"Hello Hermione." She could hear the voice say.
"Hello?" She called. "Who's there?"
"Oh! Forgetting old friends already?" A second voice called. Two figures appeared before her. It was Harry and Ron.
"We did everything we could to help you, and do you return the favour?" Ron asked.
"I tried to keep you from Voldemort, and you just stood there while he mocked us." Harry continued. "You just had to wait until I was dead, didn't you?" He said, face twisted with anger and betrayal. "Wanted all the glory to yourself?"
"NO! Please! I didn't know. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know that I was being held captive. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't think-"
"That's the problem, 'Mione." Ron interrupted. "You only thought when it would help yourself. Only when you would reap the benefits. When we needed you, you stood by and let us handle it ourselves."
"No!" She pleaded. "Please! I did everything that I thought I could."
"You watched Neville approach me. You didn't defend me against him." Ron said.
"I didn't know he would kill you, Ron. When I realized it, it was too late."
"Ferret boy did more than you did for me in the end, 'Mione." He continued, voice reeking of hostility. "He even saved you. Man you're useless!"
A hand grabbed her shoulder, and she was swung around. She faced Neville, who had a big grin on his face. "Thanks for your help, Hermione." He said. "I couldn't have done it without you. Just a shame that I couldn't kill you in the end, but I did get some damage in, didn't I?" He seemed very proud of himself.
"How could you?" She whispered, tears running down her face.
"How could I? I could because of what I was promised. Lord Voldemort promised me power. It was quite easy, I assure you." He laughed.
"You're a fool, Neville." She spat.
"And you're all alone, Granger." He replied. "No friends, no family. At least I'm surrounded by those who died before me. The family and friends that at least gave me the respect I deserve rather than the ridicule my biological family and housemates did."
"Hermione!" She heard another voice call. Turning, she could make out the pale skin and near white blonde hair. "Don't listen to them, Hermione. You have people out there to take care of you, to help you get through this. You're strong."
"No, Draco. Harry and Ron are right. I did nothing to help them. I deserve what I get." Her voice sounded defeated. Draco attempted to approach her, but Harry and Ron pushed him away.
"Let the bitch be!" Ron snapped. He than turned to Hermione. "I hope you live a miserable life. I hope your demons keep you awake at night, because there is no rest for the wicked."
Her tears continued to fall; all three boys standing there watching her. Draco was still attempting to cheer her. "Hermione, you don't deserve that. You deserve to live a happy life. You did what you could. I was there. I saw it!" He called.
But Hermione couldn't listen. The voice was fading fast as she returned to the waking world.
~@~
"Severus." He could hear Albus' voice call.
"Albus?" He called back, and before him appeared the ghostly form of the late Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His face looked sad, but there was still a bit of a twinkle in his eyes.
"Albus, I thought you were dead." Severus said.
"Sadly, I am Severus. You are merely sleeping. I can see what you're doing, and I applaud you for your efforts to help Miss Granger through this very tough time, but you also need to look after yourself." He said.
"I am a lost cause, Albus. I have killed, raped, maimed, and murdered. The only thing that I can do is to help her through this. She still has a chance for a happy life." Severus replied.
"Severus, you are no good to her if you hold the same attitudes to yourself as she does to herself. How can you help her out of this depression when you have not been able to successfully leave it yourself?" Dumbledore pleaded. "You both need to help each other. You are NOT a lost cause. You need her to be your strength as well as you hers."
"It does not matter the attitudes I hold towards myself, Albus. I know what she will be going through since I was there. The end results are different for everybody." Severus argued.
"Severus, you know the kind of person she is. She will ask you questions to challenge you, she will push you away. It will be impossible to get her to listen to you if your experience has placed you in a place that she is already in or does not wish to end up in. She will distance herself from everybody, more so than she is already doing." Albus said sadly.
Severus reluctantly nodded. "I wish you were here. We need your strength, old friend."
