// Let the random wackiness continue.
// See previous chapter for details and stuff
// Authors Note: From now on, this symbol O_o, will designate a member of SG-1's memory lapsing.
// Just to make things easier on yours truly. And yes…I intend to make the rest of the chapters just as
// insane (if not more so) than this one. Enjoy!
Chapter 4
SG-1 had been lounging in Carter's lab for about half and hour. Teal'c was still hyped up like a
jack-rabbit on methanphetamines, Sam was trying to hide her chocolate stash after Jack had accidentally
revealed its hiding place, Daniel was napping, and Jack was trying to make a yo-yo out of metal tubing and
wire.
"Whydowenotadjourntothecommissary? Iammosthungryhavingnoteateninoveradayandahalf.
Ibelieveyoualsocouldusesomepropernourishment, havingeatenonlyseveralchocolatebarsrecently."
"T, rewind, then slow play, and maybe I'll be able to understand you." Jack went back to his task of
constructing a yo-yo from scratch, which he was failing miserably at.
Just then, Carter walked in. "Sir, what are you doing with my electron degenerence tubes and photon
emission wire?!"
"...The what?" He looked down at his hands. "Oh, it's my new yo-yo."
"Sir, I was using that for...something...important, I think."
"Whydoesnoonetakeseriouslymyintentthatwevisitthecommissary? ArenoneofyoutrulyasfamishedasIam?"
"Teal'c, what?"
"THECOMMISSARY!" Jack O_o (see, that's how it works)
"Oh, I get it, he's hungry, sir. Sir? SIR!"
"I didn't do it!" Jack yelled.
"Didn't do what?"
"Uh...it."
Carter rolled her eyes. "Sir, why are you making a yo-yo out of my stuff?" Carter O-o
Jack eyed her with confusion. "Why would I be MAKING a yo-yo?" Teal'c O_o
"You're making a yo-yo?" She caught a look at his building materials, "OUT OF MY NEW LAB MATERIALS?!"
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?"
"WHATARETHETWOOFYOUYELLINGABOUT?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Both the major and the colonel yelled back.
"THENWILLYOUPLEASESTOPSHOUTING?"
"FINE!" Both of them chorused. Both O_o
"Uhmmm, not the monkey…" came Daniel's muffled comment.
"Monkey, what monkey?" Carter started combing her lab for the simian that would undo her carefully
ordered existence here.
O'Neill was interested for a different reason. "Really, a monkey? Cool, I love monkeys!" He started
shaking Daniel. "C'mon, Danny, where's the monkey? I wanna see the monkey."
"If that monkey touched my naquahah generator, I'll kill it." Teal'c O_o "Teal'c, help me find the
monkey."
"VerywellMajorCarter. Wewillhuntdownthemonkeytogether." With that, the big Jaffa began to aid Carter
in searching every cubic millimeter of Sam's lab for a nonexistent primate.
"Danny boy, c'mon, show me where the monkey is before it gets out."
Finally, due to the influence of Jacks repeated shaking, Daniel emerged groggily from a caffeine-
deprived state of slumber. "What is-" he saw Jack's face hovering an inch over his with a weird grin
plastered all over it, "AHHH! Damn it Jack."
Sam and Teal'c came running. "Sir, what happened?"
"I want Daniel to show me the monkey."
"Monkey, what monkey, Jack?"
"Daniel, show me the monkey before it wrecks my lab."
"Perhapsthemonkeyhasfledtothecommissarytohideinthestoragecabinetsandfeaston-" Teal'c O_o bananas."
Sam, Jack, and Daniel stared at Teal'c, trying to decipher his words. Daniel was counting off on his
fingers all the languages he was mentally matching up Teal'c's words to in an attempt to pry some meaning from
the verbally diarrheic Jaffa. Sam was going over encryption/decryption schema in her head to figure if Teal'c
was speaking in a very weird type of code. Jack was just plain confused.
