Jacob had been hoping for an opportunity to talk with Mark privately, but it never materialized. He, Lee'al, and Sam were surrounded for the rest of the day buffeted with question after question about the Tok'ra and the larger world outside the planet. Brian and Mary were allowed to stay up far past their bedtime, and by the time Mark and Alyson finally dragged the two protesting children off to bed, it was late enough that they said their good-nights at the same time. Sam, too, turned in, leaving Jacob alone with his mate for the first time since she had told Mark the truth.

Jacob slowly went through the motions of getting ready for bed, debating with Selmak how to handle the situation. Lee'al, too, got ready for bed, and if she talked it was only with Nelaris. Once she had changed, and performed her ablutions, she got in bed and sat, waiting for him, legs drawn up and chin resting on her knees. Jacob sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, clasped his hands, and looked at her.

And watched her.

And watched her some more.

She began to fidget. Jacob just sat there, quietly. It was a tactic he'd learned as an Air Force commander, one of the few interpersonal interaction tactics he knew that Selmak couldn't do better. It was only useful when the subject knew they'd done something wrong, and felt guilty, and considered him to be someone important. Particularly if the subject was young. He'd never been able to successfully use it on his kids—he was too emotionally involved with them—but on others....

"I knew you wouldn't agree to it, Jacob, but it was the only thing I could think of at this point that had even the possibility of reconciling the two of you," Lee'al said in a rush. "Besides, you said it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and it did work. Mark's much more accepting of me than he was this morning—we had a wonderful chat while you were gone—and he was positively friendly with you. It worked, and I'm not sorry I did it. I am very sorry that I did it without telling you, and without your permission. Really. But you can't honestly say that him wanting to know was an unreasonable request." She paused, studying him anxiously.

Jacob suppressed a smile. Worked every time. "The only thing you could think of. On your knowledge of Mark that is only a few days old, and a couple hours a day at most, right? Did it ever occur to you that Alyson, Sam, and I know Mark much better than you, and might have other ideas on how to handle it?"

"Well, if you did, they weren't working," Lee'al pointed out. "We're going to be leaving in just a few days. We didn't have time to wait and see."

She's very young, Jacob thought at Selmak. Lee'al was far more mature for her age than the majority of Tau'ri would be at her age, due to a combination of Nelaris' influence and the life-and-death situations she'd been in since joining the Tok'ra, in addition to her own natural maturity. But her youth still showed itself, occasionally, and never more so than in this age-old cry of youth: I can't wait.

##Yes.## Selmak acknowledged it seriously, then whispered, ##but so are you.## It was sent with a fondness that took any possible sting from the words.

"Lee'al, just because this visit goes badly doesn't mean that any other visit will." Jacob shook his head. "Neither Mark nor I are in any imminent danger of dying. Neither of us wants to break our relationship to pieces again, and we're both mature enough to deal with the situation. Given time enough to really cool down—on both sides—and without your presence to enflame things, the next visit would almost certainly have gone smoother, and the same for the visit after that. Who knows, in a few years I might even have been able to bring you along. It wouldn't be ideal, but it wouldn't be the end of the world, either. Ever think of that?" Selmak really had smoothed over the rough edges. Five years ago, he wouldn't have been able to hold this conversation without losing his temper, which wouldn't have solved anything and likely made things worse.

He shook his head. "Hell, even if you're right and telling him was the only way, we could have called Jack and gotten him to ask the President to give Mark security clearance on this subject, and been able to tell him legitimately. And I'd have been able to tell him myself, then."

"Really?" Lee'al frowned. "So why haven't you done that before now?"

Jacob shrugged. "I don't know if it would have worked. And it wasn't necessary before this visit, and I didn't know how Mark would have reacted. And this trip I was so busy dealing with Mark, it didn't even occur to me. But if you had discussed this with me ahead of time, there's a very good chance I would have agreed. And then you wouldn't have had to go behind my back."

"Oh," Lee'al said. "But I know how important Mark is to you, Jacob." She took his hand. "I love you, and it's my fault the relationship between you and your son needs to be mended in the first place. I didn't think you'd agree. I wanted to fix it for you, and this is the only way I knew how." She looked up at him, mouth set. "And I was right, it did solve the situation."

"I love you too, kid," Jacob said. "And I believe you. But personal relationships can only be based on trust, and you damaged that trust when you and Nelaris decided to go behind my back today. It hurt me, and Selmak too. The fact that things ultimately turned out for the best doesn't change how you did it. And on something this major, how you did it isn't something that's going to be ignored or easily forgotten."

"But it won't damage our relationship," Lee'al said anxiously.

"I don't know," Jacob said. "I hope it doesn't. But it does affect things, and I won't lie to you. Hopefully, we both learn from this, and go on from here with a better understanding of each other."

Selmak took control. After all, Jacob and Lee'al weren't the only ones involved. "Nelaris, why did you allow Lee'al to do this?"

"Much as I love you and Jacob, Selmak, my first loyalty is and always must be to my host." Nelaris shrugged. "I expressed my displeasure at her methods, but she was adamant. Fixing the problem that she had created was very important to her, and I could offer her no better alternative. I could not have stopped her without damaging our relationship."

