It had been several months since the final battle, the memorials, the
celebrations, and the repair to Hogwarts. Severus Snape, new Headmaster at
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was preparing to meet some
candidates to fill the job vacancies. It was a job that he had been
dreading to do. Never one to procrastinate, he kept putting this
particular duty off until he finally could no longer.
The positions that had to be filled included Transfiguration, Potions (he could no longer teach it on a full time basis because of his own new position), Arithmancy, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. He also had to appoint a deputy Headmaster or Headmistress.
Another worry was Hermione. Although many thought that she had just become a shell after the final confrontation, he'd noticed that she slowly worsened. She still refused to let out the grief and suffering that she was enduring. It seemed that nothing he tried to do would coax her out of it. He even considered giving it up and contacting the psychiatric ward at St Mungo's.
'That's just great! I was brooding and loathing myself for decades and Albus never gave up on me.' He scolded himself. He would give anything to see some spark of emotion come across her face. She hadn't allowed herself tears since the memorial service; not in front of himself anyway. Hell, if he could get her to slap him good and hard across the face, he'd be happy.
At least she had stopped fighting him with dinner arrangements. He'd made it a point to make sure that they ate dinner together; whether it be alone or with what was remaining of the staff. He remembered the first few weeks where every time he went to pick her up she would refuse to go. Only under the threat of dragging her to the Great Hall did she finally go. After about 3 weeks, she just gave up and went along with the inevitable.
He also asked Poppy to help keep an eye open for any self-inflicted harm she may cause. She had so far shown none, and would most likely not unless something triggered her to do so.
What was it that made him concerned, still, after all this time? He chalked it up to respect. Before the battle, she was brilliant, creative, open minded, logical. She fought for what she believed in, and knew when conflict would be a waste of energy and time. She was someone, had she not been his student at the time, that he could connect with, who could understand him, who could tolerate him, and defend herself against his criticism. They were so alike.
Suddenly, he was drawn to an idea. All throughout her school years, she immersed herself in her studies. It was something that gave her confidence. She excelled in all her classes. Perhaps if he offered her a part time teaching position, keeping a close eye on her, she could take her mind off of the past for a bit. It wasn't a coping technique, but anything to draw some life out of the shell that was Hermione Granger.
What position? Potions perhaps? Since he couldn't teach full time, it would solve the problem of finding a Potions Professor. The only problem with that is that if she lost any concentration, she could really hurt herself, and if that was her intention, it would be really easy to do. Transfiguration required a lot of concentration, but her mind could be a bit muddled still. Arithmancy? 'That may be just the thing.' Snape thought.
Standing from his desk, he went to the fireplace and threw some floo powder in. "Hermione Granger's Chambers." He called, and disappeared in the blaze of green.
~@~
The dreams refused to stop, so she refused to allow them to come. She'd been practically addicted to the dreamless sleep draught for, what? Months was it now? She was exhausted. But if she allowed the dreams to continue, she may be even worse off. The last thing she really wanted to do was draw attention, or worse, pity to herself. She accepted the fact that most of her friends were dead. Most. Would Snape count as one?
'Severus.' She reminded herself. He'd insisted that she call him that. Another move, perhaps, of getting her to stop brooding. He'd spent months forcing her to come out of her rooms, keeping an eye on her at all times. She'd suggested that she go back to the Muggle world, but that idea was quickly dismissed by him using the one thing she couldn't argue with - logic. Her parents were dead, she had very little money. How would she survive?
"Why would you care?" She whispered.
"Because I plan to always be the bane of your existence." The reply came from behind her. She started a bit at the sound of his voice.
"Profe-" she received a glare. "Severus, I didn't hear you come in."
"Quite all right, Hermione." He replied. "How are you this evening?"
"Does it matter?" She asked, her voice returning to the self-loathing tone she used all too much. 'Damn it, Hermione! You are going to drive me up the wall.' Severus thought. There were several minutes of silence. Hermione didn't even notice how long it went on for, but Snape did. 'Still sinking, I see.' He thought. 'Lets try another tactic.'
Finally, she looked back up at him. "Oh. I'm fine. Nothing to report." She finally said. She said this almost every time, and now just acted like it was some boring monologue that she was reciting. She didn't even try and make it sound sincere as she used to.
"Hermione, you are NOT fine, and I am not leaving until I get something out of you." Severus said sternly.
"What do you want now?" Hermione said. She just didn't have the energy for an argument right now.
"I want a bit of emotion out of you. I am so sick of talking to a shell. A little response would be nice." He snapped.
"Than I suggest you look for different company, as I am in no mood to provide you with what you desire." She said.
"I'm not going to search for different company. I'm not leaving until you start showing something. Anything."
"Than you'll be waiting awhile." She replied.