"Severus, I will always be with you, in memory. If you need me, you only need to think of me. I will be watching and waiting." Albus replied. "Now, you must go back. Our dear student is waking up, and I doubt you wish to be sleeping when she does."
With that, Albus faded away slowly as Severus roused himself to awaken.
~@~
Hermione opened her eyes slowly. The tears were still silently rolling down her cheeks. She made no move to dry her eyes or make a sound. She continued to stare up at the ceiling.
Severus continued to watch her. It appears that she never stopped crying all night. When she fell asleep without the dreamless sleep, he knew that she would have nightmares. He didn't know what though, since he was asleep, and she did not make a sound before he did so. Giving her a few more moments, he finally spoke up.
"The memorial services will begin in a few hours. Do you want to get cleaned up?" He asked softly. Eyes not leaving the ceiling, she slowly nodded her head and picked herself up. Severus tried to step in to help her up, but every time he reached for her, she pushed him away. Slowly, she got up and was able to stand on her feet. Taking two steps, she stumbled, and was caught. Snape helped her stand up again, but as soon as she was steady, she pushed him away again. Madam Pomfrey approached the cubicle, "Hermione, dear. I'll take you to where you can change."
Nodding again, Hermione made her slow, unsteady way behind Poppy, not allowing either the mediwitch or Severus to help her along the way. She approached a tent, and was escorted by Poppy. Snape remained outside the tent to wait for her to change. It gave him time to think about what Albus had told him in his dream.
'It will be impossible to get her to listen to you if your experience has placed you in a place that she is already in or does not wish to end up in.' He couldn't argue with that. He would only be able to help her to a certain point, and than what? He didn't want to rely on her for strength. She was still young; no time should be wasted on him. But if it would help her, perhaps he would eventually try.
Hermione came back out an hour later. She wore her school uniform, which was repaired by the remaining house elves, and tied her hair back into a bun. She looked more awake, but still very much dead to the world. Saying nothing, he offered her his arm, which she wouldn't take, and pointed in the direction of the memorial services.
When they approached the area, many of the reporters spotted Hermione, and almost immediately crowded around her. The questions flew around her, and she almost felt dizzy from all the voices coming from every direction. Severus noticed that she was about to faint. Taking her arm without her noticing, he pulled her away from the crowds. Aurors noticed the commotion and approached the pair, escorting them to the front row, and making sure that the reporters were held back so as not to disturb them. Although many did not like Snape because he was formerly a Death Eater, many of the Aurors had seen first hand where his loyalties lay. He even saved some of their lives in the battles.
Severus escorted Hermione to her seat, and sat her down. Her head remained bent down, looking towards the ground until the beginning of the ceremony. This was to be the first in a series. The Head Sorceress approached the crowd, and stopped in front of Hermione. Bending over, she whispered, "Would you like to say a few words, dear?" Her voice was soft, and it reminded Severus of Albus. Hermione still did not move, and the woman gave Snape a sad look and a nod. She approached the podium and began the ceremony.
The traditional services were nearing completion, and the first list of names had begun to be read before Hermione lifted her eyes. Severus looked over and noticed that they still had a glazed over look to them, and her tears had stopped falling. She now looked pale and unable to face anything or anyone.
The Sorceress began. "On this day, the 8th of November, 2003, we remember the following who died for the protection of the magical world, the muggle world, and our future: Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry Potter, Seventh year student and son of Lily and James Potter, Ron Weasley, Seventh year student and son of Arthur and Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Minister of Magic, Draco Malfoy, Seventh Year student and member of the Order of the Phoenix-"
The list continued, but was mainly unheard by Hermione. For the remainder of the ceremony, she remained a shell. Eyes rarely blinking, tears not falling, face pale. If she wasn't shaking, Severus would almost believe her in a state of catatonia.
'Obviously not taking this well.' He thought dryly.
The ceremony completed, and the first of the names read, the crowd slowly departed. Many in tears, many thanking some of the dead for their sacrifice. Some were in attendance just for show. Their lives unaffected by the war, although there were few.
