Too Soon
Day VI
Faith opened her eyes slowly feeling that nice soreness in her body. She couldn't believe how good it felt to have slept. She knew she hadn't been asleep for long though because it was still very dark outside. She turned over to look at the clock and saw that it was only a couple minutes after three. Who would've thought that two hours of sleep would feel so resting after several days of none.
She wanted to feel like she did last night for the rest of her life. And she knew that if he wasn't sick that's exactly what her life would be like. She could have him forever, she would never be alone or upset or forgotten. She would always have someone to live for and someone to go home to. She would always have someone to confide in and have hold her. She loved him so much… why did he have to be sick? He was such a good man! Why couldn't she be the one who was dying? She deserved it more than he did. Why did he have to be in so much pain? Just… why?
She shook off her questions, not wanting to bother with them anymore. She just wanted to lie with him and love him for as long as they had left. She laid there quietly for a while, allowing herself to slowly work out of her sleepy daze. She put her head on the pillow wanting to lay down and watch him sleep. For a brief moment she forgot why she hadn't slept in so long but then the unwanted reality sunk in. As her eyes cleared slightly from the sleepiness she noticed dried blood run from his nose. She felt a wave of dizziness run through her and she tried to wipe off the blood. She expected him to wake up as she rubbed his face to get the blood off but he didn't move so she whispered to him,
"Xander?" She waited a couple of seconds then repeated his name. After repeating it several times she began to scream, "Xander! Xander wake up! This isn't funny, Xander! Please! Please wake up!"
Willow woke up suddenly hearing something and realized she had fallen asleep on the couch with Kennedy. She reached for the remote control and turned off the television which was now playing some infomercial.
"Willow!" she heard the panicked scream from the other room. Kennedy bolted upright on the couch and stared at Willow with an immense fear. Kennedy had never heard Faith sound scared before. Even when they were in the underground storage of the First where the Bringers had kept the weapons and Faith opened the chest to find a bomb, she didn't sound scared when she told everyone to get down. But the voice she just heard was of her completely petrified.
"Oh my God," Willow gasped as she jumped off of the couch. "Call 911," she yelled to Kennedy as she ran towards their room. "Faith," she said as she opened the door.
"Xander, wake up! This is too soon, you have more time! You swore you had more time! You told me at least a week! This is too soon! I need you! Wake up!" Willow took a deep breath before walking over to the bed and checking his vital signs. "Call a fucking doctor!" Faith screamed angrily, "he's got more time… he's not supposed to die yet! He's got another day… he's supposed to have another day! I need another day… I need him! It's too soon."
Kennedy ran into the bedroom after making the call and saw Faith kneeling next to him on the bed screaming for him to wake up. She was holding his face and stroking his cheek and forehead as she begged for him to somehow wake up.
"Faith… he's not going to wake up," Kennedy stated.
"He's okay, he's just… he's cold," she concluded. She grabbed the blanket and pulled it around him, "he just needs to get warm and he'll be fine. He's got to be okay. I need him…"
Willow cried silently with tears streaming down her cheeks as she stood there are looked at her friend since childhood lay lifeless on the bed. She walked out of the room and picked up the phone.
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With a groan Buffy rolled over in bed and felt around for the phone on the floor. She finally found it without opening her eyes and brought it up to her ear,
"Hello?" she asked in a daze. Willow's sobs on the other end were like a dozen espresso shots put directly into her bloodstream.
"Buffy, you need to come down here." Buffy didn't even hang up the phone she just threw it down onto the floor and ran out of her room screaming for Dawn.
Within seconds Dawn was in the hallway and following her sister out the front door. Buffy grabbed her cell phone and car keys and as they drove quickly through the streets she called Giles.
Buffy arrived at the same time as the ambulance and police. She ran up the stairs just ahead of them and despite the fact that the door was locked she broke it right open. She ran into Xander's room and saw Willow standing in the corner crying, Kennedy pacing back and forth by her and then there was Faith. The only way Buffy could think to describe her was absolutely hysterical! She was screaming his name and for him to wake up over and over again as she touched his face and hair and telling him that he couldn't leave her. Buffy went over to them and touched Xander's arm. A shiver went through her when she felt the coldness beginning inside of him.
"Faith…" she said, trying to calm her down before the paramedics and police flooded the room. But because of the location of the call when Kennedy sent in a call saying she thought Xander was dead there was immediately a linking on the computer between a death and the fact that a known murder ex-con was living in the house. Because of protocol there were certain measures that had to be taken even if Wolfram & Hart had managed to clear Faith's jail sentence.
The police ran in the room as though they were sure this was a murder and not just a death. They had been instructed to be ready for anything.
"No body move!"
"What the fuck!" Faith yelled angrily, "he needs a fucking doctor not someone to read him his rights!"
"That's not for him, Miss," the officer answered curtly. "Would you please get off the bed."
"This is fucking ridiculous," Kennedy yelled angrily. "Wil…" she said turning to her girlfriend for help. Willow remained quiet, crying where she stood.
"Where's the doctor? I don't understand… why isn't there a doctor?" Faith began, her hysterics overcoming her anger. "Don't worry, baby, it's okay… you're okay…"
Kennedy stepped out of the bedroom where the paramedics were waiting for safety clearance and Kennedy yelled,
"Can we just get a fucking doctor in here?" She knew as well as anyone that there wasn't anything a doctor was going to be able to do. She hadn't really thought how Faith would react – they all knew she was going to be extremely upset – but Kennedy couldn't even comprehend why she was acting like this. It was so far away from anything she had ever seen Faith do that it was hard to digest.
A handful of paramedics jumped from where they stood and quickly came into the room. Buffy exited the room taking the police officers with her and explained,
"Officer, this was actually expected… she's his fiancé and it's been a tough week for her. It was really sudden…"
"I apologize but I am going to have to ask her and possibly all of you some questions before I go."
"That's going to have to wait a while." She walked back into the room leaving the policemen out in the kitchen.
One of the paramedics checked Xander's vital signs and feeling the coldness of his skin turned to the others and shook his head just enough for them to know it was no longer a rush.
