I think I've forgotten where I'm going with this....Meh. *Sigh*
How can I type with perky music? Have any of you tried that? Never mind....listening to something from the anime movie Princess Mononoke, go get it and see it, it's really good. But it's some Techno Mix, or so it's called, found it off KaZaA...right then. And just to be really confusing, I'm going to stick random song lyrics in, at the end of the chapter I'll give a disclaimer of them all, lol.
Oh and er, Yami's personality goes into a large change that you can't miss, but just a heads up.
Warning: Uh, well you know the yaoi of this already, but be aware within the capture there will be one or two attempts of suicide.
******
I stayed curled as tightly as I could in the bed of mine, my body racking with tears. I clutch a pillow against my torso, head leaning into it. I notice my vision blurring, and not from tears. What's wrong? Am I sick? Am I going to die? If I die, can I see Bakura?
What would I say to him, if I ever came face to face again...?
But that can't happen, I shouldn't think of that. You're gone. From my eyes, my hearing, my touch, my smell, my taste, but not my mind. And not my heart.
I just....wish I was with you....dammit I don't want to be HERE anymore! There is no damn point! Am I doomed to stay trapped here for the rest of my life, for the rest of my light's life?
Damn all. Why am I still here?
~*~
No matter what the time
I'm just alone
Destiny forgotten
I'm still living
~*~
At long last, I have left my sealed room. At two in the morning. Yugi is asleep, his grandfather is asleep, and I'm free to leave. Free. Are you free my dear friend? Do I have the right to call you my friend....?
....No.....I don't....
That hurts me too, the guilt surfacing as I leave my vessel's house. I treated you like shit. Full blown shit. Never looked or sounded like I respected you at all, just pure 24/7 hatred.
"But that's not true!" My voice escaped my lips as my head collides with a tree. Yes, I meant to do that, my anger to be taken out on something. And here's a new formula for my aibou's algebra class!
Head + Tree = Relief
I harm my head against the tree again, the pain sinking in as it was much harder, even causing a trickle of blood to leak down my face and I sink to sit against the tree I offended. Does that please you Bakura? To see the man you thought hated you, who really loved you full-heartedly, get hurt?
~*~
"Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water?"
~*~
I wish. But I have no sign that you are satisfied. Again, I stand, body quivering in the cool morning air, or night. What is two in the morning anyway? I see the time nearby, ok, so three in the morning. Dawn. Whatever, damn it doesn't matter! Why the hell am I so fickle over words lately?!
Ah, probably because the three hardest words I ever wanted to say, never made it free. Freedom. Back to that matter now, hm? It's getting so tiresome to think of it. If I stay in this realm, this very planet, is there a point to it all? Only Yugi cares if I live or die and today, well, yesterday, he proved that he didn't think about my feelings much.
If I stay here, I stay confined with guilt and sorrow. Regret and suffering. Fear and sadness. And I'll be alone, all alone in a world that seems to care nothing of me. So what is the damn fucking point?!
I feel agitation rise and I stalk towards the local park, knowing the precise location of the lake with no problem. I see my reflection, and kick a stone into the water to see my image ripple, the anger surfacing.
~*~
Why don't I like the person I see?
The one who's standing right infront of me
Why don't I think before I speak?
I should have listened to that voice inside me
~*~
So this is what it boils down to? To breath or not to breath? If I breath underwater, I die anyway. Good, no backing away now. I'm just a nuisance to this world anyway, my time was in Ancient Egypt, a whole freaking Millennia ago! Not now, I don't belong here now. I just don't....
I took a breath, why, I don't know. I lay myself to the cold ground, mentally counting to three before depositing my head within the chilling liquid. I'll wait for more of an air loss before opening to the water. Let it draw out...let it torment my inner soul.
~*~
When the sun is gone I see you
Beautiful and haunting, but cold
Like the blade of a knife, so sharp and so sweet
Nobody knows your heart
~*~
I give into my pulsing heart, opening my mouth against the will of my mind and jawbones to open the door for the water to fill the volume of my lungs.
Not long now.
But no, NO! Who?! Why?! Dammit!
I feel myself lifted from the water, thrown against a tree and slapped. Hard. Definitely not Yugi. My ruby eyes open to a blurred image, mind unable to work completely right. Blonde. I see blonde. But...not Joey blonde....Malik...no, not the light. What?! Mariku?! What the hell why did *he* pull me out?!
"M.....ari......ku.....?"
Another slap across my face. "What in Ra's name were you thinking, Pharaoh?!"
"Free.....ing........my s......soul......" I try focusing, but failed greatly, body trying to work coherently with the area around but miserably failing.
