Harry arrived back at the castle far before any others did. He had drunk
his butter beer as quickly as he could and left the bar, not able to watch
Ginny with Dean. She had caught his eyes many times, and he knew that she
was aware that he was staring at her. For some reason, he did not care. He
had watched as Dean grew impatient with her lack of attention, and that was
when Harry made his exit. He felt so torn inside, trying to hide from Ginny
all that he felt, but yet he was so utterly unable to do so. He never knew
that a woman could make him feel this way. He wondered vaguely if his
mother had made his father feel this way? He wished he could tell her, he
wished he could hold her, kiss her, and make her realize how wonderful she
was, how beautiful she was. He wished he could let her feel some of the
emotion that was gathering inside him as he sat alone in the Gryffindor
common room right now. He glanced outside at the graying clouds. He thought
longingly of his Firebolt, and decided that it was time for a release.
Ginny sat on a plush couch in the Gryffindor common room surrounded by silence and solitude. It was but an hour since Harry had sat in the same spot but she was unaware of time, she was only aware of the tightness in her chest and the familiar dull ache in the back of her head. Dark memories which were once lost had been found all over again, and as she sat in her own darkness images of Tom Riddle flashed through her mind. Tears fell down her pale cheeks. There was no one to talk to, nobody to see. There was nobody to hear, to touch. She was alone again – alone with Tom Riddle.
Dean had let go of her. Things just hadn't worked out. She was distant, he was too close. They could never get it right. Ginny wasn't surprised. She never opened her heart. She'd done it once before, she fed all of her secrets and love into one person, one man whom she'd cared so deeply about. He'd thrown it all back in her face. The pages of her diary had become wet with the tears she'd cried for him, all alone in the darkness. She'd needed Dean to overshadow the dark presence that lived inside of her. She'd needed a man to overpower Tom, and Tom's willingness. Dean had had charm, the same charm the Tom had had. Ginny couldn't live with that. It had been the same with Michael Corner as well; a temporary fix. Like a bandage over a deep wound that would never heal. Some cuts ran too deep, touching too much of her fragile mind. Tom had poisoned her, and there was no antidote. She was like a single delicate rose, so pretty and innocent on her own, yet covered with sores and thorns that he'd put there; distant from the world, so far away from peace, and so close to suffrage. He'd corrupted her mind, taken over her body and was never to leave. As long as Lord Voldemort was breathing Tom Riddle would be alive inside of her.
Ginny let her head fall back against the couch. She could feel it building up inside of her. Too much was happening at once. She needed a release. Where was Harry when she needed him? Where was Ron? Hermione? Ginny was ashamed, how could she fall in love with her best friend? She wasn't good enough for him, she wasn't what he needed. He needed somebody to be strong, strong enough to hold him high, and she couldn't be that person. She wasn't even strong enough to fight off the memories of Tom Riddle.
Ginny stood up, and walked towards the window. As she looked out of the cool glass, she noticed the grey and purple clouds that rolled in, hanging low in the sky. A soft wind was blowing through the trees that stood by the lake, and a misty rain obscured her vision of the quidditch pitch. She paused at the quidditch pitch. What a wonderful way to blow off some steam.
When Ginny made it outside, she pulled her cloak more tightly around her and ran to the broom shed to find a decent broom. When she emerged she faced the stormy weather with a set face. The wind wrapped around her grasping at her loose hair and billowing robes. As her hair flicked around her, she stared up at the pitch. The tall white hoops stood tall and proud, the stands rested silently at the sides. She marched onto the pitch letting the wind carry her. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the rain that fell onto her face, suddenly feeling alive. Lightening flickered in the distance, and the rolling boom brought her back to reality. She opened her eyes, and squinted as she noticed a small bright spot against the ashen clouds. She shielded her green eyes from the rain and wind and concentrated on the moving spot. The Firebolt gleamed in the darkness as a lightening bolt struck the ground just beyond the castle. What was Harry doing out here?
