring over the latest set of figures and predictions of what they were going to start needing in the not-so-distant future. She sighed and looked at the Stargate. The Pegusas Galaxy's Stargate looked nicer, she noted absent-mindedly.
"Incoming Wormhole," she heard over the PA system. She hurried to the small room off of the Gate room. "Major Shepperd's IDC," Sergeant Baker told her. "Receiving radio transmission."
"Dr. Weir? We're gonna need Dr. Beckett to look at Teyla," Lt. Ford said.
"What's wrong?" Elizabeth asked.
"She went berserk and started shooting Major Shepperd," Ford answered. The radio transmission was cut off.
"Carson, we need you in the Gate room. Something's wrong with Teyla," Elizabeth Weir's voice came over the small com unit in the med lab. Carson Beckett hurriedly stuffed supplies into his medical bag and ran out the door.
Rodney, Ford, and Shepperd kept an eye on Teyla on the way back. Once they where in Atlantis, Carson Beckett and Dr. Weir ran in. Upon seeing Dr. Weir, Teyla Emmagan sighed and closed her eyes a moment to keep her composure. Carson looked at Teyla and gave Shepperd a confused look. "She started shooting at me," he offered as an explanation. "Totally let loose."
Carson nodded his understanding. "Ah. I've had certain urges to shoot Rodney, myself," he said thoughtfully. He then gave Rodney a slightly psychotic look. Rodney backed away nervously.
Rodney slowly drifted back to awareness and a steady beep...beep...beep drilling a hole through his skull. He shut it out and turned over.
Shepperd stared at the hole in the ground in total disbelief. "I've seen some strange things before, but hares with waistcoats and pocket watches and Scottish accents?" He then gaped as a young girl who looked oddly- no, scarily- like Rodney in a dress ran up to him. "Excuse me, but have you seen a white rabbit go by, mumbling about needles and astrophysicists?" the Rodney look-alike asked sweetly.
Shepperd turned over with a disturbed look on his face.
Carson pushed Rodney in front of him. "Shoot him first," he requested. Rodney turned around to give him a death glare. Carson shrugged and gave Rodney his best innocent look.
"Whoa! Hold on! He's with us!" Shepperd called out, standing in between Rodney, Carson, and the angry people with weapons. "Can't you just let it go this time?" he requested.
"You leave, take big-talking man and his sidekick with you, we let you go," the leader answered. Carson and Rodney gave each other relieved looks and followed Shepperd to the Stargate.
Carson jumped awake as the folder he'd been holding slipped out of his hand and scattered on the floor.
Weir stared down at the Stargate. She closed her eyes. Not happening, not happening. Maybe if she said it wasn't happening enough it would disappear when she opened her eyes. She opened them again. Definately happening.
"MAJOR SHEPPERD!" she yelled. "The Stargate is NOT a Christmas garland!"
Elizabeth banged her head against her bed's headboard and fell off the bed. Some nurses rushed over to her and helped her back.
Zelenka sat at a bench in the makeshift lab, fiddling with a new Ancient device. Life was good.
Zelenka smiled slightly.
Carson kept a close eye on the monitor beside him and the pulse/ox meter he held in his hand. Satisfied, he turned and looked at the various people in the infirmary. Rodney, who had a downright frightened look on his face; Major Shepperd, who looked disturbed; Dr. Weir, who was rubbing her head; and Zelenka, who just looked happy. "Sometimes I wonder what they're dreaming about," he commented to nobody in particular.