"Huh?" All three of them asked at once after about ten seconds of mutual silence. All three O_o
"Bananas," Teal'c responded, remembering on his most recent word.
"Bananas?" Daniel perked up a little. " I like bananas."
"Yeah, I do too," Sam noted.
"Hey, Teal'c," Jack asked, "where ya going?"
"To eat the bananas, O'Neill."
"Oh no you don't. I'm ranking officer here and that means I get first dibs on bananas." With that,
Jack took off out the door, heading for the commissary. Alarmed at the prospect of not getting to eat bananas,
Teal'c barralled out the door, flattening the SF on duty who was about to track down O'Neill and keep SG-1
contained in Carter's lab. Sam and Daniel were close behind their teammates.
Meanwhile, one floor above Carter's lab, Janet Frasier was heading towards the elevator to go home for
the night when she heard a commotion coming from the stairwell. She turned around just in time to see Colonel
O'Neill come racing down the hall. "Colonel! What are you-"
"My bananas!" He said by way of explanation as he raced past her.
Bewildered at this sudden turn of events in SG-1s state, she didn't notice a Jaffa and two scientists
zooming down the hall towards O'Neill's receding (and her stationary) back. "O'Neill, do not touch my bananas!"
"Sir, leave us some bananas!" "Jack, there're enough bananas for everyone!"
A few moments later, as the sounds of four pairs of rapid footsteps receded down the halls of the SGC,
Janet Frasier pried herself off the floor she had been unceremoniously flattened against. Testing her radio
to see that it still worked, she sent out the call, "SG-1 is out and headed towards the commissary. I repeat,
SG-1 is out!"
By some miracle, all four members of SG-1 arrive at the commissary together before their memories lapsed,
only to find-
"Hey, where's the bananas!" yelled O'Neill.
Indeed, there were no bananas set out today for the SGC.
"Haveyoualreadyeatenallthecommissary'sbananas,O'Neill?" Tealc O_o
"Huh?" Jack turned towards Teal'c to ask him to slow down. "Teal'c, slow down already."
"Iamnotmoving, O'Neill." Jack O_o "Whatdoyouwishmetodoslower? O'Neill? O'Neill!"
Not noticing the exchange between his two friends, Daniel was asking a small group of nurses near the
entrance if they had seen any bananas.
"If I show you some," asked one of the nurses, "will you go out with me?" Daniel O_o
"I'm sorry, what?" he asked after she had been staring at him for about fifteen seconds without getting
a response.
"Will you go out with me?"
"Sure."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"YES!" she screamed with joy. "YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!! This way." She took him by the hand and
led him towards the food storage area. "We'll get you your bananas."
"Ooooo-kay," replied a thoroughly confused Daniel, who couldn't for the life of him remember why she
wanted to show him some bananas.
Meanwhile, Sam wasn't having a great deal of luck in her search, either. "Felger," she stalked up to
him like a panther getting ready to pounce on a one-legged antelope.
"Oh, Major Carter, nice to see you. Chloe and I were just-"
"Felger, shut up. Have you seen any bananas around here recently?" Carter O_o
Felger and Chloe looked at each other, a bit puzzled by Major Carter's behavior. "Major," Chloe asked
in a concerned tone, noting the faraway look in her Sam's eyes, "are you feeling all right?"
"Why? Do I look sick?" Sam suddenly went very pale. "I'm sick, aren't I? Oh God, why now? What do
I have? I need to see Janet." With that, she walked away, swaying a little to some imaginary bug, leaving behind
two very confused colleagues.
"Hey, Carter?"
She stopped as her CO and Teal'c came up to her, concern evident in their features. "Sir, I'm sick. I
don't know what I have, but it's got to be bad. I'm pale, my heart's beating real fast, my stomach is growling-"
"Asismine," said Teal'c, who immediately left to raid the nearest food closet.
"-my legs feel wobbly, your hair looks white instead of silver," Jack O_o "and I'm hearing Teal'c
talk funny."
