Caffeine

A/N: Thanks to Miss Piratess, whom I can't thank enough, as she has commented on every chapter of every single story I have on this site (You're wonderful, M.P.!), and to elvishnerd and The Cap'n! I appreciate your comments. And now, more LEGOLAS-BASHING!!!!

Chapter Two: Utter Insanity

Legolas continued laughing that way for some time. Gandalf and Boromir actually stopped arguing to gawk in astonishment at the Elf.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Boromir.

The four hobbits automatically pointed at Aragorn. "He gave him the Starbucks!"

Aragorn was indignant. "I did not!" he shouted. "Mr. Pretty Boy took it himself!"

Meanwhile, Legolas had sprung to his feet and began prancing around the circle that they had made around their fire. He hadn't stopped giggling.

"That is so wrong," Gimli said.

The others nodded in agreement.

"This is all your fault, you fool of a Took!" Gandalf yelled, pointing at Pippin.

"Why is it my fault?" demanded Pippin. "I didn't make him drink it!"

Suddenly, Legolas stopped behind Gandalf and pulled his pointed wizard hat off. Giggling some more, he jammed the hat on his own head and seized Gandalf's wiry, silver mane. In a few moments, it had been woven into a single shining plait. Then, Legolas pulled Gandalf's hat down over his eyes and disappeared up a tree.

"What are we going to do?" asked Aragorn, staring up at the crazed Elf.

"This is your doing as well, Ranger!" Gandalf cried, now pointing at Aragorn.

"What is your problem?" Aragorn cried. "We have names, you know!"

"I know," Gandalf said, crossing his arms. "I just don't use them." He stood and headed off into the trees.

"Where are you going, old man?" asked Gimli.

"To find some wildflowers to put in my hair and make me look pretty!" the wizard called back, running off.

"Great," muttered Boromir, his face in his palms. "Now what do we do? Elf-boy's up a tree, and Gandalf thinks he's a girl."

"I know!" Merry cried. He hurried away into the trees.

"Now he's gone, too?" Boromir said.

"Nope!" Merry replied brightly, coming back into the clearing. He was carrying a very large rock.

"What's that for?" asked Frodo.

"This!" Merry cried, raising the rock over his head. He aimed at Legolas, who still had the hat over his eyes, but the rock was too heavy, and he fell to the ground with a heavy thud. The rock landed on him, knocking him out.

The Fellowship stared at the unconscious hobbit, then Aragorn stood up.

"You're not leaving, are you, Strider?" asked Sam.

"No, but I am getting Legolas down from the tree." Aragorn headed over to the tree that Legolas had climbed. He seemed to be studying it from every angle.

"How?" asked Gimli, joining him.

"Like this!" Aragorn answered, taking Gimli's axe. He began hacking away at the tree trunk. When Boromir and the remaining conscious hobbits, who were not more than ten feet away from the tree, realized what he was doing, they quickly ran to the far end of the clearing. Pippin grabbed Merry by the feet and dragged him along.

"No!" Gimli cried. "That's not for trees, it's for Orcs!" He knocked Aragorn over and tried to wrest the axe from his grip. Meanwhile, the tree, which hadn't been cut sufficiently to fall, remained upright, and Legolas simply leapt from it.

"Catch him!" Boromir shouted, hurrying after the Elven prince. The hobbits stared at one another for a moment, then drew their swords and followed Boromir. At the other end of the clearing, Legolas was watching Aragorn and Gimli fight, and he noticed the axe lying abandoned some feet away from the scuffle. Getting a sudden wicked idea, he grabbed the axe, and due to his caffeine rush, he began chopping away at the tree like mad. Soon, it began to creak and fall over. The Elf giggled (once again) and hurried away.

"Give – it – back!" demanded the Dwarf, punching Aragorn repeatedly in the chest.

"I don't have it!" cried Aragorn. Then, they both heard the tree. Slowly, they looked up, but before they could move, the tree fell on the hapless dwarf. Aragorn began to laugh almost as madly as Legolas and rolled away. At the same time, Boromir, Frodo, Sam, and Pippin were chasing after Legolas, who had abandoned Gandalf's hat.

Just then, Gandalf ran back into the clearing with an armful of wildflowers. Several had been strung through his long braid, as well. He stared at the nutty scene for a moment, then bellowed, "What's going on?"

And everyone froze.

A/N: I love it!! Gandalf with braided and be-flowered hair! Legolas is insane! Gimli crushed by a tree! I love these characters, which is why I torture them so! Oh, I'm EVIL!!!!