Selmak nodded. "I see," he said. "But Lee'al, you cannot believe that you were to blame. Given the precarious nature of Mark and Jacob's relationship, such problems are all too frequent. And both Jacob and I knew that, and Jacob in particular knew how Mark was likely to react to your youth. Yet we still arranged for you to come along on this visit to Mark's home. If anyone can be blamed for the situation, it would be myself or Jacob or Mark. But I do not believe that it is fair, in this case, and even if it were it is hardly likely to help anything. Jacob and I do appreciate your concern, Lee'al." He stroked her hair with his free hand. "Just not your method of showing it."

Lee'al nodded, leaning in to hug him. They held each other for a very long time.

Later that night, as Jacob slept, Selmak crept out of the bedroom and down to the living room. He needed less sleep than his host did, and they often took advantage of the fact that they could sleep at different times. On a mission, particularly, it was an advantage; they never needed to let their guard down, for one of them could always be alert. Besides, it allowed Selmak extra time in control of their body. Jacob was a very independent man, and while Selmak (unlike many Tok'ra) had no problems with simply allowing his host to "run the show," it was nice to come out sometimes. Besides, some of these Tau'ri novels were quite engrossing. Mark had been, in his earlier years, what Jacob called "a regular Trekkie," and while the young man's ardor for science fiction had cooled somewhat, he still maintained quite the collection. Studying the Tau'ri's speculations about the larger universe was bizarre, amusing, edifying, and at times infuriating; it was never dull.

The hall light clicked on. Mark wandered around the corner, tying his bathrobe on and yawning. "Dad?" he said, squinting in the light. "What are you doing up?"

"Your father is asleep at the moment," Selmak said. "Would you like me to wake him for you?" Mark started a bit at his voice. Why did humans in general, and the Tau'ri in particular, so often do that? He made no secret of his existence; they knew quite well he was there. Yet they always were surprised when he talked!

"No, that's okay," Mark said. "Will he know about this when he wakes up?"

"Yes. He will be able to, as he says, 'check the logs.'"

"Oh." Mark paused, frowning. "What are you doing up at this hour?"

"Reading." Selmak held up the book.

Mark glanced at the title. "Oh, that's not one I'd recommend for your first foray into SF. Cherryh's writing style can be a bit obscure; she's hard to get into the first time even for people who are familiar with the genre. Have you tried Heinlein?"

"No. I just finished a book by Clarke, though." Selmak pointed to it on the table; he'd been working on it the entire visit. "But I do not believe you came out to speak about science fiction at three in the morning. I am sorry for disturbing you, if that was the case; I require far less sleep than my host."

"No, you're fine." Mark hesitated. "There's so much I want to ask you, but I'm not quite sure where to begin."

Selmak cocked his head. "Then perhaps I should begin by thanking you for accepting your father back into your life. It means far more to him than he is capable of expressing."

"Yeah." Mark chewed his lip. "That's what Lee'al said, too. You wanna explain to me why it is that my Dad can tell that to a couple of aliens, but not his own son?"

"It is not that simple." Selmak shook his head. "You know your father. He has great difficulty expressing emotions other than anger or humor. The need to be "strong" in this way is intimately tied up with his sense of self. I believe it is a common condition among men of his age and profession, from what he has told me of your people. He learned it while he was still young, and learned it well. Now that he is older and sees that such a philosophy is not only impossible, but terribly limiting, he cannot discard it entirely. But that does not mean that other emotions are not there, simply that he has not yet found a way to express them."

Selmak rose and clasped his hands behind his back, pacing in the way that drove Jacob nuts when he was awake. "In fact, when we were first blended, this caused great problems between us. You see, the need to see himself the way he always had been—especially under such changed circumstances, caused him to deny many of his feelings, those that triggered would not be acceptable to the "macho" persona he has had all his life. The problem with this tactic is that it simply leaves issues suppressed, rather than dealt with, and this can have undesired side effects later on. Especially when one has no effective means of releasing emotional stress except through sarcasm, physical exertion, and anger. I wished to deal with these issues; Jacob denied that they even existed. But while he can lie to himself, and to the whole world, he cannot lie to me.

"Eventually, we did reach an accommodation, and Jacob is learning how to more constructively express himself. But such things take time, and even if he could, Jacob would not wish to overturn his entire personality, merely make it less ... closed. He has come far, and will yet make more progress in the years ahead, but I do not believe he will ever be what you would call open with his emotions." Selmak sat back down again. "I know his emotions because I cannot help but know them; he is my host. Lee'al knows them because she is his mate, and in the code of behavior that Jacob has followed all his life it is more acceptable to show such "weaknesses" in front of one's mate, and other females, than to males such as yourself, even family. That does not mean that he has told Lee'al how he feels, but that he lets his guard down around her and allows her to see it. Also, the ... turbulence of your relationship with him is not the sort that encourages heart-to-heart confessions."

"So what you're saying is that our relationship will probably never be close enough for Dad to tell me how he feels, himself?" Mark wiped a hand over his face. "Great."

"Perhaps." Selmak leaned forward earnestly. "But if he cannot tell you, he can show you, if you will allow him. Please, accept him for who he is, with all his limitations. You cannot force him to be someone he is not. But you can, if you choose, allow him to show you the best of who he is, and not the worst."

Mark nodded resignedly. "Right." He yawned.

"Go to bed." Selmak smiled. "Tomorrow will be a long day. You still have much to discuss, as a family, and much to do to rebuild your relationships. Jacob wishes to speak privately with you, and I have no doubt that you and Alyson and the children will be full of questions."

Mark glanced at the clock. "Yeah. Good night."