Learning to Live, Chapter 3
Notes: The only reason I am posting this here is for those that are M/L,
but enjoy a good story regardless of the fact that this is M/A. If you are
M/A, you should already have read this because it is posted at NWP:
http://nunswithpens.hyperboards.com/ in its totality. Understood? Good.
Onward:
Original Cindy walked into the apartment to find Max and Alec on the couch staring at each other. She frowned and cleared her throat, "Am I interrupting something?"
Both of them jumped and turned to stare at her, probably shocked she'd managed to sneak up on them. O.C. didn't really want to know what had distracted them that much. Well, that was a lie, she would give her left arm to find out. Max just looked at Alec sadly and he gestured for O.C. to join them.
"Sit down, O.C.," Alec said quietly.
Alarmed, she did as he suggested. What could have happened?
Alec looked at Max and she shook her head, gesturing for him to do the talking.
Taking a deep breath, he looked back at Cindy. "Logan touched Max's arm last night," he told her, "We couldn't do anything to save him."
Cindy's face drained of color as she looked at Max. She rushed to the couch and pulled Max into her embrace. Max was crying, of course. Fresh tears ran down her face as her best friend learned what had happened and cried with her.
Alec backed away from them, unsure what to do. He stood up nervously and edged away.
"Where are you going?" Max pulled back from O.C. to ask the question, her voice panicked.
Alec smiled reassuringly. "I'm going to head back to my place and change.and then you and I have planning to do."
O.C. looked from one of her friends to the other, frowning. "What kind of planning?" She asked, coming up with no possible reason Max should do anything today but cry. Max nodded her head resolutely at Alec before turning to Original Cindy.
"There were things Logan would have wanted done," she whispered. Her friend nodded, but was obviously still curious.
"Well, I'll page you in a few hours, then." Alec took off, leaving Max alone with her best friend. Somehow, though, she still felt the void of his absence.
"How are you doing, Boo?" O.C. was concerned for her, which made sense, she supposed.
"I don't know," Max answered as truthfully as she could. "My whole.hope for the future was wrapped up in him. He was the best person I've ever known. For a few seconds, I will just feel numb, and then I have this painful explosion and remember what happened. It's like I can't breathe." Max closed her eyes. "I just want to forget what happened.and remember everything, all at the same time."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Boo, you know I have your back."
"Alec was there.he understands pain better than you'd think."
Cindy nodded, "I can see that about him. You don't blame him at all for this, do you?"
Max sucked in her breath suddenly, never considering that aspect. If she had let Alec die, she might have been able to cure the virus.and Logan would be alive right now. "I.I." she couldn't make any sound come out of her mouth, but she shook her head furiously. "No, it was my fault. Alec didn't do anything.he even warned me. I couldn't have just let him die, how could I forgive myself for that?"
"That's good, Boo, it ain't his fault.but you know, it ain't yours neither." O.C. could tell that Max wouldn't accept what she was saying. "You aren't Manticore, Max, you can't be blamed for their evil."
"I knew, though, I KNEW what could happen, but I still took the risk. I couldn't even apologize." Max's voice trailed off as Cindy shook her.
"No, Max, you aren't taking the blame for this. Logan touched you. It was his choice and a risk that he took himself, it has nothing to do with you."
"I'm poison, Cindy," Max sighed. How many people needed to die before she accepted it? Her beeper rang.
"Alec," she said softly, walking to the phone and dialing his cell phone.
"That was fast," she said, looking at her watch. "There is no way you got back to your place and showered in like.fifteen minutes!"
"Hah, I didn't. But I was thinking that I could call some people if you don't want to.you know, to let them know what happened."
Max sighed in relief, "Yeah, thanks, that.would really help me out."
"No problem, Max, I'll call you later."
"Ok," she whispered, hanging up the phone.
"What was that?" O.C. asked, suddenly curious about pretty much anything Alec said.
"He's going to tell everyone we know for me," Max filled her in and sat back on the couch, leaning back and trying not to think, but not being able to stop it.
O.C. just sat with her, saying nothing.
***
Alec hung up the phone and stared at it as he walked back to his place. His bike was still at Harbor Lights and he should probably grab that later on. He looked at his phone again and dialed a number, not looking forward to the call.
