// Selmak and Jacob meet their match: SG-1 while LOCO!
// See previous chapter for details and stuff
// Authors Note: Sorry about the lull in postings, but my muse ran away. Let me know if you see it, okay?
Chapter 6
General George Hammond looked into the briefing room through the clear plastic wall, observing the actions of his star team with
a mixture of never-ending astonishment and exhaustion. He had long given ago up trying to restrain their errant behavior, and was now
simply trying to preserve the sanity of as many people in the SGC as possible. Doing so, of course, put a tremendous strain on HIS
sanity, which was holding on by a grip that could currently be described as tenous, at best.
One thing WAS for certain, though: SG-1 needed to be either cured or removed from the base PDQ, or else MacKenzie would be so
busy with patients on base that the Air Force would have to pay him to move into quarters on base. And it would be hazard pay, of course,
since SG-1 was involved.
He turned his attention back to the man behind him, Retired General Jacob Carter, host to the Tok'ra Selmak and official liason
between the Tau'ri and the Tok'ra. "So, now that you've observed SG-1 for a half hour, you know just what we're going through. Any
ideas?"
"Are you asking me or Selmak?"
"Damnit Jacob, who do you think?!"
That took his friend aback. "Wow, they really ARE getting to you, aren't they?"
Hammond let out a sigh. "Spending a week with SG-1 in this condition would drive even an Asgard nuts."
Jacob shivered. "There's an idea I don't like to dwell on. Let me get Selmak for you." He bowed his head and, when he brough
it up again, his eyes glowed briefly, signifying that Selmak was now in control of the body. Like the heavily modulated tone wasn't clue
enough for you.
"Selmak," George bowed his head curteously.
"General Carter," the deep voice of Selmak rang through Jacob Carters vocal cords as the alien did likewise. "Forgive me, but the
Tok'ra do not know of any countermeasure for such a condition as that which has befallen SG-1."
"Any ideas on where to start?"
"Not at the moment. We have never before encountered nor had to repair this particular affliction in a host. Jacob believes that
this scenario might have been taken straight from an episode of Star Trek. I have my doubts about that."
Hammond smiled at that. A little known fact about General Jacob Carter was that he loved Sci-fi. George had never been able to
follow that fascination, but then his job was plenty spectacular enough for him. "So, no Tok'ra has ever encountered an effect like this
before, nor one of your hosts?"
Selmak paused to think for a moment. "If one of the Tok'ra were affected by whatever has happened to SG-1, our genetic memory
would insure against the loss of our memories. It is likely that this would prevent the loss of memory in the host as well, since we
would share our memories instinctively. To my knowledge, no host ever taken has encountered such an affliction as this."
"Fantastic," George intoned, meaning anything but.
"I would like to speak with SG-1, if that is all right General."
"Are you sure Selmak?"
"If I am to help rid them of this condition, I must first understand the circumstances surrounding the moment they came under the
conditions influence. This is our best chance to formulate a cure for their current state." To add emphasis, Selmak waved a hand toward
the briefing room, which showed the amusing scene of Jack chasing around Daniel a table, wielding a chair overhead like a club, ready to
bash in the good doctor's head the moment Jackson's stamina ran out.
"That," Hammond pointed to the room as well, "is exactly why I'm concerned about you wanting to go in there."
"General, if the results of the tests performed by Dr. Frasier will not vary over time, then Colonel O'Neill's memory should
relapse at any moment."
Sure enough, a few seconds later, Jack stopped running, dropped the chair, and adopted a puzzled expression. Jackson soon
followed suit, doubtless both of them wondering why they were standing amidst a bunch of overturned chairs and breathing as though they
just finished sprinting a mile, which they probably had.
Hammond relented. Selmak and Jacob together had the brains, wisdom, and experience necessary to be able to handle SG-1, so there
was no good reason to forbid them to go inside. Besides, that was Jacobs daughter in there, and any attempts to keep him from her would
probably be totally unsuccessful. Selmak was probably having to restrain Jacob from bursting into the room right now. "Okay, just be
careful. There's no telling just what they may do next."
"I'll keep that in mind, George," came Jacobs normal voice, indicating he was back in control. He strolled over to the door to
the briefing room and went inside.
"Dad!" Sam was up and in his arms in seconds.
"Hiya Sammy," he murmured in his daughters ear, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "So," he released Sam, "who touched the
artifact this time?"
"Uh, not me."
