So yeah, this is the last chapter. I've started another fic, a lighter one, that I'll try to get up sometime soon, but please review one last time and tell me what you thought of the end of this. And I'll say it one last time, you people rock! Seriously, you're all awesome! Or how you thought about the whole thing in general. It would make my day! Oh, I just saw Garden State last night, and it is amazing, and I recommend it highly to everyone. It's my pick for the week. Anyway, review please!
HateToSayIToldYouSo: Yeah, I'm a big fan of the phrase "You suck at life." Use it all the time. And thank you, thank you, thank you for your awesome reviews! I hope that this lives up to your expectations.
Disclaimer: We'll go over this one last time people: the characters are not mine.
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Sandy bolted awake and when he heard the screaming. The door to their bedroom flew open and both Ryan and Seth stood there rubbing the sleep out of their eyes.
"What's the matter?" Seth asked sleepily. "Is Mom okay?"
"She's having a nightmare," Sandy said leaning over his wife and shaking her gently awake. She was sweating, and she woke up with a start and clutched at her chest.
"Oh my God," she breathed as she tried to regain her senses.
"Honey, it's okay," Sandy said as he ran a hand over her back. "It's okay, you were just having a nightmare."
This was not an uncommon occurrence anymore. Kirsten averaged at about two nightmares a week. Screaming, sweating, awful nightmares that woke the entire family up.
"I'm sorry," she said looking at her sons in the doorway. "Go back to bed guys, I'm so sorry." Sandy's hand was still on her back and she closed her eyes and sighed and then reopened them. Seth and Ryan looked at her warily and then turned and went back to bed.
Sandy had known that it would be hard for them all to readjust, but he had thought it would be Ryan having the nightmares, and not Kirsten, and he had been sure that they would have stopped after a few weeks.
It had now been three months, and there seemed to be no chance that they were going to cease happening.
"I've been thinking," Kirsten said quietly. "That maybe I should go back to Dr. Stein." Dr. Stein. God, Sandy hadn't thought about Dr. Stein in years. That was the therapist that Kirsten had begun to see when her mother died and she had an emotional breakdown. Seth had been only five and Sandy had come home to find him on the counter getting out the peanut butter and jelly. Kirsten had been no where in sight.
"What are you doing buddy? Where's Mommy?" Sandy asked picking up his son off the counter.
"I'm trying to make dinner," Seth explained earnestly. "Mommy's in the bathroom. She's crying, Daddy." Sandy placed Seth in the living room and turned on cartoons.
"Stay here, Seth, while I go talk to Mommy, okay? I'll make dinner," Sandy hurried upstairs to their bedroom and found Kirsten shaking and crying on the bathroom floor. Sandy had dropped to his knees and pulled her into his arms.
"Kirsten, honey? Are you okay?"
"She left, why'd she leave? I need her still. I need her," Kirsten didn't even register that Sandy was there. "I need her." Another burst of hysteric tears.
"Kirsten," Sandy had said shaking her slightly. When this did nothing, he shook her a little harder.
"Sandy," Kirsten seemed to snap out of it. "Oh God, where's Seth?" She jumped out of Sandy's arms and began bounding the stairs as Sandy hurriedly followed. She ran into the living room and picked her son up and stroked his hair.
"Mommy, what are you doing? Spiderman is on!" Seth argued. Kirsten placed kisses all over his head and then finally placed him back on the couch. Sandy led her into the kitchen.
"I'm an awful mother," Kirsten said. "I just broke down and left him all by himself." Sandy assured her that she wasn't an awful mother. "I just...I don't know how to do this. Any of this. I don't know how to live without her." It was then decided that Kirsten should go talk to someone, and Dr. Stein was recommended when Sandy asked around. And he helped, Kirsten pulled herself back together and went to work for her father and stopped going to see Dr. Stein.
But now, these nightmares that she was having weren't disappearing and Sandy had to agree that it might be a good idea for her to go see Dr. Stein.
Fortunately for all of them, Ryan still didn't know of Caleb's involvement in his father's death, even if he had commented on Kirsten's cold shoulder towards her father as of late.
"I'll call tomorrow and make you an appointment," Sandy promised. "Why don't you try to get some sleep?" Kirsten nodded biting her lip. Sandy placed his arms around her and tried to get some sleep himself, knowing that until his wife could sleep through an entire night, he wouldn't be getting much sleep either.
