Note from the Author: Before you read the next chapter, here is some very important information you need to know. The characters in this story do NOT belong to me, but to Eoin Colfer. Most of the story is mine, but some parts belong to Eoin Colfer. Just thought I should say that since I forgot to mention it in the first chapter...sorry.

Chapter 2: The LEP and Presents!

"Awe, isn't this cute. They're playing Faeries and Goblins Arty," It was Artemis's Parents. Artemis put on a very fake smile.

"Yes mother, we're just..." He struggled with the last word. "Playing." Something that Artemis had rarely done in his childhood.

"Well, enjoy." Said his father. "But don't go downstairs....I mean...we're remodeling down there tonight." His Parents both sniggered. "Good one." He heard his mother say. Artemis rolled his eyes. How stupid did they think he was?

"We won't go downstairs." lied Artemis.

"Okay, well goodnight...and Arty?"

"Yes father?"

"Where's Cuddles?"

"Who?"

"Your Puppy?"

Artemis's fake grin disappeared. "I was just about to go get him father." His parents said goodnight once more and went to bed. Artemis sighed with relief.

"Butler, the puppy." He was thankful that Butler remained silent this time. "I think the puppy is holding the goblins."

Butler thought about this for a second. "Yes, the puppy does fit the description doesn't he."

"Yes, and when I threw him across the room, the impact should have caused serious brain damage to a real puppy."

"Artemis! How could you!?! What if the puppy had been real?!?"

"Yes, well he did tear up my paja-"

"I know, I know. Come on. Lets get the puppy and then go find Holly and Mulch."

They returned minutes later holding a suitcase which was squirming impatiently as they walked down the hall. Butler kept on making cooing noises at the bag when ever he thought Artemis wasn't listening. "Oh Artemis," He said at last, "Don't you think you'd ever want a real puppy? I mean, their so cute!"

"Butler, I don't have time for cute, I have time to buy new silk pajamas and that's about as cute as I get."

Butler was about to suggest that Artemis get a kitten when Holly and Mulch came running up to them. "Fowl!" Holly exclaimed, "We've found the goblins! They stuffed themselves inside a pair of underpants that your mother knitted for you, come on!"

Artemis's jaw dropped, "But the puppy," He muttered, "By all accounts it should be the puppy."

"Its not the puppy!" Butler exclaimed jovially, grabbing at the suit case and rescuing the ever happy canine from it's bag. "Now you can keep it!" Butler said shoving it into Artemis's arms.

"No Butler. I can't...uggg....no, get off of me!" he said, utterly disgusted by the puppy who had just managed to lick Artemis's nose. "Butler, take the puppy. I must speak with Holly." He then hurried off to the Christmas tree where he found boxes, wrapping paper and gifts strewn all across the floor. He found Holly sitting in a box of candy.

"Holly! Don't you have some sort of tracking device that you could have used instead?" Holly nodded. "Yes Fowl, but elves aren't accustomed to getting gifts and when they do..." She looked across the room. Her face was flushed with Christmas joy, which made Artemis want to throw up. "Well, I'm sure your parents won't be too disappointed."

"But Holly, I was sure that the puppy was the culprit. Where are the goblins?"

"uh..." Holly scanned the room with her eyes. "Hmmm, must've gotten away when I wasn't looking." Artemis stood in the middle of the room. arms crossed and staring at Holly with disbelief.

"What mud boy!?! You didn't want these gifts anyhow. Oooh...this must be a gift from yourself." Said Holly, holding up silk, fur lined robe.

"Well I wanted that one!" He snatched it from her grasp "Listen, It doesn't make sense, I threw the puppy across the room and it was fine, no damage done!"

"Maybe there was no more damage left to do to the little guy," Holly said, watching as the dog bounced into a box and started barking madly to be let out. For a moment it looked as if Holly was going to help the little thing but she noticed a remaining present instead and grabbed for it. "Hah!" She laughed, ignoring Artemis's urgent expression, "Its titled 'to cuddles from papa', sheesh Artemis, I guess you just don't cut it as a son, do you?" She tore it open and took out a diamond encrusted collar with lace fringe and a little bell. Holly burst into a fit of uncontrolled laughter and than got up and bent over the wiggling box. After a few moments of working over the puppy she heaved him up and held him out for Artemis to see. The circular monster of fluff seemed smaller with the huge fringe of lace around what Artemis took to be either the puppy's neck or waist.

"Holly!" Artemis exclaimed, "I will send you one hundred presents if you just go and get those goblins!" Holly looked at him doubtfully,

"You?" She asked, "Send gifts?" Artemis nodded. "Send them to me?" More nodding. Holly got up and folded her arms, she narrowed her eyes at the pale boy "What kind of presents?"