Severus stood from his seat, and tried to coax Hermione out of hers when a hand reached for him. He spun around and came face to face with the Sorceress.
"Albus was right, Professor. You need her as much as she needs you. Listen to your heart, and both of you will come out of this with new purpose." She said, and walked away.
Severus stared in her direction for a bit longer before turning back to Hermione. In the time that he was distracted, she had moved from her chair and to the large plaque that had the names of those lost engraved into it. He approached her from behind, and stood a few feet away. Reaching out, she ran her fingers over Harry and Ron's names. "I'm sorry." She whispered, barely heard by Snape. Her hand continued to run over the names, stopping at the end of Draco's. "I'm so sorry." She whispered again.
Before pulling her hand back, her face screwed up and she fell to her knees sobbing. Snape stopped himself from lifting her to comfort her. She didn't get much out last night, and if she could now, it would be better.
She only allowed a few moments for her to compose herself. She struggled to stand herself up, using the plaque as support, and dusted herself off.
"It's not your fault." She heard Severus whisper to her. "You couldn't do anything to prevent it."
"I could have helped Ron while he was fighting Pettigrew, I could have attacked Voldemort before he killed Harry, or Dumbledore." She whispered harshly. "I could have prevented their pain, my pain," She looked up at him, her eyes filled with remorse, "and some of yours as well." She whispered softly. Turning her attention past his shoulder, she brushed past him, walking towards the field in which the attack began. The reporters tried to get near her to ask their questions, but they were still held back by the Aurors. Snape watched her as she approached the hill that overlooked the battlefield.
Hermione made it to the top of the hill. She could see the blood patches where many had fallen, debris from the castle, muggle weapons thrown all over the ground. The bodies had all been removed from the field in the past few days, but she could still make out the exact spot where Ron died. Snape walked up the hill towards her. He put a hand on her shoulder, "This has been a hard day. You need something to eat and some rest."
The tone of his voice suggested that there would be no argument from her, nor did she have the energy to do so. He led her away from the hill and headed back to the hospital tent.
"Hello?" She called. "Who's there?"
"Oh! Forgetting old friends already?" A second voice called. Two figures appeared before her. It was Harry and Ron.
"We did everything we could to help you, and do you return the favour?" Ron asked.
"I tried to keep you from Voldemort, and you just stood there while he mocked us." Harry continued. "You just had to wait until I was dead, didn't you?" He said, face twisted with anger and betrayal. "Wanted all the glory to yourself?"
"NO! Please! I didn't know. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know that I was being held captive. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't think-"
"That's the problem, 'Mione." Ron interrupted. "You only thought when it would help yourself. Only when you would reap the benefits. When we needed you, you stood by and let us handle it ourselves."
"No!" She pleaded. "Please! I did everything that I thought I could."
"You watched Neville approach me. You didn't defend me against him." Ron said.
"I didn't know he would kill you, Ron. When I realized it, it was too late."
"Ferret boy did more than you did for me in the end, 'Mione." He continued, voice reeking of hostility. "He even saved you. Man you're useless!"
A hand grabbed her shoulder, and she was swung around. She faced Neville, who had a big grin on his face. "Thanks for your help, Hermione." He said. "I couldn't have done it without you. Just a shame that I couldn't kill you in the end, but I did get some damage in, didn't I?" He seemed very proud of himself.
"How could you?" She whispered, tears running down her face.
"How could I? I could because of what I was promised. Lord Voldemort promised me power. It was quite easy, I assure you." He laughed.
"You're a fool, Neville." She spat.
"And you're all alone, Granger." He replied. "No friends, no family. At least I'm surrounded by those who died before me. The family and friends that at least gave me the respect I deserve rather than the ridicule my biological family and housemates did."
"Hermione!" She heard another voice call. Turning, she could make out the pale skin and near white blonde hair. "Don't listen to them, Hermione. You have people out there to take care of you, to help you get through this. You're strong."
