Disclaimer: Do you even have to ask? Of course, I own nothing.
AN: So deeply sorry about the lack of updates, but I'm now on my way to grad school, and as you well know, I don't write over the summer. Anyway, I am going to attempt to finish this fic soon, although I have no idea how many chapters I have left. Oh well. Plot bunnies happen, and so frequently to me. I hope you enjoy this!
Once you know you can never go back.
"Otherside"
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Cody left TK's apartment building blushing bright red, clutching the bran muffin that TK's mother, ignoring all his polite protests, had given him when he'd knocked on the door looking for the older boy to walk to school. The stop at TK's had been a bit out of his way, but he'd gotten up early in hopes of talking to him about Ichijouji Ken, after the earful he'd gotten from Yolei last night. TK's mother had told him that her son had already left, but wouldn't he like a muffin for the walk to school? So here he was, walking down the street, now ridiculously early for school, with an over-dry muffin he was too mortified to eat but too conscientious to throw away.
Pondering his tricky, albeit small dilemma as he proceeded through the park, he didn't notice the odd looks he got as he marched through the already humid morning, holding a muffin out in front of him as though it was a bomb. In fact, he didn't notice anything until he neared a shaded copse of trees where the Destined sometimes met before heading to the Digital World. He pulled up short as he heard raised voices emanating from beyond the verdant screen.
"I can't believe your making this out to be my fault!"
"Well, I'm not the one who opened my big mouth to Yolei, am I?"
"You never told me you were keeping that secret from them! There's no reason to withhold information like that!"
There was a moment of heavy silence, and then TK's voice spoke again, this time softer.
"Are you going to tell me why?"
"After you left me to be interrogated by Yolei last night? Why don't you ask her if you're both so close?"
There was another silence; this one heavy with hurt feelings, and then the realization broke over TK and Cody at the same time.
"Are you jealous that I confided in her?"
Kari's reply was quick, but there was no anger left in her tone. "How would you feel if I went and cried on Davis's shoulder?"
There was a long silence, and in the dappled shade beyond the trees, Cody's conscience began to ruffle at his eavesdropping. However, his reason, the only part of him that might be able to put down his sense of courtesy and decorum, rallied back, pointing out that TK and Kari were obviously hiding things, about the Digital World and their relationship. How could they have known that Ichijouji-san was the Digimon Emperor? Still, he felt he should make himself known before this got any more personal, and was about to speak and push through the shrubs when a hand caught him and covered his mouth. A whiff of lilac perfume told him it was Yolei, and being too chivalrous to physically push her off, he gave a long-suffering sigh behind her hand and resigned himself to a guilty conscience.
TK, unaware of the growing audience, looked at Kari stonily. "I was hardly crying on her shoulders. There's quite a significant difference."
Kari sniffed, her temper boiling back up. "You didn't answer my question."
Not to be put off, TK answered steadily, "You didn't answer mine. Why were you keeping Ken secret from the others? For that matter, what else don't they know?"
There were only two people in the world who could get Kari truly angered, Tai being one of them, and, although he rarely had occasion to do so, TK was the other. Perhaps it was because of her great affection for him that she could take the accusation in his tone so personally, but in any event, she took it very, very personally.
"Don't you take that holier-than-thou tone with me, Takaishi Takeru! Some of those secrets I'm keeping happen to be yours! Unless you're about to tell everyone what happened?"
There was a silence in which Cody and Yolei could practically hear TK fidgeting uncomfortably, before his voice sounded, hesitantly, "At this point, maybe we should…"
Kari was immediately overcome with remorse, knowing how hard it would be for TK to relate to what were, in essence, total strangers, everything that had happened to him. Especially remembering the promise she had made to his Crest, to help him heal, not badger him into true confessions in front of large crowds. "Oh! I didn't mean that! You know what I meant… you don't have to do this if you're not ready for it. We can blow this whole thing over…"
There was a noisy sigh. "We can't keep treading water like this, Kari. Eventually I'm going to have—to talk this out to someone… I mean, I haven't—haven't even told you. I can't talk to the psychiatrist… what would I say? I was kidnapped at the age of three by evil digimon who chained me in a cell, starved me and beat me in an attempt to break my spirit and destroy my Crest?"
"OH MY GOD!"
