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Bittersweet Sword: Chapter 10-Kaistern's Broken Heart

It was like I was awake and asleep at the same time. Asleep because I was dreaming, but awake because I was completely conscious of my body and that I was dreaming. I felt my breath becoming quicker and quicker, until they were shallow, rapid rasps of breath, and my body began trembling. But I couldn't stop it. I couldn't wake up. For the past two weeks since my Rath's death, my mind had been like in a fog. I had no will left, I couldn't make myself wake up if my life depended on it. Not like I cared about my life anymore anyway.

But the dreams wouldn't go away, and those I did try to get rid of. Dreams of Rath, always of Rath...

A little red haired boy smiled up at me, eyes twinkling with the joy and innocence only a child could have, but deeper still, swirling in that glorious rose red, lays the red of blood, the demon in him lurking behind his childish look and actions. Still, he doesn't know of it, and hence is undisturbed by it, and we, at last comfortable with him.

"Kaistern, do you know what this is?" the sweet, gentle mannered boy pointed at the old, dusty book in his lap.

"It's a demon. I fought one of those," I bit my bread and talked my mouth full, something Raseleane would most likely admonish me for doing in front of him, "They're not that tough though, I mean, even the amateur guards can kill those."

"Can I do it too? Tetheus is teaching me how to fight, and I'm getting good. I was up against him for a whole twenty seconds!"

I looked up for a moment. Twenty seconds was nothing, but against Tetheus? And the black officer wasn't one for going easy on anyone, "That's pretty good, kid."

"He wants you to help train me," the small darling boy said as a matter-of-factly.

"Does he?" I could imagine why. This one was a handful. But Rath was wonderful in everyway. Me, who had had a younger brother, and loved children, had fallen in love with Rath at first sight. I couldn't help it. To be sure, I was more than a little unnerved when he first appeared because of the demon he'd used to be... and technically still was. But I'd gotten over it, at least when he was around. It was only when I had time to reflect that the cold fear and uneasiness crept over me.

"Are you then?"

"Course. Wanna start now? Go get Fire and your sword and I'll meet you up here."

He saluted me in a crooked imitation, and then ran off, jabbering loudly at no one and waving sweetly to one of the maids who greeted him fondly.

Everyone truly loved Rath. Of course, only the officers and the Lord and Queen knew of Rath's true form, so no one else had any reason to be afraid of him. And it was really impossible not to love Rath. It was like subjecting a just born pup to Alfeegi's tantrums and lectures, you had to be heartless to do something like that.

He came back promptly; staggering slightly with the combined weight of Fire perched on his head and his gigantean sword. He ran up to me eagerly, then took off, leaving me to follow. He'd been running around all day. How was he still full of energy? Children where the one thing people would never understand despite having been one themselves. Then again, Ruwalk Lykouleon and me still acted pretty immature when we wanted, Alfeegi called us children all the time. Yet we still didn't understand Rath completely. Alfeegi and Tetheus on the other hand, they'd never be able to understand Rath, since I doubted they'd ever been children.

"You ready?" I blinked, seeing that Rath was ready, in fact, I was the one who wasn't ready yet.

"Yeah!" the excited call came. Jeez, was he ever eager to prove himself. Oh well, this would be to some amusement.

"Alright, go," I called, not taking this in the least bit serious. C'mon, he came up to my waist, it's not like I had to be on my guard. Had Tetheus been watching, and I been a guard, I would have been quickly thrown out. Me not paying attention resulted in not seeing how quickly Rath had charged at me, and a silver blade was headed towards my shoulder almost before I had time to react.

"Whoa! How the heck did you move so fast?" I yelped, blocking his blunt attack. Now I could see how he had lasted those twenty seconds against the black officer.

"You weren't paying attention," Rath pouted, ducking underneath my legs and leaving me to whirl around in confusion and surprise just before he swung his sword to the side, aiming to hack my legs off.