"Miss," he said to Faith, "I'm very sorry…"
"Do something! You need to do something! He's got another day, he has to. It's too soon!" The paramedics turned and walked out of the room to make their necessary calls to the coroner, ignoring Faith's desperate pleas. "I'm so sorry… baby, why did I go to sleep? I only had you for a little longer and I fucking slept through it! I'm so sorry…" she said falling into silence as she stared down into her lovers face.
"Faith…" Buffy said walking around the bed so Xander wasn't between them. She motioned to embrace her, wanting to cry with her but Faith lashed out with hostility,
"Don't fucking touch me! It's your fucking fault he's dead! He's dead… he can't be. It's your fault! I hate you!" Buffy turned away from her, unable to stop the tears from leaping out of her eyes at being blamed for this. Faith took his head in her lap and held him, "baby, please wake up. Please don't leave me. I need you so much…"
The responsible party came to deal with the aftermath of Xander's death. Trying to be as respectful of the family's sorrows as possible, it was still difficult to not seem sensitive. It was hard to stay sensitive in their line of work.
"Miss, I think it would be best for you to not be in the room." Faith was continually swinging back and forth for yelling and screaming to sobbing quietly; from lashing out angrily to sinking deeper and deeper into realization and depression.
"Why would that be better?" she asked blankly.
"Most family members find it better to not have a memory of watching their loved one taken."
"Why would he be taken?" Her thought process was definitely not working at the moment because she was so upset.
"Because we need to take him into the morgue," the man answered blankly.
"You can't take him."
"Faith, come on," Buffy interjected, putting her hand around her arm.
"Don't touch me!"
"Faith, don't do this…" Kennedy walked over from Willow's corner of the room seeing Buffy was going to need more than just one Slayer's strength to deal with this.
"They can't take him," Faith explained, as though no one else was thinking straight.
"Faith, please don't make this harder than it has to be…"
"Joey, why don't you help them," the first man suggested to one of his partners.
"No!" Kennedy interrupted quickly, "we'll get her to leave." The last thing they needed was for Faith to take out some employee of the state with half a dozen police officers in the next room. The next thing they did was something Kennedy would've happily had ripped from her memory. Literally pulling her away from him, they dragged her out of the room as she fought them every inch of the way. There were even moments that Kennedy doubted they were going to be able to despite the fact that they should statistically speaking be twice as strong as her.
"Why are you letting them take him away!?" she begged to know as she tried to free herself of their grips.
"Faith, come on!" Buffy pleaded through tears. Buffy finally gave up after struggling to hold her outside of the room for several minutes. Kennedy still held onto her but in a couple moments Faith was by the bedroom door just in time to see them close a zipper over his face. Kennedy was chasing after her and just as she reached her Faith stopped dead in her tracks and even faltered from side to side for a moment, unsure of whether or not she'd be able to remain standing. It was as if when they closed that zipper they had cut off her air. She froze.
She appeared to be at least okay from where everyone else was standing but she blacked out and it seemed that she blinked and by the time she opened her eyes again all of the paramedics and coroner's were gone. She was somehow now on the floor sitting against the wall and she saw Giles with a glass of water.
"Faith…" she heard him say like he was miles away. She gained a slight recognition that it wasn't the first time he had said her name. In fact he had been saying it for several minutes now trying to get her to be responsive. Her skin had gone completely white, even her lips lost their color. Her eyes were unmoved and weren't blinking and she was resting her head reliantly on the wall for support. Giles reached his hand up to touch her face to see if she had gone cold or feverish but scaring him half to death she jumped away from his touch before he even reached her.
"Don't fucking touch me," she warned.
"Faith, I…" Giles continued talking but she blocked him out and it was as though he weren't talking. She slowly got to her feet and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Buffy walked silently over to the bathroom door waiting outside of it.
Faith looked in the mirror for a second then around the sink and she saw his razor. She looked back into the mirror and it was like watching a home video of Xander shaving like he did every morning. After watching her little movie in her mind contently for a few minutes suddenly she felt sick and she had to throw herself towards the toilet to vomit.
She didn't remember when she stopped vomiting or when she stood up again… She just remembered looking into the mirror again. She saw herself there as she stood but she saw Xander standing behind her kissing her shoulder as he held her. She looked into the mirror happily but suddenly flashes overtook the mirror from the depths of her brain. She saw them all… Finch, the professor, and all of the others just flash one after the other in the mirror as though they were standing right in front of it. But they didn't look alive they looked like they probably looked now after being underground and dead for so many years. She jumped back away from the mirror quickly but slipped on something on the floor and the next thing she felt after the horror was a sharp pain as her head smashed into the corner of the sink.
Buffy heard the fall and hit the door until it opened on the third hit.
"Faith," she said as she ran to her side. "You need to go lie down or something…"
"No," she said pushing her away. "I just hit my head by accident, I'm fine."
"Okay," Buffy agreed, not wanting to make her upset. "Can I see?" she asked, since Faith was currently holding the side of her head.
"I'm fine," Faith claimed, moving her hand from her head to push herself up. As she moved her hand Buffy saw her hand covered in blood.
"Somebody get me a towel, quick! Faith, let me see…"
Willow had finally stopped crying. Kennedy didn't know how much longer she could idly stand by and watch her just cry and cry and cry. She wanted to make her feel better but she had no concept of how to do that. At first she thought she wasn't affected by what had happened but she realized she must be in a way she wasn't comprehending when she found she couldn't really speak to anyone. Even something she couldn't admit to herself was that she was feeling angry… angry at Xander for leaving Faith like this.
She heard Buffy scream for a towel and she found herself eager to jump and do something instead of just standing around thinking. She also noticed that no one except for maybe Giles had motioned to listen to Buffy. Kennedy had to kind of agree on that one, after all, if they hadn't listened to her in the first place, Xander wouldn't be dead. She jogged over to the bathroom, towel in hand, and handed it to Buffy, still a little unclear on the need for a towel.
Buffy was crouching over Faith and blocking Kennedy's view of her.
"Don't you think a tissue would've sufficed…" Kennedy asked thinking the towel was to wipe off tears.
"Buffy, I'm fine!" Faith defended, pushing Buffy away from her. Since she was unbalanced in her stance it was easy for Faith to knock her over and away from her. With Buffy now out of the way, Kennedy was able to see why a towel was necessary.
"What the fuck is the matter with you!?" she screamed at Faith angrily. Her sudden outburst was unexpected even to her. "Really now, what the fuck is this? Are you fucking stupid?"
