A/N: First, I have to thank Erestor for inspiring this story. I read "The Coffee Plot", and this is what came to mind. Second, I was under the influence of caffeine myself when I wrote this.
Disclaimer: If I owned these guys, do you really think I'd subject them to this kind of torture? And do you believe I own a chain of coffee shops?
Real Disclaimer: "The Lord of the Rings" and all related characters, locations, etc., belong to J.R.R. Tolkien and New Line Cinema Productions, respectively.
Chapter One: What's Starbucks?
The Fellowship had set up camp. It had been a long day, and they were all exhausted. All, of course, except for Pippin. So while the rest weren't paying attention, he wandered off in search of adventure.
Unfortunately, he found it in a paper coffee cup.
It was just sitting there on a hollow log. It looked like it was waiting. And waiting. But for what? Pippin wasn't about to hang around and find out. So he picked it up. It was slightly heavy and some sort of liquid sloshed around inside.
"What's this?" he asked no one in particular. He took the lid off gingerly and peered inside. A strong, bitter sort of aroma invaded his nostrils and he quickly moved the cup away. "Whoa!" he cried. "What IS that?" He covered it and went back to the camp at a sprint.
"Gandalf! Gandalf!" he shouted, his hairy feet slipping on the mossy undergrowth. "Look what I found – er, I mean – discovered!"
"What now, you fool of a Took?" Gandalf asked, standing up. The others shook their heads at the phrase that had become trite due to Gandalf's constant reiteration of it.
"Look!" Pippin exclaimed. He shoved the cup (which he had uncovered) under Gandalf's nose. The old wizard coughed and sputtered, clutching his throat. Like lightning, Legolas reached out and snatched it from outof Pippin's hand.
"What were you trying to do?" Gandalf demanded. "Kill me?"
"No, I just wanted to show it to you," Pippin murmured. He looked torn between excitement and humiliation.
"What is it, Mithrandir?" asked the Elven prince. The cup was clasped between his graceful hands as if it were something delicate: a butterfly or snowflake.
"It has strange markings on it," Aragorn said, taking it from Legolas. He sniffed it. "It smells...strange."
"Everything's strange to you, Ranger," Gimli muttered, running a fingertip up and down the edge of his axe.
Gandalf took the cup next, studying the foreign symbols. "It says 'Starbucks'."
"What's 'Starbucks'?" asked Boromir.
"I don't know!" Gandalf cried.
Boromir chuckled, a smug smile on his face. "I thought you knew everything!"
Gandalf looked furious. "Why you impertinent little Orc!"
Boromir was equally outraged. "Orc! I'll show you Orc!"
As the shouting match continued, Aragorn, who had taken the coffee cup back from Gandalf, looked at Gimli, Legolas, and the hobbits.
"Well," he began, swirling the dark liquid around by rotating the cup. "Shall we try it?"
"Oh, let me try it first!" Sam called.
"No, me!" Merry cried.
Pippin shoved him. "I found it!"
Frodo looked at them, stricken. "You want to try it? But – but – what if it's poisonous?" He gasped. "What if it's a new weapon from Sauron that was left on purpose by the Ringwraiths, and I was supposed to find it and drink it, and then get poisoned and die, and – "
Aragorn interrupted. " – and we won't know unless – "
"– unless one of us drinks it," Legolas finished. He quickly seized it back from Aragorn, flipped his long golden hair, gave them a suave grin, and took a long gulp of the coffee.
For a moment, nothing happened.
Then, his eyes went wide.
He shivered.
And he giggled.
Insanely.
A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Legolas and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to hate him. I know I'm gonna get bashed by you Legolas-lovers, but it's nothing against him personally. I'm anti-perfection. And Legolas is just too perfect. Let's all do some Legolas-bashing!