"Ack! Don't you think you're being a little vicious?" I jumped in the air, narrowly avoiding his sword. I definitely had to keep my guard up, he was good. But off course, after having swung the sword around like that with so much momentum, he was left temporarily imbalanced, and I took the opportunity to swing the sword and stop it an inch above his head.

"Eek!" his crimson eyes widened, and a small sweat bead ran down his face, "But- But I had you..."

"You really think you could beat me?" I scoffed, then ruffled his head affectionately, "Nah, but I mean, c'mon, I've fought so many demons, naturally I have more experience than you.

"

"Darn it," he pouted, rosy lips protruding from his face. I rubbed his back lightly.

"Wanna try that again?"

OoO

"This is so COOL!"

I rubbed my temple. This was... what? The forty-fifth? Or forty-eight time he'd said that? I wasn't sure, I'd lost count at thirty-six.

"We know you're stoked about going demon hunting, but keep it down, or else you'll scare them all away..." I said tiredly. Much as I loved the kid, I couldn't do much about not liking his noise. If he kept this going I was gonna have a headache the size of Alfeegi's tantrums. Or the size of them ones his tantrums caused. I grinned to myself, I always made fun of Alfeegi. Should I start making fun of Ruwalk? Nah, he was my partner in crime most of the time, and he gave me extra money. So how about Tetheus? I sweatdropped, frankly I was scared of finding out what he'd do to me if he heard me making fun of him. So that was the reason I made fun of Alfeegi, he was the only one.

"What was that?" I heard Rath yelp in front of me, pointing towards the dense shrubs that surrounded the path that we were on inside the forest with a mix of excitement and nervousness. I couldn't blame him, this was going to be the first demon he'd ever encountered. I was honored that they'd chosen me to come with him, since it could have been Tetheus as well. But he was busy with a demon attack occurring in a town north of Hermosa. That's why we needed Dragon Knights, and to train Rath. So that they could take care of that stuff instead of exhausting Tetheus. He may act touch, but I knew that this constant moving around and fighting made him tired.

"I don't know, let's check," I called out to Rath and headed over. Red and faded lemon colored eyes peeked out from between the bushes, trying to peer into the darker forest. I recognized the rat demon that scampered around, its seven yellow eyes flickering back and forth, clawing at the ground where it had presumably hidden some sort of food. It was large, at least half Rath's size, with a greenish tinge to it's fur and a very short nose.

"Go for it," I whispered in Rath's ear, almost feeling the trembling excitement. There was nervousness, but no fear. I would learn that there never would be any fear. It made sense that Rath would never be afraid of his own kind.

Rath nodded and sprang forward, catching the large rat demon completely unaware and with one sweeping strike slashed through the thing. Blood and loose organs splattered a short distance away, most of it forming a blobby, mostly coherent mass.

"Ew," he observed, peering closer at the mass of had-been.

"Yeah. You slew your first demon," I said, grinning as I came out from behind the bushes.

Wonder seemed to grow in his face, and suddenly he burst, jumping and squealing and acting like he'd found the biggest treasure. I smiled, watching as he seemed to make a tribal dance around the corpse, calling it names and boasting. Finally, he seemed to realize how childish his behavior was and stood up straight, strutting like... one of those wannabe prime ministers I'd often had to have meetings with who thought that just cause they were kings, they were big stuff, but really, they had no idea how to be king and they had never done anything to help their people. In any case, it was amusing.

"Here, I'll help you clean your sword," I offered, knowing he had some trouble sometimes due to the large size of this sword. He looked at me in disbelief.

"Kaisteeeern, I don't need help, I killed a demon," he said, stressing the word demon and making I seem like a big deal. I almost burst out laughing but held it in, knowing that would hurt his pride. I wanted to retort, 'that was just a little demon, I've killed hundreds three times that size.'

But that'd be mean, and he had slain his first demon. A proud first step in becoming the knight he was meant to be.

Another rustling in the deep green brush attracted my attention, and Rath's as well. We both whirled as a small demon, about the same size as the one Rath had killed walked in. It was human shaped, except it had four arms, blue skin and three horns on it's forehead. It's solid yellow eyes gazed frightfully between me and Rath as it froze in its step. Rath raised his sword, grinning, a strange look in his eyes, something that lacked the childish innocence and had more a lust for blood. It scared me for a second, but then it faded as the demon cowered down, pleading.