"Holly! Please, we'll discuss this later!" Artemis shouted.

"Oh no Mud boy! I know you better then that, you don't keep your word unless a contract is signed, still, I expect that you're no cheap skate, so here's the facts..." She gave Artemis such an over powering glare that one couldn't believe that she was half his height. Artemis waited, Holly lectured with a passion and although Artemis was not one to cower he did take a step backwards. Holly opened her mouth "I want a skate board, not a cheap one either, something really nice because I've seen the mud people skate boarding and I bet I could do killer tricks if I just added an explosive of some sort, I also want flip flops, that's right," She said at Artemis's disbelieving face "Flip flops,I don't normally go for the shoes but I like the noise they make, you know, 'flip flop flip flop' heehee, I want a whoopie cushion, to put under Root when ever he chooses to fire me, and a monopoly set, we don't have monopoly down there."

Artemis glared. "Are you finished yet, or should I be writing this down?" He was sure that the elf would've heard the sarcasm, but her eyes seemed to brighten suddenly.

"Do you have a pad of paper? And a pen?" Artemis nearly rolled his eyes as he took out a pen. "oh well," continued Holly, when Artemis did not produce any paper. "You can use your arm."

"My arm? I may have gained a conscience since I've met you, but I haven't sunk as low as you seem to think."

Suddenly captain Holly Short shook her head. "Oh, right. I almost lost it right there. It's the presents. Come on Fowl." Artemis sighed with relief and they walked into the kitchen. "Alright, my helmet is picking up something...it looks like the goblins are right..." they turned a corner and Holly let out a delighted squeal. "Presents!"

Artemis seriously considered groaning at this point. "Captain Short, if you don't start acting like an adult, I will leave you here to sort out the goblins yourself. In fact, I'm not quite sure why you needed my help anyhow. This surely doesn't require an intellect such as mine. A five year old could have sorted this out in ten seconds."

Holly pounced upon the gift wrapped boxes that Mr. and Mrs Fowl had "skillfully" hid under the sink, in the oven and in the trash bin. Artemis wasn't quite sure how he had been expected to look in those places but he did wish that his parents could have hidden them from an LEP officer's helmet. "This'll just be a moment," Holly assured him as she dove into the trash bin. There was a lot of wiggling about and then Holly came up with a Barbie doll in hand, she laughed at Artemis, "It was signed 'to our dear little Arty',"

Artemis actually groaned, "CAPTAIN SHORT!" He said, using the best 'commander root' voice that he could. Holly jumped out of the trash bin and stood straight and tall, her eyes wide and fearful. Then she realized that it hadn't actually been her boss sent to fire her. She glared at Artemis who would have liked very much to mock her 'present' squeal, only, that was below him. "Good," Artemis said, "Now that I have your ATTENTION-" His voice changed back to Root's as Holly's eyes turned towards the oven. Her gaze snapped back to him, he continued. "I would like to tell you that for your undignifyed 'present' frenzy, you have had 25 presents subtracted from our deal."

'What!?!" Holly seemed to be regaining her usual personality. "Fine, but I'm telling you this right now mud boy, that if you don't stop using Root's voice, I shall have to call up Foaly!"

"And why should that scare me?" questioned the youth. "After all, you're the one who was frightened that Foaly might find out-"

"Don't worry about that mudboy." came a voice out of nowhere. "I already have. Go on, this is very entertaining."

Holly turned slightly pale as the voice reverberated off of the walls. Artemis stood still, his face emotionless as usual. "Foaly, don't tell Root!" said Holly as she tried to find where the voice was coming from. "I mean it, I have a feeling that if he finds out now...well, I'll probably be fired before I can even defend myself."

"And what defense would you have?" Said the centaur with a hint of smugness. "I suppose it's all my decision isn't it..."

"Alright Foaly, what's it gonna take?" Holly asked,

"10 of your presents," Foaly said, Artemis slapped his fore head.

"5." Holly retorted

"9"

"6"

"8"

"7"

"Alright then, 7," Foaly said. "But no lower,"

"And you'll keep quiet about this Fowl business?"

They could hear Foaly chuckle, "My lips are sealed only...uh oh,"

"What's going on?" asked Artemis, sensing that something had just gone horribly wrong.

They heard a lot of whispering and shuffling coming from Foaly's end, and then "Nothing Mud boy. just a little computer glitch...that's all. hehe."

