AN: So this is my first fan fic. I would really appriciate any feedback you give me good or bad. I don't own any of it btw. I took a whole bottle of the sleeping pills. It took a while to decide exactly what I should take because I didn't want to feel sick like I did in Tijuana I just want to go quietly. It actually took a surprising amount of time to figure out exactly how to do this. I want Julie to find me. I want to hurt her, to make her guilty for not seeing it. I know this is the most selfish thing I could possibly do but I don't care. I don't care that Summer and Ryan will take it badly. I really don't give a shit. At least now I will be free. I feel the darkness pushing at the corners of my mind slowly worming its way into my thoughts. I think about grade 9 when I was anorexic. I loved the feeling I got from not eating. The power. I loved how I could finally control something in my life but this. This is even better. All these people that say they have never even considered suicide are lying. They have to be. They must have thought about it at least once… right? I feel the darkness getting closer and I start to get impatient I just want this to be over. No more people who say they care but would just as soon abandon you. No more shitty moms or chivalrous boyfriends. I don't believe any of that heaven and hell bullshit. Once you're dead, you're dead there's nothing more to it. It's almost over and I don't have anything left but regret. For not trying harder, for not believing Ryan when I had the chance. I am having troubles shaking the feeling that this is all my fault. That everything is my fault. I guess its good that I can't take anything with me when I die because I would have a hell of a lot of baggage. I rid my self of my regret and I relax as I let the darkness take me. end