"I've got more sense then that, Dad."
"ItwasnotIwhosetoffthiseffect."
All eyes in the room converged on Jack, who, of course, hadn't been paying attention to the question. "What?"
"Well, can any of you remember who touched something last before you got here?"
That drew a bunch of blank looks. Daniel O_o "I'll take that as a no," Jacob quipped.
"What about No?" Jackson inquired.
"Something about artifacts, Daniel," Sam said.
"Ohhh, ancient Japanese artifacts? Where?!" Jackson began to look around the room. Jack O_o
"No, there are none of those here," replied Jacob.
"None of what where now huh?" Jack inquired.
Ignoring Jack, Jacob continued to question SG-1. "What can you all tell me about PV8-366? How much do you remember?"
"Oh, uh, plenty of stuff." Daniel began to rant. "Um, it has slightly less gravity than Earth," Jack O_o "plenty of trees, I
remember Jack commenting on that-"
"The trees were blue. Blue trees. Creepy," Jack interrupted, beginning to shiver with images of foreboding blue shrubbery
invading his mind.
"Yes, thank you Jack, the air had a slightly sulfurous quality to it, I don't remember seeing any animal life, the sky was..."
Teal'c O_o "green, I think?"
Teal'c looked around. "Iseenoindicationofanythinggreeninthearea,DanielJackson."
"Hey Jacob, you're an alien, sorta, why is T talking like that?"
Jacob lowered his head, allowing Selmak to take control. "What you see is the effect of too much time spent in Kel-noreem. If
the mental processes of a Goa'uld are naturally somewhat faster than that of a human. If too much time is spent connecting with the
symbiote at an unconscious level, the hosts brain will accelerate its thought processes somewhat to compensate for the extremely rapid
data exchange between the two." Daniel O_o "The effects-"
"Ahh, Goa'uld!" Daniel screamed.
Everyone stared at Daniel. Sam was actually glaring daggers.
"Oh, uh...sorry Jacob."
Selmak let out a sigh. "That is all right, Dr. Jackson; I really should have expected this reaction from one of you by now. As
I was saying, the effects should wear off within a few days of Teal'cs next Kel-noreem." With that, Selmak relinquished control.
"Okay," Jacob spoke up, "let me correct my previous mistake: what do you remember about the planets CIVILIZATION?" Sam O_o
"They were dead." That was Jack.
"Who died sir-Daddy!" Sam hugged her father close again.
Jacob was taken by surprise, though he didn't mind one bit. "Sam, though I don't mind this really," he brought her to arms
length, "you already said hello to me."
"Oh, I did?" When her father nodded, Sam sat back down a little sheepishly. O_o Jack
"Moving on," Jacob began.
Jack pushed away from the desk, kicking his chair around the room, travelling backwards at speeds best left to the drivers at the
Indy 500. Jacob gazed in stunned confusion at the Air Force colonel for a minute. "Jack, stop that!"
"Okay," the Colonel stomped his feet down on the floor, effectively applying brakes, dragging him out of the chair and landing
him on his backside. "Owwww!"
"Colonel, what's wrong?" Sam O_o
"What do ya think? I landed on my ass."
"Do you want me to take a look at it, sir?" This comment of course, drew a few stares. "I mean, uh..." Her gaze turned to
Jacob. "Dad!" She once again threw her arms around her father.
Jacob couldn't help but smile. "You know, I could get used to this."
*CRASH*
Everyone looked at O'Neill, who was standing up from the floor, a broken chair laying next to him. "It wasn't me."
"Oh, really?" Jacob couldn't help himself. "And just what other person recently took that chair for several laps around the
briefing room like a go cart?"
"That was not my fault," quipped the Colonel.
"I don't care whose fault it was Jack," O_o Teal'c "just shut up."
"Whydywshfrsthvrmthsrmnsht?" Teal'c was speaking through closed lips and jaw.
"What?" Jacob was rapidly losing his patience.
"Rmths. Whymstthyrmnsht?" Daniel O_o
"Stop that already!"
"But I'm not doing anything."
"I know YOU'RE not Daniel, I want Teal'c to stop talking through a closed jaw."
"Vrywll, JcbCrtr."
"Okay," Jacob took a breath to calm himself down. "What was the last thing ANY of you remember about the planet?"
All the members of SG-1 were silent for a moment. Then Daniel spoke up, "I remember a building of some sort."
"Really? Any of the rest of you remember this building?"