Yolei clapped her hands over her mouth in horror, her outburst ringing in the sudden silence. Cody, finally free of her hands, found himself completely immobilized by what he'd just heard. The two destined shared the same sickened, icy feeling of shock. They had been fighting for the Digital World for four years, and while the older destined had alluded vaguely to the idea that something terrible had happened to the Child of Hope, nothing like this had ever occurred to them. Truthfully, in the arrogance of all youth and the power of their partners, they had never really believed that one of them might be so seriously, grievously hurt. They had known, of course, that it was possible, but so are car accidents and you never think that could happen, either.
TK and Kari stepped around onto the path, looking with no small amount of shock at the pair standing in the shadows. Kari bit her lip and looked at TK, worry plain in her chestnut eyes. There was a long, awkward moment of silence, until a very pale Takeru looked at his watch and said, in a subdued voice, "We should get going, or else we'll be late."
Without another word, he turned up the path and walked off, obviously unwilling to face the fallout of what he'd just admitted. After a moment and an exasperated glance at Yolei and Cody, Kari hurried after him, disappearing up the path. Yolei lowered her hand from her face, looking down at Cody, who wasn't that much shorter than she was, these days. His leaf green eyes were soft and troubled.
"So… what happens now?" He asked, his normally soft voice even quieter than usual, barely audible over the noise of traffic and cheerful birdsong. Yolei shrugged helplessly, following Cody silently as he began to head towards school, neither thinking much about their studies.
"Welcome to my world," she said.
"Do you feel alive?" she said.
It's all a bad dream
Spinning in your lonely head.
"Welcome to my world," she said.
"Down Poison"
3 Doors Down
Davis found Kari exactly where he expected to, having known her for several years. His relationship with her didn't have that, well, to his mind weird almost co-dependence that TK's did, but he knew almost as well as anyone. Watching someone for years will do that for you. Just as he'd suspected, since she and TK hadn't seemed to be speaking much this morning, she was sitting alone under a tree, pretending to eat a sandwich while listlessly staring at her uniform skirt. Grinning to himself, he readied the present that he'd-ahem-acquired for her, knowing that all girls liked gifts. Jun certainly did, although Kari, he reflected, bore very little resemblance to Jun in her manner. Oh, well, he was sure she'd like it all the same; it was from HIM, after all.
"Hey, Kari!" He exclaimed, plopping onto the shaded grass next to her. "I got you a bran muffin!"
Kari's face snapped up, a patently false expression of cheerful welcome plastered across her features. She gave the muffin in his hand a somewhat suspicious look, although she thought she might have seen it before. Shaking her head, she turned her eyes back to Davis, taking the muffin with a tired, disinterested air.
"Well, thanks, Davis. You…you really shouldn't have…" she muttered, placing the proffered token in her bag. As she glanced up, she saw Davis' chocolate hued eyes studying her shrewdly, his expression displeased. She knew in a heartbeat his expression had little to do with muffins.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or will the brilliant Davis be forced to guess?" He frowned slightly when his exaggerated bravado failed to elicit even an exasperated smile from her. A worried crease appeared between his brows when she simply sighed and looked away, and a strange awareness came over him. She was like this because she and TK had argued, and he knew without asking that she had never looked quite that way after a fight with him. But then her pale countenance turned slightly towards him, and his own selfish observation faded back into his sub-conscious before his concern.
"Kari, is this about the fight you and TK had this morning? Yolei told me—"
Kari's eyes flashed up to his, a look that eerily reminded him of Tai bright in her eyes. "Yolei needs to learn to keep her big mouth shut!" she snapped, pleating the edge of her skirt between angry fingers.
Davis snorted, and to his own great surprise contradicted a Kamiya for the second time in his life and the second time in two days. "I think we both know that this is not Yolei's fault."
Kari's anger, already on such a short leash that day, flared. "Oh, so everything is my fault, then?"
Raising his hands in defense, Davis smirked ironically at her. "Woah, don't get me wrong, Yolei does have a big mouth, but she had every right to tell us what she knew for the good of the team. I, however, also want to believe that you were withholding that information for an equally good reason."
As her angry mind processed Davis' defense, Kari's anger melted away, her good humor grudgingly restoring itself. "Seems like I just can't win an argument around here anymore," she said, smiling wanly. A soft summer wind picked up her hair, the shine of it briefly distracting Davis from his reply. He pulled himself back to reality, mentally slapping himself.