"Kennedy," Buffy interjected, putting a hand on the girl's shoulder. "It's okay…" she soothed, even though it didn't seem like that was what was needed. But then it became obvious that Buffy had a lot of experience with people lashing out with anger in situations like these. Kennedy suddenly had tears rushing from her eyes as she cried,
"Why is she acting like this? I don't understand why she's… she's… why is she doing this?" It was a moment that clarified what had been thought but never written on anyone's mind. Faith was Kennedy's security and stability. And now that Faith could offer neither of those she was in a state of panic. She was panicking about her own self state because without Faith's guidance on how to react she had no idea how to do it. She didn't know how to deal with this loss. But even beyond herself, she was absolutely distraught about Faith.
"Is everything alright?" Giles asked cautiously walking into the bathroom.
"Help me get her to bed," Buffy said to Kennedy.
"She doesn't fucking need help getting to bed! She doesn't need us! That's why she's… she's her… she doesn't need fucking anybody to do anything so why should she need us to go-"
"Kennedy, you need to calm down…"
"She needs to just get up!" Deep down inside Kennedy was terrified in seeing Faith so beaten. For her own verification she needed to see Faith just stand up and walk to her room by herself, just to show Kennedy she could. But as she stood there waiting for Faith to take up the challenge, the only movement she saw was the blood trickling down the side of her face. With a motion from Giles, Buffy took Kennedy out of the room. Even with all of Kennedy's yelling, Giles had not been distracted from seeing Faith still sitting on the floor from where she had fallen.
Giles didn't say a word to her to go anywhere nearer to her. He just stayed in the room knowing eventually she would have to take up the challenge to get up and leave him so she could be isolated, which is what he knew she wanted right now. Watching her he noticed her line of vision shift to staring at her hand. He looked closer and saw the ring on her finger. If ever there was a moment in his career when he literally felt his heart ripped in half, it was now. Because of the two involved and the long-term situation as well as the shorter one, it made him crumble.
After a few minutes she grabbed the towel off of the floor and stood up. She looked in the mirror, taking quick, short glances to avoid seeing any unwanted characters reflected back at her. She wet the towel and cleaned the blood off of her face, in a noticeably rough manner, Giles noticed.
"Mother fuckers… stupid fucking scumbags… I had another fucking day… they fucking cheated me out of a fucking day those stupid fucking assholes…" she muttered angrily as she washed her face. Giles finally figured out what she was saying then tried to decipher what it meant. Then it clicked – Xander had been given at least a week and apparently Faith had been counting on at least seven days.
After she cleaned her face sufficiently – in her opinion anyway – she threw the towel down to the ground and walked out of the bathroom past Giles. She walked into the kitchen where the majority of everyone had gathered, including the police who were still waiting to question her. She ignored them and walked to the freezer and pulled out a rather large bottle of Tequila.
"Miss, we need to ask you some questions," the officer interjected.
"Lemme ask you one first," she stated as she opened the bottle, "does it look like I give a fuck?"
"Now hold on just a minute!"
"How 'bout, no? Get out."
"You need to answer some questions."
"You've got questions, call my fucking lawyer," she answered pushing them all towards the door. She opened the door while they protested,
"What's the name of this lawyer?"
"Look it up," she answered bluntly. "Now get the fuck out of my house!" She gave the final officer a shove and slammed the door behind them. Everyone was taken aback by her quick mood swing and how aggressive she was acting. She took a long drink from the bottle as she walked from the front door back into the kitchen in search of her cigarettes. She found them and lit one then addressed the room, "So guys, next time some mother fucking cops show up to fucking arrest me, why don't you morons maybe… NOT fucking invite them in for tea! Cool?"
No one answered her. The room was absolutely silent as she collected her matches off of the counter and walked into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her as she muttered obscenities to herself.
"Leave it to Faith to turn a room full of people who feel bad for her against her," Buffy stated, unable to just remain silent after that verbal attack.
"She's upset," Giles defended slightly.
"Really, 'cause that just seemed like good 'ol Faith to me."
She stalked into the room angrily allowing her nerves to shake in rhythm with the vibrations of the slamming door. She walked over to the bed and stopped herself short as she was about to sit down. A thought began to try and sink in and she turned away from it and lashed out angrily. Her fist made contact with the innocent clock radio resting on the table next to the bed. It flew from its station into the wall where it broke into several pieces. Next, her fist slammed into the wall itself but after only one or two hits she sank to the floor with her back resting on the wall and she couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard she tried.
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Kennedy's eyes darted around the room looking at everyone. She just couldn't think… but as she looked around she realized she probably wasn't the only one lacking that ability. Faith's slamming had stopped at least an hour ago and since then there hadn't been a single noise to be heard. They all jumped slightly as a knock came from the front door.
Buffy knew it was stupid but she had this vague hope that Xander would be the one knocking. She also couldn't help but hear Faith blaming his death on her continuously in her mind. A part of her knew it was ridiculous to try and put the blame on anyone but the other part of her completely agreed with Faith.
Giles walked over to the door and opened it.
"Where is she?" Angel demanded to know as he walked into the apartment.
"When was he invited in?" Kennedy asked Willow. She shrugged,
"Buffy's right in here," Giles answered, motioning towards the living room. Buffy had already risen from her seat having heard Angel's voice and walked out towards the hallway he was in.
"No, Faith," he corrected quickly as he walked towards her bedroom without even a glance in anyone's direction. Buffy stopped short and watched him walk past her without even a glance. He walked over to her bedroom and opened the door calling her as he did. She didn't answer but even in the dark room he quickly spotted her sitting on the floor looking up towards the bed. His anxious, quick steps finally slowed; just seeing her soothed him. He had allowed himself to get worked up and worried on his way over and he wasn't sure what to expect on his arrival.
"Faith…" he said walking up to her. Her eyes were only half open and he noticed the barely filled bottle of liquor stationed within reach of her next to her cigarettes. He sat down in front of her on the floor, realizing that the bed was holding some significance. He waited several minutes in silence and she asked quietly through a painfully broken voice,
"How'd you know?"
"You did physically throw six police officers out of your house earlier, you know that right?" She nodded and reached for her cigarettes. Angel was almost impressed seeing the pack still fairly full but he could smell a larger amount of dissipated smoke in the room. When he looked around a little further he saw two discarded, empty packs on the floor.