Sam spoke. "Yeah, I do. It was pretty big."
"Big?"
"Yes, big building. The size of many, MANY malls." Jack held his hands out wide to elaborate his point. "Also done in the same
bad paint job as the rest of the planet."
Jacob shook his head in amusement. "Once again Jack, your descriptive talents boggle the mind. And this was the last thing any
of you remember? Nothing about the inside of the building?"
Four heads simultaneously shook horizontally, indicating the negative.
"Okay, then. I think I've learned enough." The elderly man turned to leave the room.
"Uh, Jacob?"
"Yeah, Jack?"
"You and Selmak gonna tell us what this is all about?"
"No." With that, Tok'ra and host left the room.
George Hammond spotted his old friend the instant he was at the door to his office.
"So, do you think you've learned anything about how to deal with this?"
"Well, let's just say it's a good thing my cover was blown on my mission into Goa'uld space and I had to escape, otherwise you
wouldn't have me here for this."
"Well Jacob, what do you recommend?"
"Well, as crazy as this is going to sound-"
'Oh boy,' thought Hammond, 'THIS is going to be a doozy.'
"-I think you should send me and SG-1 back through the gate, so we can find out what did this and try to reverse the effect."
"You're out of your mind!"
"Actually, this was Selmaks idea, so she's out of HER mind...which is my mind anyways, so I guess you're right regardless."
"Jacob, this is insane! You've seen how they're acting. Do you actually think you can control them while offworld?"
"Look, we know of no-one who can help with this sort of thing. Our best chance to fix this problem lies back there," Jacob
pointed towards the inactive Stargate in the background, "through the Gate, on PV8-366. It's our best shot and you know it."
Hammonds mind was made up to say 'Hell no!' when he heard Daniel Jackson yelling from inside the briefing room, "No Jack, we
don't know where your yo-yo is!"
"Nevermind, Jacob. You and SG-1 have a go."
TBC
// Next chapter, back to PV8-366
// As of now, I'm holding this story hostage. If I don't get any reviews, the story will DIE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Nah, I'm just kidding.
// I love this story; I couldn't abandon it. Nonetheless, review please?
// BTW, No is a form of Japanese theatre that came about centuries ago; it's still performed today; just fyi
// See previous chapter for details and stuff
// Authors Note: Sorry about the lull in postings, but my muse ran away. Let me know if you see it, okay?
Chapter 6
General George Hammond looked into the briefing room through the clear plastic wall, observing the actions of his star team with
a mixture of never-ending astonishment and exhaustion. He had long given ago up trying to restrain their errant behavior, and was now
simply trying to preserve the sanity of as many people in the SGC as possible. Doing so, of course, put a tremendous strain on HIS
sanity, which was holding on by a grip that could currently be described as tenous, at best.
One thing WAS for certain, though: SG-1 needed to be either cured or removed from the base PDQ, or else MacKenzie would be so
busy with patients on base that the Air Force would have to pay him to move into quarters on base. And it would be hazard pay, of course,
since SG-1 was involved.
He turned his attention back to the man behind him, Retired General Jacob Carter, host to the Tok'ra Selmak and official liason
between the Tau'ri and the Tok'ra. "So, now that you've observed SG-1 for a half hour, you know just what we're going through. Any
ideas?"
"Are you asking me or Selmak?"
"Damnit Jacob, who do you think?!"
That took his friend aback. "Wow, they really ARE getting to you, aren't they?"
Hammond let out a sigh. "Spending a week with SG-1 in this condition would drive even an Asgard nuts."
Jacob shivered. "There's an idea I don't like to dwell on. Let me get Selmak for you." He bowed his head and, when he brough
it up again, his eyes glowed briefly, signifying that Selmak was now in control of the body. Like the heavily modulated tone wasn't clue
enough for you.
"Selmak," George bowed his head curteously.
"General Carter," the deep voice of Selmak rang through Jacob Carters vocal cords as the alien did likewise. "Forgive me, but the
Tok'ra do not know of any countermeasure for such a condition as that which has befallen SG-1."
"Any ideas on where to start?"
"Not at the moment. We have never before encountered nor had to repair this particular affliction in a host. Jacob believes that
this scenario might have been taken straight from an episode of Star Trek. I have my doubts about that."
Hammond smiled at that. A little known fact about General Jacob Carter was that he loved Sci-fi. George had never been able to
follow that fascination, but then his job was plenty spectacular enough for him. "So, no Tok'ra has ever encountered an effect like this
before, nor one of your hosts?"