"Is this about Bakura?" My eyes go wide at the question.
"How did you-"
"Easy. Remember, I was his 'partner' for raiding tombs in Egypt, I know him, and somehow I know you. It's an easy mask to see through. Obviously you had, well, have feelings for him. Must hurt you that he's dead now, hm?"
"Shut up..." I manage to hiss, I don't need his foolish mocking. Amazingly he changes his tone of voice though.
"Bakura wouldn't want you sulking over him, much less kill yourself."
"He's probably happy."
He grinned at the comment and hit my tired self again, moving on to the next topic. "Well then what about your hikari?"
"I think my aibou cares more for your light than me," I simply responded, no emotion in my voice. Though in my mind it was kick ass to see his facial expression form from smirk to stunned than angered.
"WHAT?!?"
I merely smirk. Ra, Yugi better not have a thing for Malik. I move from him without another word, head still wet from my experience with water but who cares. I don't need him to tell me what to do, I never have before, so why bother with the bastard now? At this point in time, Yugi isn't even on my mind. Maybe I should seek mental help...
~*~
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone.
~*~
I look out into the sky and realize just how late, or early, whatever...the sun is up now if the world gives a damn. Oh crap, Yugi is awake too, I can feel him trying to get through the wall I magically put between us. For reasons of what would happen if Mariku didn't ruin my happy time.
Maybe I should just keep reminding myself...
I don't need mental help, I don't need mental help, I don't....I give up. I need to go to the grave yard.
******
Ah yes, this is where I've been living most my days, by the gravesite of....*him*.
"Damn you. Why did you have to die? Do you realize what kind of person I've become now? Do you at all? Do you even *care* what happens to me? No....no I guess not...." I sigh, I hate when I discover the open truth.
I turn away, a short visit indeed, but they get shorter by the day, I fear I am welcoming myself towards the world of the dead. I've been on this planet too long, alone on this planet way too long at that.
As I enter like a ghost into the main road, I run straight into a young teen who gathers herself then flicks a smile at me. Oh Ra, here we go now, this shall be mildly entertaining. I can see how she looks at me perfectly easy. Now how should I rid my troubles of this whore? Ah, she speaks.
"Oh! I'm so sorry for running into you!"
I'll play along for a bit. "No, no, really it was my fault," I smirk, though she doesn't notice as I place a steady hand on her face to caress the cheek covering her jawbone. Hm, yes, entertaining how her face turns to surprised to "this seems fun."
Yes, yes, my definition for her stands out boldly now.
"Oh, sir, you seem so very nice....could you....do me a favor?"
Hide the smirk, if I smirk it ruins my current train of fun. "And what would that be, miss?"
"See....my strap here....it's too tight....." She signals to her shoulders and I slip my hand down on it to massage the spot, her eyes lolling in the back of her head.:: "Oh....could you just, help me with it...?"
"Certainly," I smirk at the joy on her face, but do something unsuspected. Throw her into the ground, hard. She landed painfully, oddly, a trace and sliver of a cut down where her head had hit. I simply sneer down at her manically. "Whore."
And I turn, walking off leaving her there, getting a good distance away.
"Why..."
And then I freeze, turning my head to the sound I heard behind me but seeing no one. Not a soul. "Who's there?! Mariku, is that you?!"
"Why..."
Ok, now I'm scared. Yes, scared, I had my fun and now I'm back to being pitiful. My body falls against a street lamp, eyes darting around to try and find the source of the speaker, wishing it to go away, honestly I wished it left me alone...
"Why..."
"Go away!!" I cry out, falling to the ground, palms tightly over my ears but the sound leaks into my mind bringing an image along with it. No....no it can't be.....
Sounds follow with it, swarming the questioning of "why" with random noises, clocks, trains, sirens. Why can't I just be left in piece?! Why is this happening to me?!
~*~
The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
~*~
I find myself crying, head held against the ground.
"Bakura...why are you doing this too me....."
******
Aw, how sweet. Ok, so one suicide attempt. Er, just a warning there will be one more, but I won't ruin what happens there. You'll like it though, damn I wish I could draw so I would have a picture with it....arg, oh well. If you couldn't figure it out, Mariku is the darker half of Malik and yes Yami did half a dark moment here, lol, sorry, that part was just kind of random. Anyway, here is the list of where all the song quotes came from in order:
Hikari *Translated*: Kingdom Hearts (Hikari Utada)
Simple and Clean: Kingdom Hearts (Hikaru Utada)
Mirror, Mirror (M2M)
Princess Mononoke Theme: Princess Mononoke
Losing Grip (Avril Lavigne)
Inside Out (Eve 6)
Now back to work! Dun, dunnnn! Hehe, Ja!