"This is good," Angel said sarcastically. He picked up the bottle of Tequila and looked at the contents to judge how much there was. "How full was this?"
"I don't know," she answered with a shrug. Full, he concluded. Then there was this smell, a smell he knew better than anyone. He glanced around then tilted his head to get a better view of the other side of her face and he saw the rather large cut. "What is that?" he demanded.
"I don't know," she answered honestly.
"How can you not know?"
"I don't know. I was blacking out a lot earlier and… well when I woke up my face was bleeding."
"That's a nasty cut," he pressed again, needing her to realize that it wasn't something to just shrug off.
"It won't kill me," she stated, her words having far more meaning involved in them than she initially intended. He raised his hand, wanting to touch her cheek and rub under her eye with his thumb since recently she had been crying, but as he did she jerked back away from him.
"Whoa," he answered. He knew Faith was like that sometimes but it had been a very long time since she had been like that with him. She reached for the liquor and took another long sip of it as he contemplated her behavior. "I get it," he said softly. She leaned on the wall and it was obvious that she was feeling the effects of the alcohol. "You don't want anyone else's touch right now… you want to just remember his."
"It's not just for now," she stated, barely able to say it all without a slur, "I don't ever want anyone to touch me… I'm his… I'm his now and I'm his until I'm dead, it doesn't matter whether he's still here or not." Angel understood the sentiments behind what she was saying but he also knew how much physical comfort was a part of her healing process for these types of situations. He watched tears fall slowly from her eyes but she seemed to have been crying so much that these tears didn't even register in her brain, so she had no idea they were even being shed.
With her head resting against the wall she stared off behind his shoulder at the bed, he assumed, and he just remained quiet and watched her. He felt his un-beating heart shattering and the painful shards cut up his insides. He hadn't seen her look like this in a very long time and in many ways it was worse than it was before. The last time she was like this it had been a very long time since she had been happy… truly happy. All in the six months before her move to Sunnydale he was aware that she had watched her mother die after they were in a car accident together, run away from any type of foster care the state had attempted to place her in, and then watched her Watcher viciously murdered. And those were just a few of the things he was aware of. All of that had happened before she went to Sunnydale so Faith's ship had already begun to sink; things had begun to fall apart for her a long time before Mr. Finch's death.
But as he knew, at that point it had been a long time since Faith had been happy. That was what he thought separated her before from the way she looked now. Right now it had probably only been a matter of hours or even a day since she had been completely content and happy with her life. He saw the lifetime of regret and anger on her face as well as the pain that he knew was exponentially worse than what he was experiencing watching her like this.
It had been at least an hour since either had spoken but Faith suddenly broke the silence and said in a shaken but slightly disconnected voice,
"Angel…"
"Yeah?" he answered softly, trying to link his eyes with hers. He found it difficult because even after he caught a glimpse of them they seemed empty and not really there.
"I know… I know I've said this to you before… and last time you… you were right, but… but Angel, please… please just do it. Make all of it just go away and stop hurting. Please just make it all stop…"
"Faith," he scolded harshly,
"Angel, I deserve to be dead! I should've been dead a long fucking time ago but…"
"You're fucking drunk!" he yelled, standing up off of the floor and headed out of the room. He was sure she would jump up and follow him, grab him and plead with him to do it. For a moment he was convinced he heard her footsteps on the floor behind him but as his hand touched the door knob and he opened the door he realized she wasn't behind him. He glanced back and saw she hadn't even moved; she remained sitting on the ground hugging her legs up to her chest with her head leaning against the wall as she stared up at the bed.
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Everyone sitting in the living room heard the door open and they all snapped their heads to the side so they could look at it. They all expected either one or both of them to exit the room but when no one came out they all exchanged confused glances. After a few moments Kennedy couldn't handle the anticipation so she stood up and walked over to the doorway and looked in quietly.
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After being lost in thought for a moment he turned and walked back to her. He reached out his hand to her shoulder as he squatted down next to her but she quickly slapped it away,
"Faith, I-"
"Angel, just go home." Faith had said hurtful things to him before and maybe he didn't feel the sting of them as much because he wasn't as close with her then, but right now he felt as though she had just staked him and he was turning to dust.
"I came to make sure you were okay," he stated, his tone held tightly to cover any of his current emotions.
"You thought there was even a chance that I'd be okay?" she asked sharply.
"Faith, stop it!" he yelled, losing his composure completely. "You'll be okay," he assured, his temper being regained. "You can do this…" Okay, he noted, she's officially ignoring me! Well, you sound like a fucking cheerleader, he mocked himself. He stopped himself from talking and looked at her again and noticed the ring on her finger.
"That's new…" She nodded,
"Yeah…" After a few moments she continued, "You know, there was only one thing that could've made this okay…"
"What?"
"Life is just one big mind fuck after the other… all I wanted… I…"
"What are you talking about?"
"I told him… I need something to live for and having his baby would've been… it would've been the only thing that would've made me happy…"
"Well you might," he encouraged, "I mean, if you two were trying to have a baby together… you two were trying to have a baby?" he asked, actually hearing himself. He reorganized his thoughts after having the bazaar thought, picturing Faith as a mother. "But, you could be having his baby. In that case you should probably lay off the cigarettes and Tequila… but Faith, this is good because it's possible… you could be!" He stuck with the positive thought hoping it was something she could cling to at least for a couple of days. But his forced smile was quickly broken when she shook her head,
"No…"
"What do you mean, 'no'?"
"I mean no," she clarified bluntly, "I'm not…"
"Oh," he answered finally realizing it and feeling stupid for not catching on earlier. "It's not your fault… it's really hard for Slayer's to get pregnant."
"So it is my fault…"
"No…"
"Angel, just go home."
Angel took a deep breath and walked out of the bedroom rubbing his temples.
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Hours past and all eyes were secretly on Faith's bedroom door. Angel made it clear that he didn't want anyone going in to bother her and he promised she would come out soon enough. After eleven p.m. rolled by Buffy walked up to Angel who was sitting, brooding in the corner.
"Are you going to stay the night?"
"Faith didn't seem to want me to…"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know… she's… I don't know."
"Then I'm going to go bother her," Buffy concluded out of nowhere.