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"Did you make it?" Kirsten asked softly as they were eating breakfast the next morning.
"Yes, for 11:30," Sandy said. "Do you want me to go with you?" Kirsten shook her head.
"No, you don't have to, I can go by myself," Kirsten assured him.
"Are you sure?" Sandy's forehead wrinkled as he frowned, a sure sign that he didn't believe her.
"Yes, I'm fine by myself," Kirsten said one more time in a tone that Sandy knew meant that she wasn't going to talk about it anymore.
"Where are you going?" Seth asked curiously looking up from his bowl of cereal. Trust Seth to pry into any conversation that he wasn't a part of.
"No where," Kirsten answered. Seth raised one eyebrow and looked from his father to his mother.
"Then why are you arguing about whether or not Dad's going to go with you to this no where?" He asked. Now Ryan was paying attention to them too, and Kirsten sighed.
"No where, as in it's none of your business," she told her son.
"But..."
"It's none of your business Seth," Sandy said placing his plate in the sink. "If your mother wanted to tell you then she would." Seth frowned and opened his mouth to say something back, but a glare from his father, and a kick in the shins from Ryan stopped him.
"Fine," Seth muttered as he got up and placed his bowl in the sink. "I didn't really want to know anyway. I was just trying to be polite and make conversation. But if you don't want to make conversation with me, well that's just fine. See if I care." Ryan got up and grabbed his book bag.
"I can drive you guys to school," Sandy offered as he gave his wife a kiss goodbye. "If you change your mind....."
"I won't."
"But if you do..."
"I'll call you." Kirsten leaned in and gave him another kiss. "I love you."
"I love you more," Sandy told her with a smile and then called out to Seth to get into the car and Kirsten was left alone. She had a small smile on her face knowing that Seth would drive Sandy crazy the entire ride to school. She had taken the day off to go to the appointment, knowing that it would be emotionally exhausting and the last person she wanted to deal with before or after was her father.
About an hour before she was supposed to leave, she panicked. Why hadn't she agreed to let Sandy come with her? She was being stubborn, and now she had to go alone. She didn't want to go alone. She wanted someone there. She wanted Sandy there. She picked up the phone and began to dial his number and then hurriedly placed the phone back in the receiver. She could do this.
No, no she couldn't. She picked up the phone again and waited as it rang.
"Sandy Cohen's office?" His secretary Joan answered.
"Hi, this is his wife," Kirsten said. "May I speak to Sandy?"
"Sure, hold on," Joan said placing Kirsten on hold as she buzzed her boss.
"Mr. Cohen? Your wife is on the phone."
"Put her through," Sandy said. He glanced at the clock, she was supposed to be leaving soon, wasn't she? "Kirsten? Honey? What's the matter?"
"I can't do this."
"Oh honey."
"No, I can't do this Sandy. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want it to go away. If I pretend, then it will go away."
"No, honey, it won't. Do you want me to come home and take you?"
"You're at work," she pointed out. "No, it's fine. I can do this myself." She didn't let him argue, she just hung up. Sandy knew her better than that. He grabbed his keys, told his secretary that he would be back in a few hours, and hurried home.
He found Kirsten standing in their foyer, her coat on, and her keys in her hand, willing herself to go.
"Sandy!" She said when the door flew open and he came in. "What are you doing here? I said that I could do this."
"Is that why you haven't moved in ten minutes?" He asked raising an eyebrow.
"How did you know that?"
"I know you," he told her.
"Right," she gave him a small smile. "I was about to leave."
"Right, but now that I'm here, why don't I go with you?" He came closer and took the keys out of her hands. "I'll drive." Kirsten nodded and let Sandy lead her out to the car and they drove in silence to the doctor's office.
"I could have done this alone," Kirsten said stubbornly as they walked to the door of the place.
"I know."
"I mean it Sandy."
"I know."
"I would have moved eventually."
"I know." He slipped his hand into hers, and leaned over and kissed her temple.
"But I'm glad you're here," the last part was said softly and he almost didn't think he had heard it.
"I know."
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The nightmares stopped after a month of Kirsten talking with Dr. Stein and working things out. Ryan was the first one to comment on that lack of being woken up at four in the morning. He and Kirsten were the only ones in the kitchen making themselves breakfast. Sandy was surfing, and Seth was still trying to get himself ready for school.