Selmak paused to think for a moment. "If one of the Tok'ra were affected by whatever has happened to SG-1, our genetic memory
would insure against the loss of our memories. It is likely that this would prevent the loss of memory in the host as well, since we
would share our memories instinctively. To my knowledge, no host ever taken has encountered such an affliction as this."
"Fantastic," George intoned, meaning anything but.
"I would like to speak with SG-1, if that is all right General."
"Are you sure Selmak?"
"If I am to help rid them of this condition, I must first understand the circumstances surrounding the moment they came under the
conditions influence. This is our best chance to formulate a cure for their current state." To add emphasis, Selmak waved a hand toward
the briefing room, which showed the amusing scene of Jack chasing around Daniel a table, wielding a chair overhead like a club, ready to
bash in the good doctor's head the moment Jackson's stamina ran out.
"That," Hammond pointed to the room as well, "is exactly why I'm concerned about you wanting to go in there."
"General, if the results of the tests performed by Dr. Frasier will not vary over time, then Colonel O'Neill's memory should
relapse at any moment."
Sure enough, a few seconds later, Jack stopped running, dropped the chair, and adopted a puzzled expression. Jackson soon
followed suit, doubtless both of them wondering why they were standing amidst a bunch of overturned chairs and breathing as though they
just finished sprinting a mile, which they probably had.
Hammond relented. Selmak and Jacob together had the brains, wisdom, and experience necessary to be able to handle SG-1, so there
was no good reason to forbid them to go inside. Besides, that was Jacobs daughter in there, and any attempts to keep him from her would
probably be totally unsuccessful. Selmak was probably having to restrain Jacob from bursting into the room right now. "Okay, just be
careful. There's no telling just what they may do next."
"I'll keep that in mind, George," came Jacobs normal voice, indicating he was back in control. He strolled over to the door to
the briefing room and went inside.
"Dad!" Sam was up and in his arms in seconds.
"Hiya Sammy," he murmured in his daughters ear, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "So," he released Sam, "who touched the
artifact this time?"
"Uh, not me."
"I've got more sense then that, Dad."
"ItwasnotIwhosetoffthiseffect."
All eyes in the room converged on Jack, who, of course, hadn't been paying attention to the question. "What?"
"Well, can any of you remember who touched something last before you got here?"
That drew a bunch of blank looks. Daniel O_o "I'll take that as a no," Jacob quipped.
"What about No?" Jackson inquired.
"Something about artifacts, Daniel," Sam said.
"Ohhh, ancient Japanese artifacts? Where?!" Jackson began to look around the room. Jack O_o
"No, there are none of those here," replied Jacob.
"None of what where now huh?" Jack inquired.
Ignoring Jack, Jacob continued to question SG-1. "What can you all tell me about PV8-366? How much do you remember?"
"Oh, uh, plenty of stuff." Daniel began to rant. "Um, it has slightly less gravity than Earth," Jack O_o "plenty of trees, I
remember Jack commenting on that-"
"The trees were blue. Blue trees. Creepy," Jack interrupted, beginning to shiver with images of foreboding blue shrubbery
invading his mind.
"Yes, thank you Jack, the air had a slightly sulfurous quality to it, I don't remember seeing any animal life, the sky was..."
Teal'c O_o "green, I think?"
Teal'c looked around. "Iseenoindicationofanythinggreeninthearea,DanielJackson."
"Hey Jacob, you're an alien, sorta, why is T talking like that?"
Jacob lowered his head, allowing Selmak to take control. "What you see is the effect of too much time spent in Kel-noreem. If
the mental processes of a Goa'uld are naturally somewhat faster than that of a human. If too much time is spent connecting with the
symbiote at an unconscious level, the hosts brain will accelerate its thought processes somewhat to compensate for the extremely rapid
data exchange between the two." Daniel O_o "The effects-"
"Ahh, Goa'uld!" Daniel screamed.
Everyone stared at Daniel. Sam was actually glaring daggers.
"Oh, uh...sorry Jacob."
Selmak let out a sigh. "That is all right, Dr. Jackson; I really should have expected this reaction from one of you by now. As
I was saying, the effects should wear off within a few days of Teal'cs next Kel-noreem." With that, Selmak relinquished control.