"Teal'c talking funny?" Jack turned towards his big friend. "Hey Teal'c, you okay?"
"IndeedIamallright,O'neill. Forwhatreasondoyouinquire?" came the big guys voice from the kitchen.
"Sir," whined Carter, "I'M the one who's sick, not him. That's why I'm hearing Teal'c talk funny."
"Carter, I'm hearing him talk funny, too."
"Really?" Jack O_o "Then you must, have the same disease I have." Sam O_o
"We're diseased?" asked a now very worried Jack.
"What do you mean I'm diseased?" Carter was pissed. How dare he make such an assumption about her.
Where'd he get such an idea anyway?
"Carter, I'm dying," Jack slid to the floor, clutching his chest, wheezing like he was really sick,
"from our disease."
"Nice try, sir," she crossed her arms in a surly manner, "but you're gonna have to try better than that
to make up for calling me diseased." She stalked away from him into the kitchen.
"Carter, help!" His voice was now low and pitiful. He saw a nurse approach him, her concern evident.
"NO! GET AWAY, I'M DISEASED. GO, SAVE YOURSELVES. AVOID THE PLAGUE THAT IS MEEEEEE!!!" He wailed.
Separated from this noise by the heavy door to the food preparation areas of the SGC, none of the rest of
SG-1 heard his cry. Teal'c was sitting on the counter, stuffing his face with cheese crackers as Sam walked by.
"Are those any good?" she asked, pointing to indicate the box of cheesy snacks.
Before Teal'c could respond, both of them heard "AHHHH!" followed by the sound of doors being flung
open and the sight of Daniel running (or trying to) down the hall with his pants around his ankles, screaming,
"Get the crazy lady away; she wants to bite me!"
A nurse, the state of whose clothing betrayed her recent activities, came running after him. "I'm sorry,
Dr. Jackson. Look, I'm not gonna bite; no teeth, no teeth, I swear. I won't even-!" She never completed the
sentence but instead let out a loud "Oomph" as Teal'c tackled her to save his friend Dr. Jackson from a
cannibalistic nurse. Carter O_o
"Teal'c," screamed Carter, "what are you doing?! Get off of her, you'll crush her to death."
"ShewasattemptingtodevourDrJacksonMajorCarter."
Daniel (who was O_o by now) came walking in, his pants still on the floor, Smurfs boxers evident for all
the world to see. "Oh, hey Sam, Teal'c, what are you guys-ooohh, cheese crackers." He grabbed the box from
Sam and began to snarf the things down." Sam O_o "Oh, sorry Sam, want some?"
At the moment, Sam had been staring at his boxers, 'Smurfs?!' she had thought. She looked up quickly,
missed seeing the box of cheese crackers, and misinterpreted his meaning. "Uh, Daniel, I really don't think...I
mean...I don't think of you that...way, y'know?"
He paused mid-chew. "Huh?"
"Well, I don't know about the other women on base, but I don't really want any of-" she motioned
towards his underwear, "-that."
"All right, where are they?" A familiar booming voice came from the other side of the nearby door to
the commissary's main gathering area, followed quickly by the voices owner, General Hammond.
"Ah, there you are-" 'What in the world?' he thought as he took the scene before him in at a glance:
Teal'c on top of a struggling nurse with her clothing in a wretched state, Dr. Jackson without his pants on
gazing at Sam, and Major Carter making inappropriate gestures towards the aforementioned doctor's less public
regions. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THREE DOING?! SF's," he bellowed behind him, causing six uniformed SFs to
file into the small room, "detain SG-1 in the briefing room until I get there. Do NOT let them leave."
With that, SG-1, including O'Neill, who had still been convinced of his and Carter's imminent death
at the hands of an alien disease when Hammond arrived in the commissary for lunch, were herded to the briefing
room. On the way out, however, Hammond heard: "Daniel, what happened to your pants?!"
TBC
// Next time, a conference with General Hammond
// So, how's it going so far? R&R please!