"Yeah?" A sleepy voice answered after the third ring.
"Asha?" he asked.
"Yeah.Alec? It's like 4:00 am."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Asha, but I need to tell you something and I didn't think you would want me to hold off."
"Ok, shoot." Asha sounded like she was starting to wake up. It was so tempting to not say anything, but she had to know what happened.
"Logan grabbed Max's arm at Crash tonight.he died early this morning." Alec stopped talking and there was silence on the other end of the line before he could hear her begin to cry.
"He.he's dead?"
"Yeah, Asha, I am so sorry."
"Did.did he know Max loved him?"
Alec smiled slightly, Asha was a good kid. "Yeah, she told him, but he knew anyway." There was silence again.
"I'm glad."
"Are you going to be all right?" he asked.
"I.don't know, but he wouldn't us to stop the fight because of him."
Alec couldn't help smiling at that. "No. No, he wouldn't."
"Look, Alec, I have to go.walk, or think.I can't believe he's gone."
"I know what you mean. I can't either." The idea of it was surreal.
"Well, if Max needs anything, I'm here for her." Asha was trying to downplay her own feelings for Logan, but Alec cut her off.
"If YOU need anything, Asha, call me."
"Thanks, Alec."
"Talk to you later." He hung up the phone, not wanting to drag out the goodbye. He couldn't help shaking his head.how the hell he had gotten stuck being responsible for two grieving women, he would never know.
It was still dark when he got to the apartment. He jumped in and out of the shower and then paged Max. She called back as he changing into black.
"Ready?" he asked, answering the phone.
"Yeah."
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know," he was quick to assure her.
"No, we have to do it. I'll pick you up soon."
"Maybe we should take a car, actually, that's a lot of equipment."
"What car?" Max asked, confused.
Alec rolled his eyes, "Just come over, I'll take care of it."
When Max arrived, Alec was standing in front of a large van.
"Do I want to know where this came from?" Alec shook his head with a smile as Max climbed into the passenger side door. "Do you think we are good enough to be Eyes Only, Alec?"
"We can try, Max, that's what Logan did." Max closed her eyes for a second. "Of course, if it doesn't work out, we can always fence his stuff for a fortune." Alec couldn't help grinning.
Max couldn't help slapping him.
Onward:
Original Cindy walked into the apartment to find Max and Alec on the couch staring at each other. She frowned and cleared her throat, "Am I interrupting something?"
Both of them jumped and turned to stare at her, probably shocked she'd managed to sneak up on them. O.C. didn't really want to know what had distracted them that much. Well, that was a lie, she would give her left arm to find out. Max just looked at Alec sadly and he gestured for O.C. to join them.
"Sit down, O.C.," Alec said quietly.
Alarmed, she did as he suggested. What could have happened?
Alec looked at Max and she shook her head, gesturing for him to do the talking.
Taking a deep breath, he looked back at Cindy. "Logan touched Max's arm last night," he told her, "We couldn't do anything to save him."
Cindy's face drained of color as she looked at Max. She rushed to the couch and pulled Max into her embrace. Max was crying, of course. Fresh tears ran down her face as her best friend learned what had happened and cried with her.
Alec backed away from them, unsure what to do. He stood up nervously and edged away.
"Where are you going?" Max pulled back from O.C. to ask the question, her voice panicked.
Alec smiled reassuringly. "I'm going to head back to my place and change.and then you and I have planning to do."
O.C. looked from one of her friends to the other, frowning. "What kind of planning?" She asked, coming up with no possible reason Max should do anything today but cry. Max nodded her head resolutely at Alec before turning to Original Cindy.
"There were things Logan would have wanted done," she whispered. Her friend nodded, but was obviously still curious.
"Well, I'll page you in a few hours, then." Alec took off, leaving Max alone with her best friend. Somehow, though, she still felt the void of his absence.
"How are you doing, Boo?" O.C. was concerned for her, which made sense, she supposed.
"I don't know," Max answered as truthfully as she could. "My whole.hope for the future was wrapped up in him. He was the best person I've ever known. For a few seconds, I will just feel numb, and then I have this painful explosion and remember what happened. It's like I can't breathe." Max closed her eyes. "I just want to forget what happened.and remember everything, all at the same time."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Boo, you know I have your back."
