Disclaimers: Previously.
Coconut Island, Chapter Three.
Twelve months after capitalism has triumphed once again, and work is still being put into creating a zero-point module to power the gate to the Pegasus galaxy so that fighters and assistance may be sent through for their on-going war with the Wraith.
It's a slow process. Dr. Jackson has been quoted widely in the press as saying that without Lieutenant Colonel Carter, the scientists just aren't working as efficiently.
--
Wyoming in the fall is shades of brown and gold. She's trying desperately not to pay attention to that.
She really can't believe the evidence her eyes are seeing, and so she's working on the assumption that all senses are wrong.
Wyoming isn't brown and gold. It's blue and green and red. And pink.
The phone rings, distracting her.
"Sam?"
"Hey, Cass."
"Listen... I need to come down there and talk to you."
"Okay, hon." She puts aside her own mental problems and sighs. "I'm still at home. Been a bit under the weather the last few days."
"Is Jack there?"
"No." She isn't certain where he's gone, but thinks it might have to do with the newspapers.
Maybe he told more than Teal'c and Cassie about faking his own death.
"I'll be there in about an hour, Sam."
"Okay, hon." Time. That will give her time to recover and try to get her brain working again.
Neither say goodbye, and she drags herself to the bathroom and jumps in the shower and leans against the tiles, wondering why she feels like her world is falling down again.
She's still got her hair up in a towel, but at least she's dressed, when Cassandra arrives. The young woman makes them tea, her movements agitated and distracted. Sam only really notices when boiling water gets spilled all over the counter.
"What's the matter?" Dragged from her own reverie, she steps closer, automatically finding the towel and laying it out to soak up the water.
"I..."
They clean up the steaming water in silence, each struggling and lost in her own thoughts.
Cassie finally breaks the tension, turns and says, "I think I might be pregnant."
"You, too?" The words are out before she can stop them or take off the hysterical and sarcastic edge.
"What?" Cassandra stares at her, eyes slowly widening. "Sam? Did you and Jack--and you were telling ME to use protection." The young woman eyes her, amusement warring with something else in her eyes.
"I thought I was too old for this sort of thing!" Why does she feel the need to defend this? Maybe she's just being an idiot. Or she's insane. Or frantic. None of the above? "Anyway. Why do you think you are?"
"Been sick, and the condom broke on us last week."
So much more than she wants to know, probably. "Have you taken a kit?"
"No. I was... hoping it wouldn't come to that."
"C'mon." There were three kits in the package she bought, she drags Cassie to the bathroom and hands her one. "It's simple. Come back down for tea when you're done."
So she makes the tea, because it's something domestic and efficient she can do. It requires very little brain activity however. And she finds herself thinking. Cassie has sex. It's disturbing to think of the child she once fed a hot dog sans bun as someone who has sex. She supposes this is how parents feel (although she SO doesn't want to think about her dad and Selmak having sex) when they learn a child is having sex. Dear god, she really did need to stop thinking about it. This was pathetic.
"Sam?"
Turning, she finds Cassie leaning against the doorway, looking small. Which is strange since she's a tall girl. "It'll be all right, honey."
"I'm not pregnant."
She looks lost, so Sam steps up to her, catches her in a hug. "Did you want to be?"
"No. I just..." Her voice thick with emotion, Cassandra begins to cry softly. "I feel stupid, but I was so worried and now I'm not. And you..."
"Yeah." The pink plus sign had been a dead giveaway that her life was never going to be normal.
"I'm sorry, Sam." Cassie sniffles, "Are you happy?"
Happy? She isn't sure what she is anymore. "I don't know."
"Does... Does Jack know?"
"No." She wants, suddenly, not to have to tell him. Not to have this thing hanging over her head that alters her perception of reality and time and space. "I just found out this morning."
"You're going to tell him, though, right?"
"Of course."
The young woman pulls away from her, and snorts softly. "If you haven't told him by tomorrow, I will."
She considers letting Cassie do that. But this is her life, and she'll be damned if she lets someone else live it for her. "No. I'll tell him."
It takes her three hours of working in the shop to work up the courage. He's been there since she finally made it in that morning, and didn't even mock her for being late. Cassie went back to school (she has a test in the afternoon), and she's alone with him in the main room.
"Carter, whatever it is, just tell me already."
Oooh. He's in a blunt mood. And suddenly, so is she. She's an adult, for crying out loud. And way older than she'd thought she'd be when saying this. "I'm pregnant."
He's gaping.
Ok. Maybe she shouldn't have been quite that blunt.
"Really, Jack." She holds his eyes while wiping her hands clean. "I was suspicious, so I checked this morning. And. I am pregnant."
"But, we..."