"Uh…Kari… well, I—we—the team, that is… was wondering, well—what exactly is going on with you and T—" he found that, newfound maturity aside, he simply could not bring himself to say it, and so… "With you and the Digital World?" He finished lamely, knowing Yolei would have slapped him upside the head had she been present.
Kari stared up into the sun for a moment, breathing deeply and evenly. "When I figure it out you guys will be the first ones to know…" Seeing his exasperated and slightly disappointed look, she sighed. "Oh-kay… not up for the comedy I see. In all honesty, I—TK and I," she diplomatically ignored his wince, "haven't figured it out yet. We are piecing it together though… although it's—some of it's very personal, especially for TK. Yolei told you about… this morning?"
Seeing his nod, she continued softly.
"Yeah… well you see what I mean, then. But we will get to the bottom of all this, and I promise, we'll tell you what we can when we can." Kari could see by looking at him that Davis wasn't liking this conversation one little bit, both for its distinct lack of information, and for its continual references to TK. Still, if she could continue to stall them, to put off the confrontations and confessions, to protect TK from their scrutiny and them from the truth, just for a little longer… she could, would make all this work, however Machiavellian she may have to be to accomplish it.
Davis looked dubious, but he was willing to do what he could to sell that answer to the others… however… "Well, I'm okay with that… but I should probably warn you… I—umm… kind of accidentally told Tai what's been going on."
Kari groaned, covering her face in horror. "Oh, Davis… why—just why—oh, am I ever going to get the third degree…"
Davis felt bad, knowing he had added to her burden, and said sullenly, "I didn't know what to do, so I went to him for advice about all this…"
There was a moment, and then, lifting her face from her hands, she considered him strangely, until he began to fidget under her scrutiny. Then the very tiniest of smiles stole onto her face, as though she had discovered a strange secret. "You know Davis, despite yourself, you're turning into a really good leader. I—I never knew you went to Tai for advice about things. I'm very impressed. Unfortunately I will be forced to kill you for ratting me out to my brother. However, you can have the pleasure of dying knowing you've lived a worth while life."
The jangling, off key bell signifying the end of fifth period and their lunch cut off Davis' reply, and he smirked at her as the both stood to return to the building. "Ah! Saved by the bell! Well, murder another day, I suppose—"
"Kari? Oh, my god, Kari?!"
Kari stared up at him in confusion, wondering how he had gotten so tall and why the tree was spinning over her head. Her whole body felt off kilter, and she realized he was holding her up. There was panic in his eyes, and she mumbled something to the effect of, "What happened?"
"What happened? You passed out, that's what happened! You dropped like someone slide tackled you! Are you okay? Never mind, we're going to the nurse, no arguments!" Before Kari could utter so much as a syllable of dissent, Davis half-carried, half dragged her towards the school, both their bags slung over his shoulders. She sighed in defeat, wondering idly if not eating her lunch had caused her sudden wooziness, praying that the answer was that mundane.
"…I don't think any of us can speak frankly about pain until we are no longer enduring it."
Memoirs of a GeishaArthur Golden
Cody found his target across the street from the school, just a few moments after lunch began, thanking his lucky stars that their lunches lined up despite their different grade levels. TK was sitting on a bench overlooking the blazing sunlit bay, kneading a white hat absently between his fingers. The salt breeze, hot and arid despite the proximity of the water, ruffled his blond hair into his eyes, which stared unseeing into the blinding brightness reflecting off the water. Standing practically on top of the boy but still unnoticed, Cody marveled at how much you could not know about a person. Ironic, because just this morning he had felt he knew entirely too much.
Coughing slightly to get the older boy's attention, Cody bowed politely when TK turned to him, before speaking. "Good afternoon, Takaishi-san. I wonder if I could talk to you for a moment, if you're not too busy?"
TK started slightly, before looking ironically at his half eaten lunch and slightly worse-for-wear hat. "I think I might have a few free moments," he joked, smiling at the green-eyed boy. "Why don't you sit down… oh, and please call me TK. We're both Digi-destined, after all. And I'm hardly much of an upperclassmen."
TK's smile seemed easy and carefree, and Cody realized that he was looking at a mask the likes of which he'd never seen on anyone, besides, perhaps, himself. He rarely let anyone see past the polite exterior, except Yolei and his grandfather, especially since the death of his father. He had a feeling that few people had ever seen TK anything but cheerful, and if not by chance this morning Yolei and himself would have never seen or been given reason to suspect otherwise. He knew, however, that no one could be easy and carefree after this morning's accidental admission, Crest of Hope or otherwise.
