Disclaimer: If any of this belonged to me, I'd be publishing something, and make a whole lot more money than I do now. Because I don't make any money, still being in school. Anyways, don't sue me, because I'm telling you now no one belongs to me and because I have no money.
Author's Note: Please don't hate me! I can't help it if my parents go on vacation and bring me with them, after all... Please review, all readers who have suddenly, mysteriously disappeared! And to anyone new, thanks so much for clicking on my humble fanfiction. I am deeply honored.
3-The Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and Weatherby
Why does Mr. Crouch call Percy "Weatherby?"
"So..."
"So what?" asked George, raising an eyebrow.
"So what's the weirdest, most random word you can think of?" Fred asked.
"I dunno," replied George. "I don't have this off the top of my head."
"Just as a test word, after all," said Fred casually. "How hard is it?"
"I'm blank. You think of something, if it's so easy," said George.
"Okay then," said Fred. "Wait... wait for it... Weatherby."
"Weatherby, huh?" asked George, amused. "The most random word you can think of is Weatherby?"
"Shush!" said Fred. "Actually, if it were up to the author she'd pick something like asdfpiugjkdx, except that it'd be impossible to say, and in case you haven't noticed, we're having a conversation here."
"Are we?" asked George.
"Well, can't you see the little quotation marks?" asked Fred.
"If asdfpiugjkdx is so impossible to say, how come we're saying it?" asked George.
Fred stared thoughtfully off into space. "No idea. Authors have such confusing ideas. Let's just stick to Weatherby. It's only a test, anyhow."
"Okay, Weatherby powder, then," said George, scribbling it down on a paper attatched to a clipboard charmed to make anyone but Fred or George think the writing on it was homework. Which, of course, it wasn't. "All we need is a test subject," George continued. "Which one of us'll walk around saying Weatherby all day? I mean, Mom'll definitely notice. We need to get away from the house, or test it on someone who'll never notice..." he trailed off into silence as footsteps sounded closer and closer. Fred draped a bedsheet over the incriminating items and got to the door just as someone hammered on it.
Percy was there, looking angry. "I am trying to study, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't make such an abomidable racket!" he said.
"We didn't make a sound!" George retorted. "Sorry if His Royal Head Boyishness can't stand the silence!"
Percy huffed and slammed the door, leaving George and Fred staring at the door thoughtfully. It was one of the occasions where words were not needed.
"He wouldn't mind," remarked George.
"Not at all," smirked Fred. Test subject sighted.
"I have a very important job application today," said Percy pompously. Fred and George looked at each other. All the better. Ron and Ginny, as usual, ignored this comment completely. But Mrs. Weasley beamed. "My Percy's going to work in the ministry!" she said happily, adding another waffle to Percy's stack. Percy smiled his jaunty smile, delicately taking another bite of a waffle with sugar on it. Well, it looked like sugar. In truth, Fred had slipped the new Weatherby powder over the waffles. If he finished the waffle- and Percy was hungry- he'd be speaking only one word: Weatherby.
Name?
Percy Weasley.
N.E.W.T's?
Nine.
Prior Experience?
Prefect and Head Boy at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Why do you believe you should get the joy bor Assistant to the Head of the Department of Magical Cooperation?
I believe I am very qualified for this job, and I am very supportive of having cooperation throughout the magical, and maybe even muggle world. I also respect Bartemius Crouch, head of the department of Magical Cooperation, and would be honored to be his assistant.
Percy ran his application answers through his mind. He'd be getting the job for sure. Percy smiled. He wasn't really sure why he was smiling, but figured the author wouldn't be writing that he smiled unless she wanted him to smile, so he smiled his best. Then a secretary knocked on the door. Percy opened the door, still smiling, though he was a bit disappointed. Didn't the author know better than to interrupt with a secretary knocking on the door? Didn't the author understand how important this was? Then the girl walked in and he changed his mind. The author probably had sent this beautiful girl to interrupt so Percy could impress her.
The secretary was also smiling, but she shuddered inwardly. This psycho with the insane smile- was Barty Crouch going to hire this guy? "Coffee?" she asked sweetly. "Mr..."
Weasley, Percy thought. Percy Weasley. "Weatherby," he said. "Weatherby Weatherby." Weatherby? What was wrong with him? Had the author mis-typed Weasley or something? He went to correct himself, but all he said was, "Weatherby."
The secretary raised an eyebrow. This guy was scary. "Okay, Mr. Weatherby Weatherby Weatherby Weatherby. Coffee?"
Percy opened his mouth, thought better, closed his mouth and nodded. Of all the authors he was stuck with, it was the one that didn't know how to spell his name. What was with this Weatherby stuff anyway? Or... Percy shuddered at the thought, but it could happen... was the author in line with... Fred and George? No, it was too impossible. Still...
The secretary left, but was quickly replaced by Bartemius Crouch himself. Percy straightened furiously. Of all the times! He'd have to give that author a talking-to!
"I thought you seemed like a very qualified person," said the man half-impatiently. "What was your name again?" Voldemort, a hundred miles away, yawned. He was a Dark Lord trying to take over the world! Why did he have to spend his time on trivial things like this? What was the world coming to? Maybe he should have made Wormtail put the Imperius Curse on Crouch. Except that then, Wormtail probably would have put the curse on himself. What was J.K. Rowling thinking, letting minor authors take charge? He wasn't even supposed to have put the Imperius Curse on Crouch yet! This was a whole two months more of boredly watching Barty Crouch! It was torture! Maybe Voldemort should have applied for one of the more minor positions, like the driver of the Knight Bus. But if he wasn't Dark Lord, who would?
The word came out before Percy could stop himself. "Weatherby." Inwardly, he cursed. Authors and brothers were messing up his job application! With his luck, an evil dark lord would probably start controlling Mr. Crouch.
Voldemort started for a second. Weatherby? I thought it was... Persky, or something... What was Arthur Weasley doing when his son was named? Weatherby? He smirked. He'd hire this guy just to call him something that stupid. Most people thought Voldemort had no sense of humor. Anyone saying that had been hexed in the next dimension, but they still thought it. Voldemort darkened. Insolent beings! He'd make them bow to him someday! But back to the task at hand.
"You're hired," Barty Crouch said, and Percy felt relief. The world wasn't completely in the throes of a mad author, anyway. Then his boss continued, "Weatherby."
Voldemort laughed, for the first time in... how long was it? A very long time, anyway. Who said there were no perks in being a dark lord trying to take over the world?