"I don't know," Angel doubted. Buffy ignored him and walked over to the bedroom, tired of the wait. She opened the door and looked in. She saw Faith sitting in the corner by the bed leaning over her legs which were pulled to her chest as she stared at the smoke she was exhaling in thick clouds. She didn't even flinch when the door opened; she just stared into the streams of grey. As soon as the smoke dissipated she would take another large puff on the cigarette and repeat the ritual again.
"Faith…" she called out softly. Out of no where Faith grabbed the empty bottle of Tequila and sent it flying straight at her. The only way she was able to avoid getting hit directly in the face was for her to raise her hand. The bottle broke on her arm cutting it in several places. "What the fuck is the matter with you? You're fucking psychotic!" Buffy blurted out angrily without thinking.
"Buffy!" Angel scolded, grabbing her and pulling her out of the room. He looked over at Faith before closing the door and she had resumed staring at the intricate curves of the clouds of smoke.
Faith opened her eyes slowly feeling that nice soreness in her body. She couldn't believe how good it felt to have slept. She knew she hadn't been asleep for long though because it was still very dark outside. She turned over to look at the clock and saw that it was only a couple minutes after three. Who would've thought that two hours of sleep would feel so resting after several days of none.
She wanted to feel like she did last night for the rest of her life. And she knew that if he wasn't sick that's exactly what her life would be like. She could have him forever, she would never be alone or upset or forgotten. She would always have someone to live for and someone to go home to. She would always have someone to confide in and have hold her. She loved him so much… why did he have to be sick? He was such a good man! Why couldn't she be the one who was dying? She deserved it more than he did. Why did he have to be in so much pain? Just… why?
She shook off her questions, not wanting to bother with them anymore. She just wanted to lie with him and love him for as long as they had left. She laid there quietly for a while, allowing herself to slowly work out of her sleepy daze. She put her head on the pillow wanting to lay down and watch him sleep. For a brief moment she forgot why she hadn't slept in so long but then the unwanted reality sunk in. As her eyes cleared slightly from the sleepiness she noticed dried blood run from his nose. She felt a wave of dizziness run through her and she tried to wipe off the blood. She expected him to wake up as she rubbed his face to get the blood off but he didn't move so she whispered to him,
"Xander?" She waited a couple of seconds then repeated his name. After repeating it several times she began to scream, "Xander! Xander wake up! This isn't funny, Xander! Please! Please wake up!"
Willow woke up suddenly hearing something and realized she had fallen asleep on the couch with Kennedy. She reached for the remote control and turned off the television which was now playing some infomercial.
"Willow!" she heard the panicked scream from the other room. Kennedy bolted upright on the couch and stared at Willow with an immense fear. Kennedy had never heard Faith sound scared before. Even when they were in the underground storage of the First where the Bringers had kept the weapons and Faith opened the chest to find a bomb, she didn't sound scared when she told everyone to get down. But the voice she just heard was of her completely petrified.
"Oh my God," Willow gasped as she jumped off of the couch. "Call 911," she yelled to Kennedy as she ran towards their room. "Faith," she said as she opened the door.
"Xander, wake up! This is too soon, you have more time! You swore you had more time! You told me at least a week! This is too soon! I need you! Wake up!" Willow took a deep breath before walking over to the bed and checking his vital signs. "Call a fucking doctor!" Faith screamed angrily, "he's got more time… he's not supposed to die yet! He's got another day… he's supposed to have another day! I need another day… I need him! It's too soon."
Kennedy ran into the bedroom after making the call and saw Faith kneeling next to him on the bed screaming for him to wake up. She was holding his face and stroking his cheek and forehead as she begged for him to somehow wake up.
"Faith… he's not going to wake up," Kennedy stated.
"He's okay, he's just… he's cold," she concluded. She grabbed the blanket and pulled it around him, "he just needs to get warm and he'll be fine. He's got to be okay. I need him…"
Willow cried silently with tears streaming down her cheeks as she stood there are looked at her friend since childhood lay lifeless on the bed. She walked out of the room and picked up the phone.
---------
With a groan Buffy rolled over in bed and felt around for the phone on the floor. She finally found it without opening her eyes and brought it up to her ear,
"Hello?" she asked in a daze. Willow's sobs on the other end were like a dozen espresso shots put directly into her bloodstream.
"Buffy, you need to come down here." Buffy didn't even hang up the phone she just threw it down onto the floor and ran out of her room screaming for Dawn.
Within seconds Dawn was in the hallway and following her sister out the front door. Buffy grabbed her cell phone and car keys and as they drove quickly through the streets she called Giles.
Buffy arrived at the same time as the ambulance and police. She ran up the stairs just ahead of them and despite the fact that the door was locked she broke it right open. She ran into Xander's room and saw Willow standing in the corner crying, Kennedy pacing back and forth by her and then there was Faith. The only way Buffy could think to describe her was absolutely hysterical! She was screaming his name and for him to wake up over and over again as she touched his face and hair and telling him that he couldn't leave her. Buffy went over to them and touched Xander's arm. A shiver went through her when she felt the coldness beginning inside of him.
"Faith…" she said, trying to calm her down before the paramedics and police flooded the room. But because of the location of the call when Kennedy sent in a call saying she thought Xander was dead there was immediately a linking on the computer between a death and the fact that a known murder ex-con was living in the house. Because of protocol there were certain measures that had to be taken even if Wolfram & Hart had managed to clear Faith's jail sentence.
The police ran in the room as though they were sure this was a murder and not just a death. They had been instructed to be ready for anything.
"No body move!"
"What the fuck!" Faith yelled angrily, "he needs a fucking doctor not someone to read him his rights!"
"That's not for him, Miss," the officer answered curtly. "Would you please get off the bed."
"This is fucking ridiculous," Kennedy yelled angrily. "Wil…" she said turning to her girlfriend for help. Willow remained quiet, crying where she stood.
"Where's the doctor? I don't understand… why isn't there a doctor?" Faith began, her hysterics overcoming her anger. "Don't worry, baby, it's okay… you're okay…"
Kennedy stepped out of the bedroom where the paramedics were waiting for safety clearance and Kennedy yelled,
"Can we just get a fucking doctor in here?" She knew as well as anyone that there wasn't anything a doctor was going to be able to do. She hadn't really thought how Faith would react – they all knew she was going to be extremely upset – but Kennedy couldn't even comprehend why she was acting like this. It was so far away from anything she had ever seen Faith do that it was hard to digest.