"If you remember your experience with me, Hermione, you should know that I have the patience to do so."
'Shit! He's right.' They sat in silence a bit longer. Severus just stared at her, and she was becoming more agitated by the moment. He finally broke the silence.
"Now, tell me honestly, how are you?" He asked.
"Irritated by your constant mothering." She replied shortly.
'Hey! That wasn't so bad.' He thought. He almost smiled at the thought of what some of his former and current students would say now that he was accused of 'mothering' someone. The thought made him grin.
"What's so amusing?" Hermione asked.
"Nothing." He replied, deciding to give her a taste of what she's been giving out. 'Let's just really piss her off if I can.'
"Fine. Don't tell me." She muttered, staring back into the fire. But she was an intellectual sponge. Curiosity got the best of her. "Just tell me why you're grinning."
"No reason."
"You don't grin for 'no reason', Severus. Why are you grinning?" She was starting to become a bit impatient.
"I told you. No reason."
"ARGH! Do you know how infuriating your answers are?" She sighed.
"Yes. You've been giving me the same type for a while now." He replied.
"So, now this is some childish revenge?" She asked, thinking she hit a sore spot.
"No. Just a response to some childish behaviour." She looked up. This was unexpected. He'd spent months telling her that she had to be strong, had to get through all this. Now he was accusing her of being childish. Where the hell did this come from?
"Excuse me, but my 'childish' behaviour is the result of some self-loathing that I had been intent on doing on my own, if you had just left me alone." She responded.
"You have no reason to self-loath."
"Don't I?" She asked. "I could have done something for them. I could have saved them."
"What's past is past, Hermione. Why can't you get that?" He asked.
"Yeah! Like you have?" She asked.
That did hit a chord, but he was expecting it. "That's different."
"How so?"
"I was directly involved in the killings of innocents. I have done things in my life that are unforgivable." He said, now staring off into the fireplace himself.
"And doing nothing to prevent the deaths of innocents is?" She asked.
"What have I always told you during your defense classes last year, Hermione. In war, it's everyone for themselves. You did what you could to defend yourself. You did all you could to help our side. For crying out loud, you were pretty much the one who ended the war!" He stated.
"Do you think that could have been done without your work? Your years of spying for our side? We would not have even been prepared for the battle at all if it hadn't been for you." She whispered.
"That doesn't justify taking the lives of innocents. I could have kept out of it. I would rather have done nothing than participate." He hissed.
"Are you so sure about that, Severus?" She asked.
"I know so."
"Do you really? Do you really know what it's like to stand by and watch it happen? Knowing you could have done something to prevent it? Do you?"
Both of them were standing up, now face to face with one another. Their tempers rising.
"It would have been preferred." He snapped.
"Oh really? Let's just test that theory, shall we?" She asked, grabbing her wand from the coffee table, and pointing it at herself.
"Hermione, what-?"
"Avada -"
"HERMIONE! NO!" Severus screamed, grabbing the wand out of her hand and throwing it across the room. He grabbed her by the shoulders, and began to shake her. "Don't EVER do that again!" He snapped. He stopped shaking her, and held her close to his body, as if he was afraid that she would disappear.
"Would you still have preferred it?" She asked, voice muffled a bit by his shoulder.
Severus pulled her back from him, and could only stand there and look into her eyes. She looked exhausted, and despite the fact that he made sure she ate dinner every night, her frame felt small, and fragile. He could detect the levels of dreamless sleep draught in her system. From the looks of it, she's been taking it every night for some time now.
"When's the last time you had regular sleep?" He asked softly.
"Define 'regular sleep'." She replied.
"Allowing REM sleep." He said.
"I honestly don't know anymore." She said, a lone tear running down her face. Severus never thought he would be so relieved to see a female cry. "I just can't take it anymore." She continued.
Severus gently pressed two fingers under her chin so that she would look at him. "What?" He asked.
"Harry and Ron, telling me that if I were really a friend, I would have helped them. Neville telling me that I helped him out when he betrayed us with my hesitance." She replied hesitantly. Her eyes began to droop.
"Hermione, you're going to bed now. And without the potion." Severus ordered softly. She began to protest, but it was useless. He would not allow for any argument on this matter. "I will stay here if you need anything."
Realizing that it would be futile to fight him, she nodded. She went to go to the bathroom to prepare herself for bed, but couldn't move two steps before stumbling. Severus caught her. Their argument, although short, had taken its toll on her. Combined with her exhaustion and, he suspected, her lack of food, he wasn't surprised.
He bent down, and picked her up, despite her protests. Carrying her to her bedroom, he pulled back the covers using some wandless magic and put her down. He proceeded to remove her shoes and pull the blankets over her. He than turned to light a fire. Picking up a book from her shelves, he sat in a chair by the fire, waiting until she fell asleep. She was fighting it. After a few minutes, when she was about to lose the battle with sleep anyway, he muttered, "Sleep." And she was claimed.
