Chapter 3 - Lykouleon's Remorse

The King of Dusis should have been a happy man. He was king, was well loved by his subjects, had loyal friends, and his kingdom enjoyed peace and prosperity. He had a lovely wife, and though no children, that could possibly be remedied.

But just the day before, a young man had died. What could a young man's life possibly mean to someone who was next to immortal and ageless? Everything as it seemed. He was one of Lykouleon's beloved knights. The knight of Fire, Rath Illuser. And with his death, the dam that had held back all the guilt and haunting regrets had burst. They had always been there. But Lykouleon had somehow managed to keep them from over whelming him.

But Rath Illuser was dead. Had died at his own hand. Had taken Lykouleon's Dragon Sword, which actually now belonged by right to the knight of fire, and sliced his throat open. Had the blood spillage not stopped him, he would have gone on to sever his head. What could have possibly driven such a quiet, mature (When it came to important matters) person, with the knowledge and power that he had, what could have possibly driven him to suicide?

Unfortunately, Lykouleon knew all too well. Now he was dead, and Lykouleon could only guess part of the reasons. They were all his fault.

Lykouleon finally opened his eyes, lifting himself up from his bed with a dazed look. He'd had a bad night... nightmares... about what? His eyes widened as he finally remembered. Rath was dead. And with him, Lykouleon's private self-composure. A hot tear ran down his cheek. Just yesterday... it pained him more than anyone could guess to remember and shed tears so early in his day. But, he choked on a sob, and noticed with slight guilt that his shaking body was disturbing Raseleane's sleep, he had to keep calm in front of the Dragon Officers. Especially Kaistern. And Rune. They appeared to have been the most shaken. The Dragon Lord gave himself no credit. He could be without much argument, the most shaken of all the dragon tribe. His stability was crumbling quickly, overburdened with guilt and remorse.

Raseleane finally opened her slim golden eyes, locking with her husband's gold tinged emeralds. She noticed the tear mark on his face, and reached one slender finger to brush his cheeks. Her touch brought compassion and forgiveness, enough to keep Lykouleon composed and calm for a while longer.

"You'll be okay..." she said. Lykouleon nodded, grateful. She knew he was in pain. He got up; dressing in almost never used black attire. Raseleane followed soon after, reassuring him with a touch and smile every once in while. Is that what they should have done to Rath? But how, he'd lost all faith and trust in the Dragon Clan. His young mind had been broken, his happiness evaporated. He would never again love or trust the Dragon Clan. That distrust and hate had followed him all those years. From the first day after discovering his past, years ago in the mountains, till the day he took his life. Reassurance wouldn't have given him anything back of what he'd lost. And he'd lost too much, as well as gained. Lost what he would have wanted to keep, gained what he'd never forget, though he tried. Tears of blood... That's what Kaistern had said.

Heading to his office, he passed a mirror. Looking back at him through tormented eyes was himself. Himself. Was this the image that Rath had grown to hate? To despise? Come to regard as the pinnacle of his suffering? He knew Rath suffered. It had manifested itself mostly when he was young, the first years after his painful discovery. Lykouleon did not believe that his suffering had lessened as he'd grown older despite the fact that the outbursts had grown less, and the tears hadn't been seen in many years. Even though Rath may have acted strong and powerful, sometimes even content, never truly happy, he was sure that Rath's pain had done anything but diminish. If anything, it had increased to the point at which Rath could not be called human by emotional standards. Colder than ice. More distant than heaven itself. Worthy of being called the demon he was by Kharl. But no one ever would say that. It would have been a blow to him as personal as a wife to her man.

Lykouleon sat in his chair heavily. Tetheus was taking care of the funeral preparations; all he had to do was wait, and then attend. He thanked Tetheus for that reprieve. Tetheus had warned him, a long long time ago, the severe repercussions of Rath's admittance into the Dragon Tribe. He had not been against it, unlike many. Alfeegi had been very worried, the creature had after all, almost tore Ruwalk in half. Rath had expressed his sorrow at that by being sometimes expressively nice to the Yellow Officer. Just a slight smile, or hiding him from Alfeegi's wrath. Rath had never expressed any sort of fondness to Lykouleon. Poor Rath. He though he'd been hiding so very well when he pretended he liked the Dragons. Everyone knew very well that Rath didn't like them at all. Least of all the Lord of the land. He wasn't sure how far his hatred ran, but he knew that Rath despised him. After all, he was the one who continued his life, and Rath very clearly had wanted to end it. He had accomplished that task to the Lord's chastise.

