Disclaimer: Yeah. Same old Same old. I got nuthin'. EXCEPT WHATS MINE IS
MINE!! MINE!!! AHAHAHAHAAAA
AN: So then I said to the guy. No I will not make out with you!! And then he said. *turns around* What? What do you mean we're on? The red light on the camera? Well Hell. *Big Smile* Oh hi there, thanks for joining us on The Life and Times of Audacious Davis. This week we take a look at a preview for my new reality show, the critically acclaimed "Naps Of My Life: A Sleeping Beauty Story" that will be showing Wednesday on Fox after "When Good Squirrels Go Bad and Get Guns." We'll take a look at it right after this! *Camera Off* WHERES MY MOCHA!!! You call this Jakada!!? Hurry it up! I gotta write a small novel since I'm a slack ass!!! Can someone take care of this glare off my forehead?! I'm signaling the space station for God sakes. *Camera On* And welcome back..
*****
By the time we got to the airplane, checked in, and actually boarded, Grayson had gotten through half his joke book, and was starting to repeat himself. Mark looked across the aisle at me looking frantic, "Maggie Girl, I'm in desperate need for a nap."
"I second that," came from behind our seats as Kurt Angle peered over.
I grinned over Grayson's head, "Way ahead of you boys," and then turned to Grayson who was happily sitting next to me rattling away, "Hey Gray, pull out a book and let me read to you."
"Can you read me more jokes?"
I heard Mark groan, "No baby, lets read something else and save the jokes for later, How about some Curious George?"
"Otay, can Uncle Brock read with us?"
I glanced over at Brock who had tilted back and was sleeping all ready, "Um, Brock taking his nap right now. It's just you and me kid."
Grayson reached into his backpack and pulled out some books and his map. He had just discovered how much he liked maps, and always had us point out where we were on the tour and where we were going. "Mom? Can you show me?"
"Sure," I unfolded the map, "We are here," pointing to Denver, "and we are flying all the way up here. " I pointed to British Columbia were the show was this week. Grayson took his pencil and made two tiny Xs where I had pointed. He all ready had quite a few Xs on there, and I figured I would have to buy him a new map soon. "Ready to read?"
"Yup."
We read for a while, and Grayson thankfully forgot his joke book and got quiet enough so he took a nap. I always like reading to him, and Grayson always falls asleep faster when I do.
".And George and the man in the big yellow hat went home." I said closing the final book, "What did you think?" I looked down at Gray who had curled up against me, and was sleeping, "Mom One, Gray Zero" I said making a point in the air with my finger.
"You do good work darlin'" Mark said with a lazy grin, his eyes closed.
"Thank ya kindly." I grinned, leaning against Brock's shoulder and closed my eyes, drifting off.
I didn't wake up until the flight attendant started giving instructions for our landing. I stretched out my shoulders, and then made sure Grayson's stuff was put away back in his bag and checked his seatbelt. Brock continued to sleep on. That man could sleep through anything. There could be wild elephant being chased by a roving band of pygmies running through his bedroom and all he would do is turn over. I leaned up to him and kissed his cheek.
"Aww you can do better then that." Kurt said laughing.
I looked back and winked, "Not in front of the kid, Kurt."
Kurt's laughing finally woke up Brock, who looked around yawning, "We there all ready?"
"Yeah ya bum." I said with a grin.
We got off the plane and headed to the baggage claim. "Mom, I gotta go." Grayson looked up at me with a desperate look in his eye.
"OK. Brock? Gray and I will meet you there. He just got a phone call." As we walked away, I heard Kurt ask, "Phone call?"
"You know, " Brock said, "Nature was calling" Kurt roared causing people look at him strange.
As I was waiting for Grayson, I turned on my cell phone and checked messages, there were a few hotels calling confirmations, and a really goofy one from Rick telling me to call back as soon as possible, but he didn't leave a number. "Well that's strange. Eh probably distracted by something shiny and he forgot."
Grayson came out and we headed down to the baggage claim.
When we got back to the boys, they were busy arguing about something, our luggage was piled around their feet. "What's up?" I asked looking at Brock
"Oh just a friendly discussion about pick up lines and the most creative one we've used."
I rolled my eyes, "Oh good something worth while then."
"OK Maggie darlin' If a guy said to you," Mark paused and looked at Grayson, "Cover yer ears boy." And grinned as Grayson did just that, "If a guy said to you, 'Didja hear the word of the day is legs? No? Well why don't you and I go spread the word?' Wouldja find that as creative?"
