Disclaimer: Tolkien's masterpiece. I got these really cool Lord of the Rings notebooks and covers for when I go back to school! They look really nice! I'm so excited!
Author's Notes:
This is still the fifth day…
This is probably the angstiest of all chapters that I have EVER written! I'm back but school is tomorrow. Updating will probably be irregular, sometimes fast and sometimes slow. If you want to follow this story and you have an account, it would be easier (and faster) if you added me to your Author Alert listing (this isn't a ploy to get me there, I am just being honest because I have no idea how this story going to work). If you do not have an account, I can TRY to e-mail you every time I update if you choose to tell me your e-mail. I can't promise that I won't forget but I will definitely give it my best shot. You can also just pop in to check on it, I don't mind. I will finish this story though, I am determined to. Thank you for understanding, you are the best!
Eleanor Rigby: I think Arwen is still in Lorien. She will not be part of this story. Herendil is worried about Legolas don't worry but he is spending some healing time with Meleris (someone his age). Meleris is kinda distracting Herendil from his worries so he can get better at least for now…
Elvenbabe: Yes. Celebrian is dead in this story. She got killed by orcs.
Sirnonenath: *Sends a hug plus a cyber cookie* I'm speechless. Thanks.
Kerla: Thank you.
Feanen: First to review again. You are very encouraging. Thank you so much!
Nathalia Potter, NienorMaiden-of-Tears and anyone that I have missed: Thanks for adding me to your favourites! It means a lot to me!
The story goes on…Legolas' thoughts are in italics.
**In Imladris, Legolas' Room**
After dinner, everyone had talked for a long time until it was late. Legolas only smiled but he did not make much attempt to join in the conversation. Elrond noticed that Legolas was quiet but he did not want to force him into the conversation, so he said nothing on this matter. Legolas was able to learn more about Elrond's relationship with his sons. While on the surface, he is a strict father but he really does love them. They know it too. Legolas felt a twinge of jealousy and regret. He takes such an interest in their activities. Elrond even went swimming with them! And me!
Legolas closed his eyes as he sat on his bed. He was holding me, reassuring me and…loving me? But why would he love me? I am not his son but he treats me like I'm family. My own family…my father doesn't treat me like his son. He made me his servant. Legolas felt his head swirl in confusion. He lay down on his bed, exhausted but sleep did not come willingly to him. Father. Father? Elrond? Was Elrond like his father? Legolas was puzzled by his thoughts. He stood up and fingered the curtains that covered the arc leading to the balcony. He slid his hand across the smooth material. Legolas stepped outside into the cool of the dark night. Yet no matter how dark the night is the stars still shine. They always do. Hope? Herendil! Legolas thought. I miss you. I hope you will come back soon. You have my hopes, don't fail me. You said that you would come back for me. For me. But who am I now?
**In Mirkwood, Healing Rooms**
Meleris and Herendil had just finished their dinner. There was a silence between them.
This is the time. You have to tell him, Meleris urged himself.
"What is the matter? You have been really quiet all evening and even in the afternoon. What are you worried about? Was it something from this morning? Tell me friend," Herendil said perceptively.
"It's nothing."
At Herendil's look Meleris corrected himself, "You are right. It is not nothing." Then he stumbled over his words, "Well you see. This morning…I…some matter…you and…the king." Meleris looked around to see if the healer was still here but she was gone.
"Tell me what happened this morning. I need to know. This has something to do with me doesn't it?"
"It has something to do with you, yes. In fact it has something to do with yesterday. I didn't tell you this morning but…the week's leave that I have been granted wasn't just so I could spend time with you. I mean I wanted to, don't get this wrong but the King granted this week's leave so that I could write your statement for you."
"What statement?"
"A statement of your version of the event that happened yesterday. There is going to be a royal investigation on yesterday's incident. When you were in the corridor, I um…ordered Githil to be arrested and charged for the attempted murder of a King's servant. There is going to be an official inquiry and they will need your statement. We already have several eyewitnesses, including me, as well the knife he threw at you. However, the king told me to keep this a secret because he doesn't want the information spreading."
