My grandmother bough my Mom and me some very interesting party dresses, resembling silk tutus. Of course, Mom being as talented as she is with a needle managed to turn that tulle like nightmare into a gorgeous dress for my sweet sixteen. That's right, I Rory Gilmore, will be turning sixteen today and my grandmother decided I needed a "proper" Sweet 16 party.
I could hear my Mom through the bathroom door getting sick again. I only remember her getting sick with my brother Jake, not the two babies she'd lost. I suppose this nausea is a good sign, although I know Mom does not embrace it.
"Mom, what you're done we've got to go. We're going to be late," I called.
"I know. But Grandma all read has us coming early, so it's okay," she answered.
"What about Luke?" I asked.
I heard mom flush the toilet and start brushing her teeth again. "He's coming over from the diner," she said. "He told me he'd shower upstairs so we'd have the bathroom free."
Ah, Luke Danes. I should after all these years call him Dad, but I still don't. I did for a while when I was really little, before my Mom explained the actual circumstances surrounding my conception and birth. Anyway, Luke has always been there. He was there for my first step, my first word, when my first tooth fell out, when I had my tonsils outs, when I started school, when I had my first cup of coffee...basically every significant moment in my sixteen years, Luke Danes has been present for, and for most of those moments, so was his nephew Jess.
Jess. I think about Jess an awful lot. More so now than in the last three years. I'd really embarrassed him the last time we were together, declaring my obsessive teenage crush on my handsome older step cousin in front of all of his friends. I did this the day before he left for California. I still don't know why. Perhaps, I thought if he knew how I felt about him that he'd have stayed. It didn't make sense, I know, but it didn't have to.
Jess responded to that situation like any sixteen-year-old boy who was put into that position. He retaliated with his back up. He rebuked me harshly, poking fun at the one thing that we both held most sacred and that hurt my tender feelings. Later of course, he'd apologized. He'd almost cried trying to win my forgiveness. I'd forgiven him even before he apologized. I just couldn't face him knowing how much I'd embarrassed myself.
By now, Mom is ready; my little brother is safely stored at Babette's...mom refused to expose him to grandma's events before he is of age. In her opinion that meant puberty.
All the way to Hartford, I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Grandma never planned "small parties" at least not by my standards. Also, she'd invited my entire class from Chilton. I couldn't stand any of them, and especially not Tristan DuGrey or Paris Gellar. If I saw either of them I'd...I couldn't wait for Mom and Luke to see them. Mom will flip because she knows I don't like my Chilton mates. Luke will flip because Mom did. Whenever she was pregnancy, he got really big on the "let's not upset Lorelai" bandwagon. If Grandma did...let's say Luke would address it.
We arrived at Hartford on time for the party but later by my grandmother's standards. She did know about Mom's condition though, so she didn't make it an issue.
Don't' get me wrong, I love my grandparents, I truly do. Sometimes though, I understand why mom would rather have a Novocain free root canal than participate in an event or function with them. My mom and grandma are simply different people, and sometimes people that different simply cannot assimilate, relative or not.
The party was soon underway and I was being paraded around as the pride of the Gilmore family. I was introduced to DAR members, members of my grandfather's insurance community, lawyers, doctors, even a city councilman and state senator. Soon my grandmother showed me to the room where my "school friends" had gathered. I couldn't stay in that room more than a minute before I could hear them whispering about me. Most of them didn't even know who I was.
The last straw was when Grandma told me I should address my guests. I didn't want to address these people, I didn't know them, and they weren't even my guests, they were hers. I lost it then, I yelled at Grandma saying this was her party and she should make the speech. Then I fled upstairs.
"Hey. Can I come in?" My mom asked.
"It's your room," I replied grumpily.
"How are you doing?" Mom asked me joining me on the bed.
"I'm sorry I snapped at Grandma," I said and meant it. This was such an awful night.
"Yeah, hugh? That was a pretty 'Freaky Friday' moment we had back there," she acknowledged.
"She just went ahead and invited all these kids from Chilton," I finally confessed. I hadn't said anything before because mom and grandma had been getting along and Luke had on the gag order decree.
"You're kidding," she sighed. "I thought she checked on that with you."
I confessed, "She didn't ask me or tell me."
Mom seemed sympathetic and apologized, "Oh, man, I'm so sorry."
"It just -- I don't know but it really made me mad," I told her. I really hated those Chilton kids they were so...like grandma, but without the polished social veneer.
"Oh, honey, why didn't you tell me?" Mom asked. I could tell she was feeling remorseful that she hadn't intercepted.
"Because you were happy. I mean, it's not very often that there's peace between the two of you. I didn't want to screw everything up," I told her. I didn't mention Luke and the baby that would only bring Mom down on him.
Mom smiled slightly and sighed, "Rory, I appreciate you wanting you wanting Mom and I to get along but you shouldn't keep stuff like that from me."
"I feel terrible. I mean, I've never yelled at her before." I did feel bad about yelling at my Grandma, but I also felt badly about not fitting in. I'd always had that problem; I was always the freak, just as Jess had said. I think part of the reason it hurt so much was because there was truth at the heart of his anger.
Mom tried to comfort me, but she only knew the half of it, "Listen, you'll apologize, all will be forgotten. You'll see," she reasoned. She got off the bed and looked around the room, "Man. It's like time has stood still in this room."