"Please, don't kill me! I'm just looking for food, and I've never hurt anybody!" the small squeaks grated in my ear. Rath looked doubtful for a second, then shrugged one light shoulder and set the sword down. I looked closely at him closely to see if that look was there, but it was gone. Had that been the demon inside him that resurfaced at strange moments?

"Sure, you can go," he said and sheathed the metal blade. The demon scampered off without another word.

"That was merciful," I said approvingly. Another good trait of a dragon knight. To know when sometimes bloodshed wasn't necessary.

"You think?" he said.

"Yeah, of course."

OoO

I dragged myself to the set camping clearing, crickets quieting their nocturnal lament as I stepped into the clearing, a fire already broiling, courtesy of our very own fire knight of course. Or his dragon. I was exhausted, Rath had kept me running behind him all day. I was getting too old for this. Babysitting was a touch business. Now, trekking out and chasing down demons and them getting rid of them I could do, keeping up with a hyper ten-year old at the same time was beyond my limits.

And there he sat, the precious boy with the odd white lock of hair hanging into his face, which glowed, the shadows liquefying on his pale skin.

"Where do we sleep?"

I groaned, I still had to put out the sleeping bags and secure our food. Well, better than tents, "Roll out the sleeping bags, will ya?"

"Sure!" he said and hopped to it. Still full of energy and already giving me a migraine. Wait no, that had already been there all day. Still, I had to smile. I was glad overall that I had agreed to taking him out on his first demon hunt. And I was glad to be able to hog him to myself. I chuckled, sometimes we officers grew a little possessive over Rath. All in good-nature of course, but it was amusing to see us almost fighting over who got to be with Rath. Well, not real fights, more like pouts and pleads and sometimes growls between Ruwalk and me. Alfeegi called us childish for being like that though he pouted too. I'd seen him. And Ruwalk would occasionally steal Rath from one of us just to show him areas around the castle or help him sneak Lykouleon out. Rath served as the distraction till 'Feegi got wise to it. Even Tetheus sometimes requested that Rath's lessons be left up to him, and he clearly enjoyed being the one who usually gave Rath his swordsmanship and demon hunting lessons.

Now that I thought about, Lykouleon was the only one who didn't act like that. Cause of course all the women absolutely loved him, giving him baths and dressing him up and stuffing him with food until he was green. And cooing him and squeezing him when he was sick or when he was simply being adorable. But those were women for ya. I always did wonder exactly why­ Lykouleon didn't attach himself to Rath. And because he made no effort, Rath never attached himself very much to Lykouleon. Rath had once said that he felt something odd for the Lord. Like distrust. Because he felt the Lord's energy all around himself, he said. And I told him it was because he saved him and Rath just gave me a strange look and asked if I was sure that he'd saved him. When Rath said stuff like that, it kinda scared me. Because it was almost like he knew the truth. And hence knew we were lying.

Of course, Rath didn't know yet that he was the Lord's successor as his blood brother. I didn't know how, but I felt that that would play a role in Rath's behavior towards Lykouleon. His Highness. His Majesty, I reminded myself, thinking of Alfeegi if he'd heard my thoughts. I was getting paranoid of him even when he wasn't around. Oh well, more power to him.

Sleeping bags rolled on the floor, I settled in, Rath already curled into a loose ball in one of them. I slipped into the second one, nestling Rath's smaller, younger form tightly against me.

"Love ya Kai-kai," he muttered, affecting his simplest nickname for me.

"Same here, kid," I whispered in the sleeping cherubim's ear.

OoO

Years later, I whistled merrily, sword hefted onto my shoulder, as I breezed through the dense tundra. Rath's excited, if controlled footsteps followed me.

