Jacob watched his daughter leave. He wished he could believe that Sam could help, but long, bitter experience had taught him better than that. Both Sam and Mark were too much like him, unfortunately; Sam in her damn near inability to deal with and act upon her feelings constructively, and Mark in his pigheaded stubbornness. He'd taught them both that, unfortunately, especially in the years after their mother died. Chin up, soldier on, don't ever let them see you're hurt, and do what you gotta do to get the job done. He hadn't been a martinet, but damn near close, especially right after Mary died and he hadn't known any other way to handle his own grief, let alone his children's. Jacob had managed to unbend enough to show Sam, a little, his grief and regret; she was a girl, and so much like her mother sometimes. Mark ... not really.
##You did the best you knew how,## Selmak said gently. ##You could not have done any better and still been yourself. You are not the same man now that you were then; Mark is not the same angry, grieving child, and Sam is far stronger emotionally than you give her credit for. Both are good, responsible adults, both are happy, and in the end is that not all that a parent can hope for his children?##
A surge of warmth came across the bond, and Jacob soaked it up gratefully. Nelaris squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back; she responded by putting an arm around him. ##You see? Five years ago you would not have been able to accept such a gesture of support; now, you bask in it. You can admit your feelings, deal with them. You have changed for the better.##
Jacob stared down into his coffee. Yeah, but it's not doing much good now. Twenty-five years ago, it would have made a difference. Sam was broken-hearted, and withdrew almost completely into her science books and classes because that was the only way she could handle her grief. Mark turned his outward, lashing out at me and the military and everything I stood for, because I was so closed and focused on my own grief that it was the only way to get an emotional reaction. Sam was caught in the middle. And now, all these years later, she is still caught in the middle because I screwed things up so badly that the second Mark and I stop walking on eggshells around each other, our whole relationship explodes into anger.
##You cannot change the past. And if you assume the present will follow the same pattern, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. None of you are the same person you were then.##
Tell that to Mark. Jacob sat up straighter as Brian came in with a board, covered in a papier-mâché volcano.
"Mom, can we show Granddad how it works?"
"Of course."
As Alyson began bustling around the kitchen gathering supplies to make the volcano "erupt," Jacob and Brian sat at the kitchen table and inspected the project together. Thank God Brian hadn't picked up on the tension between his father and grandfather, yet.
As Jake and his grandson inspected the project, Lee'al slipped out of the kitchen on the pretense of fatigue.
##Are you sure we should be doing this?## Nelaris asked. ##Mark is not the enemy. Nor is Colonel Carter.##
Maybe not, but you're the one who was emphasizing the delicacy of the situation. We've walked into an emotional minefield. And we can't defuse it if we don't know more about what's going on. I know exactly how nasty family squabbles can get, and I will not allow that to happen to Jake. It's too important to him.
Nelaris sent a surge of doubt, but acquiesced.
As Lee'al crept down the hall, she heard Sam and Mark arguing. She ducked into the nearest room—perfect. It was what the Tau'ri, with their peculiar and unpredictable delicacy, called the "rest" room or "bath" room. There would be nothing amiss if she were found in it. And the window was open a crack, allowing sound to enter from the backyard, where Sam and Mark were. Lee'al quietly closed the door and moved closer to the window.
"—and he's too damn old to be playing around with a piece of jail-bait like that. God. He doesn't have time for his own grandkids, can't be bothered to leave a number they can reach him through, but he's got the time to shack up with that chick and go play spy?"
"Mark, it isn't like that and you're twisting everything to see it in the worst possible light. What Dad does is important. What they both do is important."
"Yeah, I know." He snorted. "It's always important. I mean, hey, we're only family. Nothing important, there. I don't know what he does, and frankly, I don't care. I don't know why he bothers to show up. He's always had more important things to do. Even when we were kids. How many of my school plays did he miss? How many of your science fairs?"
"Mark, he was at a lot more things than he missed. He did his best—"
"What about Mom's Ladies Guild picnics? Or her bridge games? Or her—"
"And how many husbands ever showed up to those kinds of things?" Sam broke in. "Not many. She never expected Dad to go to those things. It was a different era, with different standards. So why are you so mad about all that almost thirty years later?"
"Yeah, well maybe Mom should have expected more from him. And maybe you should stop trying so hard to defend him. Oh, wait, I forgot, you're Daddy's little girl, his perfect daughter who followed him into the Air Force and became the perfect soldier, and whose work is so important to her she doesn't even have time to drive the hour to Denver to see her fiancé once a week. Just like dear old Dad."
##That complicates things,## Nelaris commented to Lee'al.
Yes. He obviously doesn't trust her to be a neutral mediator. We must hope Alyson is willing and able to fill that role, or this whole household will be nothing but two armed camps. It's a bad situation.
"Mark, stop it," Sam snapped.
Lee'al didn't know the older woman well, but it didn't seem quite in character. Still, when tempers were running high in a family feud people said and did things they normally wouldn't; Lee'al had seen much of that growing up. Alas, it was seldom a good thing.
"You're being a jerk, and you know it," Sam went on. "God knows Dad wasn't perfect, but he did the best job he knew how to do. But you won't even give him credit for trying. And this is not about Dad's parenting skills thirty years ago, or about Mom, or about me. This is about here and now. Dad knows what mistakes he made, and he'd probably act differently if he had it to do over again. But he doesn't, and whining about the past is only going to make things worse. Right now, he's trying to make amends, he's trying to include you in his life as much as possible, and you reacted by throwing it back in his face. God, Mark! Would you rather he hid her from you?"
"No, I'd rather he didn't shack up with someone in the first place. At least someone closer to his own age, dammit! Someone more than ten years older than his granddaughter! What would Mom think if she saw him with her? It's sick, Sam. I don't know why you're so on his side about the whole thing."
"Mark, he loves her. She loves him. They're happy together. Don't you think Mom would want him to be happy? It's been over two decades since she died, and I think that's long enough to grieve for her, Mark. He's not dead, and hopefully won't be for some time. If he's finally getting a life outside his work and finding happiness, I say more power to him! Sure, she's young and that's a little uncomfortable. But you don't even know her! She's intelligent, has a good sense of humor, and is frankly a whole lot more mature than you're acting right now. If you put aside your pig-headedness for just ten minutes and actually talked to her instead of ranting about her, you might be pleasantly surprised. You're making the kind of snap judgements on superficial characteristics you always complain about Dad making, except you're five times as self-righteous about it as he ever was."
Sam was still uneasy about Lee'al and Jacob's relationship? Lee'al had noticed a bit of reticence on her part, but had assumed it was merely part of the typical Tau'ri lack of comfort around the Tok'ra.
"Sam," Mark tried to get a word in edgewise, but Sam just kept on going.
"Speaking of Mom, how do you think she'd react to you treating anyone the way you're treating Lee'al? You've been rude and hostile and I'm ashamed to admit you're my brother. Mom would have had your hide. And then there's the way you've treated Dad. He's trying to reach out to you, and you stomped on him. He's sitting in the kitchen now, staring into his coffee and trying to hide how much pain you're causing him. And if you'd just get your head out of your ass, you'd see it. How do you think Mom would feel about that, huh? Stop acting like a fourteen-year-old, Mark. It doesn't suit you. When you're back to your normal, considerate self come back in and join us, ok?"
This was followed by rustling sounds, and then the sound of the sliding glass door to the living-room opening. One or both of them was coming in; Lee'al would bet it was Sam. Making as much noise as possible without being obvious, Lee'al relieved herself and washed her hands before rejoining Jacob in the kitchen. She had much to think about.