The positions that had to be filled included Transfiguration, Potions (he could no longer teach it on a full time basis because of his own new position), Arithmancy, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. He also had to appoint a deputy Headmaster or Headmistress.
Another worry was Hermione. Although many thought that she had just become a shell after the final confrontation, he'd noticed that she slowly worsened. She still refused to let out the grief and suffering that she was enduring. It seemed that nothing he tried to do would coax her out of it. He even considered giving it up and contacting the psychiatric ward at St Mungo's.
'That's just great! I was brooding and loathing myself for decades and Albus never gave up on me.' He scolded himself. He would give anything to see some spark of emotion come across her face. She hadn't allowed herself tears since the memorial service; not in front of himself anyway. Hell, if he could get her to slap him good and hard across the face, he'd be happy.
At least she had stopped fighting him with dinner arrangements. He'd made it a point to make sure that they ate dinner together; whether it be alone or with what was remaining of the staff. He remembered the first few weeks where every time he went to pick her up she would refuse to go. Only under the threat of dragging her to the Great Hall did she finally go. After about 3 weeks, she just gave up and went along with the inevitable.
He also asked Poppy to help keep an eye open for any self-inflicted harm she may cause. She had so far shown none, and would most likely not unless something triggered her to do so.
What was it that made him concerned, still, after all this time? He chalked it up to respect. Before the battle, she was brilliant, creative, open minded, logical. She fought for what she believed in, and knew when conflict would be a waste of energy and time. She was someone, had she not been his student at the time, that he could connect with, who could understand him, who could tolerate him, and defend herself against his criticism. They were so alike.
Suddenly, he was drawn to an idea. All throughout her school years, she immersed herself in her studies. It was something that gave her confidence. She excelled in all her classes. Perhaps if he offered her a part time teaching position, keeping a close eye on her, she could take her mind off of the past for a bit. It wasn't a coping technique, but anything to draw some life out of the shell that was Hermione Granger.
What position? Potions perhaps? Since he couldn't teach full time, it would solve the problem of finding a Potions Professor. The only problem with that is that if she lost any concentration, she could really hurt herself, and if that was her intention, it would be really easy to do. Transfiguration required a lot of concentration, but her mind could be a bit muddled still. Arithmancy? 'That may be just the thing.' Snape thought.
Standing from his desk, he went to the fireplace and threw some floo powder in. "Hermione Granger's Chambers." He called, and disappeared in the blaze of green.
~@~
The dreams refused to stop, so she refused to allow them to come. She'd been practically addicted to the dreamless sleep draught for, what? Months was it now? She was exhausted. But if she allowed the dreams to continue, she may be even worse off. The last thing she really wanted to do was draw attention, or worse, pity to herself. She accepted the fact that most of her friends were dead. Most. Would Snape count as one?
'Severus.' She reminded herself. He'd insisted that she call him that. Another move, perhaps, of getting her to stop brooding. He'd spent months forcing her to come out of her rooms, keeping an eye on her at all times. She'd suggested that she go back to the Muggle world, but that idea was quickly dismissed by him using the one thing she couldn't argue with - logic. Her parents were dead, she had very little money. How would she survive?
"Why would you care?" She whispered.
"Because I plan to always be the bane of your existence." The reply came from behind her. She started a bit at the sound of his voice.
"Profe-" she received a glare. "Severus, I didn't hear you come in."
"Quite all right, Hermione." He replied. "How are you this evening?"
"Does it matter?" She asked, her voice returning to the self-loathing tone she used all too much. 'Damn it, Hermione! You are going to drive me up the wall.' Severus thought. There were several minutes of silence. Hermione didn't even notice how long it went on for, but Snape did. 'Still sinking, I see.' He thought. 'Lets try another tactic.'
Finally, she looked back up at him. "Oh. I'm fine. Nothing to report." She finally said. She said this almost every time, and now just acted like it was some boring monologue that she was reciting. She didn't even try and make it sound sincere as she used to.
"Hermione, you are NOT fine, and I am not leaving until I get something out of you." Severus said sternly.
"What do you want now?" Hermione said. She just didn't have the energy for an argument right now.
"I want a bit of emotion out of you. I am so sick of talking to a shell. A little response would be nice." He snapped.
"Than I suggest you look for different company, as I am in no mood to provide you with what you desire." She said.
"I'm not going to search for different company. I'm not leaving until you start showing something. Anything."
"Than you'll be waiting awhile." She replied.
"If you remember your experience with me, Hermione, you should know that I have the patience to do so."
'Shit! He's right.' They sat in silence a bit longer. Severus just stared at her, and she was becoming more agitated by the moment. He finally broke the silence.