"Harry?" she called to him, but the sound of her voice was carried away with the wind.
He flipped and tumbled and spiraled through the eclectically charged air with ease. As he got lower, Ginny smiled at his windblown hair, and deep concentrated eyes. He didn't notice her standing feet below him. He turned the broom with skill, and dove straight down towards the ground gaining speed. He pulled up out of his Wronski Feint right before he hit the ground. A grin filled Ginny's face. Harry however was not smiling; his eyes were clamped shut, the corners of his mouth turned down. She'd seen this face before. What was wrong? Harry continued to escalate into the sky. He rose about fifty feet before coming to a complete stop. He stayed for only a moment, and Ginny let out a gasp as she watched Harry arch his back and let go of his broom, throwing himself into the free air. He was falling, hurtling towards the earth, his broom still stationary fifty feet above them. His robes flapped in the wind, his eyes remained shut, and he neared the ground. Ginny felt her heart hit the bottom of her stomach before it jumped to her throat. Harry Potter the strongest person she knew was killing himself? And she was his only audience.
"Harry!" she screamed, her chest tightening once more.
Harry opened his eyes, only a few feet from the ground. She watched his face contort with concentration. It seemed almost painful. Suddenly there was change in the wind, a sudden movement of air. The Firebolt came racing towards him. It wasn't moving fast enough. He was going to hit the ground. Ginny screamed, and seconds before Harry hit the ground his Firebolt fell just under him, breaking his fall.
Ginny fell to the muddy ground gasping for air. Her body trembled with unshed fear. Harry's broom carried him the rest of the way to the ground, and he got off calmly. She remained silent crying softly into her hands. How much more could she take? First Dean then Harry! The one person she'd been counting on. Part of her wanted to jump onto the Firebolt and hurtle her self to the ground just as he'd attempted.
"Ginny," Harry said softly.
She could barely hear him over the roar of the wind.
"Ginny," he repeated, and she felt his hand on her shoulder.
She turned her body to stare up at him.
"What the hell were you doing?" she cried, struggling to stand on her feet.
"Ginny," he whispered.
She'd never seen his face so pale, and his eyes so cloudy. An anger rose up in her as she'd never felt. How could he be so stupid? How could he scare her like that? He was supposed to be strong!
She stepped towards him and beat her fists against his chest.
"What were you doing?" she raged, "Why Harry? WHY?"
"Gin,"
A sob escaped her throat.
"Why?" she moaned, falling into him, her tears mixing with the beating rain.
She felt his arms fall around her, and she cried into his chest for many long moments, releasing all the emotion she felt. When she finally pulled away, a sense of calmness passed through her.
"Oh Ginny," Harry whispered, the wind tousling his hair, "I am so sorry,"
"Harry why were you up there?" she asked, staring into his green eyes, "Don't you understand?"
Harry stared at her blankly,
"I need you," she cried, "I need you to be strong for me, I need you to be you, I need you so much,"
"Ginny," Harry whispered again, "I was just flying."
"No, no you were leaving me!"
"Ginny,"
"Don't you understand Harry?" she yelled at him, "Don't leave me here! Don't leave me here alone!"
"Ginny, please,"
"Can't you see that I care about you?"
"I know you do," Harry told her, pulling her close, and resting his chin on her head.
"Promise me," she sobbed, "Promise me never again,"
"I promise," Harry whispered trying to calm her.
"Harry," she told him, "I know what it's like to fall."
"You don't," he said looking away, "You have no idea,"
"I do," Ginny told him, turning his chin so he'd face her, "I'm falling for you,"
His arms loosened around her, and he stepped back.
"Your not," he whispered, and she watched his eyes grow wide.
She nodded he head, and her damp hair whipped in the wind. Suddenly her heart plunged again. He cared for her too, didn't he? She hadn't even thought about it?
"What about Dean?" Harry asked, "What about Dean Thomas?"
