DISCLAIMER: I do not own FFX, FFX-2, FFVIII or any of the characters and locations affiliated with it. I do, however, own the story "Silver Wings", "Silver Wings 2: 1000 Confessions" and all references to dialogue not originated by Square-Enix.
PAINE OF SPIRA!!! DO NOT COPY MY STORIES!!
If anyone wants to post my stories anywhere else, please just ASK and then give me credit for writing it. Email akksgurl@yahoo.com with any requests.
Author's Notes: The webmistress of adultfanfiction.net has removed my stories that Paine of Spira stole and posted there. Please keep telling me when/if she steals them again.
Special thanks to Jamie for reminding me of this quote and inspiring me with the title for this chapter J I also got a little inspiration from Evanescence's "My Immortal".
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SILVER WINGS 3: Back Into My Arms
by akksgurl
Chapter Two: When a Lovebird Dies
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Days passed quickly. All Yuna remembered was a blur of people coming in and out of the Celsius crew quarters to console her as she sat amongst his things. She didn't eat, sleep, or shower. She showed no emotion. It was as if all energy had been drained from her beautiful body. She just sat.
She hadn't been able to force herself to perform the sending for him. She wasn't even sure if her friends had gotten another summoner to do it. Part of her wanted him to become a fiend so that he could kill her. She didn't want to live without him. He had gotten her through so much. She had only survived the past two years because she knew deep in her heart that there was a way to get him back, but now she knew there wasn't. He was gone from her forever.
If only she had realized Shuyin's plans earlier. If only she had been smarter. She would have been able to save him if she had figured everything out sooner. She silently cursed herself for being so stupid. Tidus needed her to be smarter and she wasn't.
She had failed him.
At midnight on the third day after Tidus's death, Yuna walked out of the Celsius which was parked just outside of Zanarkand. She felt the need to be near him and felt that downtown Zanarkand was the best place to accomplish that. He had loved this city with a fire and magic she only wished she could feel. She could almost see his heart breaking when they had arrived there on her pilgrimage and he had realized that Zanarkand was, indeed, destroyed.
Yuna slipped her shoes off and walked down to the docks, letting the water play against her skin as the wind whipped her hair. She wished that the memories if their brief time together would just leave her alone. Everywhere she looked was something that reminded her of him. His presence was everywhere and it wouldn't leave her alone. The pain in her heart was too real to ignore and she felt like she could die at any minute. She stopped after a few steps and stared out into the blue-green water – the same color as Tidus's eyes. The thought of those eyes made Yuna start to cry. It wasn't a brief shedding of tears like she had been doing since her shock over Tidus's death. It was a gut-wrenching sob that caused her to kneel in the ground and pound her fists into the wooden dock.
"You promised me!!!!" she screamed into the air. She repeated it like a mantra over and over and over again until she felt she would go hoarse.
He'd broken his promise to always be there.
He had lied.
She hated him.
She loved him.
Yuna rocked back onto her heels and then planted her behind hard on the dock, fingering the necklace that he used to wear. It had survived the fire somehow and she felt closer to him wearing it. She didn't even care that it was big and bulky.
She was sure she wouldn't have survived her pilgrimage without him. They had comforted each other during the trials of that long and arduous year. He had held her while she cried and she had comforted him after the battle with Jecht.
He has captivated her imagination from the first moment she had seen him. He was so full of life and he made her smile without having to even try. He was so passionate about everything – especially Zanarkand – and she couldn't help but get caught up in his love for that great city. But now…
Now she was left alone in Spira. She didn't have his positive outlook on life. She couldn't hear his laughter or sweet words of wisdom. His face haunted her as she tried to sleep and she could swear she heard his voice in the winds around her.
It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to believe that he was really gone. She kept thinking she'd roll over in the middle of the night just to feel his breath on her neck or his arm around her waist. She couldn't convince herself that he was dead; that she'd never see him again. Her heart still beat with the hope that she'd find him again one day, but she knew that wasn't true.
She was alone and she always would be.
"You promised me." She whispered, "You promised me and then you broke that promise...twice." In a rapid motion, she ripped the necklace from her neck and threw it into the ocean with all of her strength and watched it sink below the surface.
"That's what I think of your promises, Tidus!" she shouted, her face bunched up in rage, "It was supposed to be our turn at happiness! We were going to live happily ever after…always." Yuna grabbed a fist full of dirt and flung it, sputtering and cursing as it blew back into her face, "I don't have anything anymore!" she wailed, dropping to her knees and letting her shoulders heave with her sobs, "I don't want to live without you…"
Yuna took off in a run as if trying to escape something. She bent her head low and ran as hard and fast as she could until a constant smacking against her legs caused her to stop. The bright blue blade made her smile slightly and then frown.
She had forgotten that she had his sword…
She sat down cross legged in the middle of a cracked road that once went through the bustling metropolis of Zanarkand and stared at the blade. It glittered in the moonlight as she held the blade gently. This sword had belonged to Chappu and when he died, Wakka had given it to Tidus.
Was this sword cursed? Was every person who wielded it destined to die?
Yuna sighed and lay back, releasing her grip on the sword and letting it slide down her leg as she stared up at the stars. A sharp pain in her ankle caused her to sit up and sigh. She had forgotten to put her boots back on and the blade had cut into her skin with its sharp edge.
"Shoot." She said as she lifted the sword by the handle and laid it to the side so that she could wipe the blood from the small cut with her finger.
Was this how Shuyin felt? He was separated from Lenne for 1000 years and went insane. Would the same thing happen to her? Yuna wiped a stray tear from her face and nodded in answer to herself. She knew that she would eventually go crazy with grief, if she wasn't already there.
If only she could have seen his body. Maybe his death would have sunk in. She had heard what Gippal has said to Rikku when they thought she wasn't listening.
"He's firewood…There's nothing left."
It must have been like what Tidus' mother had gone through. Jecht just vanished and there was no proof of what had happened to him. Yuna sighed. What had happened to Tidus' mother? He had told her once.
"Wait. No one
ever performed the sending for her."
"She must've accepted death while
she was still alive."
"Whoa there, that's my mother you're
talking about."
"Oh, I'm sorry!"
"It's okay. I think I just figured something out."
"What?"
"Why I hate my old man."
"Whenever my old man was around, my
mother wouldn't even look at me. Maybe
that's when I started to resent him, even hate him. When he left us...Mom just lost her
energy."
"The old lady next door told me...when
a lovebird dies, the one left behind...It just gives up living so it can join
its mate. It was just like that. I hated my old man even more…"
When a lovebird dies…
If losing energy causes a person to die, then Yuna should have been dead two years ago. She hadn't moved for almost a month after Tidus faded and she had barely eaten. When she had gotten up, her clothes were too loose and it was almost 6 months before she could fit into them again.
And if two years ago wasn't enough then she had barely moved for the past three days.
There was enough time for her to be without energy. She should have just died then. She didn't want to wake up every morning and not be with him. She didn't want to live another day without him by her side.
She didn't want to wait to die…
No…when a lovebird dies and the other wants to join its mate then it should be in a more hands on way. Her eyes flashed to the blue crystal blade again and she gently reached for it, casting a look toward the Celsius to make sure her friends weren't in view.
She knew that they would be sad. She knew Spira would mourn for her, but she wasn't thinking about that anymore. She wanted to be with Tidus and if this was the only way then so be it.
A small smile formed on her features as she placed the blade at her wrist, "The people and the friends that we have lost, or the dreams that have faded..." she whispered, "Never forget them."