"But I don't know if I want to press charges…" Herendil protested weakly. "How could I do that to him?"
Meleris looked at him as if he were insane. "How could you do that to that monster? You have every right to. DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT HE TRIED TO kill you?" he lowered his voice.
"He is family, Meleris," Herendil said coldly.
"Family?!"
Herendil sighed. "You don't understand. He was… is my foster father. I have no other family." He didn't feel like adding anything else.
"Oh Valar. I am so sorry my friend. Will you forgive me for my insolent…outburst?"
"Of course I forgive you. But what do I do now?"
"Well technically this is only an investigation. I suggest that we should prepare the statement soon. The king is expecting it. Don't worry about writing it. He planned it so that you would dictate it, while I write. He wants the full story of the events that happened between you and Githil," Meleris explained slowly.
Herendil did not reply.
Meleris looked at his friend when there was no response. "Are you alright? Are you upset with me? What is wrong?"
"No. No. I'm just tired. I have too many things on my mind."
"Do you want to sleep? I can leave if you want."
"No, stay. Stay, please. I am weary not of the body but in the mind." Herendil closed his eyes. "I need a distraction. I do not wish to dwell on my worries tonight. I want to enjoy it, since I'm spending my time with you."
"Why don't I read you something from my book, The Chronicles of War: Great Battles?" Meleris offered.
"I didn't know that you liked reading, I do too. That is my favourite book."
"Same. The healer lent it to me. She told me that great wisdom is the beginning of great strength."
"She is right. If everyone read it, we wouldn't keep repeat the same mistakes in history."
"That's what she said to me," Meleris said with a chuckle.
"O wise one, will you read for me then if it is not a job too low for you? Reading for a wounded patient." Herendil teased.
"No. The honour is all mine." Meleris flashed a grin. "I'm not reading for a wounded patient. I'm reading for a friend."
"I was serious, you know," Herendil said.
"I was too." Meleris said. He looked at Herendil in the eye. Then he turned to his book and began to read, "It was the beginning of the Great Battle, a war which would end the First Age of Middle-Earth, in which the Host of Valinor broke Thangorodrim and overthrew Morgoth…
Meleris' silky voice had a soporific effect on Herendil's tired mind. It relaxed him. Meleris watched as his friend's eyes drooped, his shoulders dropping until he was slumped over in sleep. Meleris slid Herendil's body carefully so that he would not wake him. He covered the sub-supervisor's body tenderly. Before he knew it, he too fell into a sweet slumber in his chair, his head resting on Herendil's bedside.
**In Imladris, Elrond's Room**
Three rooms down from Legolas, Elrond was pacing in his room. He had closed the door so that Glorfindel wouldn't see him. Elrond was glad that Legolas trusted him, even though he was so quiet at dinner. Don't rush him, he reprimanded himself, give him some time. Elrond could remember holding Legolas in the water. He loved him as a son. Elrond could not stop thinking of Legolas, he felt compelled to see him. I want to see him but I don't want to scare him. He's probably sleeping. I need to calm myself before I do something rash. Elrond stood up silently - to go to the balcony.
Elrond leaned on the banister and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he saw the stars in front of him. The stars had always reminded him of Celebrian. A wave of sadness passed him. Elrond wanted to savour the night, he scanned all around him. He could see the trees, hear the birds and his sons snoring. Elrond smiled, it was so cute when he could hear his sons snore. They were already fast asleep. He looked at Legolas. Wait- he thought LEGOLAS?! The very person on his mind was standing in front of him. Legolas did not seem to be aware of his presence. He stood there, his bathrobe ruffling gently in the zephyr. His small form was barely visible in the darkness.
"Legolas?" Elrond approached him softly.
Legolas gasped, startled. "I am so sorry, Lord Elrond, I just…just…had trouble sleeping…" Legolas stammered in surprise.