"Okay," Jacob spoke up, "let me correct my previous mistake: what do you remember about the planets CIVILIZATION?" Sam O_o
"They were dead." That was Jack.
"Who died sir-Daddy!" Sam hugged her father close again.
Jacob was taken by surprise, though he didn't mind one bit. "Sam, though I don't mind this really," he brought her to arms
length, "you already said hello to me."
"Oh, I did?" When her father nodded, Sam sat back down a little sheepishly. O_o Jack
"Moving on," Jacob began.
Jack pushed away from the desk, kicking his chair around the room, travelling backwards at speeds best left to the drivers at the
Indy 500. Jacob gazed in stunned confusion at the Air Force colonel for a minute. "Jack, stop that!"
"Okay," the Colonel stomped his feet down on the floor, effectively applying brakes, dragging him out of the chair and landing
him on his backside. "Owwww!"
"Colonel, what's wrong?" Sam O_o
"What do ya think? I landed on my ass."
"Do you want me to take a look at it, sir?" This comment of course, drew a few stares. "I mean, uh..." Her gaze turned to
Jacob. "Dad!" She once again threw her arms around her father.
Jacob couldn't help but smile. "You know, I could get used to this."
*CRASH*
Everyone looked at O'Neill, who was standing up from the floor, a broken chair laying next to him. "It wasn't me."
"Oh, really?" Jacob couldn't help himself. "And just what other person recently took that chair for several laps around the
briefing room like a go cart?"
"That was not my fault," quipped the Colonel.
"I don't care whose fault it was Jack," O_o Teal'c "just shut up."
"Whydywshfrsthvrmthsrmnsht?" Teal'c was speaking through closed lips and jaw.
"What?" Jacob was rapidly losing his patience.
"Rmths. Whymstthyrmnsht?" Daniel O_o
"Stop that already!"
"But I'm not doing anything."
"I know YOU'RE not Daniel, I want Teal'c to stop talking through a closed jaw."
"Vrywll, JcbCrtr."
"Okay," Jacob took a breath to calm himself down. "What was the last thing ANY of you remember about the planet?"
All the members of SG-1 were silent for a moment. Then Daniel spoke up, "I remember a building of some sort."
"Really? Any of the rest of you remember this building?"
Sam spoke. "Yeah, I do. It was pretty big."
"Big?"
"Yes, big building. The size of many, MANY malls." Jack held his hands out wide to elaborate his point. "Also done in the same
bad paint job as the rest of the planet."
Jacob shook his head in amusement. "Once again Jack, your descriptive talents boggle the mind. And this was the last thing any
of you remember? Nothing about the inside of the building?"
Four heads simultaneously shook horizontally, indicating the negative.
"Okay, then. I think I've learned enough." The elderly man turned to leave the room.
"Uh, Jacob?"
"Yeah, Jack?"
"You and Selmak gonna tell us what this is all about?"
"No." With that, Tok'ra and host left the room.
George Hammond spotted his old friend the instant he was at the door to his office.
"So, do you think you've learned anything about how to deal with this?"
"Well, let's just say it's a good thing my cover was blown on my mission into Goa'uld space and I had to escape, otherwise you
wouldn't have me here for this."
"Well Jacob, what do you recommend?"
"Well, as crazy as this is going to sound-"
'Oh boy,' thought Hammond, 'THIS is going to be a doozy.'
"-I think you should send me and SG-1 back through the gate, so we can find out what did this and try to reverse the effect."
"You're out of your mind!"
"Actually, this was Selmaks idea, so she's out of HER mind...which is my mind anyways, so I guess you're right regardless."
"Jacob, this is insane! You've seen how they're acting. Do you actually think you can control them while offworld?"
"Look, we know of no-one who can help with this sort of thing. Our best chance to fix this problem lies back there," Jacob
pointed towards the inactive Stargate in the background, "through the Gate, on PV8-366. It's our best shot and you know it."
Hammonds mind was made up to say 'Hell no!' when he heard Daniel Jackson yelling from inside the briefing room, "No Jack, we
don't know where your yo-yo is!"
"Nevermind, Jacob. You and SG-1 have a go."
TBC
// Next chapter, back to PV8-366
// As of now, I'm holding this story hostage. If I don't get any reviews, the story will DIE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Nah, I'm just kidding.
// I love this story; I couldn't abandon it. Nonetheless, review please?
// BTW, No is a form of Japanese theatre that came about centuries ago; it's still performed today; just fyi