"Hey, how come we haven't found any demons? There's not that many places to hide," he asked me. I shrugged and turned to see the one whose heart I longed for but currently belonged to someone else, looking out onto the desolate, barren land with a disgruntled look. We were both on a mission to find a rogue demon and get rid of it. Rune had recently gotten hurt on a previous mission and Thatz had, conveniently, chosen to stay and take care of him. Conveniently because it allowed him to gamble his heart away without Rune or Rath to cramp his style. There was still Alfeegi to deal with however, and that made Rath and Rune's absence completely worthless. And Cesia, who would have been the number one candidate to go with Rath, had decided that she'd had enough of his obsessive demon hunting and preferred to stay and wait for him. I assumed they were having a little lover's spat. Well, in any case, it gave me a perfect opportunity to be with Rath. I wasn't quite sure however, why I wanted to be with him so badly. End result of my unexplained desires anyway, was me volunteering to come with Rath.

"So... how are things going with Cesia?"

Rath's expression turned pensive, "Do think she likes me?"

"Well, yeah, she seems to," I admitted painfully.

"I don't want her to."

I looked at him, "What? I thought you loved her."

"I did... but she loves me back. I didn't want that."

I was surprised, so much so that I didn't try to figure what this meant for me, "Let me get this straight, unlike most people, you don't want the person you like to like you back?"

He shrugged, and turned his gaze away slightly, "I guess. It's just that now that she's starting to return my feelings, she doesn't act the same. She's more conscious of what I am and the way she acts, and it's just that... the girl I loved hated me, and that's why I got along so well with her, but now that she likes me, it's just as if she was one of the Dragon Tribe."

He was telling me this because of his promise to tell me everything. I was included in those 'Dragon tribe' people, and he hated me just as much as he did the rest. It hurt a lot, I realized, as my body suddenly faltered in its step and my senses seemed dulled with a knife that pierced slowly and painfully, blanketing you in the sand-papery touch of reality. I stumbled, almost falling, but the long hands of the fire knight caught me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, having immediately realized something had changed within me. Not like I tried to hide it, so it's not like it wasn't obvious. But I couldn't tell him. Because obviously he didn't want to love someone who already loved him, and those words I had been tempted to pronounce would have been in vain and heartbreak. The thoughts were just the same though, and it didn't help at all.

"Nothing. Don't feel as well suddenly. Maybe you should take care of the demon," I muttered wearily.

"Uh, sure," he brightened, "I get to lick butt all by myself!"

I let my gaze fall back to my feet as I trudged through the tundra, the whistle and spring in my step gone.

Finally, strange noises reached our ears and Rath perked up instantaneously, covering the short distance between us and surpassing it. I caught up with him and we both peeked over a huge boulder in our past. A strange glint passed through Rath's eyes as he spotted the youkai sitting at the foot of the boulder.

"It's demon cooking time," he whispered and charged at the youkai. It sprang up, it's black robe fluttering underneath it two long arms. Golden hair streamed from it's head, it's ugly face and fangs contorted in fear.

"Who are you?" it challenged.

"You don't know me? I'm sure you've heard of the great demon hunter, Rath," the fire knight mocked dangerously, his voice low and hungry. I shivered. There was just something unnerving when Rath was in full hunting mode. It was like his inner demon grew and morphed inside him, manifesting itself in his gestures, in the depth of his eyes. Unnerving but intriguing. And I knew he'd never hurt me, or anyone from the castle no matter how much he hated them, so I wasn't scared. For myself at least.

"Rath!" The youkai repeated, falling to its knees, "What do you want from me? Don't hurt me, please!" it pleaded, it's high voice breaking with fear. Female, I decided, and for some reason, I got the distinction that it was with young. Hidden deep within the folds of her cloak possibly.

"Hurt you? Now why wouldn't I hurt the demon that's been killing random people in various towns here?" he asked, his voice sickeningly and mockingly sweet.

"I only killed because a demon in Nadil's army made me, or else my offspring would die!" the she-demon pleaded, still on her knees.

"I'm not going to slack off on my job. You should have figured out a way to save your young without killing," he said. I got the distinct impression that he cared just as much about simply the rush of killing demons as the killings that had occurred. I started as I saw tears begin to run down the demoness' face. I was touched by the fact that they could cry.