"No I think I would find that disturbing. Funny as hell," I said laughing, "But disturbing."
Kurt broke in, "OK This one has a definite class to it 'You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves...' I mean c'mon!"
"Kurt. Promise me you'll never use that one."
"Hell I use it on my wife all the time. At least she thinks it's clever."
I rolled my eyes, "Well that says a lot. So Brock what's yours? Try and pick me up."
Brock grinned, "Gray are you ears covered?" Grayson continued to stare straight ahead watching the luggage on the carousel "Now this boys is a piece of work, watch the master." He swaggered up to me and spoke in my ear, "Baby, you're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you." I turned bright red as he pulled away, which caused Mark and Kurt to laugh hysterically. "And that boys, is how you get the ladies."
"Ladies and Gentlemen! We have a winner!" Kurt crowed shaking Brocks hand.
Mark was curled over holding his ribs, "Dammit boy. Don't do that again."
My blush was fading fast along with my shock, "Don't you go counting your trophies yet." I said grinning. "I have a pickup line that when used correctly, issues a 99.8% positive return." The boys snorted at the idea. I rolled my eyes; they had no idea who they were up against. I slinked over to Brock and leaned against him lightly rubbing myself against his large frame, wrapped my arms around his neck and purred in his ear, but loud enough for Kurt and Mark to hear,
"Roses are Red; Apples are Sour; If I spread my legs; Would you show me your "power"?
I broke away from Brock quickly after the delivery running my hands down his chest and started walking away slowly with Grayson in tow, "And THAT is how it's done." I called over my shoulder grinning.
"Wow Uh, that uh um. Whew." Brock looked flustered.
Kurt and Mark both looked at each other and said at the same time, "Damn!"
+++
We made it to the hotel without any major incidences, and Gray only told a few jokes. I was checking us in when Brock's cell phone started ringing, "Yello? Oh hey Anna"
Grayson started dancing around, "I wanna talk to her!"
"Be patient Grayson, you'll get your chance," I said as my phone started ringing as well, "This is Maggie"
"Well dammit woman its about time. Why didn't you call me back?!" Rick's voice burst through the phone lines.
"Well I would have love to call you back, but you didn't leave a call back number, you fruitcake. And I say that with love." I said grinning picturing Rick making a face at the phone.
"Oh lets not point fingers now, hey I gotta talk to you."
"Well then talk"
"There's been guys wandering around the agency asking questions about you today."
"What? Well maybe Vince was doing a routine background check." Kurt and Mark looked over at me puzzlingly; I shrugged not knowing myself what was going on.
"No it wasn't about work it was about," he paused.
"Dammit Rick cut out the theatrics." I waited for him to say something,"Rick? You there still?" I pulled my phone down seeing if I had a signal, full power, well what the hell is going on? I looked over at Brock he was in a deep conversation with Anna; Grayson was hugging his leg trying hard to be patient.
"Maggie?!" Rick's exaggerated whisper came back on the phone, "Maggie you there? Maggie they just came back in and told me I couldn't contact you."
"Who?" I was getting impatient, "Who was there, is this like the time you thought people were being controlled through chemicals in powdered dairy creamer?"
"NO!"
"Rick what the hell are you doing?"
"Well I 'd to ask you the same thing."
I sighed, "Rick look, I just got off a long flight, I'm tired, I need a shower, and I got a pile of work to do. Cut to the chase would ya?"
"So you don't know?"
"Know what?"
"Girl!" he said impatiently, "You're getting your ass sued!"
"What!?" I yelled. People stopped what they were doing in the lobby and looked over, Mark and Kurt looked over at me worried. "What do you mean I'm being sued?!"
"So you didn't know?"
"No of course not."
A short man in a bad suit who had been sitting in a lobby chair came walking over with a pile of papers in his hand and a briefcase in the other, "Margot Danials?"
"Hang on Rick, Umm yes?"
"Here you go." He slapped the papers in my hand, "Have a nice day" and quickly left.
"Rick, I uh gotta go." I said unfolding papers and reading them.
"Maggie tell me! What is going on?"
I felt faint reading the words on the first page, "I'm getting sued."
"Well I know that! For what!?" Rick was practically screaming now.
