Italics – Memories

/Italics/ - Dreams

Bittersweet Sword: Chapter 6-Ruwalk's Torment

I called out again, hoping to get a response. Maybe he was in the library office; it was one of the few places I hadn't checked. I sighed, running my hand through my brown, red-tipped hair. Alfeegi'd been acting so strange. It wasn't a surprise of course, but it was almost heart wrenching to see my aquamarine haired angel like that. He was more sensitive than anyone thought, and... Rath's death was hard on all of us. Especially Lykouleon, and Cesia, and Kaistern and Rune. Those were way too many people.

"Alfeegi! You in here?" I peeked in the library. Nope, no Alfeegi, "Darn it, where are you?" I grumbled. My stomach did too. I walked down to his office again, hoping he'd be there, even though that was the first place I had looked in. No, the room was empty. Something green caught my eye. Aquamarine to be exact. It was Alfeegi's hair. Sighing with relief, I wandered inside his office, going to the back, where all the files where kept.

"Alfeegi, where have you –"

I stopped. Alfeegi was on the floor, slumped against the tall bookshelves, eyes closed. I knelt down, noting with growing alarm the tears running down his face.

"Alfeegi! What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I watched anxiously as he opened his eyes slowly, gazing emptily before they gained focus. I wasn't sure why, but I had been overly anxious, and as soon as he opened his eyes, something snapped. I pulled him into me, almost shaking with relief.

"I'm fine... Ruwalk, look," he said hazily, and I let go to look at what he was holding out in his hands. A drawing and a black knight.

"Oh... Is that what you were crying about?" I asked slowly. I... had been largely ignorant of Alfeegi at the time, so I hadn't known about these items until he'd told me about them, and the memories that went along with them. Alfeegi buried himself onto me, shaking and on the verge of another breakout.

"He's gone Ruwalk. I remembered everything..." he almost sobbed. I felt so helpless, watching him suffer in my arms.

"Look, c'mon baby, let's get something to eat," I had to distract him, he'd had too much over these past days. It was bad for his health. Alfeegi had never had the best of health, and this wasn't helping him. I smiled, trying my best to help him get on, and he nodded, trying to get up.

"Need a little help?" I smiled, taking his arm and pulling him up. He leaned against me for a moment, his lithe body pressed up to mine. But as soon as I let go, he swayed, falling back onto me.

"I forgot, I got bit by a yellow-belly," he mumbled uncoordinatedly. I sighed and stroked his face. Another point against him.

"You feeling okay though?" I asked, referencing more to his emotional status than how he felt physically. Those yellow-belly spiders were really getting to be a problem. And they made you feel like crap, even if they weren't deadly, or dangerous, but it was like getting hit with a really bad cold, all concentrated into one or two days. I felt his head nod against in my shoulder.

"What time is it?" he asked finally.

"About three o'clock," I had to smile, knowing he wouldn't like the answer. He'd probably slept most of the day. I could see his annoyance in the drowsy scowl he wore and his sigh. I picked him up, taking him to the dining room and making him eat, though he obviously didn't have much of an appetite. I decided to take him to my room, where I could keep an easy eye on him as I worked.

Kissing his forehead lightly as I set him in my bed, I sat next to him, watching. It was my turn now to be indulged in memories and grief. I had tried to cover it up for Alfeegi's sake, but now that he wasn't watching, I was free to let go. Slowly, a couple tears ran down my face. Then more, and more. I tried to keep my mind from dwelling too much on the memories by watching Alfeegi breathe deeply, forehead lined thinly with sweat.

I got up, swaying as a sudden migraine attacked. Darn it, not now... I'd had migraine attacks since I was young. They'd strike suddenly and forcefully, luckily only lasting a couple hours instead of days, like Alfeegi's did. I sat back down, lying next to Alfeegi, covering my eyes with my hand as the light burnt painfully and the room seemed to tip and whirl.

Rath Illuser. The name popped into my head so suddenly I stood up. First mistake of the day, I realized as I clenched my mouth shut, one hand on my head, the other on my stomach, fighting the urge to lose my recent lunch.