"Yeah." She grimaces. "I didn't think about it that first time, either." Protection hadn't been on her mind--and if it had, she would have thought she was too old for it to matter.
"Will you be okay?"
"I--will you?" This is new ground for them. They have carefully not talked about the future, and now it's being thrust into their laps.
"Yes." She doesn't care if she's lying (which she could be).
--
One year, three days and ten minutes after the free world believes in peace. Colonel Paul Davis announces his impending engagement to Sarah Gardner. Only those closest to the program understand how much strain this causes.
--
"You've been a father before." Not what she wants to say. Because it's almost an accusation, and she knows how he stopped being a father, and doesn't want to hurt him. They can't seem to not hurt each other. Although perhaps that's only the hormones coursing through her.
His head is resting on her shoulder, one hand tracing lazy designs on the skin of her stomach. "Yes."
"That came out wrong, I'm--"
"It's all right." The hand stills. "You need to see a doctor."
"There are pre-natal vitamins." She can't go to a doctor. Not with naquadah and a protein marker that show her as not-human. And she refuses to let anyone know she's less than human. Even if the NID might not be interested.
"You're going to a doctor." The firmness in his tone says he refuses to argue.
"I can't."
"Why not?" The hand is pressing down slightly, as if he's trying to keep himself in contact with reality.
Or maybe it's keeping her anchored in it. "They'll know I'm not who I say I am."
"Huh?"
"The protein marker Jolinar left."
A tension slides through his body, and she knows it's because he doesn't like being reminded of that.
"I'll make some phone calls, see if I can't--"
"No." Her hand touches his, moves and interlaces their fingers. "I'm going to call Barrett."
"Good."
--
One year, three months, and the world is still waiting for the newly up-graded ZPMs to be completed so that the Atlantis base can be reached.
A collective sigh of happiness takes hold during the wedding of Colonel Davis and Sarah Gardner. Dr. Jackson is notable only by his absence.
--
She knew this would happen, eventually. But she'd hoped it would be later. Or never.
Daniel Jackson looks almost gaunt as she spots him across the quad. Cassie had asked her to come by for a visit. Something about needing moral support before a mid-term. Or maybe because Cassie was a meddler and she wanted the people she loved to be whole. She wonders if the gauntness is simply the rigors of command or if he's slowly wasting away with the desertion by his friends.
There's no way to avoid meeting him, so she simply waits until he's close enough to see her. "Hey."
There's a strange look in his eyes. "Sam."
"Daniel." Now she's wondering if this is Jack rubbing off (not that she minds the rubbing), or if she has to affirm that it's him before they can move a step further.
"So."
"Yeah." She considers apologizing, but she's not really sorry for leaving. "How've you been?"
"Isn't that my line?"
Ah. There is the snippiness she was expecting. "Maybe." She tries for a middle ground, something they can talk about. "How's Sarah?"
"Married."
Shit. She'd forgotten. "I'm..."
"Don't say you're sorry, Sam."
"I'm not."
He flinches slightly, as if there is suddenly too much sun and wind and rain on his skin. "Why'd you leave, Sam?"
"I was over and done with. We'd saved the world, the universe, Daniel. And I was so tired."
He looks away, rubs his thumb restlessly over the other fingers in his fist. "You left. You didn't even have the decency to say goodbye."
"No. I didn't. Neither did Janet." It's a harsh thing to say, especially considering the way the doctor had died. She wouldn't be coming back. Sam had. But she refuses to take it back.
"And that just makes it all better?" There is bitterness in his tone.
"No. Yes. I don't..." He is making it hard, but she is making it harder. And perhaps she deserved this after everything she'd done.
"I'm sorry," the sarcasm in his tone bites deeply, "Am I making this hard for you?"
"Yes."
"You died. How am I supposed to make this easier, Sam?"
"I don't know." her voice is soft with sudden exhaustion.
"I just... I don't understand it, Sam. You just left. Everything--us, the mountain... Pete."
She knows what he's going to say next, lets him say it.
"You broke his heart, Sam."
"I broke a lot of hearts, Daniel." She isn't going to elaborate.
"So. Cassie called you?"
"Yeah. We should find her."
Later, when Cassie is done being smug about her double-crossing, she takes the young woman aside. "You're evil."
"So? Did you tell him about Jack?"
"I think he already knows."
"Ah. And--" Cassie gestures.
The pregnancy doesn't exactly show yet, although she's definitely had cravings. And she's been lucky in only getting intermittent morning sickness. It makes running the scooter shop easier. "No. I... I suppose I should ask Jack first."
"Ask Jack first what?"
"Nothing." She looks at Cassie, then sighs. "I should be going. I need... I need to go home."