"We broke up," Ginny said quietly into the wind.
"Why?" Harry cried.
"He was upset, he said I always seem too distant, he said that he knows that I am in love with someone else, he said he could see it in my eyes."
"Gin," Harry muttered.
"Don't you see it Harry? Don't you understand that I love you?"
"Ginny..." Harry pleaded, "Don't do this to me,"
"You care about me to, don't you Harry?" Her voice rose, "Don't you?"
Harry stared at her for what seemed an eternity. She stepped towards him, needing to feel his touch, needing to be in his arms.
"Please don't leave me Harry," she whispered, "Tell me you care about me, please"
He reached out and touched her face,
"I can't Ginny, I just can't,"
Harry watched with a sinking feeling as tears pooled in Ginny's eyes. She'd thought he was about to kill himself, and the disappointment in her eyes was killing him. He'd just wanted to feel the rush, the rush of falling. He needed to know that he was still alive, because there was no one to tell him now. But when she was in his arms, he felt life surge through his whole body, when she was in his arms he knew he was going to make it through the pain that tormented him. There was only one problem, he couldn't let that happen. He could not care for Ginny; he did not want her to be hurt. He couldn't let her care for him, and as much as it hurt him inside, as much as he wanted to tell her he cared about her, needed her just as she needed him, Harry remained silent.
"Why?" she sniffed.
He let his eyes fall, hearing her gasp through a sob, feeling ashamed of how he was making her feel.
He had to.
"I was so sure...Harry, I was so sure you cared for me," she cried into the howling night, "I need you...please don't do this to me,"
He felt his throat tighten; he let his arms fall from around her.
"Harry," she choked.
He watched sadly, as all life seemed to suck out of her. His heart tore inside of his chest as he listened to her sob; he couldn't stand her and watch her curl up. He couldn't stand here and watch as he broke her heart.
"I am sorry," he muttered, before picking his Firebolt up and heading back towards the castle with his head hanging low.
And as Ginny sat there in the wet grass, pouring her heart out onto her sleeves yet again she heard the familiar laugh of a young sixteen year old man.
Long lost words whisper slowly to me Still can't find what keeps me here When all this time I've been so hollow inside I know you're alive Watching me Wanting me I can feel you pull me down Fearing you Loving you I won't let you pull me down
Haunting you, I can smell you alive Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me Wanting me I can feel you pull me down Saving me Raping me Watching me
Ginny sat on a plush couch in the Gryffindor common room surrounded by silence and solitude. It was but an hour since Harry had sat in the same spot but she was unaware of time, she was only aware of the tightness in her chest and the familiar dull ache in the back of her head. Dark memories which were once lost had been found all over again, and as she sat in her own darkness images of Tom Riddle flashed through her mind. Tears fell down her pale cheeks. There was no one to talk to, nobody to see. There was nobody to hear, to touch. She was alone again – alone with Tom Riddle.
Dean had let go of her. Things just hadn't worked out. She was distant, he was too close. They could never get it right. Ginny wasn't surprised. She never opened her heart. She'd done it once before, she fed all of her secrets and love into one person, one man whom she'd cared so deeply about. He'd thrown it all back in her face. The pages of her diary had become wet with the tears she'd cried for him, all alone in the darkness. She'd needed Dean to overshadow the dark presence that lived inside of her. She'd needed a man to overpower Tom, and Tom's willingness. Dean had had charm, the same charm the Tom had had. Ginny couldn't live with that. It had been the same with Michael Corner as well; a temporary fix. Like a bandage over a deep wound that would never heal. Some cuts ran too deep, touching too much of her fragile mind. Tom had poisoned her, and there was no antidote. She was like a single delicate rose, so pretty and innocent on her own, yet covered with sores and thorns that he'd put there; distant from the world, so far away from peace, and so close to suffrage. He'd corrupted her mind, taken over her body and was never to leave. As long as Lord Voldemort was breathing Tom Riddle would be alive inside of her.