"I wanted to apologize for this morning. Yolei and I never intended to eavesdrop on such a personal conversation. I deeply apologize for any discomfort our poor manners may have caused you and Hikari." Cody remained standing, bowing deeply in apology. TK looked at him oddly, as though he didn't quite know how to take this… although, as Cody knew, he had spent most of his life outside of Japan, away from such formal courtesy.
Motioning Cody to take a seat, which the boy finally did, TK shrugged as though what had happened was the most casual, forgettable thing in the world. "Please, don't worry about it. I can forgive both of you for wanting to know more than what little Kari and I were telling you. This was probably the universe's way of pushing me in the right direction, anyway."
Cody seemed a bit disturbed by his casual attitude, and spoke again. "Thank you for accepting my apology, but… I mean, I don't wish to pry, of course, but perhaps… you'd like to talk about it?" The last bit of that sentence came out rushed; as if he was afraid he'd lose his nerve to ask.
TK turned his eyes back to the bright water, seemingly unaffected by the glare although Cody was forced to squint in the noon sunlight. Almost five minutes passed this way, the only sound the roar of traffic and the lonely cries of the gulls, and Cody was about to creep politely away, mortified by his nosiness, when TK finally spoke.
"It's not as bad as it sounds, really. Honestly, I was only three at the time… I don't remember it all that clearly…at least, not while I'm awake…"
The last words came out softly, as though TK didn't intend Cody to hear them. Hear them he did, though, and his eyes darkened with sympathy and remembered pain. He stared into space for a moment, his thoughts focused on the past flashing before his mind's eye, and before he knew it, he was telling TK something he'd never told anyone.
"I think I know what you mean. After my father died, I used to dream about him all the time. I guess it's not quite the same, but to this day my subconscious remembers him better than my conscious mind, at times. Maybe that's just the mind's way of protecting itself from pain, by burying it where you can wake up from it." Shutting his mouth with a snap before anything else could fly out of it, Cody wondered idly what was going on with him today.
TK, however, looked impressed, considering Cody's words carefully. "I—I never thought of it that way. Thank you, it helps, a lot, I think."
Cody kept looking straight ahead, although a faint rose stole over the bridge of his nose. "Your welcome," was all he said. There was another moment of silence between as each pondered his own pain, but this silence was companionable, and Cody noticed that TK had stopped wrinkling his hat, although he still did not put it on.
TK finally spoke again, his voice curious. "Cody… if you don't mind my asking…why does everyone call you that and not Iori? Cody's not even your middle name."
At this, Cody smiled, the memory, though sad in it's way, never failing to bring a smile to his face. "That would be Yolei's doing," he said, half amused, half exasperated, "She met me not long after my father died. I was very, very depressed and angry at the time, and not much fun to be around, I imagine. She took one look at me when I moved into her building, and latched on to me, even though I was so much younger and bad tempered besides. She never liked the name 'Iori,' so she decided to call me Cody, after an uncle of hers in America. She says it's because we both have green eyes, but I recently I saw a picture of him at her house and his eyes are brown."
TK, although smiling at the story, looked puzzled. "Then why—"
Cody just continued to smile, a wise look on his face. "I can't be sure, I didn't really want to—to expose her little lie, but I think I know why. I was very angry with her for a while after she started calling me that, and I believe she knew I would be. A name is such a personal thing, after all. But being angry at her allowed me to express the pent up anger I had at my father for dying and leaving me, an anger I could never have felt expressing otherwise. She gave me a venue through which to purge all the negativity I was hanging onto after—after it happened. Of course, she'll never admit she had any such plan, and I can never admit that I know. It's just become one of those… best friend things, and now, everyone calls me that, even my mom."
TK nodded, looking at the younger boy with curious, measuring eyes. "Yeah. That's really interesting, how it caught on. A name is so… so integral to personal identity, as I've come to find rather the hard way."
Cody looked surprised at this admission, sobering. TK saw his mood change and held up his hands. "Hey, no… I didn't mean to kill the cheery mood, there. It's no big deal… my name is one of the things that has gone my way, lately. Although I'm a little surprised. I'm not usually one to discuss personal problems, and I don't gather you are either. But here we both are, spilling our guts to each other. It's weird, but a good weird, I think."