--
Coconut Island, Chapter Three.
Twelve months after capitalism has triumphed once again, and work is still being put into creating a zero-point module to power the gate to the Pegasus galaxy so that fighters and assistance may be sent through for their on-going war with the Wraith.
It's a slow process. Dr. Jackson has been quoted widely in the press as saying that without Lieutenant Colonel Carter, the scientists just aren't working as efficiently.
--
Wyoming in the fall is shades of brown and gold. She's trying desperately not to pay attention to that.
She really can't believe the evidence her eyes are seeing, and so she's working on the assumption that all senses are wrong.
Wyoming isn't brown and gold. It's blue and green and red. And pink.
The phone rings, distracting her.
"Sam?"
"Hey, Cass."
"Listen... I need to come down there and talk to you."
"Okay, hon." She puts aside her own mental problems and sighs. "I'm still at home. Been a bit under the weather the last few days."
"Is Jack there?"
"No." She isn't certain where he's gone, but thinks it might have to do with the newspapers.
Maybe he told more than Teal'c and Cassie about faking his own death.
"I'll be there in about an hour, Sam."
"Okay, hon." Time. That will give her time to recover and try to get her brain working again.
Neither say goodbye, and she drags herself to the bathroom and jumps in the shower and leans against the tiles, wondering why she feels like her world is falling down again.
She's still got her hair up in a towel, but at least she's dressed, when Cassandra arrives. The young woman makes them tea, her movements agitated and distracted. Sam only really notices when boiling water gets spilled all over the counter.
"What's the matter?" Dragged from her own reverie, she steps closer, automatically finding the towel and laying it out to soak up the water.
"I..."
They clean up the steaming water in silence, each struggling and lost in her own thoughts.
Cassie finally breaks the tension, turns and says, "I think I might be pregnant."
"You, too?" The words are out before she can stop them or take off the hysterical and sarcastic edge.
"What?" Cassandra stares at her, eyes slowly widening. "Sam? Did you and Jack--and you were telling ME to use protection." The young woman eyes her, amusement warring with something else in her eyes.
"I thought I was too old for this sort of thing!" Why does she feel the need to defend this? Maybe she's just being an idiot. Or she's insane. Or frantic. None of the above? "Anyway. Why do you think you are?"
"Been sick, and the condom broke on us last week."
So much more than she wants to know, probably. "Have you taken a kit?"
"No. I was... hoping it wouldn't come to that."
"C'mon." There were three kits in the package she bought, she drags Cassie to the bathroom and hands her one. "It's simple. Come back down for tea when you're done."
So she makes the tea, because it's something domestic and efficient she can do. It requires very little brain activity however. And she finds herself thinking. Cassie has sex. It's disturbing to think of the child she once fed a hot dog sans bun as someone who has sex. She supposes this is how parents feel (although she SO doesn't want to think about her dad and Selmak having sex) when they learn a child is having sex. Dear god, she really did need to stop thinking about it. This was pathetic.
"Sam?"
Turning, she finds Cassie leaning against the doorway, looking small. Which is strange since she's a tall girl. "It'll be all right, honey."
"I'm not pregnant."
She looks lost, so Sam steps up to her, catches her in a hug. "Did you want to be?"
"No. I just..." Her voice thick with emotion, Cassandra begins to cry softly. "I feel stupid, but I was so worried and now I'm not. And you..."
"Yeah." The pink plus sign had been a dead giveaway that her life was never going to be normal.
"I'm sorry, Sam." Cassie sniffles, "Are you happy?"
Happy? She isn't sure what she is anymore. "I don't know."
"Does... Does Jack know?"
"No." She wants, suddenly, not to have to tell him. Not to have this thing hanging over her head that alters her perception of reality and time and space. "I just found out this morning."
"You're going to tell him, though, right?"
"Of course."
The young woman pulls away from her, and snorts softly. "If you haven't told him by tomorrow, I will."
She considers letting Cassie do that. But this is her life, and she'll be damned if she lets someone else live it for her. "No. I'll tell him."
It takes her three hours of working in the shop to work up the courage. He's been there since she finally made it in that morning, and didn't even mock her for being late. Cassie went back to school (she has a test in the afternoon), and she's alone with him in the main room.
"Carter, whatever it is, just tell me already."
Oooh. He's in a blunt mood. And suddenly, so is she. She's an adult, for crying out loud. And way older than she'd thought she'd be when saying this. "I'm pregnant."
He's gaping.
Ok. Maybe she shouldn't have been quite that blunt.
"Really, Jack." She holds his eyes while wiping her hands clean. "I was suspicious, so I checked this morning. And. I am pregnant."
"But, we..."