Ginny let her head fall back against the couch. She could feel it building up inside of her. Too much was happening at once. She needed a release. Where was Harry when she needed him? Where was Ron? Hermione? Ginny was ashamed, how could she fall in love with her best friend? She wasn't good enough for him, she wasn't what he needed. He needed somebody to be strong, strong enough to hold him high, and she couldn't be that person. She wasn't even strong enough to fight off the memories of Tom Riddle.
Ginny stood up, and walked towards the window. As she looked out of the cool glass, she noticed the grey and purple clouds that rolled in, hanging low in the sky. A soft wind was blowing through the trees that stood by the lake, and a misty rain obscured her vision of the quidditch pitch. She paused at the quidditch pitch. What a wonderful way to blow off some steam.
When Ginny made it outside, she pulled her cloak more tightly around her and ran to the broom shed to find a decent broom. When she emerged she faced the stormy weather with a set face. The wind wrapped around her grasping at her loose hair and billowing robes. As her hair flicked around her, she stared up at the pitch. The tall white hoops stood tall and proud, the stands rested silently at the sides. She marched onto the pitch letting the wind carry her. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the rain that fell onto her face, suddenly feeling alive. Lightening flickered in the distance, and the rolling boom brought her back to reality. She opened her eyes, and squinted as she noticed a small bright spot against the ashen clouds. She shielded her green eyes from the rain and wind and concentrated on the moving spot. The Firebolt gleamed in the darkness as a lightening bolt struck the ground just beyond the castle. What was Harry doing out here?
"Harry?" she called to him, but the sound of her voice was carried away with the wind.
He flipped and tumbled and spiraled through the eclectically charged air with ease. As he got lower, Ginny smiled at his windblown hair, and deep concentrated eyes. He didn't notice her standing feet below him. He turned the broom with skill, and dove straight down towards the ground gaining speed. He pulled up out of his Wronski Feint right before he hit the ground. A grin filled Ginny's face. Harry however was not smiling; his eyes were clamped shut, the corners of his mouth turned down. She'd seen this face before. What was wrong? Harry continued to escalate into the sky. He rose about fifty feet before coming to a complete stop. He stayed for only a moment, and Ginny let out a gasp as she watched Harry arch his back and let go of his broom, throwing himself into the free air. He was falling, hurtling towards the earth, his broom still stationary fifty feet above them. His robes flapped in the wind, his eyes remained shut, and he neared the ground. Ginny felt her heart hit the bottom of her stomach before it jumped to her throat. Harry Potter the strongest person she knew was killing himself? And she was his only audience.
"Harry!" she screamed, her chest tightening once more.
Harry opened his eyes, only a few feet from the ground. She watched his face contort with concentration. It seemed almost painful. Suddenly there was change in the wind, a sudden movement of air. The Firebolt came racing towards him. It wasn't moving fast enough. He was going to hit the ground. Ginny screamed, and seconds before Harry hit the ground his Firebolt fell just under him, breaking his fall.
Ginny fell to the muddy ground gasping for air. Her body trembled with unshed fear. Harry's broom carried him the rest of the way to the ground, and he got off calmly. She remained silent crying softly into her hands. How much more could she take? First Dean then Harry! The one person she'd been counting on. Part of her wanted to jump onto the Firebolt and hurtle her self to the ground just as he'd attempted.
"Ginny," Harry said softly.
She could barely hear him over the roar of the wind.
"Ginny," he repeated, and she felt his hand on her shoulder.
She turned her body to stare up at him.
"What the hell were you doing?" she cried, struggling to stand on her feet.
"Ginny," he whispered.
She'd never seen his face so pale, and his eyes so cloudy. An anger rose up in her as she'd never felt. How could he be so stupid? How could he scare her like that? He was supposed to be strong!
She stepped towards him and beat her fists against his chest.
"What were you doing?" she raged, "Why Harry? WHY?"