// See previous chapter for details and stuff
// Authors Note: From now on, this symbol O_o, will designate a member of SG-1's memory lapsing.
// Just to make things easier on yours truly. And yes…I intend to make the rest of the chapters just as
// insane (if not more so) than this one. Enjoy!
Chapter 4
SG-1 had been lounging in Carter's lab for about half and hour. Teal'c was still hyped up like a
jack-rabbit on methanphetamines, Sam was trying to hide her chocolate stash after Jack had accidentally
revealed its hiding place, Daniel was napping, and Jack was trying to make a yo-yo out of metal tubing and
wire.
"Whydowenotadjourntothecommissary? Iammosthungryhavingnoteateninoveradayandahalf.
Ibelieveyoualsocouldusesomepropernourishment, havingeatenonlyseveralchocolatebarsrecently."
"T, rewind, then slow play, and maybe I'll be able to understand you." Jack went back to his task of
constructing a yo-yo from scratch, which he was failing miserably at.
Just then, Carter walked in. "Sir, what are you doing with my electron degenerence tubes and photon
emission wire?!"
"...The what?" He looked down at his hands. "Oh, it's my new yo-yo."
"Sir, I was using that for...something...important, I think."
"Whydoesnoonetakeseriouslymyintentthatwevisitthecommissary? ArenoneofyoutrulyasfamishedasIam?"
"Teal'c, what?"
"THECOMMISSARY!" Jack O_o (see, that's how it works)
"Oh, I get it, he's hungry, sir. Sir? SIR!"
"I didn't do it!" Jack yelled.
"Didn't do what?"
"Uh...it."
Carter rolled her eyes. "Sir, why are you making a yo-yo out of my stuff?" Carter O-o
Jack eyed her with confusion. "Why would I be MAKING a yo-yo?" Teal'c O_o
"You're making a yo-yo?" She caught a look at his building materials, "OUT OF MY NEW LAB MATERIALS?!"
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?"
"WHATARETHETWOOFYOUYELLINGABOUT?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Both the major and the colonel yelled back.
"THENWILLYOUPLEASESTOPSHOUTING?"
"FINE!" Both of them chorused. Both O_o
"Uhmmm, not the monkey…" came Daniel's muffled comment.
"Monkey, what monkey?" Carter started combing her lab for the simian that would undo her carefully
ordered existence here.
O'Neill was interested for a different reason. "Really, a monkey? Cool, I love monkeys!" He started
shaking Daniel. "C'mon, Danny, where's the monkey? I wanna see the monkey."
"If that monkey touched my naquahah generator, I'll kill it." Teal'c O_o "Teal'c, help me find the
monkey."
"VerywellMajorCarter. Wewillhuntdownthemonkeytogether." With that, the big Jaffa began to aid Carter
in searching every cubic millimeter of Sam's lab for a nonexistent primate.
"Danny boy, c'mon, show me where the monkey is before it gets out."
Finally, due to the influence of Jacks repeated shaking, Daniel emerged groggily from a caffeine-
deprived state of slumber. "What is-" he saw Jack's face hovering an inch over his with a weird grin
plastered all over it, "AHHH! Damn it Jack."
Sam and Teal'c came running. "Sir, what happened?"
"I want Daniel to show me the monkey."
"Monkey, what monkey, Jack?"
"Daniel, show me the monkey before it wrecks my lab."
"Perhapsthemonkeyhasfledtothecommissarytohideinthestoragecabinetsandfeaston-" Teal'c O_o bananas."
Sam, Jack, and Daniel stared at Teal'c, trying to decipher his words. Daniel was counting off on his
fingers all the languages he was mentally matching up Teal'c's words to in an attempt to pry some meaning from
the verbally diarrheic Jaffa. Sam was going over encryption/decryption schema in her head to figure if Teal'c
was speaking in a very weird type of code. Jack was just plain confused.