A handful of paramedics jumped from where they stood and quickly came into the room. Buffy exited the room taking the police officers with her and explained,
"Officer, this was actually expected… she's his fiancé and it's been a tough week for her. It was really sudden…"
"I apologize but I am going to have to ask her and possibly all of you some questions before I go."
"That's going to have to wait a while." She walked back into the room leaving the policemen out in the kitchen.
One of the paramedics checked Xander's vital signs and feeling the coldness of his skin turned to the others and shook his head just enough for them to know it was no longer a rush.
"Miss," he said to Faith, "I'm very sorry…"
"Do something! You need to do something! He's got another day, he has to. It's too soon!" The paramedics turned and walked out of the room to make their necessary calls to the coroner, ignoring Faith's desperate pleas. "I'm so sorry… baby, why did I go to sleep? I only had you for a little longer and I fucking slept through it! I'm so sorry…" she said falling into silence as she stared down into her lovers face.
"Faith…" Buffy said walking around the bed so Xander wasn't between them. She motioned to embrace her, wanting to cry with her but Faith lashed out with hostility,
"Don't fucking touch me! It's your fucking fault he's dead! He's dead… he can't be. It's your fault! I hate you!" Buffy turned away from her, unable to stop the tears from leaping out of her eyes at being blamed for this. Faith took his head in her lap and held him, "baby, please wake up. Please don't leave me. I need you so much…"
The responsible party came to deal with the aftermath of Xander's death. Trying to be as respectful of the family's sorrows as possible, it was still difficult to not seem sensitive. It was hard to stay sensitive in their line of work.
"Miss, I think it would be best for you to not be in the room." Faith was continually swinging back and forth for yelling and screaming to sobbing quietly; from lashing out angrily to sinking deeper and deeper into realization and depression.
"Why would that be better?" she asked blankly.
"Most family members find it better to not have a memory of watching their loved one taken."
"Why would he be taken?" Her thought process was definitely not working at the moment because she was so upset.
"Because we need to take him into the morgue," the man answered blankly.
"You can't take him."
"Faith, come on," Buffy interjected, putting her hand around her arm.
"Don't touch me!"
"Faith, don't do this…" Kennedy walked over from Willow's corner of the room seeing Buffy was going to need more than just one Slayer's strength to deal with this.
"They can't take him," Faith explained, as though no one else was thinking straight.
"Faith, please don't make this harder than it has to be…"
"Joey, why don't you help them," the first man suggested to one of his partners.
"No!" Kennedy interrupted quickly, "we'll get her to leave." The last thing they needed was for Faith to take out some employee of the state with half a dozen police officers in the next room. The next thing they did was something Kennedy would've happily had ripped from her memory. Literally pulling her away from him, they dragged her out of the room as she fought them every inch of the way. There were even moments that Kennedy doubted they were going to be able to despite the fact that they should statistically speaking be twice as strong as her.
"Why are you letting them take him away!?" she begged to know as she tried to free herself of their grips.
"Faith, come on!" Buffy pleaded through tears. Buffy finally gave up after struggling to hold her outside of the room for several minutes. Kennedy still held onto her but in a couple moments Faith was by the bedroom door just in time to see them close a zipper over his face. Kennedy was chasing after her and just as she reached her Faith stopped dead in her tracks and even faltered from side to side for a moment, unsure of whether or not she'd be able to remain standing. It was as if when they closed that zipper they had cut off her air. She froze.
She appeared to be at least okay from where everyone else was standing but she blacked out and it seemed that she blinked and by the time she opened her eyes again all of the paramedics and coroner's were gone. She was somehow now on the floor sitting against the wall and she saw Giles with a glass of water.
"Faith…" she heard him say like he was miles away. She gained a slight recognition that it wasn't the first time he had said her name. In fact he had been saying it for several minutes now trying to get her to be responsive. Her skin had gone completely white, even her lips lost their color. Her eyes were unmoved and weren't blinking and she was resting her head reliantly on the wall for support. Giles reached his hand up to touch her face to see if she had gone cold or feverish but scaring him half to death she jumped away from his touch before he even reached her.
"Don't fucking touch me," she warned.
"Faith, I…" Giles continued talking but she blocked him out and it was as though he weren't talking. She slowly got to her feet and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Buffy walked silently over to the bathroom door waiting outside of it.
Faith looked in the mirror for a second then around the sink and she saw his razor. She looked back into the mirror and it was like watching a home video of Xander shaving like he did every morning. After watching her little movie in her mind contently for a few minutes suddenly she felt sick and she had to throw herself towards the toilet to vomit.
She didn't remember when she stopped vomiting or when she stood up again… She just remembered looking into the mirror again. She saw herself there as she stood but she saw Xander standing behind her kissing her shoulder as he held her. She looked into the mirror happily but suddenly flashes overtook the mirror from the depths of her brain. She saw them all… Finch, the professor, and all of the others just flash one after the other in the mirror as though they were standing right in front of it. But they didn't look alive they looked like they probably looked now after being underground and dead for so many years. She jumped back away from the mirror quickly but slipped on something on the floor and the next thing she felt after the horror was a sharp pain as her head smashed into the corner of the sink.
Buffy heard the fall and hit the door until it opened on the third hit.
"Faith," she said as she ran to her side. "You need to go lie down or something…"
"No," she said pushing her away. "I just hit my head by accident, I'm fine."
"Okay," Buffy agreed, not wanting to make her upset. "Can I see?" she asked, since Faith was currently holding the side of her head.
"I'm fine," Faith claimed, moving her hand from her head to push herself up. As she moved her hand Buffy saw her hand covered in blood.
"Somebody get me a towel, quick! Faith, let me see…"
Willow had finally stopped crying. Kennedy didn't know how much longer she could idly stand by and watch her just cry and cry and cry. She wanted to make her feel better but she had no concept of how to do that. At first she thought she wasn't affected by what had happened but she realized she must be in a way she wasn't comprehending when she found she couldn't really speak to anyone. Even something she couldn't admit to herself was that she was feeling angry… angry at Xander for leaving Faith like this.