"I won't kill anyone else, I just needed to be able to save my young!"

"Sorry, dealing with Nadil's army is a sin that can't be forgotten. You should have thought about that before you killed all those people," he smirked darkly. Jumping up, he swung down his sword with half his strength.

"Spare me, be mercif–" I turned my head away at the sickening chuck as bone was cut in half. I looked at Rath, my body tensing at the insane, pleased look in his face.

"Why did you kill her? She was being honest. She had children," I shuddered slightly as that cold gaze burned into me.

"Because it was a youkai," he licked the blood that had spattered onto his hands off. I shuddered again, sitting down slowly.

"You used to be merciful. What happened to that small demon we'd found the first time we went demon hunting? You spared it when it pleaded," I said accusingly, trying to rid myself of the shakiness in my voice.

"It hadn't killed."

"You've changed," I whispered, then gasped and covered my mouth. His cold gaze turned murderous.

"Of course I changed. I had no idea what I was back then. I didn't know I was a killer youkai. I should be acting like what I really am, shouldn't I?" his frozen smirk sent shivers up my spine, his darkened words rushing out dangerously, enveloping me with fear.

"Do you want to be next?" he whispered, holding his sword up, horizontally.

"W-what?" I tried to back away, as I saw Rath morph. His skin turned black, his eyes grew small and blood red, his body changing into that of a dog. Sharp fangs protruded from his muzzle as well as claws from his pointed paws. Our surroundings seemed to fade into black, and I let out a frightened cry and tried to scramble to my feet, but the horrible demon with the lustful eyes and sharp tail pinned me down, sword forgotten at its side. The last thing that changed from Rath to the youkai he'd once been was his face, and it was the last thing I saw before a saliva-covered muzzle bore down in my throat and I let out a strangled cry as it was raised again, this time covered in blood.

"Rath... why?" I managed to spurt out, blood spilling thickly out of my mouth as my life faded.

I sat up, screaming, sweating, shaking. What kind of a nightmare had that been? I fingered my throat with shaky fingers and tried to calm my rasping gulps of air. Rath... I clutched my chest, feeling the pain of loneliness and abandonment stronger than ever in my dark room, the moonlight's absence dripping everything with black as I sat in my bed, mourning for the loss of my lost loved one. I had nightmares of Rath's death every night. A few silent tears squeezed through my closed eyes, landing with soft plip's on my hand. I stood up, trancelike, opening the door and making my way into the dark, cold stone halls.

"Rath..." I murmured, my hands squeezing around my body. I found the closed door that I was looking for and turned the knob, the familiar sensation calming me somewhat.

I stepped into Rath's room, as black and dark as mine, and stumbled onto the bed, drawing the covers up to myself. Every time I had a nightmare I slept in Rath's room. And when Rath was alive, it had been vice versa. But now that he was dead, the comfort that I had received from his warm, smaller body up against mine was gone, and all that was left was a cold bed.

I knew Rath was in pain, I knew that was why he had killed himself, but why had he left me all alone? He could have taken me with him, I thought desperately, clutching the sheets that smelled so much like him, though it had been two weeks since his death. I needed to see him again so badly, it hurt. It was a constant hurt, one that left me in a trance, one that sometimes grew so painful I blacked out.

The occurrences in the dream had been memories. The only part that had been a figment of my pained heart was when he'd asked me if I wanted to be next.

I cherished all the memories of himself when he was younger with such fervor. He'd been so sweet and loving, he'd been the perfect little kid. Every one had love him and taken care of him, despite him having been such a troublemaker and all. I dug myself deeper in Rath's bed, breathing in the pillow's scent, the smell of sweat and darkness and pain and somehow innocence and love.

It had disturbed me though, how much he'd changed. When younger he'd had such a big heart, and though he had that strange obsession with killing demons, he'd been merciful. He never killed them without a reason. That all had changed, and his hunting expeditions had turned cold and bloodied, violent. And he killed for fun. No... I was sure he killed for revenge.

