Those Pressing Little Questions

Disclaimer: Severus Snape, James Potter, and Sirius Black belong to J.K. Rowling. Everyone else is a figment of my imagination.

Author's Note: Presenting my very first humorous fanfiction! Well, actually, this is a series of one-shot fics. These answer the questions J.K. Rowling does not answer that we all want to know. The characters are not in character in these stories just for the sake of humor. It's just another style I'm trying. The question of the day- Why is Snape's hair so greasy? Don't tell me you haven't wondered this at least once! Now the answer is at last revealed!!

1- Promises, Promises

Why is Severus Snape's hair so greasy?

"Hello, children!" Mrs. Brice, the preschool teacher of the Mirkan School or Elementary Wizards and Witches. Mary, pureblood and blonde, marched in first, nose high in the air, followed by Nia, the only half-blood in the class. After her was Severus, the sullen, whining pureblood who hated anything that involved 'getting along' with other children. The last person to come in was Sarah, who greeted her teacher with a hug, tossing her braids behind her. Mrs. Brice smiled before she realized two children were missing.

"Has anyone seen-?" There was no need to ask as James Potter and Sirius Black walked in through the door, perfectly normal- except for the fact that they were covered in mud.

"Look at you!" Ms. Brice admonished. "Scourgify!" James and Sirius, also known as the Delinquent Duo, scowled as they became clean.

Mary shuddered as she saw the two mischief-makers. The only thing worse than sitting next to them was sitting next to the half-blood.

Sarah hoped the boys wouldn't come near her- they had cooties.

Severus smirked. The Delinquent Duo were in trouble again.

"Now," suggested Ms. Brice, "Why don't we sing the ABC's?"

Severus' frown deepened. There was nothing worse than having to sing that embarrassing song.

Mary stiffened. She had learned the ABC's years ago.

James and Sirius grinned- they had made up their own words to that song.

Mrs. Brice felt the pangs of a headache coming on. Maybe she should take that vacation to the Bahamas. Sun, waves, Sirius Black and James Potter far, far away...

Severus Snape's hand was in the air. "Yes, Severus?"

"I refuse to sing that ridiculous song."

Snape wouldn't be in the Bahamas either...

"Ew!" There was a sudden outburst from Sarah. "He's got coo-ties," she sang as Sirius chased her around the room.

"Why don't we all take an early recess?" Mrs. Brice wearily asked, hoping for fifteen minutes of peace. The children raced outside. But, five minutes later...

"Mrs. Brice!" Severus came in, followed by James and Sirius.

"Yes?" Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

"James and Sirius stole something from my bag," Severus said pompously.

"Did not!" protested Sirius.

"Did too!" countered Severus.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Mrs. Brice reached for her aspirin.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Why don't we hear both sides of the story?" asked Mrs. Brice finally. "Severus, what did James and Sirius steal from you?" Silence.

"Yes, Sevvy, what did we steal from you?" asked James in an unnatural high voice. Mrs. Brice glared at him.

"My... my lucky shampoo," said the small child. The Delinquent Duo broke into giggles. No point hearing their side of the story, then.

"I'm not washing my hair until I get if back!" said Severus, glaring because the author of the story had to give him something so stupid as a lucky shampoo, and then let James and Sirius steal it. James and Sirius exchanged a look.

"James, Sirius, give it back," said Mrs. Brice reprovingly.

"Sorry, but we can't," said James almost apologetically. "We lost it in the mud." Sure enough, there was mud on the two again. Sirius smirked, glad the author liked him to much to give him something so weird as a lucky shampoo.

There was a Severus tantrum coming on. "If you can't get it back, then... then.." the small child thought of the worst thing he could think of. "Then I'll never, never, NEVER wash my hair again!"

Mrs. Brice picked up the phone to call a substitute. There was a tropical island out there with her name on it. As for Snape... well, he'd wash his hair eventually...