She heard Buffy scream for a towel and she found herself eager to jump and do something instead of just standing around thinking. She also noticed that no one except for maybe Giles had motioned to listen to Buffy. Kennedy had to kind of agree on that one, after all, if they hadn't listened to her in the first place, Xander wouldn't be dead. She jogged over to the bathroom, towel in hand, and handed it to Buffy, still a little unclear on the need for a towel.
Buffy was crouching over Faith and blocking Kennedy's view of her.
"Don't you think a tissue would've sufficed…" Kennedy asked thinking the towel was to wipe off tears.
"Buffy, I'm fine!" Faith defended, pushing Buffy away from her. Since she was unbalanced in her stance it was easy for Faith to knock her over and away from her. With Buffy now out of the way, Kennedy was able to see why a towel was necessary.
"What the fuck is the matter with you!?" she screamed at Faith angrily. Her sudden outburst was unexpected even to her. "Really now, what the fuck is this? Are you fucking stupid?"
"Kennedy," Buffy interjected, putting a hand on the girl's shoulder. "It's okay…" she soothed, even though it didn't seem like that was what was needed. But then it became obvious that Buffy had a lot of experience with people lashing out with anger in situations like these. Kennedy suddenly had tears rushing from her eyes as she cried,
"Why is she acting like this? I don't understand why she's… she's… why is she doing this?" It was a moment that clarified what had been thought but never written on anyone's mind. Faith was Kennedy's security and stability. And now that Faith could offer neither of those she was in a state of panic. She was panicking about her own self state because without Faith's guidance on how to react she had no idea how to do it. She didn't know how to deal with this loss. But even beyond herself, she was absolutely distraught about Faith.
"Is everything alright?" Giles asked cautiously walking into the bathroom.
"Help me get her to bed," Buffy said to Kennedy.
"She doesn't fucking need help getting to bed! She doesn't need us! That's why she's… she's her… she doesn't need fucking anybody to do anything so why should she need us to go-"
"Kennedy, you need to calm down…"
"She needs to just get up!" Deep down inside Kennedy was terrified in seeing Faith so beaten. For her own verification she needed to see Faith just stand up and walk to her room by herself, just to show Kennedy she could. But as she stood there waiting for Faith to take up the challenge, the only movement she saw was the blood trickling down the side of her face. With a motion from Giles, Buffy took Kennedy out of the room. Even with all of Kennedy's yelling, Giles had not been distracted from seeing Faith still sitting on the floor from where she had fallen.
Giles didn't say a word to her to go anywhere nearer to her. He just stayed in the room knowing eventually she would have to take up the challenge to get up and leave him so she could be isolated, which is what he knew she wanted right now. Watching her he noticed her line of vision shift to staring at her hand. He looked closer and saw the ring on her finger. If ever there was a moment in his career when he literally felt his heart ripped in half, it was now. Because of the two involved and the long-term situation as well as the shorter one, it made him crumble.
After a few minutes she grabbed the towel off of the floor and stood up. She looked in the mirror, taking quick, short glances to avoid seeing any unwanted characters reflected back at her. She wet the towel and cleaned the blood off of her face, in a noticeably rough manner, Giles noticed.
"Mother fuckers… stupid fucking scumbags… I had another fucking day… they fucking cheated me out of a fucking day those stupid fucking assholes…" she muttered angrily as she washed her face. Giles finally figured out what she was saying then tried to decipher what it meant. Then it clicked – Xander had been given at least a week and apparently Faith had been counting on at least seven days.
After she cleaned her face sufficiently – in her opinion anyway – she threw the towel down to the ground and walked out of the bathroom past Giles. She walked into the kitchen where the majority of everyone had gathered, including the police who were still waiting to question her. She ignored them and walked to the freezer and pulled out a rather large bottle of Tequila.
"Miss, we need to ask you some questions," the officer interjected.
"Lemme ask you one first," she stated as she opened the bottle, "does it look like I give a fuck?"
"Now hold on just a minute!"
"How 'bout, no? Get out."
"You need to answer some questions."
"You've got questions, call my fucking lawyer," she answered pushing them all towards the door. She opened the door while they protested,
"What's the name of this lawyer?"
"Look it up," she answered bluntly. "Now get the fuck out of my house!" She gave the final officer a shove and slammed the door behind them. Everyone was taken aback by her quick mood swing and how aggressive she was acting. She took a long drink from the bottle as she walked from the front door back into the kitchen in search of her cigarettes. She found them and lit one then addressed the room, "So guys, next time some mother fucking cops show up to fucking arrest me, why don't you morons maybe… NOT fucking invite them in for tea! Cool?"
No one answered her. The room was absolutely silent as she collected her matches off of the counter and walked into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her as she muttered obscenities to herself.
"Leave it to Faith to turn a room full of people who feel bad for her against her," Buffy stated, unable to just remain silent after that verbal attack.
"She's upset," Giles defended slightly.
"Really, 'cause that just seemed like good 'ol Faith to me."
She stalked into the room angrily allowing her nerves to shake in rhythm with the vibrations of the slamming door. She walked over to the bed and stopped herself short as she was about to sit down. A thought began to try and sink in and she turned away from it and lashed out angrily. Her fist made contact with the innocent clock radio resting on the table next to the bed. It flew from its station into the wall where it broke into several pieces. Next, her fist slammed into the wall itself but after only one or two hits she sank to the floor with her back resting on the wall and she couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard she tried.
-----
Kennedy's eyes darted around the room looking at everyone. She just couldn't think… but as she looked around she realized she probably wasn't the only one lacking that ability. Faith's slamming had stopped at least an hour ago and since then there hadn't been a single noise to be heard. They all jumped slightly as a knock came from the front door.
Buffy knew it was stupid but she had this vague hope that Xander would be the one knocking. She also couldn't help but hear Faith blaming his death on her continuously in her mind. A part of her knew it was ridiculous to try and put the blame on anyone but the other part of her completely agreed with Faith.
Giles walked over to the door and opened it.
"Where is she?" Angel demanded to know as he walked into the apartment.
"When was he invited in?" Kennedy asked Willow. She shrugged,
"Buffy's right in here," Giles answered, motioning towards the living room. Buffy had already risen from her seat having heard Angel's voice and walked out towards the hallway he was in.