Revenge because he felt anger at everyone. Us for saving him, demons for creating him. He hated his very existence. But I had thought... I really had thought that I'd be able to save him from that. That our love would have been strong enough to keep him alive and to ease his anger.

It hadn't.

It was all my fault. If I had been stronger, or firmer, or more loving, would I have been able to save Rath? Maybe Cesia would have been able. Maybe she would have been able to control the demon inside him and kept him from committing suicide. I berated myself more and more with each breath, crying tears of regret and pain. It was my fault. I hadn't been able to save Rath from himself. I was supposed to protect him, and I let him die.

"I let him die..." I sobbed, softly. I wanted to kill myself, I really did. There was nothing left here. From the moment I'd realized that I loved him, my whole life had been centered around him. And he was gone, and I was left with a broken self.

I needed him to keep me anchored to myself, I needed him to find a reason to live and push myself to the brink, to keep going when I was a death's door on my travels and I found myself at a though position. I always thought of Rath, of coming home to his choking hugs, and later, his soft kisses, and that always gave the strength to fight on, hanging on to my heart as a lifeline. Roses in the sky, things to look forward to. Beauty in the vast expanse of nothing. My Rath.

I was exhausted. Had been from the moment I'd found him lying dead, head halfway severed from his neck, blood pooling around him, sticky. Blood had a smell. They said only demons could smell it, but I had recognized the scent and felt nauseous.

He'd smiled... he was happy. That actually had provide some sort of deluded comfort. He was happy he was gone. And yet, did that mean he was happy to have lost me?

Tears trickled down my cheeks, ran into the corner of my mouth and provided salty distraction from the pain my heart was being tortured to endure. I'd never see him again...

With that last thought I plunged once again into a dream world, this one more bittersweet than frightening.

I looked out of the window. It was rare for me to be in the castle for long, but really, work had been slow. I wasn't needed much for some reason. Probably something to do with that big meeting Lykouleon had arranged with all the leaders of all the cities and countries. It was keeping them in temporary check.

It was relaxing, not having to constantly pack and unpack, rushing around to get somewhere in time and missing all the parties and all the inside jokes. You missed out on a lot of those when you were gone so much.

But it was boring too. Mostly because the other officers were busy dong forms that I had 'accidentally' lost and then Alfeegi had gotten so mad he'd forbidden me to help at all in case I lost more forms. Ruwalk had glared at me and said that he needed to try that trick out. Plus, Rath and the other two knights weren't here. They were out on a mission, and were bound to come back in two day's time.

My face clouded as I leaned back and rested my feet on the banister. Rath... lately, for some reason my mind had been a lot on him. I wasn't sure why. I imagined Rath's form, his impudent smirk on his handsome face. The way he walked with that proud stance, the way his eyes searched and analyzed, read you like a book. The way his eyes blinked innocently, wide and rose red. His odd white lock of hair waving in the wind as he lay on the grass, just staring up at the sky. He was downright sexy, I had to admit. I shuddered, had I actually just thought that of our sweet, little boy?

Ah, well, then again he wasn't a little boy anymore. He was grownup. And I wasn't the first one who had admired his looks, plenty of ladies in Draqueen had said the same things. Of course I would know, what with me practically residing in the local pubs with Ruwalk, we got comments and questions about Rath all the time from ladies. He wasn't a little kid anymore.

But there was so much more to him than his looks. His character. His hobby of reading, his expertise with a sword, his childish ways. How he always got away with everything, and how his eyes twinkled when he was happy and how the glinted dangerously, like a piece of glass when he was angry, or hunting. The way his mind was so insightful and he caught things no one else did. His strange personality switches, how one second he was an innocent laughing young man and then the next he was a was a conniving, deviously sly man, danger exuding from his body. And his eyes, so complex. I read so many emotions there at one time it was impossible.

And then there was me. Why was I thinking about him again? I couldn't place it, but I missed him. I was eager for him to come home and me be the one to receive him this time. I felt the need to be with him. How strange.