"Huh?" All three of them asked at once after about ten seconds of mutual silence. All three O_o
"Bananas," Teal'c responded, remembering on his most recent word.
"Bananas?" Daniel perked up a little. " I like bananas."
"Yeah, I do too," Sam noted.
"Hey, Teal'c," Jack asked, "where ya going?"
"To eat the bananas, O'Neill."
"Oh no you don't. I'm ranking officer here and that means I get first dibs on bananas." With that,
Jack took off out the door, heading for the commissary. Alarmed at the prospect of not getting to eat bananas,
Teal'c barralled out the door, flattening the SF on duty who was about to track down O'Neill and keep SG-1
contained in Carter's lab. Sam and Daniel were close behind their teammates.
Meanwhile, one floor above Carter's lab, Janet Frasier was heading towards the elevator to go home for
the night when she heard a commotion coming from the stairwell. She turned around just in time to see Colonel
O'Neill come racing down the hall. "Colonel! What are you-"
"My bananas!" He said by way of explanation as he raced past her.
Bewildered at this sudden turn of events in SG-1s state, she didn't notice a Jaffa and two scientists
zooming down the hall towards O'Neill's receding (and her stationary) back. "O'Neill, do not touch my bananas!"
"Sir, leave us some bananas!" "Jack, there're enough bananas for everyone!"
A few moments later, as the sounds of four pairs of rapid footsteps receded down the halls of the SGC,
Janet Frasier pried herself off the floor she had been unceremoniously flattened against. Testing her radio
to see that it still worked, she sent out the call, "SG-1 is out and headed towards the commissary. I repeat,
SG-1 is out!"
By some miracle, all four members of SG-1 arrive at the commissary together before their memories lapsed,
only to find-
"Hey, where's the bananas!" yelled O'Neill.
Indeed, there were no bananas set out today for the SGC.
"Haveyoualreadyeatenallthecommissary'sbananas,O'Neill?" Tealc O_o
"Huh?" Jack turned towards Teal'c to ask him to slow down. "Teal'c, slow down already."
"Iamnotmoving, O'Neill." Jack O_o "Whatdoyouwishmetodoslower? O'Neill? O'Neill!"
Not noticing the exchange between his two friends, Daniel was asking a small group of nurses near the
entrance if they had seen any bananas.
"If I show you some," asked one of the nurses, "will you go out with me?" Daniel O_o
"I'm sorry, what?" he asked after she had been staring at him for about fifteen seconds without getting
a response.
"Will you go out with me?"
"Sure."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"YES!" she screamed with joy. "YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!! This way." She took him by the hand and
led him towards the food storage area. "We'll get you your bananas."
"Ooooo-kay," replied a thoroughly confused Daniel, who couldn't for the life of him remember why she
wanted to show him some bananas.
Meanwhile, Sam wasn't having a great deal of luck in her search, either. "Felger," she stalked up to
him like a panther getting ready to pounce on a one-legged antelope.
"Oh, Major Carter, nice to see you. Chloe and I were just-"
"Felger, shut up. Have you seen any bananas around here recently?" Carter O_o
Felger and Chloe looked at each other, a bit puzzled by Major Carter's behavior. "Major," Chloe asked
in a concerned tone, noting the faraway look in her Sam's eyes, "are you feeling all right?"
"Why? Do I look sick?" Sam suddenly went very pale. "I'm sick, aren't I? Oh God, why now? What do
I have? I need to see Janet." With that, she walked away, swaying a little to some imaginary bug, leaving behind
two very confused colleagues.
"Hey, Carter?"
She stopped as her CO and Teal'c came up to her, concern evident in their features. "Sir, I'm sick. I
don't know what I have, but it's got to be bad. I'm pale, my heart's beating real fast, my stomach is growling-"
"Asismine," said Teal'c, who immediately left to raid the nearest food closet.
"-my legs feel wobbly, your hair looks white instead of silver," Jack O_o "and I'm hearing Teal'c
talk funny."