"For parental rights. On Grayson. Oh God." I dropped the phone, and then quickly followed it to the floor, my knees not able to resist gravity.
AN: So then I said to the guy. No I will not make out with you!! And then he said. *turns around* What? What do you mean we're on? The red light on the camera? Well Hell. *Big Smile* Oh hi there, thanks for joining us on The Life and Times of Audacious Davis. This week we take a look at a preview for my new reality show, the critically acclaimed "Naps Of My Life: A Sleeping Beauty Story" that will be showing Wednesday on Fox after "When Good Squirrels Go Bad and Get Guns." We'll take a look at it right after this! *Camera Off* WHERES MY MOCHA!!! You call this Jakada!!? Hurry it up! I gotta write a small novel since I'm a slack ass!!! Can someone take care of this glare off my forehead?! I'm signaling the space station for God sakes. *Camera On* And welcome back..
*****
By the time we got to the airplane, checked in, and actually boarded, Grayson had gotten through half his joke book, and was starting to repeat himself. Mark looked across the aisle at me looking frantic, "Maggie Girl, I'm in desperate need for a nap."
"I second that," came from behind our seats as Kurt Angle peered over.
I grinned over Grayson's head, "Way ahead of you boys," and then turned to Grayson who was happily sitting next to me rattling away, "Hey Gray, pull out a book and let me read to you."
"Can you read me more jokes?"
I heard Mark groan, "No baby, lets read something else and save the jokes for later, How about some Curious George?"
"Otay, can Uncle Brock read with us?"
I glanced over at Brock who had tilted back and was sleeping all ready, "Um, Brock taking his nap right now. It's just you and me kid."
Grayson reached into his backpack and pulled out some books and his map. He had just discovered how much he liked maps, and always had us point out where we were on the tour and where we were going. "Mom? Can you show me?"
"Sure," I unfolded the map, "We are here," pointing to Denver, "and we are flying all the way up here. " I pointed to British Columbia were the show was this week. Grayson took his pencil and made two tiny Xs where I had pointed. He all ready had quite a few Xs on there, and I figured I would have to buy him a new map soon. "Ready to read?"
"Yup."
We read for a while, and Grayson thankfully forgot his joke book and got quiet enough so he took a nap. I always like reading to him, and Grayson always falls asleep faster when I do.
".And George and the man in the big yellow hat went home." I said closing the final book, "What did you think?" I looked down at Gray who had curled up against me, and was sleeping, "Mom One, Gray Zero" I said making a point in the air with my finger.
"You do good work darlin'" Mark said with a lazy grin, his eyes closed.
"Thank ya kindly." I grinned, leaning against Brock's shoulder and closed my eyes, drifting off.
I didn't wake up until the flight attendant started giving instructions for our landing. I stretched out my shoulders, and then made sure Grayson's stuff was put away back in his bag and checked his seatbelt. Brock continued to sleep on. That man could sleep through anything. There could be wild elephant being chased by a roving band of pygmies running through his bedroom and all he would do is turn over. I leaned up to him and kissed his cheek.
"Aww you can do better then that." Kurt said laughing.
I looked back and winked, "Not in front of the kid, Kurt."
Kurt's laughing finally woke up Brock, who looked around yawning, "We there all ready?"
"Yeah ya bum." I said with a grin.
We got off the plane and headed to the baggage claim. "Mom, I gotta go." Grayson looked up at me with a desperate look in his eye.
"OK. Brock? Gray and I will meet you there. He just got a phone call." As we walked away, I heard Kurt ask, "Phone call?"
"You know, " Brock said, "Nature was calling" Kurt roared causing people look at him strange.
As I was waiting for Grayson, I turned on my cell phone and checked messages, there were a few hotels calling confirmations, and a really goofy one from Rick telling me to call back as soon as possible, but he didn't leave a number. "Well that's strange. Eh probably distracted by something shiny and he forgot."
Grayson came out and we headed down to the baggage claim.
When we got back to the boys, they were busy arguing about something, our luggage was piled around their feet. "What's up?" I asked looking at Brock
"Oh just a friendly discussion about pick up lines and the most creative one we've used."
I rolled my eyes, "Oh good something worth while then."
"OK Maggie darlin' If a guy said to you," Mark paused and looked at Grayson, "Cover yer ears boy." And grinned as Grayson did just that, "If a guy said to you, 'Didja hear the word of the day is legs? No? Well why don't you and I go spread the word?' Wouldja find that as creative?"