I sucked in the moist summer air. It was a nice day. The wind whistled gently through the trees, and all I could think about when I saw the trees was the time Rath had been a little kid and gotten stuck in them, and then me and Ruwalk had spent a full hour trying to get him down. I chuckled.

I sighed again, smiling lightly. Just the thought of Rath seemed to cheer me up and depress me at the same time. Cheer me up, I wasn't sure why. Depress me because he wasn't here. My smile widened a bit. I couldn't wait to be here to welcome him home.

Crewger bounded up to me, knocking into the chair and making me lose my balance and fall to the ground. The ice dog ran on me, licking my face relentlessly.

"C-crewger!" I choked out, laughing, "You're supposed to do that to Rath only!" Cause I was starting to get too old for that. Was that my excuse for everything?

Crewger whined happily, letting off for a moment before starting again.

"Guess ya missed me and Rath, huh?"

Another happy lick was my response.

OoO

I cruised leisurely around the castle, just doing my own thing. It was incredible to have all this free time. I walked across the guard's training area, deciding to drop by Tetheus.

"Hey," I waved. He looked up from supervising to fighters duking it out like the little kindergartners they acted like.

"Hello, Kaistern. It's nice to see your face here again," he smiled laconically.

"Yeah, it is. Last time I came here was to go over Rath's swordsmanship lessons," smirked, "Too bad he doesn't need anymore."

Tetheus nodded, and I saw something akin to nostalgia in his eyes.

"You liked teaching him a lot didn't you?" I said softly.

He looked surprised at me for a second, then smiled, eyes closed, "Yes."

"Well, he'll be coming back in two days, maybe you guys could have a small battle or something."

Tetheus nodded, and then we began to talk about the things I'd missed while on the last diplomatic nightmare. I even managed to make Tetheus crack a couple smiles, I always did.

"You know," I began abruptly, "I've been thinking a lot about Rath. I'm not sure why though."

The black officer gave a long look before speaking, "What do you feel for the fire knight?"

I blinked, "I don't know."

"Could you possibly love him?" Tetheus suggested. My eyes widened.

"What are you talking about? I mean, of course I love him, just like you do, and Alfeegi and Raseleane, but..."

"Anything more?"

I turned away, my face suddenly hot, "I don't know."

"I'd say it's a possibility," the black haired man grinned slightly.

"Why aren't you acting shocked, or surprised?" I blinked, finally looking at him.

"Why would I be? Rath is closer to you than anyone else except for Rune and Cesia."

"I don't mean that, I mean... well, we are guys."

Tetheus looked amused, "So are Alfeegi and Ruwalk."

I stared.

OoO

Could I really love Rath? I kicked a stone into the pond behind the castle, where I had come to try to peer inside myself. All I cam up with were more questions, and insecurities.

Why? I was usually so comfortable about Rath, but... now I was nervous, and he wasn't even here. I had two days to figure out what I felt for him. That was too little time.

What if he didn't like me back? He had plenty of other people to choose from. There was... everyone except for Lykouleon and Raseleane, then I grinned, and Ruwalk and Alfeegi. Well, technically, according to Tetheus, Ruwalk and Alfeegi weren't together, but they obviously liked each other. And Rath had all sorts of ladies who would die to have him. I grinned sheepishly, it was kind of disconcerting to think of my innocent Rath doing Lord-knows-what with other girls... or guys, I swallowed.

I sat heavily back down on the grass, a cycle that had been going on for a couple hours already. Get up, pace, sit down, gaze. Repeat. I gazed at a bug that crawled over my shoe. A pretty bug, a ladybug. Red like Rath's hair and eyes, round like the tip of his small fingertips, as cute and innocent as he was.

I had to love him, otherwise, why was I thinking so much about him? Why was I yearning for him to come home so badly?

I needed a distraction. Maybe I should piss Alfeegi off and actually try to listen to what he yells at me for a change.

Yeah, that was a good distraction. Except for the fact that then I'd remember all the times Alfeegi yelled at Rath.

Once again: Thanks to all my reviewers!