Artemis highly doubted that Foaly had a computer "glitch". The people had technology beyond any that humans (other than Artemis) had ever come close to revealing. There had only been one glitch in that system before, and that had been Artemis himself. He had the feeling that Commander Root might've already found out about Holly's absence, but he said nothing to Holly. If he didn't want to have his mind wiped again, he was going to have to play dumb...and that was not easy for a person with the highest IQ in Europe... and possibly the world.

"Okay Holly, so you're looking for the goblins?" asked Foaly, in a somewhat humorous voice.

"Yes," replied Holly. Artemis pretended to jump "Who's there?!?" he questioned.

"It's me Artemis. Who else would be-?"

"How do you know my name?" Artemis dropped his pager on purpose and fumbled to retrieve it. "Stay where you are! I've got security camera's watching nearly every inch of this house! And a body guard that wouldn't think twice before snapping your spine in two." He paged Butler and waited for the Body guard to arrive, trying to think of what else he could say to sound genuinely frightened.

"What the-? Artemis, It's me, Holly Short. This better not be some kind of joke Fowl!" But Artemis's jokes were normally dry and half hearted. She couldn't imagine why he was acting this way unless... "Foaly?" she asked, as a screen appeared in her helmet.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Is it possible that Fowl has just forgotten about us....due to shock or something?"

The centaur considered this for a moment. "Yeah, it's possible, but with a mind like Fowl's I couldn't see it happening. Still, it's a possibility, why?"

"He doesn't seem to know who I am..." said Holly "do you think he'd mind if I still took some of his presents?"

"You shall be taking nothing!" ordered Artemis. "If you do, I assure you that Butler will track you down!" Butler appeared in the room.

"What is it?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

"Oh Butler!" said Artemis dramatically, which was quite difficult for Artemis was NOT a dramatic person. "We have intruders..." He nudged Butler very slightly to give him the idea. Butler raised his eyebrows and glanced at holly, then he looked back at Artemis.

"Oh...er...right. Well I'll escort her out immediately." He balled his fists, and put on a very nice glare.

"What's going on? Fowl! This isn't like you." Shouted Holly as the manservant grabbed her by the shoulder, almost too carefully for he knew that injuring Holly Short was likely to give you a black eye, even if you were a seven foot man mountain.

"Not like me? I assure you this is quite like me. Butler will show you what happens to people who manage to break into Fowl Manner.

"Wha-? But...Foaly! He knows...he still remembers! He's playing mind games with us! Foaly!"

"Captain SHORT!" came Root's voice in her helmet. Holly would've froze except that she was still being dragged along by Butler. "I...it's...I can explain,"

"Well you better start!" He yelled. "Because if I don't get a good explanation then you're FIRED!"

"But...I...LET ME GO!" She yelled at Butler. He dropped her immediately. Artemis glared at him, trying to get him to pick her up again, to make it seem more real, but Butler simply shrugged and walked back to his principal.

"What's going on Artemis?" he whispered.

"Root's found out about this. if he knows that we've re-remembered, then we'll be getting mind wipes again."

"Are you sure?"

"There's no doubt."

They watched Holly shield herself and open the front door.

Holly was having difficulty explaining. "Er...well, me and...and a friend, were looking for the recently escaped goblins and-"

"What friend?!?" snapped commander Root.

"Does it matter?" asked Holly hopefully.

"Yes it matters! What if I'd found you were doing LEP work, above ground, with a criminal or something?!? Do you know how catastrophic that would be?!? Now tell me!"

"Erm...well don't get mad now, I mean it wasn't really my fault...he insisted on coming."She waited for a few seconds, and when it was plain that this was not a good enough answer for Root she continued. "it was Diggums...Mulch Diggums."

"WHAT!?!" Holly knew that Root's face was growing beyond any shade of color visible to humans, in the ultra violet range. "CAPTAIN SHORT! GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T FIRE YOU RIGHT NOW!"

"But Commander! He was the only one who could break into Fowl's house! He got me permission to go in."

"How?" asked Foaly, sounding amazed.

"He asked Artemis's parents. But don't worry, they thought he was some cute bearded kid singing Christmas carols."

"Short. You're just lucky that that fowl kid doesn't remember who you are!" said Root. Holly was about to come up with another 'clever' explanation but stopped herself. "Of course," She muttered, Realizing what Artemis was up to, and it was lucky that she had said 'of course' instead 'oh no' because Root took this as an answer. "Good," He said, "You're off the hook this time for being careful and not messing around, now what's all this I'm hearing about presents?" A hungriness seemed to have crept into his voice as he said 'presents'.

"Nothing," Holly snapped aggressively, she wasn't going to lose anymore of her presents. "Now please let me continue with the mission, the sooner I get those flip flops- I mean Goblins, the better."