Rath had been such a terrible demon. He'd caused so much pain to Rune, Ruwalk, himself, and the countless lives that had been affected by him, whether in death or in the grief of the death of loved ones. All this had been done involuntarily. But the guilt had lived inside Rath. Like in anyone. Lykouleon actually had a great deal of respect for Rath. Had it been him in his place, the lord would have snapped immediately. He... he would have killed himself. Gone insane. It shocked Lykouleon to realize that Rath had done that same thing. Him and Lykouleon where more alike than anyone thought, he thought grimly. Well, it was only logical, considering that all of Rath's blood belonged to him. It was the only way. Despite all the millions of lives Rath had taken, Lykouleon could not bring himself to kill the demon, because of the body it had taken to gain corporeal form. Illuser. Lykouleon's dear pet. Lykouleon knew that it had been a sort of sign. A sign to prevent him from killing him. So instead, against everyone's wishes, he'd turned the demon into a human child, and thereby admitting him into the Dragon tribe. It had been a hard choice, but now he couldn't take it back. If he was given another chance, he was sure he'd make the same choice all over again. He had no regrets...right? He sighed.

There was a knock at the door, and Lykouleon answered it, calling for the person to come in. A timid Zoma stepped in.

"Um, my Lord, Alfeegi wanted to tell you that the funeral was to take place in an hour..." he said quietly. Lykouleon nodded, and turned back, hearing the door click closed again. What were they going to do without Rath now? Thinking logically, with the mind and not the heart, they needed Rath. He was the only heir to the Dragon Tribe. Technically, he was Lykouleon's brother, since they shared the same blood, and hence, the only heir to the throne, since Lykouleon had no child of his own. That must have been the reason Rath thought they kept him alive for and wanted him around. It was in fact, at first, the primary reason, but never the only one. They needed Rath, he was an important tool in their very existence. But the heart often spoke louder than the mind, and its reason for Rath relished in the fact that Rath had been a quite charming lad before his terrible encounter with Kharl in the mountains. He had been a very loud, sweet, hyper active boy. Despite their first reluctance to accept him because of his demonic past, they all grew to like him very much, and then the feeling grew to love. They loved the little boy like the son the castle had never had. All of them. It had been a horrible day when they had first realized that Rath's trust and love for them had evaporated instantaneously, and they had no way to gain it back. Somehow, Kaistern had managed it. But they had no idea how, and Lykouleon suspected that Kaistern saving his life had to do with that fact of Rath trusting only him of the whole tribe. It hurt. It still did.

Another knock at the door brought Lykouleon's gaze back into focus, and before he answered, Ruwalk came in, looking tired and anxious.

"Lykouleon, Kaistern doesn't want to get up to go to the funeral, he says only a direct order from you will get him..." the yellow officer leaned against the wall, "How did this happen? What did we do to Rath that drove him over the wall like this?" his voice sounded so desperate, voicing Lykouleon's thoughts out loud.

"I'll go talk to him. We can't force him to come to the funeral though."

Ruwalk's face was serious, "I know, but..." he stopped and walked out. Lykouleon followed and they soon walked into Kaistern's room. Obviously, he'd just waken up, and he refused to turn his back from them and look them in the eye. Every once in a while, his body would tremble slightly, and the Lord and secretary stared uneasily at his back.

"Kaistern... I know you may not want to go, but don't you want this one last chance to say goodbye?" Lykouleon asked gently.

"He's not dead. He can't be!" Kaistern denied furiously. Then his voice broke, "Why? Rath can't be gone... If I go to the funeral, then he'll really be dead, and then I can't bring him back!"

Lykouleon stepped forward and placed his hand on Kaistern's arm, "Kaistern... he is dead. But you have this one chance of saying goodbye."

"No..."

Lykouleon sighed, "We won't force you..."