Why him? Why had I suddenly thought of him? No matter, now he was in my head. I remembered giving him his name. I closed my eyes, my hands searching for Alfeegi's to comfort me in what I felt would be a nightmare.

/ "We're keeping it?" I asked weakly, opening my eyes finally. Lykouleon looked at me and nodded.

"Even though it almost killed Ruwalk," that would be Kaistern, I thought, closing my eyes against the tremendous pain I felt.

Lykouleon kept quiet, and I could only imagine the look of torment he wore. It was true. That youkai had almost killed me, destroyed me with one single swipe of its long, deadly claws, slicing through my body, the muscles and organs like it was slitting chicken meat, and would have ravaged through my flesh, tearing out every scrap with its dangerous teeth, gleaming scarlet with blood and left the bones to rot and be scavenged by hungry bugs and vultures. I felt my stomach turn with repulsion, because I knew that it was almost what had happened.

"You okay, Ruwalk?" Alfeegi asked, pushing a basin towards me. I sat up with painful difficulty and was quietly sick for a couple seconds. The head secretary turned away respectfully until I was done, falling back onto the infirmary bed exhausted.

"Thanks. Was it that obvious?" I asked weakly.

"I only guessed," he shrugged. Lykouleon looked apologetically at me and I tried to smile.

"So... you... made this thing human?" I asked, unbelieving. The rest of them nodded.

"Yes. It is now a member of the dragon tribe. It needs to keep a light dragon amulet, since its blood is still that of a youkai's. Technically... it's still youkai," Tetheus informed me.

"Jeez, how much did I miss while I was out?" I said sarcastically.

"A lot. It was really cool when the Lord transformed him," Kaistern said enthusiastically, trying his best to hide the unease in the room. I couldn't believe it. Did I now have to live... with this thing? This demon that had rampaged through all of Dusis, killed many of our dragon fighters, half of the population in the country, and had almost killed me?

"He's just a child though, and he doesn't remember any of it," Lykouleon was almost pleading with us. We didn't quite understand why he had done this. He said it was because the demon had taken the body of Illuser, Lykouleon's old pet. And then, he couldn't go through with it. He couldn't kill it.

"What... what will we call it?" Alfeegi asked. Everyone looked at him, surprised at his logic. Of course we had to find a name for him.

"How about... Rath?" Tetheus suggested after a pause.

"Oh, that's a cool name. It sounds like a really strong warrior," poor Kaistern. It was hard for us to think of this thing as anything other than a monster. He was doing his best to destroy the discrimination and fear we had for the creature, and it wasn't even here with us.

"What about it's last name?"

Kind of interesting how we kept calling it an it... there I went again. It was now a dragon. A him... I looked at Lykouleon.

"Names are what make you... Our last names represent our parents. Since he's got none, then his name should reflect his past..." Tetheus reflected.

"How about... Illuser?" I suggested. I received stares.

"Are you purposely trying to brand him?" Alfeegi asked, outraged, "Isn't it a bit cruel to name him that?"

"...Rath Illuser..." Lykouleon looked at his lap, seemingly lost in thought.

"It has a nice ring," I said lamely. The Lord finally looked up.

"The Dragon Tribe has a new member... Rath Illuser."

I didn't care anymore. Right now, the three large slashed across by chest were burning so badly my vision was slipping. I mumbled something, and finally fell unconscious.

OOO

It wasn't until a week later, when I was finally able to stand, that I got my first glimpse of the new addition to the dragon tribe. "Thanks Kaistern," I said, breathing heavily as he supported me.

"No problem. You were hurt pretty bad. Is your fever gone?" he mumbled, putting his hand on my forehead.

"I'm hungry. Can we please just go on?" I asked. A week bed ridden was not fun at all. He nodded and helped me along. A tinkling laugh reached my ears. I didn't recognize the voice. As we walked by one of the courtyard entrances I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Is... is that him?"

"Yeah."

There, laughing and rolling along on the ground was a little boy. His red hair gleamed in the sun, his flushed cheeks squeezed in a wide smile as he played with Crewger.

"We decided to give him the dog," Kaistern said. I was mesmerized. For some reason, I had expected him to be... demonic in some way. But he wasn't at all. He looked so innocent and pure...

