Chapter 13
It was October 26th and two days since I had revealed my dark identity. Hermione had passed me several times in the hall. She would pause and look to me as if wanting to talk, but would then just shake her head sadly and walk away. I also no longer attended meals with the other Gryffindors, but arrived extremely early to sit alone in the morning twilight. It's so quiet, like my apartment back in London. I always hated that place, but I used to be able to pretend the biting loneliness didn't bother me. I was always working; I was always busy, but now... I laid my sketchbook on the table and flipped it open. As much as I had wanted to I never seemed to have time to draw anything from Hogwarts; not the noble structure or diverse people, instead there, staring me in the face were the faces of my slain victims. It was an odd habit I had acquired but it helped me deal with the guilt; a demented shrine of sorts where I recorded the face and name of each person I had slaughtered. Each time I was assigned an assaination mission I would follow my victim until I had meticulously sketched their face before carrying out my ultimatum from the Elitist. At present there were five of them. Three of them were mere paiges. It was somewhat a waste of my time and ammunition to deal with such worthless protégés of the gang leaders. They were easily wiped out, but the other two-now they were a challenge. First there was the Asian leader of the BlackJacks, Yukimara. She was a master with the sword not to mention she kept a hell of a lot of guards by her side. When she heard the Elitist had put a death warrant out on her head it was her mistake to actually challenge me to a duel. To think she could win against me; that's a laugh. I even played by her own rules by using a sword- and I still won. The last person I killed right before my dreams began had been my greatest adversary. She had been a mercenary that would hire herself out to the highest-bidding gang. A German by blood Yulna Valdrez had received her penname "Saccharine" from the way she preformed her jobs. With her devilish smile, sparkling topaz eyes, and corn silk-colored hair she became an irresistible beauty that made her the perfect weapon against all males. After seducing her prime target to bed she would drug them and wrap chains around their necks before drowning them at the docks. She rivaled both my intellect and strength so her murder was the hardest to undertake. Several of our best Ophiuchus and two of my partners died at her hand. But I made sure her last memories were of me pouring arsenic down her throat so as she slipped from this world she could see the face of the adversary that had finally conquered her. But what does any of that matter now? I'm here now, but I'm still alone. It would be so much easier if I could just forget everything... again. If I could just erase all of it-even their deaths; if only all these painful memories would just leave me. Why did I kill them anyways? Orders? Then from the depths of my mind a seething voice hissed, "No. You enjoyed seeing them die." I would never think that... "But you did," laughed the voice. A deep chill rustled through the room causing the candles to flicker and then extinguish with the heavy vibration from the cruel vestige radiating throughout the room. I was disillusioned- "You were bloodthirsty-and part of me even then," it mocked. At that comment I finally became aware of the dark identity that permeated through the room. Damn you Voldemort get out of my mind! I'm not yours to command yet! "Oh but how soon your will to thrive in the light has fled. The moment the brand seared your skin a contract with me was written... and your name was signed in the blood of innocents which you have and will murder. Now come to me for I am your rightful master!" I could feel his glittering snake eyes burn into my soul. At that point all ties with my sanity were severed. You will never own me! I will break all ties with you now and forever! In desperation I ripped my sleeve away from my cursed wrist revealing the brand. From my pocket I took the pewter lighter and flicked open the cap. After several agonizing tries a spark leapt forth awakening a flame that danced savagely before my face. I moved it closer to the scar; my hand shaking uncontrollably. Let it go away, just let this wretched mark disappear! I forced my eyes shut and rammed the fire against my skin. The pain ripped me apart. I screamed in the silence of the hall; with no one to hear, no one to care. Below the charred remains of skin my blood boiled and writhed, and although repulsive boils bubbled to the surface the mark of Escryed remained untouched. My depression deepened with this discovery. I lay my head on the table sobbing bitterly. All the time Voldemort's shrill laugh echoing through my mind. This has to be a nightmare... it has to be. "Quite the contrary, this is my perfect reality. Your pain simply feeds my lust to own you," he breathed into my ear. Shut up! Leave me in peace! The laughter slowly dwindled till I was alone once more. It took me several minutes before I gained enough energy to gather up what remained of my shredded emotions and grope my way through the dim halls and back up to the common room.
