Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's characters.

Chapter 2

"Where are we going?" asked Kel as Sir Payne as they sprinted down yet another corridor.

"We?" he asked. "Are we together? Do you want to sleep with me? That might upset my wife."

"You said you would help me find a newspaper!" yelled Kel. "Oh. So where are we headed first?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"I've got it," yelled Sir Payne. "Lord Raoul was walking around earlier with a paper, a newspaper."

"Why are we yelling?" bellowed Kel. "We're running right next to each other."

Before Sir Payne could answer, he and Kel arrived at Lord Raoul's door. Kel rammed head first into the door. Luckily her head was as hard as most bricks, so she wasn't hurt. The same cannot be said for the door.

Sir Payne looked at the ruin of the door and screamed like a little girl, "You killed it! What did it ever do to you?"

"It got in my way, stupid," said Kel as she got up and dusted herself off. She then walked through another door into Lord Raoul's bedroom from his reception room. (Well, she didn't walk through the door this time. She opened the door and walked through the doorway.)

"Lucy, I'm home," she announced.

"Who the hell is Lucy?" yelled Sir Payne.

"Shut up, it's not funny if I have to explain it."

Kel wandered over to Raoul's bed where he was still sleeping despite the fact that his door had been smashed and no one seemed to be able to converse in an indoor voice.

Kel bent down and bellowed into Raoul's ear, "This is Keladry of Mindelan, give me your newspaper or I may begin acting in an irrational manner."

Raoul smiled in his sleep and mumbled, "Mmmmm...men...I like men...mmmmm."

Kel decided this called for drastic measures and punched Raoul in his, um, you know, family jewels.

"Ahhhhhh! My happy place!" squeaked Raoul as he curled up into a ball and hid his face so no one would see him cry.

"Tell me where you put the newspaper," demanded Kel.

"In Fluffer's cage," wailed Raoul.

Kel looked around and spotted a cage with Neal in it. The paper at the bottom had obviously been used as a bathroom. Neal was currently running around barking and chasing his butt.

Must be that special time of the month for Neal, thought Kel as she sighed. Her search wasn't over.

Now, where was that Payne? Oh, over next to Alanna.

Alanna spotted Kel in the room because Sir Payne was unconscious from the utter agony that came with listening to Alanna. Kel looked around, her exit was blocked by Alanna.

"You know, I once ate an entire jar of peanut butter...and I didn't even have a spoon or anything," Alanna said, beaming.

Kel gasped in horror and looked for a way around or through Alanna.

I'm sorry, I'll try to make the next chapter longer. please r and r.