"Let's go," Kaistern nudged me. I looked up, startled, and leaned back into him as he guided me to the dining hall, taking one last look at the little boy.

Everyone was more cheerful now, and I felt like everything was back to normal for a while, cracking jokes, having Alfeegi glare at me, the atmosphere light. Until about the last couple minutes of dinner.

The little boy, the one I'd named Rath Illuser, wandered in, heading straight to Raseleane.

"Mommy, I'm hungry," I looked at Lykouleon, startled.

"Yes dear, ask Cernozura. She's got your dinner," the graceful queen pushed the little boy back towards the kitchens.

"Mommy?" I repeated.

"Well, I told him he could call me that even though he knows I'm not his real mother. He... thinks he's an orphan from the demon that rampaged through Dusis," she said, smiling sadly, the look of slight apprehension never leaving her eyes. And I noticed that everyone else had the same look. In fact, I knew it was what I was feeling too. The conversation dimmed down after that.

"So, what does he call you, huh, Lykouleon?" I grinned. He looked somberly at me.

"Nothing," I was taken aback by the flatness of his voice. Was he... still feeling guilty, or responsible for something?

"Ruwalk, finish eating," the white secretary chided.

OOO

I sighed, putting my hands behind my head. It was so dull. I was bored out of my mind. How was it that Alfeegi managed to file out all these papers all day? Maybe that was why he was such an annoying, short-fused guy. Whatever. I wanted some fresh air.

Leaning forward to get up, I felt the torn flesh on my chest scrunch together, and I gasped in pain. Swaying as I took the couple steps to the courtyard outside, I finally crumbled back onto the grass, panting.

Minutes later, as my breath finally subsided, I laid back, breathing in the fresh air. Well, all it took to get back in a good mood was to be outside for a while, I thought. I looked up as I heard something rolling towards me. I brought up y hand just in time to stop a ball from hitting me in the face.

"Hello, mister. Can I have my ball back?" My eyes widened as a little boy ran towards me, all out of breath. Rath. He stopped a few feet away from me, eyeing me curiously.

"Um, yeah Rath," I fumbled with the blue sphere and managed to toss it back. He caught it deftly and set it on the ground softly.

"Who are you?" he asked, sitting down next to me. I sat up with difficulty and looked down at the boy's bright red eyes... Red eyes and hair. Crimson, gleaming like the blood it's past form had spilled. How ironically appropriate. I must have been staring for a while, because the gorgeous boy frowned.

"You know my name, what's yours?" he pouted slightly, patience running out as he waited for an answer.

"Uh, oh, yeah, my name's Ruwalk. I'm the yellow dragon officer," I said, still staring at him. How had Lykouleon managed to make such a beauty out of a fearful youkai?

"Hi!" the little boy's smile appeared, wide and innocent, shining with the light of the stars. But like the light of the stars twinkled, so did his smile. The light faded periodically, as if inhibited by darkness.

"Hello. Do you like the dragon tribe?" I smiled. I dealt well with children, and that was what this boy was. He was no longer a demon, I reminded myself.

"Yeah! They're really cool. But... are they scared of me? I don't have any real family do I? Are they scared because they aren't my real family?" he asked quietly and I looked at him in shock. While talking to Kaistern, he'd told me that they were trying their best to hide their unease. How... how had such a small boy come to that realization? How had he figured that out? He had great intuition, I thought. How had he seen the fear that dwelled in our hearts when we saw him? How had he realized that he had no real family? Did that mean that he'd figured that we had been lying when we said that he was an orphan?

"No. We're not scared of you. It's just that we're not used to you yet, and so we act a little weird... What makes you say you have no real family?"

"I don't know. I just don't feel connected. I feel... like I had someone... but I just don't feel like I have a family, or else I wouldn't feel so empty inside," he said, looking down at the ground as he motioned towards his heart. I was... taken aback by the instincts and depth of what this young boy was saying.

"You're right. I don't know if you have family or not. You may have had, but I don't think you do... I'm sorry," I took his hands, smiling widely, "But then, let us be our new family."

"Really?" his twinkling smiled lit his face again, accompanied by glittering eyes.

"Yeah. We'll all be your family," I said reassuringly to this small boy, who appeared so lost and alone, feeling like he'd never belonged.

