A/N: This is the last chapter of the flashback sequence. Hence, there are only three chapters left of this story. The last two will deal with the present time and pick up at the party. Thank you for reading.

A/N 2: The details of this story will be ironed out and made clear in my next piece, which takes place beginning in 1984. Some of the questions that were posed as to why Rory doesn't call Luke dad and what made Luke and Lorelai separate will all be made clear in the companion piece Love Lives. This will be a lengthy, third person alternate universe piece ranging from 1984 until the present day.

When I Was Thirteen

I could tell from the moment Jess asked to meet him at the bridge he had something serious he wanted to discuss Jess is usually very carefree, a bit reckless even, the rebel without a cause, so the seriousness of his tone and demeanor was a huge clue as to his motive, if I'd only know where it would lead.

Jess was all ready there when I arrived staring forlornly into the water, kicking his leg. I could tell immediately something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" I asked sitting beside him. "You look serious."

He nodded. "I am, Rory. What I have to say is very serious, so hear me out before you get angry at me."

"Fair enough," I replied. "Are you doing?' I was trying to break the ice but by the look on his face and the silence Mom and Luke had been walking around in lately made me worry.

"No, I'm not dying," he replied with a small laugh.

"Are you moving?" I asked also a partial joke. I never expected his reply to be yes.

"For a year, yes," he answered. "I'm moving to California to live with my Dad for a year."

"California, wow," I replied. "For a year?" I felt like a parrot.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "Liz got a letter from Dad. He's apparently remembered the fact that he has a son and wants to get to know me." He sounded bitter.

"And you're going?" I asked. Obviously he was but I was in shock.

"I didn't want to at first, but Uncle Luke says every man should know where he comes from on both sides, so I'm going," Jess told me on a long sigh.

"Do you have to go?" I asked. I all ready knew the answer, but I still had to ask. I couldn't just let it go.

"Jess was quiet for a long time. He was thinking about his answer. Finally it came, "Yes Uncle Luke is right. I don't know my Dad or any of my Mariano relatives. I need to fill in those gaps."

I understood that for I often felt a desire to be better acquainted with my father and with my Hayden grandparents. Still I didn't want Jess to go to California to do that. "I need you here, though," I told him feeling the bubble in my throat break.

Jess reached out and stroked my hair, a gesture that had been ours since I was a very little girl and he beat up Alan Lowry at the town square. "I know, but Rory, I need you to understand that I need to do this for myself."

I sighed and buried my face in his shoulder, cherishing the closeness while it still existed. I felt Jess slip an arm around me, trying to comfort me and brush his lips against my hair. "I don't understand," I confessed. "I'll just miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too," he assured me. "But I'm not going to China, you know. I'm only going across the country."

I nodded and snuggled into the warmth of his shoulder letting my tears flow. Jess knew that when I was upset sometimes it was necessary to just let me cry and express my feelings. He held me close and gently ran his hand through my hair to comfort me.

As I got older and caught up with Jess in maturity, he and I grew closer. We were able to stand on more even ground. He was less a protector and more a confidant. I also, I must admit, was beginning to realize that I admire Jess and like Jess as more than a brother and friend. Now, I would never be able to tell him that.

I began to pull away when the flood stopped. He placed a small kiss on my brow, "You okay now?" he asked.

I nodded. "I don't want you to go, but I do understand."

Jess smiled. "Okay, Pretty Girl," he said standing up and offering me a hand. "Let's head back and make a list of everything we should do before I leave."

I got up and took Jess' hand in mine. I loved the way his hand felt wrapped around mine. It was strong and warm, everything that Jess represented to me. I wanted to tell him that to let him know, but I couldn't, not now. If I did it now he'd think it was reactionary, he always accused me of being reactionary. I promised myself though before he left that I'd let him know what was in my heart.

When we got home Mom and Luke were sitting on the sofa, my little brother sleeping on Luke's lap. Jess sent me up to his room and he lagged behind. I sat on his bed, and absorbed the essence of him. His room was orderly chaos, mostly blue with Clash and Metallica posters all over. God I was going to miss him. I was going to miss the boy who knew and shared my soul.

I saw his pen and some paper on his desk and started a list. Jess and I weren't going to have a lot of time together, but I planned to make the most of it.

Jess came upstairs and flopped down on the bed next to me. "So what's on the list?"

"Not much," I smiled mischievously and tried to hide the words I scrawled on the page.

After some rolling and tickling, Jess managed to get the list from me. "Read, swimming, fishing," he read. "Egg Taylor's car…Rory!" he laughed. "I always wanted to do that. You never would let me do that."

I met his eyes and smile, "Yeah, well…you got to be bad sometimes right?" I threw his own words back at him and received a special Jess smile.