"You haven't had a nightmare in awhile," he said as he poured himself a bowl of cereal.
"No, I guess I haven't," Kirsten said smiling.
"Good," Ryan said nodding. "Not just because we can sleep through the night now, but for you too. It's good that you aren't having them anymore." Kirsten walked over to him and placed her arm around his shoulders.
"Thank you," she said giving his shoulders a squeeze. "You better hurry up, you're going to be late for school." Ryan nodded. He got up and started to walk towards the door, but paused and turned back around.
"My mother wrote to me," he said. Kirsten spun back around and tried to keep her composure.
"She did?"
"Yeah. She said that she was sorry, and to tell you sorry too. She also said..." Ryan wasn't sure if he should admit this part of the letter to Kirsten, but he did anyway. "She said that she doesn't think that Dad's death was coincidental."
"What do you mean?" Kirsten's voice was small and Ryan knew immediately that he had hit the nail on the head.
"She thinks that someone set him up," Ryan explained.
"He was killed in a police shoot-out," Kirsten's face had now gone white.
"I know, but she thinks that someone paid some people off to make it look like it was an accident. She thinks that they meant to kill him." Kirsten was quiet for a minute, trying to wrap her mind around this, trying to think of the appropriate response.
"And what do you think?" She asked.
"I think...." Ryan was also thinking his answers through, and Kirsten could see his brain trying to come up with exactly what he wanted to say. "I think that even if someone did have something to do with his death, there's no way to really find out. I don't think that I really want to know. I think maybe I'm better off not knowing." Kirsten discreetly let out the breath that she was holding.
"Trust me sweetie," she said. "Sometimes ignorance is bliss." Ryan crossed over to where she was and wrapped his arms around her in an impromptu hug. Kirsten was surprised, to say the least, but quickly recovered and hugged back.
"I'm glad that you aren't having the nightmares anymore," he whispered. "And I'm glad that I don't know what caused them. But mostly, I'm just glad that I'm home, and it's all over." Kirsten nodded and he let her go just as abruptly as he had hugged her and walked out of the kitchen. Kirsten stood there shell shocked for a few minutes. Tears were falling down her face, and this was how Sandy found her when he came in.
"Kirsten? Are you okay?"
"Yeah," she said smiling at him. "I'm okay." She would tell him about the conversation with Ryan that she had, but for now, she just let him wrap her in his arms and hold her tightly to him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," she told him kissing his cheek. "I'm sure." Seth came breezing into the kitchen.
"Dad. Hands off the Kirsten please. It's too early in the morning," he complained. Sandy laughed. Ryan came back in with his backpack on.
"Who's driving us today?" He asked. There was no trace of the boy who had just hugged Kirsten a few minutes before. He instead looked like a normal teenage boy who didn't want to have to take the bus to school. "Because Marissa can't, she left early to work on a project."
"Yeah, and Summer's not going to school today, something about a personal health day. And no way are we taking the Loser Cruiser," Seth added. Kirsten looked at Sandy and shrugged.
"I can take them?" She offered.
"Or I'll drop you off at work and they can take the Range Rover," Sandy said.
"The second one is much preferable," Seth told his parents.
"Fine," Kirsten said fishing through her purse for her keys. "Be careful though okay?"
"Careful is my middle name," Seth assured her. "Hand over the keys." She handed them instead to Ryan and Seth feigned insult. Sandy slipped his arm around his wife and the four of them headed out towards the cars. As Ryan climbed into the driver's seat and Seth climbed into the passenger seat mumbling about the inherent injustice of it all, he glanced over at Kirsten and gave her a large smile.
She was right. He didn't want to know what had really happened the day that his father died. It was better this way. Ignorance was bliss.
And family, being in a family, especially being in a crazy, wonderful family like the Cohens, that was bliss too.
Ryan decided as they pulled out and headed towards Harbor that things were definitely looking up. He was home, he was happy, and he had a great family.
Not bad for a kid from Chino.
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Ah, it's done. I hope that you guys liked it. I thought very long and hard about Ryan knowing or not knowing what had happened with his father and Caleb, and decided that if it was me, I would not want to know, even if I had some idea of it. I hope that you guys agree with me. If not....well, I could send you a cookie and make you reconsider your position on the whole thing? Review please and let me know how you liked it!