A/N: Sorry these chapters are so short...
This Man Has Been...Squished...
A footstep!
Miss Tinkle fainted with a theatrical sigh and toppled over backwards, there was a thud. Vimes muttered something under his breath and looked back at the body, "What would you say has happened to this man, Detritus?" he asked his sergeant.
"Dis man has most defin'tly been squished, sir," the troll answered loyally,
Sam hmm-ed and looked back at the gargantuan seamstress, "Sergeant, go and find someone with a spade, while I try to resuscitate our friend,"
Detritus nodded and ambled off, Vimes walked over to the fallen giant and tugged at an arm to move her under some shade...purple spots clouded Vimes' eyes and a vein in his forehead looked about ready to explode...Vimes shrank back, "Sergeant, new plan," he called to the troll, "I'll go and find someone with a spade – you can move this...woman..."
Dink.
Vimes passed the troll, "Good luck," he grinned, the commander continued up the street, a cart passed him with a very smelly old man at the reins, he nodded to Vimes and Vimes nodded to him and then went on his way. A little way ahead Vimes found a dwarf, in one hand he had an axe – the other he held a shovel.
"Sir," Vimes said as he walked up to the dwarf, "The Watch is in need of your scooping implement,"
"Sod off," the dwarf snapped.
Vimes squinted dangerously and clonked the dwarf on the head with the pommel of his sword – he was getting too old for that kind of rubbish, "Thank-you for your cooperation, sir," he growled and stalked off with the shovel under one arm. With the other he pulled out a cigar and walked back to the pile of human-mush.
He heard a very unwelcome squelch...
Vimes looked up from his smoke – the cart with the smelly man had just passed Detritus and the comatose seamstress...
The commander ran up and swore loudly, his squished victim had a nice long cartwheel track running though him alongside the footprint.
"Bugger!" Vimes covered his eyes with a shaking hand – today was not a good day. He sank down next to the desecrated man and took a long drag.
"Commander! Commander Vimes! Today is your lucky day!"
Silent tears ran down Vimes' face as C.M.O.T Dibbler walked over to him – not noticing the pile of human slushy on the cobbles, "Throat! Stop! Now!" The commander cried leaping up.
Dibbler kept coming.
There was another squelch...
"Urrgh! What the bloody hell is this sh-?"
He stopped as Detritus lifted him up by his head, "You sir, you is standing on Evidence and-"
"Detritus?"
"- Clues, dis is an-"
"Detritus!?"
"Offence-"
"Detritus!?"
Dink, "Yes sir?"
"Get your foot out of the poor man!"
Detritus looked down and sheepishly removed his foot from the 'evidence', "Err..."
Vimes got up and walked away muttering to himself, he turned sharply, "You're in charge Sergeant, clean this up and then bring Miss Tinkle to see me, thank you – good bye,"
Vimes was halfway back to the Yard when he heard it, manic laughter – the same from the night before...there was something fishy going on...