Tiny Vessels
By: Allie-Dee
Based on the song Tiny Vessels by Death Cab for Cutie

Disclaimer: Um, no, still don't own Death Cab for Cutie OR RFR. What a pity.

Is this...this...really want you want? Thoughts raced into his mind, as he smiled lazily at the girl, on his bed. She was looking downwards to a magazine. Her blonde hair fell gently down, and she looked gorgeous.

"This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't
You touched her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me."

The echoes of the song drummed in his ear. He couldn't stand it. The girl looked up and smiled at him, then laughed with amusement at the song. "Do you love me, Ray? Do you? Or have you been lying to me?" She raised her eyebrows, in a joking matter.

"Oh...well..." words somehow were lost, but he managed to stammer, "Yeah Lily." A huge lump in his throat made his voice seem hoarse. "I love you."

Then she walked over to him, and gave him a kiss on the head. "You better." she coaxed, touching his hair.

I better. Yes, I better. Ray thought again, gazing at Lily's beauty. This is the girl. Lily. The girl you've been wanting forever. Forever. And suddenly you don't love her anymore? Suddenly the passion, the love has flickered out?

Was...there any love in the first place?

Maybe because she was such a good friend, that he kept thinking that she was the only female that he ever thought was really a girl that was pretty. He was blinded by the good things in her; didn't see all the many thoughts that made her ugly on the inside.

I should have let it go after the whole bit in high school, when I knew she didn't love me. When she told me that it was too late. I should have just nodded and gone with the flow. Why did I persist? Why did I ask her out at the end of freshman year? And why on Earth did she say 'yes'?

A great friend, yes, but...nothing more. We should have never been anything more, he observed the girl get up and take his hand, making him get up and go outside.

"I spent two weeks in Silverlake, the California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks,
And she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me
Yeah she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me."

They were 22. They have been together for far too long; gone to places together. Been with each other. They were the cutest couple...to people other than Ray. They were wonderful; they loved each other.

But now, Ray couldn't help but wondering, 'What did I ever see in her?' Yes, Lily might have been a sweetheart in high school...but then she went Mean Girl, wearing so much make-up, having too much fun, leaving behind the band...which turned Ray off.

Guys kept telling Ray he was so lucky to have a girl like Lily. So Ray kept thinking he was in love with her; some guys wished they were as blessed as him. But some days, he just wanted to throw Lily at the boys that were envious and yell, "Am I really that lucky! If I am, you can have her!"

Lily became "fast" and "easy", words that in high school. The words Lily would've hated to be called. But then she was. Yes, once or twice they did have love, but Ray didn't enjoy it. He whispered to her, "I love you." in her ear.

Each time he said that, a pang of hate flung onto his heart. He was lying. Lying, lying, lying. When had Ray become like this? When had Lily become like this?

"I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking as we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling all the playful misspellings and every bite I gave that left a mark
Then tiny vessels oozed into your neck and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did I that day."

Ray stumbled past Lily, while her soft hand cradled his, as she glanced back, smiling. He smiled, but looked up and saw rain clouds. He kept thinking of how what if he didn't love Lily back in high school...and how would life be now.

"Ray?"

He snapped out of his daydream, and then watched puzzlement and confusion rise onto her face. "Anything..." she was about so said, 'Wrong'?

But if she did, he would yell, "Of course! I have you!" but he shook his head, looking at the flowers in the garden with a sad look. Lily looked kind of hurt, but she pulled him along anyway.

"All I see are dark gray clouds in the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you'd ask, 'Is something wrong?'
I'd think, 'You're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now.
No we can't talk about it now.'"

Maybe Lily was just something that was pleasure. He liked being with her, and she was nice...but...

There was nothing like there was back when they were kids. She had changed. He had changed. They were different, and Ray knew he couldn't keep leaving her on.

"Lily..." it felt stressful, but he said the words loud and clear. She turned.

"Yes?"

Ray embraced her, wrapping his arms around her, biting his lip. He couldn't say it. But he had too. He let go, and she smiled. "What brought that one?" she laughed. Lily's laugh. It sounded like when they were in love. He would just say, "Because." and they would kiss and crack jokes; everything would be picture perfect.

Though, those memories were no more.

"Lily, I just...all these years...I always told you that you meant the world to me but..."

Lily's eyes went wide. The word "but" rang in her ears, echoing like it was a broken record.

"Now it's not the same feeling."

Her face got red. Ray knew that meant crying.

"Wha, what?"

Ray quickly looked away; he couldn't stand looking at her cry. Please, don't, he pleaded in his thoughts. He started to turn and walk away.

"Wait..."

She grabbed his arm, making him look straight into her eyes, already sprouting out tears.

"Are, are you breaking up with me?"

Ray nodded slowly, still trying to not make eye contact.

"Wait...Ray..."

Tears started rolling down her cheeks. She became frantic.

"Sorry Lil. I can't."

He turned and tried to not let her pull him back.

"But Ray!"

But her voice...it made him automatically stop, like a robot. He didn't look back though.

"I thought..."

He shook his hair, and started to walk again.

"RAY!"

She kept screaming, and screaming.

"No…."

He kept walking, and walking though. And as she fell to the ground, sobbing, he whispered,

"Goodbye, Lily..."

And as Lily's cheeks had tears that looked like they never stopped, a lone tear went down Ray's face.

"So one last touch and then you'll go and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more.
But it was vile and it was cheap and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me."

I have nothing to say, except I will be updating my chapter stories...soon.

Enjoy this random peice of Allie Art. I mean, writing. Or whatever. I feel sorta depressed right now, so if you flame me, I'll flame you back. With my dragon power.

Allie

PS - Anyone notice that this is all centered? I only wanted the lyrics to be but my computer is being an idiot today. Damn...