How can I type with perky music? Have any of you tried that? Never mind....listening to something from the anime movie Princess Mononoke, go get it and see it, it's really good. But it's some Techno Mix, or so it's called, found it off KaZaA...right then. And just to be really confusing, I'm going to stick random song lyrics in, at the end of the chapter I'll give a disclaimer of them all, lol.
Oh and er, Yami's personality goes into a large change that you can't miss, but just a heads up.
Warning: Uh, well you know the yaoi of this already, but be aware within the capture there will be one or two attempts of suicide.
******
I stayed curled as tightly as I could in the bed of mine, my body racking with tears. I clutch a pillow against my torso, head leaning into it. I notice my vision blurring, and not from tears. What's wrong? Am I sick? Am I going to die? If I die, can I see Bakura?
What would I say to him, if I ever came face to face again...?
But that can't happen, I shouldn't think of that. You're gone. From my eyes, my hearing, my touch, my smell, my taste, but not my mind. And not my heart.
I just....wish I was with you....dammit I don't want to be HERE anymore! There is no damn point! Am I doomed to stay trapped here for the rest of my life, for the rest of my light's life?
Damn all. Why am I still here?
~*~
No matter what the time
I'm just alone
Destiny forgotten
I'm still living
~*~
At long last, I have left my sealed room. At two in the morning. Yugi is asleep, his grandfather is asleep, and I'm free to leave. Free. Are you free my dear friend? Do I have the right to call you my friend....?
....No.....I don't....
That hurts me too, the guilt surfacing as I leave my vessel's house. I treated you like shit. Full blown shit. Never looked or sounded like I respected you at all, just pure 24/7 hatred.
"But that's not true!" My voice escaped my lips as my head collides with a tree. Yes, I meant to do that, my anger to be taken out on something. And here's a new formula for my aibou's algebra class!
Head + Tree = Relief
I harm my head against the tree again, the pain sinking in as it was much harder, even causing a trickle of blood to leak down my face and I sink to sit against the tree I offended. Does that please you Bakura? To see the man you thought hated you, who really loved you full-heartedly, get hurt?
~*~
"Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water?"
~*~
I wish. But I have no sign that you are satisfied. Again, I stand, body quivering in the cool morning air, or night. What is two in the morning anyway? I see the time nearby, ok, so three in the morning. Dawn. Whatever, damn it doesn't matter! Why the hell am I so fickle over words lately?!
Ah, probably because the three hardest words I ever wanted to say, never made it free. Freedom. Back to that matter now, hm? It's getting so tiresome to think of it. If I stay in this realm, this very planet, is there a point to it all? Only Yugi cares if I live or die and today, well, yesterday, he proved that he didn't think about my feelings much.
If I stay here, I stay confined with guilt and sorrow. Regret and suffering. Fear and sadness. And I'll be alone, all alone in a world that seems to care nothing of me. So what is the damn fucking point?!
I feel agitation rise and I stalk towards the local park, knowing the precise location of the lake with no problem. I see my reflection, and kick a stone into the water to see my image ripple, the anger surfacing.
~*~
Why don't I like the person I see?
The one who's standing right infront of me
Why don't I think before I speak?
I should have listened to that voice inside me
~*~
So this is what it boils down to? To breath or not to breath? If I breath underwater, I die anyway. Good, no backing away now. I'm just a nuisance to this world anyway, my time was in Ancient Egypt, a whole freaking Millennia ago! Not now, I don't belong here now. I just don't....
I took a breath, why, I don't know. I lay myself to the cold ground, mentally counting to three before depositing my head within the chilling liquid. I'll wait for more of an air loss before opening to the water. Let it draw out...let it torment my inner soul.
~*~
When the sun is gone I see you
Beautiful and haunting, but cold
Like the blade of a knife, so sharp and so sweet
Nobody knows your heart
~*~
I give into my pulsing heart, opening my mouth against the will of my mind and jawbones to open the door for the water to fill the volume of my lungs.
Not long now.
But no, NO! Who?! Why?! Dammit!
I feel myself lifted from the water, thrown against a tree and slapped. Hard. Definitely not Yugi. My ruby eyes open to a blurred image, mind unable to work completely right. Blonde. I see blonde. But...not Joey blonde....Malik...no, not the light. What?! Mariku?! What the hell why did *he* pull me out?!
"M.....ari......ku.....?"
Another slap across my face. "What in Ra's name were you thinking, Pharaoh?!"
"Free.....ing........my s......soul......" I try focusing, but failed greatly, body trying to work coherently with the area around but miserably failing.
"Is this about Bakura?" My eyes go wide at the question.