"Then, can you play with me?" he asked eagerly.

"Sure," I agreed. Grinning, he got up and retrieved the ball.

"I can't get up..." I said apologetically.

"Then how'd you get here?" he asked cleverly.

"Well, it hurts. See, I got hurt by this really bad demon a couple weeks ago."

A strange look went by his eyes, almost of recognition, and the ball fell out of his hands.

"Are you okay, Rath?" I asked, pushing to get up and help Rath, who was holding his head, groaning. And just as suddenly as he'd doubled over, he straightened, looking frightened.

"Yeah, I'm okay... but my head hurt," he said walking over as if seeking protection.

"Yeah, it was weird. Does it still hurt?" he shook his head and sat next to me again.

"Rath! Hey, it's time for your bath!" we both looked up as Kaistern called the redheaded boy over.

"Aw man..." he mumbled, getting to his feet. He looked back at me as he began to run, "Bye Ruwalk! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye!" I waved back. Maybe he wasn't as bad as we thought he'd be... he certainly gave off a much different portrait than that of a demon...

OOO

I didn't even bother waving goodbye to the farmer who'd been kind enough to give us a lift to the Dragon Castle. Besides me, Kaistern grumbled something. We'd just come back from a mission, and I was tired, annoyed, hungry, tired, and in a bad mood.

"Those idiots at Pezcaldia think they know everything. What were they trying to do?"

"Oh, I don't know, kick us out by force if necessary?" Kaistern answered my question sarcastically, giving me a clue that he was as bad in a position as me.

"That was the worst diplomatic trip I have EVER gone to. They should all burn and die. I don't wanna do that again," I growled.

"Oh yeah? Well you're lucky, you get to just sit on your butt all day in the castle. I'm the one who has to go and run these stupid diplomats' tongues at me and deal with it," the albino officer spat back.

"Hey, you shouldn't be talking, I fought off my share of their remarks."

"And then ruined it with your stupid comment."

"I had no idea that they would react so badly to a simple suggestion!"

"That's cause you weren't paying attention to what I was telling you earlier about their pride, it's as bad as yours!"

"Well I didn't get drunk everyday just cause I wanted to!"

"Cause I wanted to? Are you kidding? Have you any idea the headaches their voices give me?"

"Yeah well, it doesn't help being drunk if you're fighting demons."

"It doesn't help either if you can't even handle a sword."

"Could too!"

"Can not!"

"You can't do much of anything else right."

"Oh, and you can?"

"Yeah!"

"As if, you sonnofa-"

"BOYS!" we both whirled around, realizing we were at the palace entrance, and met up with one peeved Cernozura, standing on the steps.

"I have never seen two officers bickering like that in my life over a little trip!" she chided.

"Well that's what these trips do to ya," I mumbled.

"No, this is what traveling with someone else does to you. I never come home like this," Kaistern glared at me. So what if I had messed up a bunch of times? I wasn't a master at these things.

"Whatever. You're just an idiot," I said and turned around, walking back to my room, not bothering with the response I got from him.

Dropping my things disrespectfully on the ground, I flopped on my bed, exhausted. That had been the most horrible trip on Dusis... I yawned at rubbed my forehead, feeling the onslaught of a sudden migraine coming on.

"Ruwalk!" I was at that state of sleeping in which you feel like you're finally getting somewhere, floating on the verge of consciousness. That feeling was shattered as I heard Alfeegi knock on my door.

"What...?" I mumbled.

"You know you have a report to write out?" his loud voice made my head vibrate painfully.

"Tomorrow..." I mumbled, dropping my head back, the pillow feeling like it was made of lead.

"Ruwalk," Alfeegi opened the door and I could feel his glare burning onto my back, "The Lord needs that report tomorrow for his meeting with the Hermosa Kingdom. You have to do it!"

"Why not Kaistern?" I said, wishing that he'd quiet down.

"Because he wasn't at the meeting you went to!"

"Man, why are you so annoying?" I said angrily, finally sitting up, holding my head heavily.

"Because you don't do your work!" he yelled back after a couple seconds of being shocked at my response. I guess it was weird to see me angry, since I was so relaxed and laid back. Him on the other hand, he was angry all the time.