"Yeah." She grimaces. "I didn't think about it that first time, either." Protection hadn't been on her mind--and if it had, she would have thought she was too old for it to matter.
"Will you be okay?"
"I--will you?" This is new ground for them. They have carefully not talked about the future, and now it's being thrust into their laps.
"Yes." She doesn't care if she's lying (which she could be).
--
One year, three days and ten minutes after the free world believes in peace. Colonel Paul Davis announces his impending engagement to Sarah Gardner. Only those closest to the program understand how much strain this causes.
--
"You've been a father before." Not what she wants to say. Because it's almost an accusation, and she knows how he stopped being a father, and doesn't want to hurt him. They can't seem to not hurt each other. Although perhaps that's only the hormones coursing through her.
His head is resting on her shoulder, one hand tracing lazy designs on the skin of her stomach. "Yes."
"That came out wrong, I'm--"
"It's all right." The hand stills. "You need to see a doctor."
"There are pre-natal vitamins." She can't go to a doctor. Not with naquadah and a protein marker that show her as not-human. And she refuses to let anyone know she's less than human. Even if the NID might not be interested.
"You're going to a doctor." The firmness in his tone says he refuses to argue.
"I can't."
"Why not?" The hand is pressing down slightly, as if he's trying to keep himself in contact with reality.
Or maybe it's keeping her anchored in it. "They'll know I'm not who I say I am."
"Huh?"
"The protein marker Jolinar left."
A tension slides through his body, and she knows it's because he doesn't like being reminded of that.
"I'll make some phone calls, see if I can't--"
"No." Her hand touches his, moves and interlaces their fingers. "I'm going to call Barrett."
"Good."
--
One year, three months, and the world is still waiting for the newly up-graded ZPMs to be completed so that the Atlantis base can be reached.
A collective sigh of happiness takes hold during the wedding of Colonel Davis and Sarah Gardner. Dr. Jackson is notable only by his absence.
--
She knew this would happen, eventually. But she'd hoped it would be later. Or never.
Daniel Jackson looks almost gaunt as she spots him across the quad. Cassie had asked her to come by for a visit. Something about needing moral support before a mid-term. Or maybe because Cassie was a meddler and she wanted the people she loved to be whole. She wonders if the gauntness is simply the rigors of command or if he's slowly wasting away with the desertion by his friends.
There's no way to avoid meeting him, so she simply waits until he's close enough to see her. "Hey."
There's a strange look in his eyes. "Sam."
"Daniel." Now she's wondering if this is Jack rubbing off (not that she minds the rubbing), or if she has to affirm that it's him before they can move a step further.
"So."
"Yeah." She considers apologizing, but she's not really sorry for leaving. "How've you been?"
"Isn't that my line?"
Ah. There is the snippiness she was expecting. "Maybe." She tries for a middle ground, something they can talk about. "How's Sarah?"
"Married."
Shit. She'd forgotten. "I'm..."
"Don't say you're sorry, Sam."
"I'm not."
He flinches slightly, as if there is suddenly too much sun and wind and rain on his skin. "Why'd you leave, Sam?"
"I was over and done with. We'd saved the world, the universe, Daniel. And I was so tired."
He looks away, rubs his thumb restlessly over the other fingers in his fist. "You left. You didn't even have the decency to say goodbye."
"No. I didn't. Neither did Janet." It's a harsh thing to say, especially considering the way the doctor had died. She wouldn't be coming back. Sam had. But she refuses to take it back.
"And that just makes it all better?" There is bitterness in his tone.
"No. Yes. I don't..." He is making it hard, but she is making it harder. And perhaps she deserved this after everything she'd done.
"I'm sorry," the sarcasm in his tone bites deeply, "Am I making this hard for you?"
"Yes."
"You died. How am I supposed to make this easier, Sam?"
"I don't know." her voice is soft with sudden exhaustion.
"I just... I don't understand it, Sam. You just left. Everything--us, the mountain... Pete."
She knows what he's going to say next, lets him say it.
"You broke his heart, Sam."
"I broke a lot of hearts, Daniel." She isn't going to elaborate.
"So. Cassie called you?"
"Yeah. We should find her."
Later, when Cassie is done being smug about her double-crossing, she takes the young woman aside. "You're evil."
"So? Did you tell him about Jack?"
"I think he already knows."
"Ah. And--" Cassie gestures.
The pregnancy doesn't exactly show yet, although she's definitely had cravings. And she's been lucky in only getting intermittent morning sickness. It makes running the scooter shop easier. "No. I... I suppose I should ask Jack first."
"Ask Jack first what?"
"Nothing." She looks at Cassie, then sighs. "I should be going. I need... I need to go home."
--