"Alec was there.he understands pain better than you'd think."
Cindy nodded, "I can see that about him. You don't blame him at all for this, do you?"
Max sucked in her breath suddenly, never considering that aspect. If she had let Alec die, she might have been able to cure the virus.and Logan would be alive right now. "I.I." she couldn't make any sound come out of her mouth, but she shook her head furiously. "No, it was my fault. Alec didn't do anything.he even warned me. I couldn't have just let him die, how could I forgive myself for that?"
"That's good, Boo, it ain't his fault.but you know, it ain't yours neither." O.C. could tell that Max wouldn't accept what she was saying. "You aren't Manticore, Max, you can't be blamed for their evil."
"I knew, though, I KNEW what could happen, but I still took the risk. I couldn't even apologize." Max's voice trailed off as Cindy shook her.
"No, Max, you aren't taking the blame for this. Logan touched you. It was his choice and a risk that he took himself, it has nothing to do with you."
"I'm poison, Cindy," Max sighed. How many people needed to die before she accepted it? Her beeper rang.
"Alec," she said softly, walking to the phone and dialing his cell phone.
"That was fast," she said, looking at her watch. "There is no way you got back to your place and showered in like.fifteen minutes!"
"Hah, I didn't. But I was thinking that I could call some people if you don't want to.you know, to let them know what happened."
Max sighed in relief, "Yeah, thanks, that.would really help me out."
"No problem, Max, I'll call you later."
"Ok," she whispered, hanging up the phone.
"What was that?" O.C. asked, suddenly curious about pretty much anything Alec said.
"He's going to tell everyone we know for me," Max filled her in and sat back on the couch, leaning back and trying not to think, but not being able to stop it.
O.C. just sat with her, saying nothing.
***
Alec hung up the phone and stared at it as he walked back to his place. His bike was still at Harbor Lights and he should probably grab that later on. He looked at his phone again and dialed a number, not looking forward to the call.
"Yeah?" A sleepy voice answered after the third ring.
"Asha?" he asked.
"Yeah.Alec? It's like 4:00 am."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Asha, but I need to tell you something and I didn't think you would want me to hold off."
"Ok, shoot." Asha sounded like she was starting to wake up. It was so tempting to not say anything, but she had to know what happened.
"Logan grabbed Max's arm at Crash tonight.he died early this morning." Alec stopped talking and there was silence on the other end of the line before he could hear her begin to cry.
"He.he's dead?"
"Yeah, Asha, I am so sorry."
"Did.did he know Max loved him?"
Alec smiled slightly, Asha was a good kid. "Yeah, she told him, but he knew anyway." There was silence again.
"I'm glad."
"Are you going to be all right?" he asked.
"I.don't know, but he wouldn't us to stop the fight because of him."
Alec couldn't help smiling at that. "No. No, he wouldn't."
"Look, Alec, I have to go.walk, or think.I can't believe he's gone."
"I know what you mean. I can't either." The idea of it was surreal.
"Well, if Max needs anything, I'm here for her." Asha was trying to downplay her own feelings for Logan, but Alec cut her off.
"If YOU need anything, Asha, call me."
"Thanks, Alec."
"Talk to you later." He hung up the phone, not wanting to drag out the goodbye. He couldn't help shaking his head.how the hell he had gotten stuck being responsible for two grieving women, he would never know.
It was still dark when he got to the apartment. He jumped in and out of the shower and then paged Max. She called back as he changing into black.
"Ready?" he asked, answering the phone.
"Yeah."
"We don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know," he was quick to assure her.
"No, we have to do it. I'll pick you up soon."
"Maybe we should take a car, actually, that's a lot of equipment."
"What car?" Max asked, confused.
Alec rolled his eyes, "Just come over, I'll take care of it."
When Max arrived, Alec was standing in front of a large van.
"Do I want to know where this came from?" Alec shook his head with a smile as Max climbed into the passenger side door. "Do you think we are good enough to be Eyes Only, Alec?"
"We can try, Max, that's what Logan did." Max closed her eyes for a second. "Of course, if it doesn't work out, we can always fence his stuff for a fortune." Alec couldn't help grinning.
Max couldn't help slapping him.