"Gin,"
A sob escaped her throat.
"Why?" she moaned, falling into him, her tears mixing with the beating rain.
She felt his arms fall around her, and she cried into his chest for many long moments, releasing all the emotion she felt. When she finally pulled away, a sense of calmness passed through her.
"Oh Ginny," Harry whispered, the wind tousling his hair, "I am so sorry,"
"Harry why were you up there?" she asked, staring into his green eyes, "Don't you understand?"
Harry stared at her blankly,
"I need you," she cried, "I need you to be strong for me, I need you to be you, I need you so much,"
"Ginny," Harry whispered again, "I was just flying."
"No, no you were leaving me!"
"Ginny,"
"Don't you understand Harry?" she yelled at him, "Don't leave me here! Don't leave me here alone!"
"Ginny, please,"
"Can't you see that I care about you?"
"I know you do," Harry told her, pulling her close, and resting his chin on her head.
"Promise me," she sobbed, "Promise me never again,"
"I promise," Harry whispered trying to calm her.
"Harry," she told him, "I know what it's like to fall."
"You don't," he said looking away, "You have no idea,"
"I do," Ginny told him, turning his chin so he'd face her, "I'm falling for you,"
His arms loosened around her, and he stepped back.
"Your not," he whispered, and she watched his eyes grow wide.
She nodded he head, and her damp hair whipped in the wind. Suddenly her heart plunged again. He cared for her too, didn't he? She hadn't even thought about it?
"What about Dean?" Harry asked, "What about Dean Thomas?"
"We broke up," Ginny said quietly into the wind.
"Why?" Harry cried.
"He was upset, he said I always seem too distant, he said that he knows that I am in love with someone else, he said he could see it in my eyes."
"Gin," Harry muttered.
"Don't you see it Harry? Don't you understand that I love you?"
"Ginny..." Harry pleaded, "Don't do this to me,"
"You care about me to, don't you Harry?" Her voice rose, "Don't you?"
Harry stared at her for what seemed an eternity. She stepped towards him, needing to feel his touch, needing to be in his arms.
"Please don't leave me Harry," she whispered, "Tell me you care about me, please"
He reached out and touched her face,
"I can't Ginny, I just can't,"
Harry watched with a sinking feeling as tears pooled in Ginny's eyes. She'd thought he was about to kill himself, and the disappointment in her eyes was killing him. He'd just wanted to feel the rush, the rush of falling. He needed to know that he was still alive, because there was no one to tell him now. But when she was in his arms, he felt life surge through his whole body, when she was in his arms he knew he was going to make it through the pain that tormented him. There was only one problem, he couldn't let that happen. He could not care for Ginny; he did not want her to be hurt. He couldn't let her care for him, and as much as it hurt him inside, as much as he wanted to tell her he cared about her, needed her just as she needed him, Harry remained silent.
"Why?" she sniffed.
He let his eyes fall, hearing her gasp through a sob, feeling ashamed of how he was making her feel.
He had to.
"I was so sure...Harry, I was so sure you cared for me," she cried into the howling night, "I need you...please don't do this to me,"
He felt his throat tighten; he let his arms fall from around her.
"Harry," she choked.
He watched sadly, as all life seemed to suck out of her. His heart tore inside of his chest as he listened to her sob; he couldn't stand her and watch her curl up. He couldn't stand here and watch as he broke her heart.
"I am sorry," he muttered, before picking his Firebolt up and heading back towards the castle with his head hanging low.
And as Ginny sat there in the wet grass, pouring her heart out onto her sleeves yet again she heard the familiar laugh of a young sixteen year old man.
Long lost words whisper slowly to me Still can't find what keeps me here When all this time I've been so hollow inside I know you're alive Watching me Wanting me I can feel you pull me down Fearing you Loving you I won't let you pull me down
Haunting you, I can smell you alive Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me Wanting me I can feel you pull me down Saving me Raping me Watching me