"So what? I have a migraine. You're so loud, can't you just go away and bug someone else?"

Alfeegi stood still for a couple seconds, his body shaking, and at first I thought it was because he was so angry, but as I looked up to his face, I was surprised to find his eyes shiny with tears. He dropped his head.

"Fine. I'll go somewhere else. But... you still need to do that report. Not for me, but for Lykouleon," and with that he turned and ran down the hall, disappearing from my room.

"Aw man, what did I do..." I muttered, getting up slowly. Sighing, I made my way to my office and sat down in my chair. This would take all night... I thought, seeing that the sun was setting already. The sun-draped painting blurred as the light made my head spin and my vision blur.

"Ruwalk!" Rath's voice interrupted me a couple minutes later, and I looked up at him.

"Hi," I said, turning back to my work. My mood hadn't improved any, and I didn't want to find myself yelling at Rath too.

"How was your trip?"

"It sucked."

"Really? Why? Kaistern said the same thing," he sidled up to me, putting his chin on the desk and looking up at me.

"Then why didn't you ask him why?"

"Are you in a bad mood?"

"I don't know, do I look happy?" I snapped, my head reeling with his voice.

"No. You look bad. Like I do when I'm sick," he said getting behind me and leaning down, so I could feel his breath on my neck. His voice was soft, soft enough it didn't hurt as bad when he spoke.

"I have a headache and I have to finish this report for Lykouleon," I said, trying to make him leave even though I didn't want him to. He began to run his hands in circles on my back.

"I wanna watch you work. And maybe a massage will make your headache go away," he grinned. I sighed, shivering slightly at his touch. So cold... there was almost a sinister feeling about it, the way his hands played with the folds of my shirt. Yet, it was soothing and intriguing, making me yearn for more.

"Does that feel good?"

"...Yeah," I said, trying to concentrate on the parchment of paper in front of me. Miraculously, I felt the migraine that was making it next to impossible to work fade away to a dull throb. I managed to write half of the report before I felt his hands falter with impatience and boredom.

"It's getting late, maybe you should go to bed," I suggested.

"Okay," he shrugged and strode to the couch in my office. Stifling a yawn, he sat on it and curled up, falling fast asleep in a matter of minutes.

OOO

Hours later, the moon shining brightly through the dim candle lights on my desk, I was almost done. My migraine had returned full force, and I was now fighting not only that, but also the exhaustion of five days in one helluva trip while trying to concentrate on remembering exactly what had happened, putting it into words in my head and then writing it down. I stopped thinking for a moment, as it only made my head hurt worse, then tried again a while later. The process was repeated so that in five minutes, I had one sentence finished. Just a couple more. How annoying. I groaned, feeling sick. My groan must have woken Rath up, because I heard him stir and I looked up to find him staring at me drowsily.

"You're still here?" he rubbed his eyes, and I had the fleeting vision of a sleeping angel. That's what he looked like. His clear eyes gazed at me, his pale skin pulling and stretching as he got up towards me, his hair all messy from sleep.

"Yeah," I groaned again.

"You're sick aren't you?" he asked sympathetically. I nodded and put my head on arms. Shouldn't it be backwards? Me be the sympathetic one? Him acting like the little kid he was and being sick. Instead, I was acting as pathetic as a kid his age. He got behind me again, wrapping his arms around me, bringing his face close to mine.

"Aren't you gonna finish that report before going to sleep?"

I scribbled 'the end', "Yeah. Now I can go to sleep."

He giggled lightly and I glared at him. He held out his hand, "You aren't going to sleep here, are you?"

I sighed, getting to my feet rather clumsily. He took my hand and led me through the halls, opening the door to my room and leading me inside.

"Thanks," I mumbled, he pulled the covers back and I all but collapsed onto them, wincing as the stupid movement shocked my head.

"You don't look good," he observed. No duh, I thought, but didn't say so. "... Go to bed now," I said, closing my eyes.

"Can I sleep with you?" I opened my eye to look at him then closed them shut as my head pounded again.

I tried to say 'sure' but I wasn't sure what came out. In any case, he understood me and got into the covers with me, wrapping his arms around my neck again. This time, his face was so close, I felt his breath on my neck and shuddered.

