"Last call, American Airlines Flight 435 to LAX, boarding through gate 6,"
It barely registered that she was announcing my flight. Eyes still flitted up and down the airport concourse, as I reached down to grab my hand luggage from my feet. How could I have still been foolish enough to think either of them would come? After all I did to them both, why would they try to stop me leaving?
My feet felt leaden as I shuffled towards the departure gate, ticket and boarding card in hand. People bustled past me, desperate to get where they were going. I was not that desperate to leave, but I had to. There was no way Chicago could ever be my home again.
There was no job offer in LA. I told Kerry that because it was easier. I didn't know what was in LA for me, but I always liked it when we visited it during my childhood. I always saw myself living in one of those massive, gleaming white mansions in Hollywood or Beverley Hills.
There was an old friend from medical school, who had agreed to let me sleep on her floor until I got myself my own place though. She didn't know why I was moving. I would tell her, but it's not the sort of thing you break over the phone exactly.
With an absent mind, I handed over my boarding card and was greeted on board the plane by a vacuous smile from a vapid blonde. With difficulty, I hoisted my luggage into the overhead locker and slid into my seat.
As the plane taxied away from the terminal, I looked back and fancied I saw a familiar face in the crowd rushing along the walkways. I scolded myself for a childish fantasy, and turned my head away from the window, instead resting my cheek on the cold pane and awaiting take-off.
I had never been a massive fan of flying. I know that this flight carries extra risks for me, with my being pregnant and all. But as a doctor, I was also aware that it's safe enough to fly once you're through your first trimester, and mine ended over a week ago.
I was three months pregnant then, and so far I hadn't thought about this baby once. I had never thought of it as another life. It was just a reason to leave, a guilty weight low in my stomach. It was just the ultimate betrayal for two men I know loved me.
It barely registered that she was announcing my flight. Eyes still flitted up and down the airport concourse, as I reached down to grab my hand luggage from my feet. How could I have still been foolish enough to think either of them would come? After all I did to them both, why would they try to stop me leaving?
My feet felt leaden as I shuffled towards the departure gate, ticket and boarding card in hand. People bustled past me, desperate to get where they were going. I was not that desperate to leave, but I had to. There was no way Chicago could ever be my home again.
There was no job offer in LA. I told Kerry that because it was easier. I didn't know what was in LA for me, but I always liked it when we visited it during my childhood. I always saw myself living in one of those massive, gleaming white mansions in Hollywood or Beverley Hills.
There was an old friend from medical school, who had agreed to let me sleep on her floor until I got myself my own place though. She didn't know why I was moving. I would tell her, but it's not the sort of thing you break over the phone exactly.
With an absent mind, I handed over my boarding card and was greeted on board the plane by a vacuous smile from a vapid blonde. With difficulty, I hoisted my luggage into the overhead locker and slid into my seat.
As the plane taxied away from the terminal, I looked back and fancied I saw a familiar face in the crowd rushing along the walkways. I scolded myself for a childish fantasy, and turned my head away from the window, instead resting my cheek on the cold pane and awaiting take-off.
I had never been a massive fan of flying. I know that this flight carries extra risks for me, with my being pregnant and all. But as a doctor, I was also aware that it's safe enough to fly once you're through your first trimester, and mine ended over a week ago.
I was three months pregnant then, and so far I hadn't thought about this baby once. I had never thought of it as another life. It was just a reason to leave, a guilty weight low in my stomach. It was just the ultimate betrayal for two men I know loved me.