It was true; this room still looked like a teenage girl lived here. Not my mother though, someone else's teenage daughter. "It must be weird for you to be in this room now."
Mom gave a little snicker, "Yeah," she admitted. "It was weird for me to be in this room then." She moved to her old dollhouse and pointed to it, "You know, they gave this to me with the glass on."
I let out a long sigh. This was just another one of those times when I understood how mom felt growing up here. "I now officially know what it feels like to have grown up here," I told her.
"It's not official until you're huddled in the corner eating your hair," Mom said plainly. I could empathize.
The conversation turned then from out "Freaky Friday" moment to my mother's last birthday at the Gilmore house. It was when she was pregnant with me and it turned out that was the birthday that led her to runaway, which ended up with her in Stars Hollow, which eventually ended up with her marrying Luke.
Not long after that my grandmother came upstairs, made some comments about my manners and my mother and ordered the two of us to go downstairs. I left the bedroom, but couldn't force myself to go back down there. Not with Tristan and Paris and the rest of the Chilton crew. I shot mom a pleading look.
"Rory, go to the bathroom and freshen up your face," she told me and winked. I knew that meant, "Take as long as you need. I've got your back kid." Once again, I thanked God for our unspoken language.
I flopped back down on Mom's old bed and let the tears flow. I didn't understand it. Today was my 16th birthday; this was supposed to be a right of passage, a coming of age for me. I was supposed to feel like a woman today. Instead, I felt more like a child than I ever did before. I felt awkward like the freak I'd always known I was.
I'm not sure how long I cried in that bedroom, the room where my mother spent years doing the same. Eventually, I heard a knock at the door. It was probably Mom, but it could also be Luke. He should be here by now.
"Go away!" I called through the door.
They didn't go away. I heard the knob turn and the door open. It must be my Mom. Luke always respected my need for solitude. "Go away, Mom!" I said.
I could feel the "intruder" aka mom watching me for a few minutes before I heard the floorboards creak as the "intruder" came closer.
"It's not Mom," the "intruder" said. Now I had a name for my intruder. I'd know that voice anywhere.
"Jess?" I rolled over and looked at him. Surely, I was dreaming. Jess wouldn't be here. He probably forgot it was my birthday. He probably forgot all of the history we shared, remembering only my coldness toward him before he left.
My vision was blurred but not so much that I couldn't take in how beautiful he was. He'd always been strong and solid and he still was. He'd gotten taller, broader, resembling the category of man instead of boy. His eyes were still soft, holding in them an affection he'd once held for me. I was glad to see that emotion still lurking there.
Jess seemed a bit surprised himself. He's studying me, absorbing the transformation that has taken place for I have, at least in some respects, become a full-grown woman.
"Happy Birthday, Sweet Sixteen," he smiled. "Why the tears, Pretty Girl?"
Pretty Girl. That was our endearment. It had been since I was little. I didn't feel very pretty though. I didn't even feel like answering the query. But it was Jess. My Jess. My big brother, my best friends, my mortal enemy, and my first crush...all of these in one solid person. I could take to him, if no one else. I felt looking at him now I still could.
"Grandma," I began with a shrug of my shoulders. "Grandma invited all these kids from school," I shrugged again and he sat down beside me. "What are you doing here?" I finally asked him.
"Uncle Luke, invited me when I talked to him last week," he replied.
"And you came?" I still couldn't believe he had come.
"Of course I came. You think I'd miss your sweet sixteen?" he asked as if the concept that he would was ridiculous.
I felt compelled to remind him then that I hadn't seen or heard from him in three years. His response to that was shocking, "I called Luke," he told me. "I wasn't sure if you'd forgiven me," he confessed.
That confession opened my floodgates again. Jess' harsh words came flying back. He'd been right. I hadn't even blamed him for them because he'd been right then and he was still right now.
I flopped down on the bed. "You were right anyway," I sobbed. I am a freak."
Jess always could comfort me. His voice was soft, rich, very soothing and his hands were as strong as they were gentle, even as a child. I never felt safer than when Jess would thread his long, steady fingers through my hair. He did so now, in an ancient gesture that was almost as old as our special bond. "Hey, I was wrong," he admonished. "You're smart, you're not a freak. You even got into Chilton." He said it as if he were proud.
"None of them like me," I confessed.
Jess said something else out of which I only understood "their loss" and "pretty". I was simply lost in the feeling of his hands on my hair.
When I heard him call me pretty I knew he was only trying to comfort me and I said so. "Now I know you're just saying that," I sniffed. "I'm not pretty."
"Oh, you're very pretty. I can't believe my own eyes." He said it with such firm sincerity I almost believed he meant it.
I sat up and hugged him then buried my wet face in his neck. He continued to stroke my hair, letting me cry myself out. I marveled at this, at the way he always could comfort me, at the way we could always comfort each other. Even after all this time, I had a familiarity with Jess, an open trust. I don't remember when it started, but I do remember when I first felt this feeling of peace in Jess' arms. Funny, it was so long ago…
A/N: I know I promised chapter two we'd seen Jess defend Rory against Taylor's creepy grandson, but some comments, on and off of have made me decide to tell this story from both Jess and Rory's eyes. I have all ready written the Jess side of chapter three and that will be here soon. Thanks for reading, please continue to review.