"Ruwalk?" I turned my head and looked at him. He was so gorgeous... his figure, draped in darkness along with the blurring of my vision made him look like an angel of darkness.

"Hm?"

"I hope you feel better," he said and leaned in pushing his lips against mine and pulling himself closer as he ran his tongue on my lips and drew the air out of me. I was too confused and exhausted to resist it, and he took advantage of that, making his kiss as long as possible before finally drawing back, leaving my head spinning from lack of air. He touched his lips lightly, and I could see a devilish smile on them.

"Did you like that?" I couldn't stop myself and nodded stupidly. Was this really Rath? That innocent little boy who had just but a second ago held my hand to lead me to my room? Who was now taking slight advantage of my migraine to toy with me, in the pretense that he was trying to make me feel better? Wait a second; I was the grownup here, shouldn't it be the other way around? Not that that'd be any better... but he was just a little kid, how had he learned all this? I wondered fleetingly if this was maybe... maybe his youkai side that resurfaced every once in a while in ways that none of us could understand.

"Do you want me to do it again?" I said nothing, but I guessed that my eyes spoke volumes. I did want to feel his lips against mine, I did want to feel him trying to ravage through my soul in ways that no human or dragon could, or ever had, and I'd had experience. Grinning dangerously again, he laid his lips on mine again, more softly this time, letting the kiss heat as my senses grew sharper with something close, but much more tame, to lust. I couldn't help but feel, however, that there was no feeling from him. He was simply manipulating me to his own desires. Desires which I had no idea what they could possibly be. He ran his tongue inside my mouth, and I shuddered with pleasure. But the icy feeling I got from his body only intensified, and I broke away reluctantly.

"You're... you're only playing with me," I managed to say.

"Yeah, but you like it. I just wanted to make you feel better," he snuggled closer, but just leaned his head against my chest. I closed my eyes, wondering if he was being candid with me when he said that. How could such an innocent angel be able to toy with emotions so expertly? I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me, and found that I was now in his hold, being cradled gently by him. A sudden pound from my head made me wince, and the pain intensified until I felt myself slipping, feeling only the tight grip of the blood-haired angel.

OOO

"And the three little pigs built houses out of hay- don't know what he was thinking- wood, which was actually smart, and brick- did they even have the technology to make bricks? - And then – Are you listening?" I looked up from my story to look at Rath, who looked about as miserable as a cat in a boat stranded in the middle of lake.

"Yeah... keep on reading Ruwalk," he asked pitifully. I continued reading, keeping my eyes out on the little boy who sat on his chair, arms wrapped around his legs, head resting on his knees, as he looked unfocusedly outside.

"Then they all died," I said suddenly, seeing if he was paying attention.

"Huh...? They probably ate something bad, poor sheep," Rath mumbled. Well, he was paying attention to my last statement, but how he got sheep out of pigs I had no idea. "What?" I stared at him. Sheep? Was he hallucinating, or talking to his imaginary friend instead of paying attention to the three little pigs? Not that I blamed him, I hated that story. Rath looked up, gazing confusedly.

"Did the sheep die?"

"What are you talking about? I was reading the story about the stupid three pigs who kicked the bad wolf's a- ah... I mean butt," whoops, I was in front of a kid.

"Oh... Sorry. I was thinking about something else," he mumbled tiredly.

"Hey, are you feeling bad?" I rushed over to him, putting my hand to his forehead, "Jeez, you're dying here. You shouldn't have gone out in the rain yesterday. Alfeegi got sick too, but his version of rest is going through all the records and papers that were filed in the past week. Anyway, back to you, you're burning hot."

"Darn, I wanted to hunt demons..."

"We know you do, but not while you're sick. That's why we tell you to stay out of the rain, you get colds. Now sneeze and we'll know it's a cold," Rath looked at me before sneezing, "That phrase always works unless you don't have a cold."

"My head hurts," he mumbled, snuggling against me.

"Yeah well, let's take you to your room."

"I'm tired," I picked him up, taking him smoothly and carrying him to his room.

"That's why you're going to bed," I said, pulling the covers back and settling him in. "My stomach hurts," he whined again.