Ruwalk spoke up, and his tone took a hint of sadness and regret, "My father died when I was young. I refused to go to the funeral. Don't ask me why, I was young. Now... I regret not going. Not bidding my last goodbye, not seeing how people cried for him, how people loved him, not having the feeling of peace at knowing that on that day, he was watching over me, telling me it was all right. Not hearing the things people said about him, not having that chance to find out more about his life, dwell on it a bit longer and dig deeper. Not show my love for him by being there. I think... it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. After that, I never refused to go to a funeral. Depressing as they are, they are my way to show that I still care, and that I want to see what effect this person had in my life and in the life of others..." tears now slid down Ruwalk's face. Kaistern finally turned, looking Ruwalk in the eye, "If you don't go, you'll regret not taking this chance for the rest of your life."

Kaistern just stared for a minute longer, his head finally falling to his chest and soft sobs raking trough his body. This wasn't easy for him, Lykouleon knew that. Accepting the death of someone close was hard he knew from experience. The blue officer finally lifted his head, waving them off.

"Alright, don't worry, I'll get there in a second," he smiled slowly, the closest he could get to a reassuring smile. Lykouleon nodded, and him and Ruwalk walked out. These next couple weeks were going to be miserable. A lot of old scars would come up, and a lot of tears would be shed.

"I'm sorry about your father Ruwalk," Lykouleon mumbled quietly. Ruwalk leaned his head on his shoulder as they walked, leaning on his friend for support. He was dead tired, and his regret about his father's funeral never made him feel energetic and cheerful. Alfeegi had been impossible to comfort during the night, screaming and crying in his sleep, haunted by nightmares. Needless to say, Alfeegi and Ruwalk were both exhausted. They separated, Lykouleon going to get his wife, and Ruwalk to fetch Alfeegi.

Lykouleon treaded heavily outside, feeling grateful at least for Raseleane's comforting arm squeezing his own. The sun was cheerless, shining dimly through the thinner of the clouds that blotted the color from the world. Finally, they reached the burial place. It was the grave that Rath had built himself, where Deus lay. Not many people were there, since not many people really knew Rath on a personal level. It was just the members of the Dragon Tribe. He sighed. He was expected to be the one to lead Rath's funeral. It wasn't going to be easy. He felt uneasy about it. As if he shouldn't be the one to lead his funeral, considering he was one of the ones Rath hated the most.

He glanced around. Cesia had said she wasn't feeling well enough to attend. Zoma was here, but he doubted that the little yokai would stay until the end. Most likely he would go back after a while to comfort Cesia. Alfeegi was leaning against Ruwalk, his face pressed against Ruwalk's shoulder. Kaistern stood right in front of them. The poor man stood as if in a trance, his gaze lifeless. Lykouleon felt that he was the one that Rath's death had hit hardest. Granted, it was hard for a lot of people, but it seemed like it was hurting Kaistern the most. Rune too had said he wasn't feeling well, but he was here nonetheless, leaning against Thatz heavily for support as tears ran down his face. Thatz was sandwiched between Rune and a solemn Kitchel, himself looking somber and distraught. Delte stood a bit way off, looking guilty and dejected. Tetheus behind him looked a bit pale and more dismal and shadowy than usual. Lykouleon finally was able to gain the courage to clear his throat.

"I... I know that even though Rath really... had no care for us and most likely hated us from the bottom of his soul, we all really cared about him. We never cared about his demon side. We loved the little boy that laughed and played tricks and drove us insane. And even when he changed, began hating us and became quiet and withdrawn, we still loved him. But he always blamed us for his pain. He hated us for keeping him alive. Had he never learnt the about his past... we might had seen a different side of him. A more open, honest, happy side. I just wish that we might have been able to... heal his pain a bit... I think that Kaistern and Cesia helped him out... But it wasn't enough..." he broke off, turning away. Every one renewed their tears from the night before, spilling their grief.

"We're all going to miss him, and I just wish that we had a chance to tell him we were sorry... But I don't regret giving him life... If only he knew how much we cared about him, and not about his past."

Lykouleon turned around at that moment, running out of the glade, something warm streaming down his face.

Thanks to the reviewers!