"No I think I would find that disturbing. Funny as hell," I said laughing, "But disturbing."
Kurt broke in, "OK This one has a definite class to it 'You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves...' I mean c'mon!"
"Kurt. Promise me you'll never use that one."
"Hell I use it on my wife all the time. At least she thinks it's clever."
I rolled my eyes, "Well that says a lot. So Brock what's yours? Try and pick me up."
Brock grinned, "Gray are you ears covered?" Grayson continued to stare straight ahead watching the luggage on the carousel "Now this boys is a piece of work, watch the master." He swaggered up to me and spoke in my ear, "Baby, you're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you." I turned bright red as he pulled away, which caused Mark and Kurt to laugh hysterically. "And that boys, is how you get the ladies."
"Ladies and Gentlemen! We have a winner!" Kurt crowed shaking Brocks hand.
Mark was curled over holding his ribs, "Dammit boy. Don't do that again."
My blush was fading fast along with my shock, "Don't you go counting your trophies yet." I said grinning. "I have a pickup line that when used correctly, issues a 99.8% positive return." The boys snorted at the idea. I rolled my eyes; they had no idea who they were up against. I slinked over to Brock and leaned against him lightly rubbing myself against his large frame, wrapped my arms around his neck and purred in his ear, but loud enough for Kurt and Mark to hear,
"Roses are Red; Apples are Sour; If I spread my legs; Would you show me your "power"?
I broke away from Brock quickly after the delivery running my hands down his chest and started walking away slowly with Grayson in tow, "And THAT is how it's done." I called over my shoulder grinning.
"Wow Uh, that uh um. Whew." Brock looked flustered.
Kurt and Mark both looked at each other and said at the same time, "Damn!"
+++
We made it to the hotel without any major incidences, and Gray only told a few jokes. I was checking us in when Brock's cell phone started ringing, "Yello? Oh hey Anna"
Grayson started dancing around, "I wanna talk to her!"
"Be patient Grayson, you'll get your chance," I said as my phone started ringing as well, "This is Maggie"
"Well dammit woman its about time. Why didn't you call me back?!" Rick's voice burst through the phone lines.
"Well I would have love to call you back, but you didn't leave a call back number, you fruitcake. And I say that with love." I said grinning picturing Rick making a face at the phone.
"Oh lets not point fingers now, hey I gotta talk to you."
"Well then talk"
"There's been guys wandering around the agency asking questions about you today."
"What? Well maybe Vince was doing a routine background check." Kurt and Mark looked over at me puzzlingly; I shrugged not knowing myself what was going on.
"No it wasn't about work it was about," he paused.
"Dammit Rick cut out the theatrics." I waited for him to say something,"Rick? You there still?" I pulled my phone down seeing if I had a signal, full power, well what the hell is going on? I looked over at Brock he was in a deep conversation with Anna; Grayson was hugging his leg trying hard to be patient.
"Maggie?!" Rick's exaggerated whisper came back on the phone, "Maggie you there? Maggie they just came back in and told me I couldn't contact you."
"Who?" I was getting impatient, "Who was there, is this like the time you thought people were being controlled through chemicals in powdered dairy creamer?"
"NO!"
"Rick what the hell are you doing?"
"Well I 'd to ask you the same thing."
I sighed, "Rick look, I just got off a long flight, I'm tired, I need a shower, and I got a pile of work to do. Cut to the chase would ya?"
"So you don't know?"
"Know what?"
"Girl!" he said impatiently, "You're getting your ass sued!"
"What!?" I yelled. People stopped what they were doing in the lobby and looked over, Mark and Kurt looked over at me worried. "What do you mean I'm being sued?!"
"So you didn't know?"
"No of course not."
A short man in a bad suit who had been sitting in a lobby chair came walking over with a pile of papers in his hand and a briefcase in the other, "Margot Danials?"
"Hang on Rick, Umm yes?"
"Here you go." He slapped the papers in my hand, "Have a nice day" and quickly left.
"Rick, I uh gotta go." I said unfolding papers and reading them.
"Maggie tell me! What is going on?"
I felt faint reading the words on the first page, "I'm getting sued."
"Well I know that! For what!?" Rick was practically screaming now.
"For parental rights. On Grayson. Oh God." I dropped the phone, and then quickly followed it to the floor, my knees not able to resist gravity.