"You're just trying to get attention, you big baby," I said fondly, placing my hand on his burning face, flushed with heat. He sneezed again, but it turned into a heavy cough. I sat next to him, holding him until the spasm calmed and he hung weakly onto me for support. "Do you need anything?" I asked, getting a cloth and some cool water. His head moved a fraction of an inch to the sides. I offered him a glass of water, "Here."

He swallowed it gratefully and coughed again, whimpering and looking at me. I stood up to leave, "I have work to do, you sleep and I'll tell everyone to drop by and say hello. I'm sure Alfeegi would too if he wasn't in bed as well."

Rath looked at me pleadingly and the red in his eyes swirled, "No, please stay! I don't want to be alone!"

I gazed at him for a second, melting inside, "Alright. But no traps if I stay." "No," he said almost inaudibly. His eyes closed and his arm reached out to grab my hand before it fell limp.

"You're such a cute angel," I murmured. Sighing, I replaced the cloth on his forehead and wiped the sweat off his face. He sighed and muttered something incomprehensible and dozed off again.

OOO

I sighed, looking out the dark window. It was a moonless night, the only source of illumination being the stars that dotted the sky. From my bedroom balcony I could see the light that shone in the room across from the courtyard. Rath's room.

He'd been lost all of yesterday, going on a demon hunt, and we'd had to go look for him. Kaistern had finally found him and brought him home, unconscious. He hadn't woken up yesterday, and today, had refused to come out of his room. Kaistern had assured us that he was physically fine, that he had woken up after he'd found him, but... as he told us the story, we all knew that Rath now knew all of his past. We could only wonder what that would do to him.

OOO

I knew Rath was around. He'd finally come out of his room, and the first thing he'd done was show Lykouleon the body of little Deus. Lykouleon had been very depressed, Kaistern had already told him about his dragon's death, and we were all apprehensive at what Rath would be like now that his youkai side had been reawakened, and he knew what he was capable of.

Somehow though, I felt that Rath wouldn't take advantage of his demon powers. He wasn't that type of person. But I was dreading the changes such a traumatic experience would cause him. Our usually innocent, naïve beautiful angel had been given a potentially deadly dose of darkness.

I knew Rath was around, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to meet him. It happened anyway. There he was, the dark angel, lying on his back on a bench, looking up at the sky. Pain, betrayal, hatred, fear, insecurity, anxiousness, dread, angst, all flew in his eyes, veiling them, destroying the beautiful happiness and joy that had once thrived in those glorious rose red eyes. Now, they were the red of spilt blood. I walked quietly over, and he heard my footsteps and sat up quickly, almost warily and eyed me, untrusting. I flinched at the cold gaze he gave me, feeling guilty, distressed about the lack of warmth that had once been there. "Rath..." I called softly, standing in front of him.

"What do you want?" he asked neutrally, but that neutrality was cold, icy, compared to the warmth that had once flowed in his beautiful voice.

"We don't care if you're a demon. We're sorry that we didn't tell you, but... but, how could we tell such a young boy such a devastating thing? You have to understand that," I was almost pleading. He gave me a look of hatred.

"I never wanted to know! I didn't want to know this! But how could you expect to keep it a secret? One day I would find out and then my life would be ruined! I killed everyone! I was that youkai that you all speak of with such fear and hatred and I always wondered why you looked at me the way you did, and now I know! You all gave me a stupid life that I didn't deserve! I killed people! I'm a murderer! I hate you! How could you have given me life... it hurts! I would rather be dead than to have this pain! But I have a life! A life you gave me! I hate you! You don't care about me because you're afraid of me!" I sank to my knees at his pained voice, as hatred I had never heard in my life was aimed at me. No, that wasn't right. He was yelling at himself too. He hated himself as well. I felt my heart squeeze as I saw the pain in his eyes.

"Rath... no... we – we all love you for you. We don't care about your demon side," I said, trying to convince him. He stood, walking up to me, and looking up with a malicious smile.

"You're lying. And I'm lying too. And I won't ever tell the truth again. Not to anyone," he whispered, then turned and fled.

"Oh God... Rath..." I trembled, sitting in the middle of the garden, thinking about... Rath.