"It is alright. You are a guest, you need not apologise for everything," Elrond said lightly.
Legolas looked around him, everything but not Elrond.
"Why troubles you Legolas? Will you not tell me so I can help you?" Elrond asked.
"I have so many things on my mind, so many worries," Legolas mumbled. Then he added in a barely audible tone, "I want to tell you but I can't."
Elrond had heard Legolas. "I can try to help you, Legolas," Elrond coaxed, "You can't go on like this. It is not healthy. You do not sleep very well, except with a healing draught. You keep everything inside. Even when you do sleep, you are plagued with nightmares. Nightmares about your worries. It is hard for them to stop if you don't tell me. I promise that I won't judge you, if that is what you are worried about."
Legolas shuddered involuntarily at the mention of his nightmares. "I don't know where to start."
"Then start from the beginning," Elrond smiled.
Legolas took a deep breath and said, "It began the night I had dinner with my father. we had an argument…and then he…he…" Legolas stumbled. "He hit me."
Elrond had to hide his shock. A father hitting his own son in an argument? His own son?
"Then he made me a slave. He didn't sell me or anything, but he just ordered me to be a slave. I was put in a cold room. I woke up and I was told by a guard to meet the supervisor. I didn't know my way so I got lost. I found another guard, Ruthiun. I didn't know then that he was Githil's brother and Herendil's foster brother. Githil was very scary. He gave me this white tunic like what the servants wore. He also made me wear this bracelet that identified me as a slave. I'm still wearing it. I think I was more of a servant but he always called me 'Slave Greenleaf.' Ruthiun took me to the supervisor's office and then he lied. He said that I stole something. I got very angry because I didn't do it but of course Githil took his brother's word and then he beat me for it," Legolas paused. He looked at Elrond to see if he was disgusted with him. Elrond only nodded encouragingly and put a sympathetic hand on Legolas' shoulder.
Legolas continued, "I woke up in the cold cell again. I was then told to meet the sub-supervisor, Herendil. He was really cold to me at first but somehow I knew he was different from Githil. I was given three days of hard labour and fasting as well because Githil was still angry. I complete the task that Herendil set for me even thought my whole body hurt. My wrist was hurt so when I had to clean Ruthiun's sword, I accidentally dropped it because it was so heavy. This would earn me another beating and punishment. I was sent to Imladris as Ruthiun's personal servant. Herendil tried to defend me and he was sent here to accompany Ruthiun as a punishment task for disrespecting Githil. He was only trying to help me. Herendil cleaned my wounds in secret. By now I knew that Herendil wasn't really mean. He had to do his job. He pretended to hate me but he helped me when he could. We would have to leave at dawn. When we reached the stable I saw that there were only two horses. I was tied up and Herendil would drag me here. He tried to go slowly but Ruthiun wouldn't let him. Herendil kept on making excuses but Ruthiun just made fun of his horse. Ruthiun was getting irritable because he thought that we were travelling too slowly. He was not able to hunt anything either, this hurt his pride. Ruthiun was the best hunter in Mirkwood. After two or three days, I was exhausted. I barely had any water or food, except what Herendil was able to sneak to me when Ruthiun wasn't looking."
Elrond could not believe the things that Legolas had to suffer. He wondered when it would end. He didn't know that the worst part would come.
"It finally became too much for me and I collapsed on the road. Herendil had already carried me earlier that morning, so he could not do it again in case he looked suspicious. Ruthiun was so angry. He kicked me several times then he picked me up and threw me against the tree before Herendil could even try and stop it. I remember Ruthiun cursing very loudly, so loudly that it alerted the orcs nearby. They had been stalking us from Mirkwood I think. The orcs came and there was a battle. Everything was really fuzzy and my head hurt a lot. The orcs got Ruthiun and asked him where the Prince of Mirkwood was. Ruthiun told them that there was no prince and so the orcs cut his head off. Herendil was hiding nearby, shooting arrows but he could not reach Ruthiun. When the orcs couldn't get their answer, they saw me. One of them held a knife to me. They said that they would kill me if Herendil didn't come out. Herendil was forced to come out. I had never felt so scared. It was a trap, the orcs wanted to kill me anyway. They threw a knife at my chest. Herendil ran forward and it got him in the stomach. The orcs laughed and then walked towards me. He fell dead when one of the Elves shot him. Then you rescued us and we ended up here," Legolas finished.