"No, Draco. Harry and Ron are right. I did nothing to help them. I deserve what I get." Her voice sounded defeated. Draco attempted to approach her, but Harry and Ron pushed him away.
"Let the bitch be!" Ron snapped. He than turned to Hermione. "I hope you live a miserable life. I hope your demons keep you awake at night, because there is no rest for the wicked."
Her tears continued to fall; all three boys standing there watching her. Draco was still attempting to cheer her. "Hermione, you don't deserve that. You deserve to live a happy life. You did what you could. I was there. I saw it!" He called.
But Hermione couldn't listen. The voice was fading fast as she returned to the waking world.
~@~
"Severus." He could hear Albus' voice call.
"Albus?" He called back, and before him appeared the ghostly form of the late Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His face looked sad, but there was still a bit of a twinkle in his eyes.
"Albus, I thought you were dead." Severus said.
"Sadly, I am Severus. You are merely sleeping. I can see what you're doing, and I applaud you for your efforts to help Miss Granger through this very tough time, but you also need to look after yourself." He said.
"I am a lost cause, Albus. I have killed, raped, maimed, and murdered. The only thing that I can do is to help her through this. She still has a chance for a happy life." Severus replied.
"Severus, you are no good to her if you hold the same attitudes to yourself as she does to herself. How can you help her out of this depression when you have not been able to successfully leave it yourself?" Dumbledore pleaded. "You both need to help each other. You are NOT a lost cause. You need her to be your strength as well as you hers."
"It does not matter the attitudes I hold towards myself, Albus. I know what she will be going through since I was there. The end results are different for everybody." Severus argued.
"Severus, you know the kind of person she is. She will ask you questions to challenge you, she will push you away. It will be impossible to get her to listen to you if your experience has placed you in a place that she is already in or does not wish to end up in. She will distance herself from everybody, more so than she is already doing." Albus said sadly.
Severus reluctantly nodded. "I wish you were here. We need your strength, old friend."
"Severus, I will always be with you, in memory. If you need me, you only need to think of me. I will be watching and waiting." Albus replied. "Now, you must go back. Our dear student is waking up, and I doubt you wish to be sleeping when she does."
With that, Albus faded away slowly as Severus roused himself to awaken.
~@~
Hermione opened her eyes slowly. The tears were still silently rolling down her cheeks. She made no move to dry her eyes or make a sound. She continued to stare up at the ceiling.
Severus continued to watch her. It appears that she never stopped crying all night. When she fell asleep without the dreamless sleep, he knew that she would have nightmares. He didn't know what though, since he was asleep, and she did not make a sound before he did so. Giving her a few more moments, he finally spoke up.
"The memorial services will begin in a few hours. Do you want to get cleaned up?" He asked softly. Eyes not leaving the ceiling, she slowly nodded her head and picked herself up. Severus tried to step in to help her up, but every time he reached for her, she pushed him away. Slowly, she got up and was able to stand on her feet. Taking two steps, she stumbled, and was caught. Snape helped her stand up again, but as soon as she was steady, she pushed him away again. Madam Pomfrey approached the cubicle, "Hermione, dear. I'll take you to where you can change."
Nodding again, Hermione made her slow, unsteady way behind Poppy, not allowing either the mediwitch or Severus to help her along the way. She approached a tent, and was escorted by Poppy. Snape remained outside the tent to wait for her to change. It gave him time to think about what Albus had told him in his dream.
'It will be impossible to get her to listen to you if your experience has placed you in a place that she is already in or does not wish to end up in.' He couldn't argue with that. He would only be able to help her to a certain point, and than what? He didn't want to rely on her for strength. She was still young; no time should be wasted on him. But if it would help her, perhaps he would eventually try.
Hermione came back out an hour later. She wore her school uniform, which was repaired by the remaining house elves, and tied her hair back into a bun. She looked more awake, but still very much dead to the world. Saying nothing, he offered her his arm, which she wouldn't take, and pointed in the direction of the memorial services.