It was October 26th and two days since I had revealed my dark identity. Hermione had passed me several times in the hall. She would pause and look to me as if wanting to talk, but would then just shake her head sadly and walk away. I also no longer attended meals with the other Gryffindors, but arrived extremely early to sit alone in the morning twilight. It's so quiet, like my apartment back in London. I always hated that place, but I used to be able to pretend the biting loneliness didn't bother me. I was always working; I was always busy, but now... I laid my sketchbook on the table and flipped it open. As much as I had wanted to I never seemed to have time to draw anything from Hogwarts; not the noble structure or diverse people, instead there, staring me in the face were the faces of my slain victims. It was an odd habit I had acquired but it helped me deal with the guilt; a demented shrine of sorts where I recorded the face and name of each person I had slaughtered. Each time I was assigned an assaination mission I would follow my victim until I had meticulously sketched their face before carrying out my ultimatum from the Elitist. At present there were five of them. Three of them were mere paiges. It was somewhat a waste of my time and ammunition to deal with such worthless protégés of the gang leaders. They were easily wiped out, but the other two-now they were a challenge. First there was the Asian leader of the BlackJacks, Yukimara. She was a master with the sword not to mention she kept a hell of a lot of guards by her side. When she heard the Elitist had put a death warrant out on her head it was her mistake to actually challenge me to a duel. To think she could win against me; that's a laugh. I even played by her own rules by using a sword- and I still won. The last person I killed right before my dreams began had been my greatest adversary. She had been a mercenary that would hire herself out to the highest-bidding gang. A German by blood Yulna Valdrez had received her penname "Saccharine" from the way she preformed her jobs. With her devilish smile, sparkling topaz eyes, and corn silk-colored hair she became an irresistible beauty that made her the perfect weapon against all males. After seducing her prime target to bed she would drug them and wrap chains around their necks before drowning them at the docks. She rivaled both my intellect and strength so her murder was the hardest to undertake. Several of our best Ophiuchus and two of my partners died at her hand. But I made sure her last memories were of me pouring arsenic down her throat so as she slipped from this world she could see the face of the adversary that had finally conquered her. But what does any of that matter now? I'm here now, but I'm still alone. It would be so much easier if I could just forget everything... again. If I could just erase all of it-even their deaths; if only all these painful memories would just leave me. Why did I kill them anyways? Orders? Then from the depths of my mind a seething voice hissed, "No. You enjoyed seeing them die." I would never think that... "But you did," laughed the voice. A deep chill rustled through the room causing the candles to flicker and then extinguish with the heavy vibration from the cruel vestige radiating throughout the room. I was disillusioned- "You were bloodthirsty-and part of me even then," it mocked. At that comment I finally became aware of the dark identity that permeated through the room. Damn you Voldemort get out of my mind! I'm not yours to command yet! "Oh but how soon your will to thrive in the light has fled. The moment the brand seared your skin a contract with me was written... and your name was signed in the blood of innocents which you have and will murder. Now come to me for I am your rightful master!" I could feel his glittering snake eyes burn into my soul. At that point all ties with my sanity were severed. You will never own me! I will break all ties with you now and forever! In desperation I ripped my sleeve away from my cursed wrist revealing the brand. From my pocket I took the pewter lighter and flicked open the cap. After several agonizing tries a spark leapt forth awakening a flame that danced savagely before my face. I moved it closer to the scar; my hand shaking uncontrollably. Let it go away, just let this wretched mark disappear! I forced my eyes shut and rammed the fire against my skin. The pain ripped me apart. I screamed in the silence of the hall; with no one to hear, no one to care. Below the charred remains of skin my blood boiled and writhed, and although repulsive boils bubbled to the surface the mark of Escryed remained untouched. My depression deepened with this discovery. I lay my head on the table sobbing bitterly. All the time Voldemort's shrill laugh echoing through my mind. This has to be a nightmare... it has to be. "Quite the contrary, this is my perfect reality. Your pain simply feeds my lust to own you," he breathed into my ear. Shut up! Leave me in peace! The laughter slowly dwindled till I was alone once more. It took me several minutes before I gained enough energy to gather up what remained of my shredded emotions and grope my way through the dim halls and back up to the common room.