"You got to be bad sometimes," he affirmed grinning. "And you know the biggest, baddest, meanest guy around? It's…the…tickle monster." He laughed and attacked me. Jess knew all the right places to hit to get me laughing and for a while we rolled around on the floor, him tickling and me squirming to get away. This was the nature of us, I hated to be tickled, but for Jess it was all right. That was just our special thing.

When the tickle war was finished, Jess and I lay on the floor still laughing and breathing hard. "I'm going to miss this," he whispered so softly I almost didn't hear him.

"Me too," I replied, and said nothing else. There was nothing else to say.

Jess and I did a lot together the next two weeks. We got everything on the list accomplished, even the egging. In the time we shared, I felt my feelings for Jess grow. They had been beyond the regular feeling of familial ties for a while, but the impending separation made my heart swell with emotion for his even more so.

Every day we spent together, we talked at the bridge. Each day I tried to find the words to vocalize my feelings, but every time it seemed like the wrong time. Before either of us knew it, two weeks had passed and it was Jess' last day with the family, and I still had not told him what I had vowed he would know.

On that final day, Jess had his friends Mark and Jack over the house to play basketball and have lunch. I watched them from the window of my room, studying Jess, how handsome he was, how well built, and so on. I knew it was a bad time to approach him about my feelings towards him, but if I waited until Mark and Jack left, Luke would be home. I'd been putting it off long enough, and there was never any time like the present.

I took a deep breath and headed downstairs. I was wearing my favorite outfit, khaki shorts and a black tank top. Something about it gave me confidence, and with that feeling to quell the butterflies in my stomach, I called out to Jess from the kitchen door, "Jess, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'm kind of busy, Rory. Can it wait?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "It'll only take a minute. Can you come here?"

"No, tell me out here," he insisted. "I don't have a lot of time."

I felt my nervousness begin to win out over the confidence at the idea of saying this in front of Mark and Jack, but I'd be damned if I'd back out now. I don't think I'll ever be sure as to why I still pressed on even with the audience, especially considering Mark and Jack were usually teasing Jess about out relationship. I knew him well enough to know that I'd be thwarted especially in front of his friends, but still I continued to have my say. "Um, Jess, I would really prefer to say this in private but if I don't say it now I never will so…" I paused and he used that time to snap at me

"Spit it out, Rory! I don't have all day."

"Sorry, this is just hard to say," I finally managed. "I don't want you to go to California. I want you to stay here in Stars Hollow with me. I love you Jess and not as your sister or your step cousin or your friend, but was a girl. I…I don't even know why I'm…I just want you know that. We could be great together; we have tons of things in common. I think we should date."

There was silence for a few minutes, except for Mark and Jack's snickering. I knew I was not Jess' "type" but he was leaving and all that mattered was what was in my heart. In my selfishness, I failed to consider Jess' feelings.

"Rory, God, I can't believe you picked now of all times to tell me something like that," he snappd

"Well, there isn't a whole lot of time left is there?" I retorted my anger at his leaving starting to show.

"Rory, we're like so not supposed to be together," he sighed. "You're like a bookworm, a geeky, gauky little book worm. There is not way, that I would ever be interest in that with you."

"Well I hate to remind you that you weren't exactly a heart throb at thirteen and you are even more of a bookworm than I am," I bit out. Of all the reactions I'd consider, anger was not one of them

"Yeah, well…Still, that doesn't give you cause to think I could be attracted to you. Please."

I felt tears well up, but I would not let them show. I had royally messed this up. This was not supposed to make Jess angry but it did. I made him angry and I embarrassed him in front of his friends. I wouldn't blame him for his anger.

"Jess, I'm sorry okay, I just…" I moved towards Jess out of impulse, trying to latch on, to apologize with my whole being. Communications was sometimes lost with us, but not physical signs of affection, I resorted to this not, but he backed away saying, "Look Rory, this is never going to happen. I'm never going to like you like that, so just get away from me."

"Jess, please…" I began, trying to amend for his embarrassment.

"Get away from me you little freak!" he finally said highlighting each syllable as if he as talking to someone not capable of understanding his meaning.

Once I could breathe again, I ran upstairs to my room. I flopped on my bed and opened Oliver Twist. I couldn't concentrate on reading it though; all I could think about was what a terrible wrong I had committed. I prayed that Jess would forgive me and that things could go back to normal. That was a pipe dream.

Once the guys left, Jess came up to apologize, but I was both too angry at his rejection and too embarrassed by my actions to hear him out. We called a truce for the sake of the family, but we did not mean any of the things we did or said in the next twelve hours. I knew the moment the words left my mouth that I had destroyed something precious. I wouldn't blame Jess if he never tried to talk to me again, or if he never came back. Things would never be normal now, not after this. Perhaps, part of me even hoped that Jess wouldn't come back, that way I'd never have to face up to what I did. It would be easier if we didn't' see each other, ever again. Or so I thought.