"How did you-"
"Easy. Remember, I was his 'partner' for raiding tombs in Egypt, I know him, and somehow I know you. It's an easy mask to see through. Obviously you had, well, have feelings for him. Must hurt you that he's dead now, hm?"
"Shut up..." I manage to hiss, I don't need his foolish mocking. Amazingly he changes his tone of voice though.
"Bakura wouldn't want you sulking over him, much less kill yourself."
"He's probably happy."
He grinned at the comment and hit my tired self again, moving on to the next topic. "Well then what about your hikari?"
"I think my aibou cares more for your light than me," I simply responded, no emotion in my voice. Though in my mind it was kick ass to see his facial expression form from smirk to stunned than angered.
"WHAT?!?"
I merely smirk. Ra, Yugi better not have a thing for Malik. I move from him without another word, head still wet from my experience with water but who cares. I don't need him to tell me what to do, I never have before, so why bother with the bastard now? At this point in time, Yugi isn't even on my mind. Maybe I should seek mental help...
~*~
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone.
~*~
I look out into the sky and realize just how late, or early, whatever...the sun is up now if the world gives a damn. Oh crap, Yugi is awake too, I can feel him trying to get through the wall I magically put between us. For reasons of what would happen if Mariku didn't ruin my happy time.
Maybe I should just keep reminding myself...
I don't need mental help, I don't need mental help, I don't....I give up. I need to go to the grave yard.
******
Ah yes, this is where I've been living most my days, by the gravesite of....*him*.
"Damn you. Why did you have to die? Do you realize what kind of person I've become now? Do you at all? Do you even *care* what happens to me? No....no I guess not...." I sigh, I hate when I discover the open truth.
I turn away, a short visit indeed, but they get shorter by the day, I fear I am welcoming myself towards the world of the dead. I've been on this planet too long, alone on this planet way too long at that.
As I enter like a ghost into the main road, I run straight into a young teen who gathers herself then flicks a smile at me. Oh Ra, here we go now, this shall be mildly entertaining. I can see how she looks at me perfectly easy. Now how should I rid my troubles of this whore? Ah, she speaks.
"Oh! I'm so sorry for running into you!"
I'll play along for a bit. "No, no, really it was my fault," I smirk, though she doesn't notice as I place a steady hand on her face to caress the cheek covering her jawbone. Hm, yes, entertaining how her face turns to surprised to "this seems fun."
Yes, yes, my definition for her stands out boldly now.
"Oh, sir, you seem so very nice....could you....do me a favor?"
Hide the smirk, if I smirk it ruins my current train of fun. "And what would that be, miss?"
"See....my strap here....it's too tight....." She signals to her shoulders and I slip my hand down on it to massage the spot, her eyes lolling in the back of her head.:: "Oh....could you just, help me with it...?"
"Certainly," I smirk at the joy on her face, but do something unsuspected. Throw her into the ground, hard. She landed painfully, oddly, a trace and sliver of a cut down where her head had hit. I simply sneer down at her manically. "Whore."
And I turn, walking off leaving her there, getting a good distance away.
"Why..."
And then I freeze, turning my head to the sound I heard behind me but seeing no one. Not a soul. "Who's there?! Mariku, is that you?!"
"Why..."
Ok, now I'm scared. Yes, scared, I had my fun and now I'm back to being pitiful. My body falls against a street lamp, eyes darting around to try and find the source of the speaker, wishing it to go away, honestly I wished it left me alone...
"Why..."
"Go away!!" I cry out, falling to the ground, palms tightly over my ears but the sound leaks into my mind bringing an image along with it. No....no it can't be.....
Sounds follow with it, swarming the questioning of "why" with random noises, clocks, trains, sirens. Why can't I just be left in piece?! Why is this happening to me?!
~*~
The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
~*~
I find myself crying, head held against the ground.
"Bakura...why are you doing this too me....."
******
Aw, how sweet. Ok, so one suicide attempt. Er, just a warning there will be one more, but I won't ruin what happens there. You'll like it though, damn I wish I could draw so I would have a picture with it....arg, oh well. If you couldn't figure it out, Mariku is the darker half of Malik and yes Yami did half a dark moment here, lol, sorry, that part was just kind of random. Anyway, here is the list of where all the song quotes came from in order:
Hikari *Translated*: Kingdom Hearts (Hikari Utada)
Simple and Clean: Kingdom Hearts (Hikaru Utada)
Mirror, Mirror (M2M)
Princess Mononoke Theme: Princess Mononoke
Losing Grip (Avril Lavigne)
Inside Out (Eve 6)
Now back to work! Dun, dunnnn! Hehe, Ja!