Elrond was amazed at the tale, Legolas had survived so much. His reaction had changed from disbelief, to horror, to pity, to compassion, to protectiveness, to anger but mostly it was love. But there was still one unanswered question that nagged on his mind.
"Legolas, who is your father?" Elrond asked quietly.
There was a long silence. Legolas had deliberately avoided mentioning his father's name, he was sure that Elrond would know him. He knew that Elrond would ask the question but he wanted to put it off. Legolas looked away before mumbling, "Thranduil."
There was a stunned silence. "Oh Valar," Elrond finally said. This was the biggest shock. King Thranduil was Legolas father…which would make him… "You are the Prince of Mirkwood…" Everything was starting to make sense.
"Not anymore," Legolas said bluntly, "He said that I was to be a slave."
"Why?"
"Because I was and am not fit to be a prince," Legolas answered simply.
"No!" Elrond said quickly, "He is wrong. He is wrong not to see who I see in front of me."
"Who do you see?" Legolas asked sadly.
"I see a very brave and special elfling who is every bit the prince that he deserves to be."
"He said I was a 'pathetic weakling' and so did Githil and Ruthiun."
"No, you are not. They are wrong."
"What if they are right? Is that why they don't love me?" Legolas asked in a very very small voice.
"They aren't right because you are who you are. You are a prince at heart. They can't choose that, you can. This is why you will always be a prince and you will be – to me, my family, Glorfindel and Herendil. All these people, you will always be who you are to us. We love you for being you, every bit a prince. Even if, even IF you were not a prince, we would love you anyway. I have loved you like a son since I met you. I still do…and I always will," Elrond said emotionally.
Legolas felt like crying – in pain, in sorrow and in relief. I won't cry. I don't want to cry. I don't want to be a weakling.
"There is no shame in crying," Elrond said while wiping his own tears. "You have gone through so much. Your mother…your father…everything…"
"But I can't…I won't cry. I won't cry. I don't want to be a weakling," Legolas said hysterically.
"Why Legolas?" Elrond felt compelled to ask.
"I want to be a warrior so that father will love me. I want to be brave."
"Oh Legolas," Elrond said caringly, "It's not weak to cry. It is to show emotion."
"But warriors aren't meant to have emotions…are they?" Legolas asked. The tears welled up in his eyes but he refused them.
"Legolas, look at me." Elrond looked at him in the eyes. "I was a warrior once. I am now a healer and an Elven Lord. Do you think that I am weak by crying?"
"No, of course not!" Legolas said, "I didn't mean to offend-"
Elrond shushed him and rubbed his back. "I love you Legolas, like you are my own son."
"I know. But I wish that I knew my father loved me. Like you do. I'm sorry but you can never take the place of my father, Thranduil. Herendil said that my father loved me in the way he thought best. My father once said that he would always love me. But why can't he tell me? Why can't he love me the way I want him to?" Legolas asked over and over.
"Be at rest Legolas, I have no intention of replacing your father or competing with him for your love. I know that your father does love you," Elrond said with certainty.
"How do you know?" Legolas questioned Elrond's confidence.
"Because if he didn't he would not have sent you away. He loved you so much that it hurt him to know that he hurt you," Elrond explained.
It seemed to make sense to Legolas. "You think that my father truly loves me?"
"I know that he does, my brave little prince," Elrond replied.