Cody mulled this over, and smiled. "I know what you mean. I would be honored to call you my friend, though, and after this conversation, I believe we must be friends."
TK smiled at the youngest Chosen, "I would also be honored to call you friend… by any name. Anyway, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't ever have too many friends." Glancing at his watch, he stood abruptly. "The bell's about to ring, we should probably get going."
Sure enough, the bell rang as the teens approached the street. Looking quickly up and down and seeing nothing, TK moved to cross with Cody right behind him.
The next thing he knew, he was standing on the median between the lanes, his arm in Cody's iron grip. The world spun for a minute, but managed to keep his feet, looking at the shorter boy in confusion. Cody looked pale as a Bakemon.
"TK! Didn't you see that bus? It was honking—you stopped in the middle of the street! It almost hit you, and you didn't even seem to—what happened?"
Confused, the blond boy looked down the street, seeing the bus down at an intersection… but he couldn't remember seeing it, or stopping in the street at all. Sensing Cody's concern, he put on a calm face, even though he felt as though… something was off, out of synch, somehow.
"I'm sure—I was probably out in the sun too long, and then got up too fast. I'm not used to weather this warm, it probably just got to me." Despite his convincing tone, Cody looked skeptical.
"Maybe you should go to the nurse." Cody's tone made it clear that what he meant was, 'Go to the nurse. Now.' TK shook his head, trying to clear it. He was sure of one thing, he was not going to expose himself to further scrutiny from the medical profession. Blackouts would certainly give that psychologist something to grill him over.
Crossing the rest of the street with exaggerated care, TK shook his head firmly. "It's fine. I'm fine. Come one, or we'll both be late for class."
Turning towards the younger wing of the school, Cody watched TK walk towards the high school, a concerned look dominating his features. As the warning bell rang for sixth period, he resolved to talk to Joe about this just as soon as possible.
She got out of town, on a railway New York bound
To call except my name, another alien on Broadway
Well some things in this world, they don't make sense,
Some things you don't need until they leave you,
And then the things that you miss…
"Bright Lights"
Matchbox Twenty
For the first time in his life, Joe was skipping class, and enjoying it. Despite what should have been a guilty conscience, and terrible traffic all the way to the airport, and a three-hour delay in her flight arrival, he was grinning almost foolishly. He had every reason to grin because racing towards him through baggage climb was a pink haired figure, dropping equally pink luggage thoughtlessly by the wayside as she threw her arms around his neck. Some passersby sniffed at the public display of affection, but Joe ignored them and simply relished hugging her back.
"Oh! Joe! I missed you so much! Oh, wait 'till you see what I brought everyone from America! Oh! How is everything? I got the e-mail you sent me on the plane; I'm so glad everything's going better! Especially for poor Takeru! Oh, let's go, I can't wait to get home!"
She still had her arms wrapped gleefully around his neck, and Joe had to push aside considering her typical strawberry scent that reminded him of camp outs in the digital world and of life and death situations in an oddly pleasant way. She blushed, suddenly, as if hearing his thoughts, and disentangled herself from him.
Straightening his glasses, he smiled foolishly at her like so many others before him had, and he gathered her bags, gallantly offering her his arm. "Right this way, Princess Mimi. Your chariot awaits in Temporary Parking D."
Laughing at his overdone expression and the familiar, old joke between them, Mimi took his arm graciously. "Then lead on, good sir!"
Her laughter startled the security guards as they passed out the automatic doors, and feeling his sleeve under her hand and smelling his funny, not unpleasant hospital smell, she felt at once that she was finally home.
They blazed a trail I dared to run.
They built this world and I have come.
A petty maze of emptiness,
I said to hell with all the rest.
"By My Side"
3 Doors Down
Meanwhile, in the Digital World…
Ken watched the strange code rushing down all the screens of his control room, filling the darkness with muted rose and gold light. He couldn't read the runes that made the code, but he was, at the moment, pleased that he had finally found a way to access it. He'd known for years that there had to be such a code, a binary code that was the base of the Digital World. Now, through sheer luck, it lay exposed before him, ready to be altered in any way he pleased. He chose a line of code and erased a character, watching on another screen as a tree near Primary Village disappeared.
He smiled cruelly, scratching absently at the back of his neck. Forget being perfect…
For the Digital World, he had just become God.