What was really sad was that he wasn't the type pf person who would take advantage of his demonic powers and try to gain power or reach his desires from it. He probably had enough strength to even top Nadil. Yet that thought never crossed his mind. Rath really was an innocent, pure hearted boy. He was scared. He was deathly afraid of his demon side, and he felt a guilt so immense it overwhelmed him about the deaths he'd caused. And he dreaded more than anything to become that demon again. He wanted to be pure, honest, clean, and since he was none of those, he didn't want life. He was as innocent as you could get. He could have used such power to his advantage, but he was so afraid of it, and so naïve and kind, that he didn't use it. He repulsed it, hated it because it was the opposite of what he really wanted to be. The guilt he felt... was enormous. It was a surprise that he hadn't lost his mind way before now. It wasn't surprising that he ended up committing suicide. This pain was what he had to deal with everyday. Everyday...

But it hurt. I understood what he had gone through, was going through, but it hurt, to be hated, to be called a liar, by the object of random affections and casual desires. That day marked the beginning of an abyss that grew between Rath and us./

OOO

The next day, I knocked on Alfeegi's office door, not that I needed to, but I felt like it.

"Who is it?"

"Depending on my answer, will I need earplugs?"

"Haha, very funny Ruwalk," I opened the door. Alfeegi sat at his desk, arms crossed, trying to look annoyed at me, but his lips twitched upwards until they finally broke into a small grin. He shook his head, "When will I be forgiven for any sins I caused?" he remarked to no one.

"When I have eaten lunch and had a nice time with you," I replied. He sighed and stood up, taking my hand in his and with the other one touching my forehead.

"Did you have a migraine last night?"

"How did you know?"

"You always look kind of disoriented after a migraine, and that's how you looked this morning."

"Well, you didn't look any better. Still good?"

"I'm fine. The poison only lasts a day or two, and I sucked a good bit out," Alfeegi smiled sweetly, a treat just for me. I picked him up and swung him, feeling rather cheered despite my disturbing dreams. I wanted to forget. "Didn't you say you wanted some food?" the white secretary chided rather slyly as I kissed him chastely on the neck.

"And a nice time. Whichever came first," I grinned, but nonetheless walked out, hearing his footsteps behind me.

"His highness has been very depressed..." Alfeegi mentioned worriedly.

"Who can blame him?" I said sympathetically. Alfeegi sighed.

"I don't know," his light eyes clouded.

"Cheer up Alfeegi, or else I'll get in a bad mood again," I said, whirling around and taking him into my arms. He gave a little gasp and then smiled, enchanted. I kissed him deeply, feeling the need to draw strength from him. He responded widely and strongly, opening his mouth invitingly and welcoming my tongue, letting his slide out as well, in a refreshing amount of passion.

"That... felt good," he panted, smiling widely.

"Stick out your tongue and open your mouth," I ordered. He looked at me and obeyed, standing there expectantly. I dove in again, biting his tongue lightly and closing my mouth tightly over his in another heated exchange.

We both froze as we heard a small laugh behind us and whirled. Lykouleon stood in front of us, standing on crutches, looking way too amused for his own good.

"Um... hi, Lord Lykouleon. How long you been there?" I asked stupidly.

"Long enough. I'm glad to see that some people can move on with their lives. Maybe I can take that advice too," he said his face turning from a giggly look to a somber one.

"Right. For now, could you leave us alone?"

"Maybe I should supervise," he grinned cleverly.

"I'm sure you wouldn't want to, you'd get very bored," I pulled Alfeegi into the nearest room and closed the door, eager to continue what had been so interestingly and embarrassingly interrupted.

I heard Alfeegi mutter 'Yeah right. How could he get bored watching us make out?' and I clamped his mouth shut to make sure the Lord didn't hear, getting bitten in the process as well.

"Thanks for that little painful message not to do that again, now where were we?" I said, and Alfeegi grinned.

"Right about here," he said and dove into me, grasping my lips on his own and pushing his arms up my shirt sensuously. I followed suit, running my hands through his long, silky hair and shivering in ecstasy at his breath on my ear and his tongue on my neck.

Thank you for all the support!