Then Legolas cried. Tears fell unchecked. He let the tears flow out as he buried himself in Elrond's shoulder. He released the dam of emotions. He cried for Herendil, sorrow, Ruthiun's death, his father…and his mother. The tears fell and it seemed that they would never stop.
Elrond just rubbed Legolas' back and whispered soothing words. He could see the pain of sorrow pour out from him. Elrond felt helpless.
"I want to go home but I don't know where home is anymore," Legolas sobbed. "I want everything to be the way it was. I wish my mother and father would be here. I just want my father to see my as his son – to see me as me and not just another servant or a slave. I want my father to love me."
Elrond said nothing and let Legolas release his feelings. He tightened his hold on Legolas as he cried. The Elven Lord whispered words of comfort as Legolas continued to weep. I love you, Elrond said over and over again.
"Why do you do this for me?" Legolas asked suddenly.
"Because I care for you like I care for my son. I love you," Elrond said, brushing the tears from his eyes.
"Why do you love me? Is it because my Ada is the King? Is it because I'm a prince?"
"No. I love you because you are you and that is enough for me. Nothing else matters."
Legolas held Elrond tight and they both looked at the stars. "You know, my mother always told me to look to the stars for comfort – for hope because she's waiting for me." Legolas paused to make himself coherent. "I wish…" but he couldn't finish.
"What do you wish? If I could give it to you I would in a single heartbeat," Elrond pleaded.
"You cannot grant my wish. It is thing that would make me more happy than anything. I wish…that my Naneth [mother] was here," Legolas said softly in between his tears. "I only want to see her and for her…to hold me in her arms."
Elrond felt his heart break, he did not know how to comfort Legolas. He let the elfling sob into his shoulder. Legolas was only an elfling and all he wanted was his mother. But Elrond could never grant Legolas' true wish, he had not the power to raise the dead. Elrond could only offer all he had and hope that it would be sufficient. " I cannot give you your mother back but I swear to Valar that I will be there for you," Elrond said, his voice choking up. "I'm here. My home, my house, my time, my heart – they are all open to you. I'm here for you. "
Legolas sniffed quietly.
"You are not the only one without a mother. Elladan and Elrohir lost theirs when they were very young. I know that it is very difficult and hard. I know your mother would've wanted you to be happy like any mother would. With my experience as a parent, I know that I cannot stand to see my sons upset. Not again, not after losing their mother. They mourned for years and I know that they still hurt sometimes. I don't want them to be unhappy and neither do I wish for you to be. I want you to be happy."
Legolas' tears still flowed as he listened without saying a word.
"It's alright to be sad about her. I know you miss your mother. I, too, miss my wife. But it's okay to be happy too. You know what they would have wanted and part of them always stays with you." Elrond realised that, in a way, he needed to heal too. The words rang true for him.
When all the tears had been subsided Elrond could see that Legolas was very worn out. Legolas was drained both physically and emotionally. "You are tired. I'll carry you to bed."
Legolas nodded sleepily. "Thank you," he whispered.
Elrond placed Legolas gently onto the large bed, pulling the covers over him. He wiped Legolas' tear-stained face with the sleeve of his robe. Elrond gently kissed Legolas goodnight and rose to leave, thinking that Legolas was already asleep.
Legolas' bony hand shot out and latched onto his robe. "Please stay with me," Legolas pleaded. "Please." His blue eyes were wide and innocent.
After all that he had gone through Elrond could not refuse this. Elrond held onto Legolas hand to comfort him. His sons had often sought his bed when they were troubled. He slid into the double bed, Legolas instantly snuggled up to him smiling slightly. I am happy. Elrond stoked his hair, reassuring the elfling of his presence and lulling him to sleep. Yes, I'll stay with you. I will always be here for you, my friend, my prince, my son, Elrond promised then he thought no more.
Please Review! Extra EXTRA long chapter…Yay! Nine pages…for those who waited for me! That was one heck of a long day…
Irish QT: Finally!!!! Your question is answered…I hope that it is to your satisfaction!