"Now, tell me honestly, how are you?" He asked.
"Irritated by your constant mothering." She replied shortly.
'Hey! That wasn't so bad.' He thought. He almost smiled at the thought of what some of his former and current students would say now that he was accused of 'mothering' someone. The thought made him grin.
"What's so amusing?" Hermione asked.
"Nothing." He replied, deciding to give her a taste of what she's been giving out. 'Let's just really piss her off if I can.'
"Fine. Don't tell me." She muttered, staring back into the fire. But she was an intellectual sponge. Curiosity got the best of her. "Just tell me why you're grinning."
"No reason."
"You don't grin for 'no reason', Severus. Why are you grinning?" She was starting to become a bit impatient.
"I told you. No reason."
"ARGH! Do you know how infuriating your answers are?" She sighed.
"Yes. You've been giving me the same type for a while now." He replied.
"So, now this is some childish revenge?" She asked, thinking she hit a sore spot.
"No. Just a response to some childish behaviour." She looked up. This was unexpected. He'd spent months telling her that she had to be strong, had to get through all this. Now he was accusing her of being childish. Where the hell did this come from?
"Excuse me, but my 'childish' behaviour is the result of some self-loathing that I had been intent on doing on my own, if you had just left me alone." She responded.
"You have no reason to self-loath."
"Don't I?" She asked. "I could have done something for them. I could have saved them."
"What's past is past, Hermione. Why can't you get that?" He asked.
"Yeah! Like you have?" She asked.
That did hit a chord, but he was expecting it. "That's different."
"How so?"
"I was directly involved in the killings of innocents. I have done things in my life that are unforgivable." He said, now staring off into the fireplace himself.
"And doing nothing to prevent the deaths of innocents is?" She asked.
"What have I always told you during your defense classes last year, Hermione. In war, it's everyone for themselves. You did what you could to defend yourself. You did all you could to help our side. For crying out loud, you were pretty much the one who ended the war!" He stated.
"Do you think that could have been done without your work? Your years of spying for our side? We would not have even been prepared for the battle at all if it hadn't been for you." She whispered.
"That doesn't justify taking the lives of innocents. I could have kept out of it. I would rather have done nothing than participate." He hissed.
"Are you so sure about that, Severus?" She asked.
"I know so."
"Do you really? Do you really know what it's like to stand by and watch it happen? Knowing you could have done something to prevent it? Do you?"
Both of them were standing up, now face to face with one another. Their tempers rising.
"It would have been preferred." He snapped.
"Oh really? Let's just test that theory, shall we?" She asked, grabbing her wand from the coffee table, and pointing it at herself.
"Hermione, what-?"
"Avada -"
"HERMIONE! NO!" Severus screamed, grabbing the wand out of her hand and throwing it across the room. He grabbed her by the shoulders, and began to shake her. "Don't EVER do that again!" He snapped. He stopped shaking her, and held her close to his body, as if he was afraid that she would disappear.
"Would you still have preferred it?" She asked, voice muffled a bit by his shoulder.
Severus pulled her back from him, and could only stand there and look into her eyes. She looked exhausted, and despite the fact that he made sure she ate dinner every night, her frame felt small, and fragile. He could detect the levels of dreamless sleep draught in her system. From the looks of it, she's been taking it every night for some time now.
"When's the last time you had regular sleep?" He asked softly.
"Define 'regular sleep'." She replied.
"Allowing REM sleep." He said.
"I honestly don't know anymore." She said, a lone tear running down her face. Severus never thought he would be so relieved to see a female cry. "I just can't take it anymore." She continued.
Severus gently pressed two fingers under her chin so that she would look at him. "What?" He asked.
"Harry and Ron, telling me that if I were really a friend, I would have helped them. Neville telling me that I helped him out when he betrayed us with my hesitance." She replied hesitantly. Her eyes began to droop.
"Hermione, you're going to bed now. And without the potion." Severus ordered softly. She began to protest, but it was useless. He would not allow for any argument on this matter. "I will stay here if you need anything."
Realizing that it would be futile to fight him, she nodded. She went to go to the bathroom to prepare herself for bed, but couldn't move two steps before stumbling. Severus caught her. Their argument, although short, had taken its toll on her. Combined with her exhaustion and, he suspected, her lack of food, he wasn't surprised.
He bent down, and picked her up, despite her protests. Carrying her to her bedroom, he pulled back the covers using some wandless magic and put her down. He proceeded to remove her shoes and pull the blankets over her. He than turned to light a fire. Picking up a book from her shelves, he sat in a chair by the fire, waiting until she fell asleep. She was fighting it. After a few minutes, when she was about to lose the battle with sleep anyway, he muttered, "Sleep." And she was claimed.