"Teal'c talking funny?" Jack turned towards his big friend. "Hey Teal'c, you okay?"
"IndeedIamallright,O'neill. Forwhatreasondoyouinquire?" came the big guys voice from the kitchen.
"Sir," whined Carter, "I'M the one who's sick, not him. That's why I'm hearing Teal'c talk funny."
"Carter, I'm hearing him talk funny, too."
"Really?" Jack O_o "Then you must, have the same disease I have." Sam O_o
"We're diseased?" asked a now very worried Jack.
"What do you mean I'm diseased?" Carter was pissed. How dare he make such an assumption about her.
Where'd he get such an idea anyway?
"Carter, I'm dying," Jack slid to the floor, clutching his chest, wheezing like he was really sick,
"from our disease."
"Nice try, sir," she crossed her arms in a surly manner, "but you're gonna have to try better than that
to make up for calling me diseased." She stalked away from him into the kitchen.
"Carter, help!" His voice was now low and pitiful. He saw a nurse approach him, her concern evident.
"NO! GET AWAY, I'M DISEASED. GO, SAVE YOURSELVES. AVOID THE PLAGUE THAT IS MEEEEEE!!!" He wailed.
Separated from this noise by the heavy door to the food preparation areas of the SGC, none of the rest of
SG-1 heard his cry. Teal'c was sitting on the counter, stuffing his face with cheese crackers as Sam walked by.
"Are those any good?" she asked, pointing to indicate the box of cheesy snacks.
Before Teal'c could respond, both of them heard "AHHHH!" followed by the sound of doors being flung
open and the sight of Daniel running (or trying to) down the hall with his pants around his ankles, screaming,
"Get the crazy lady away; she wants to bite me!"
A nurse, the state of whose clothing betrayed her recent activities, came running after him. "I'm sorry,
Dr. Jackson. Look, I'm not gonna bite; no teeth, no teeth, I swear. I won't even-!" She never completed the
sentence but instead let out a loud "Oomph" as Teal'c tackled her to save his friend Dr. Jackson from a
cannibalistic nurse. Carter O_o
"Teal'c," screamed Carter, "what are you doing?! Get off of her, you'll crush her to death."
"ShewasattemptingtodevourDrJacksonMajorCarter."
Daniel (who was O_o by now) came walking in, his pants still on the floor, Smurfs boxers evident for all
the world to see. "Oh, hey Sam, Teal'c, what are you guys-ooohh, cheese crackers." He grabbed the box from
Sam and began to snarf the things down." Sam O_o "Oh, sorry Sam, want some?"
At the moment, Sam had been staring at his boxers, 'Smurfs?!' she had thought. She looked up quickly,
missed seeing the box of cheese crackers, and misinterpreted his meaning. "Uh, Daniel, I really don't think...I
mean...I don't think of you that...way, y'know?"
He paused mid-chew. "Huh?"
"Well, I don't know about the other women on base, but I don't really want any of-" she motioned
towards his underwear, "-that."
"All right, where are they?" A familiar booming voice came from the other side of the nearby door to
the commissary's main gathering area, followed quickly by the voices owner, General Hammond.
"Ah, there you are-" 'What in the world?' he thought as he took the scene before him in at a glance:
Teal'c on top of a struggling nurse with her clothing in a wretched state, Dr. Jackson without his pants on
gazing at Sam, and Major Carter making inappropriate gestures towards the aforementioned doctor's less public
regions. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THREE DOING?! SF's," he bellowed behind him, causing six uniformed SFs to
file into the small room, "detain SG-1 in the briefing room until I get there. Do NOT let them leave."
With that, SG-1, including O'Neill, who had still been convinced of his and Carter's imminent death
at the hands of an alien disease when Hammond arrived in the commissary for lunch, were herded to the briefing
room. On the way out, however, Hammond heard: "Daniel, what happened to your pants?!"
TBC
// Next time, a conference with General Hammond
// So, how's it going so far? R&R please!