When they approached the area, many of the reporters spotted Hermione, and almost immediately crowded around her. The questions flew around her, and she almost felt dizzy from all the voices coming from every direction. Severus noticed that she was about to faint. Taking her arm without her noticing, he pulled her away from the crowds. Aurors noticed the commotion and approached the pair, escorting them to the front row, and making sure that the reporters were held back so as not to disturb them. Although many did not like Snape because he was formerly a Death Eater, many of the Aurors had seen first hand where his loyalties lay. He even saved some of their lives in the battles.
Severus escorted Hermione to her seat, and sat her down. Her head remained bent down, looking towards the ground until the beginning of the ceremony. This was to be the first in a series. The Head Sorceress approached the crowd, and stopped in front of Hermione. Bending over, she whispered, "Would you like to say a few words, dear?" Her voice was soft, and it reminded Severus of Albus. Hermione still did not move, and the woman gave Snape a sad look and a nod. She approached the podium and began the ceremony.
The traditional services were nearing completion, and the first list of names had begun to be read before Hermione lifted her eyes. Severus looked over and noticed that they still had a glazed over look to them, and her tears had stopped falling. She now looked pale and unable to face anything or anyone.
The Sorceress began. "On this day, the 8th of November, 2003, we remember the following who died for the protection of the magical world, the muggle world, and our future: Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry Potter, Seventh year student and son of Lily and James Potter, Ron Weasley, Seventh year student and son of Arthur and Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Minister of Magic, Draco Malfoy, Seventh Year student and member of the Order of the Phoenix-"
The list continued, but was mainly unheard by Hermione. For the remainder of the ceremony, she remained a shell. Eyes rarely blinking, tears not falling, face pale. If she wasn't shaking, Severus would almost believe her in a state of catatonia.
'Obviously not taking this well.' He thought dryly.
The ceremony completed, and the first of the names read, the crowd slowly departed. Many in tears, many thanking some of the dead for their sacrifice. Some were in attendance just for show. Their lives unaffected by the war, although there were few.
Severus stood from his seat, and tried to coax Hermione out of hers when a hand reached for him. He spun around and came face to face with the Sorceress.
"Albus was right, Professor. You need her as much as she needs you. Listen to your heart, and both of you will come out of this with new purpose." She said, and walked away.
Severus stared in her direction for a bit longer before turning back to Hermione. In the time that he was distracted, she had moved from her chair and to the large plaque that had the names of those lost engraved into it. He approached her from behind, and stood a few feet away. Reaching out, she ran her fingers over Harry and Ron's names. "I'm sorry." She whispered, barely heard by Snape. Her hand continued to run over the names, stopping at the end of Draco's. "I'm so sorry." She whispered again.
Before pulling her hand back, her face screwed up and she fell to her knees sobbing. Snape stopped himself from lifting her to comfort her. She didn't get much out last night, and if she could now, it would be better.
She only allowed a few moments for her to compose herself. She struggled to stand herself up, using the plaque as support, and dusted herself off.
"It's not your fault." She heard Severus whisper to her. "You couldn't do anything to prevent it."
"I could have helped Ron while he was fighting Pettigrew, I could have attacked Voldemort before he killed Harry, or Dumbledore." She whispered harshly. "I could have prevented their pain, my pain," She looked up at him, her eyes filled with remorse, "and some of yours as well." She whispered softly. Turning her attention past his shoulder, she brushed past him, walking towards the field in which the attack began. The reporters tried to get near her to ask their questions, but they were still held back by the Aurors. Snape watched her as she approached the hill that overlooked the battlefield.
Hermione made it to the top of the hill. She could see the blood patches where many had fallen, debris from the castle, muggle weapons thrown all over the ground. The bodies had all been removed from the field in the past few days, but she could still make out the exact spot where Ron died. Snape walked up the hill towards her. He put a hand on her shoulder, "This has been a hard day. You need something to eat and some rest."
The tone of his voice suggested that there would be no argument from her, nor did she have the energy to do so. He led her away from the hill and headed back to the hospital tent.