"No, Faith," he corrected quickly as he walked towards her bedroom without even a glance in anyone's direction. Buffy stopped short and watched him walk past her without even a glance. He walked over to her bedroom and opened the door calling her as he did. She didn't answer but even in the dark room he quickly spotted her sitting on the floor looking up towards the bed. His anxious, quick steps finally slowed; just seeing her soothed him. He had allowed himself to get worked up and worried on his way over and he wasn't sure what to expect on his arrival.
"Faith…" he said walking up to her. Her eyes were only half open and he noticed the barely filled bottle of liquor stationed within reach of her next to her cigarettes. He sat down in front of her on the floor, realizing that the bed was holding some significance. He waited several minutes in silence and she asked quietly through a painfully broken voice,
"How'd you know?"
"You did physically throw six police officers out of your house earlier, you know that right?" She nodded and reached for her cigarettes. Angel was almost impressed seeing the pack still fairly full but he could smell a larger amount of dissipated smoke in the room. When he looked around a little further he saw two discarded, empty packs on the floor.
"This is good," Angel said sarcastically. He picked up the bottle of Tequila and looked at the contents to judge how much there was. "How full was this?"
"I don't know," she answered with a shrug. Full, he concluded. Then there was this smell, a smell he knew better than anyone. He glanced around then tilted his head to get a better view of the other side of her face and he saw the rather large cut. "What is that?" he demanded.
"I don't know," she answered honestly.
"How can you not know?"
"I don't know. I was blacking out a lot earlier and… well when I woke up my face was bleeding."
"That's a nasty cut," he pressed again, needing her to realize that it wasn't something to just shrug off.
"It won't kill me," she stated, her words having far more meaning involved in them than she initially intended. He raised his hand, wanting to touch her cheek and rub under her eye with his thumb since recently she had been crying, but as he did she jerked back away from him.
"Whoa," he answered. He knew Faith was like that sometimes but it had been a very long time since she had been like that with him. She reached for the liquor and took another long sip of it as he contemplated her behavior. "I get it," he said softly. She leaned on the wall and it was obvious that she was feeling the effects of the alcohol. "You don't want anyone else's touch right now… you want to just remember his."
"It's not just for now," she stated, barely able to say it all without a slur, "I don't ever want anyone to touch me… I'm his… I'm his now and I'm his until I'm dead, it doesn't matter whether he's still here or not." Angel understood the sentiments behind what she was saying but he also knew how much physical comfort was a part of her healing process for these types of situations. He watched tears fall slowly from her eyes but she seemed to have been crying so much that these tears didn't even register in her brain, so she had no idea they were even being shed.
With her head resting against the wall she stared off behind his shoulder at the bed, he assumed, and he just remained quiet and watched her. He felt his un-beating heart shattering and the painful shards cut up his insides. He hadn't seen her look like this in a very long time and in many ways it was worse than it was before. The last time she was like this it had been a very long time since she had been happy… truly happy. All in the six months before her move to Sunnydale he was aware that she had watched her mother die after they were in a car accident together, run away from any type of foster care the state had attempted to place her in, and then watched her Watcher viciously murdered. And those were just a few of the things he was aware of. All of that had happened before she went to Sunnydale so Faith's ship had already begun to sink; things had begun to fall apart for her a long time before Mr. Finch's death.
But as he knew, at that point it had been a long time since Faith had been happy. That was what he thought separated her before from the way she looked now. Right now it had probably only been a matter of hours or even a day since she had been completely content and happy with her life. He saw the lifetime of regret and anger on her face as well as the pain that he knew was exponentially worse than what he was experiencing watching her like this.
It had been at least an hour since either had spoken but Faith suddenly broke the silence and said in a shaken but slightly disconnected voice,
"Angel…"
"Yeah?" he answered softly, trying to link his eyes with hers. He found it difficult because even after he caught a glimpse of them they seemed empty and not really there.
"I know… I know I've said this to you before… and last time you… you were right, but… but Angel, please… please just do it. Make all of it just go away and stop hurting. Please just make it all stop…"
"Faith," he scolded harshly,
"Angel, I deserve to be dead! I should've been dead a long fucking time ago but…"
"You're fucking drunk!" he yelled, standing up off of the floor and headed out of the room. He was sure she would jump up and follow him, grab him and plead with him to do it. For a moment he was convinced he heard her footsteps on the floor behind him but as his hand touched the door knob and he opened the door he realized she wasn't behind him. He glanced back and saw she hadn't even moved; she remained sitting on the ground hugging her legs up to her chest with her head leaning against the wall as she stared up at the bed.
-------------------
Everyone sitting in the living room heard the door open and they all snapped their heads to the side so they could look at it. They all expected either one or both of them to exit the room but when no one came out they all exchanged confused glances. After a few moments Kennedy couldn't handle the anticipation so she stood up and walked over to the doorway and looked in quietly.
---------------------
After being lost in thought for a moment he turned and walked back to her. He reached out his hand to her shoulder as he squatted down next to her but she quickly slapped it away,
"Faith, I-"
"Angel, just go home." Faith had said hurtful things to him before and maybe he didn't feel the sting of them as much because he wasn't as close with her then, but right now he felt as though she had just staked him and he was turning to dust.
"I came to make sure you were okay," he stated, his tone held tightly to cover any of his current emotions.
"You thought there was even a chance that I'd be okay?" she asked sharply.
"Faith, stop it!" he yelled, losing his composure completely. "You'll be okay," he assured, his temper being regained. "You can do this…" Okay, he noted, she's officially ignoring me! Well, you sound like a fucking cheerleader, he mocked himself. He stopped himself from talking and looked at her again and noticed the ring on her finger.
"That's new…" She nodded,
"Yeah…" After a few moments she continued, "You know, there was only one thing that could've made this okay…"
"What?"
"Life is just one big mind fuck after the other… all I wanted… I…"
"What are you talking about?"
"I told him… I need something to live for and having his baby would've been… it would've been the only thing that would've made me happy…"
"Well you might," he encouraged, "I mean, if you two were trying to have a baby together… you two were trying to have a baby?" he asked, actually hearing himself. He reorganized his thoughts after having the bazaar thought, picturing Faith as a mother. "But, you could be having his baby. In that case you should probably lay off the cigarettes and Tequila… but Faith, this is good because it's possible… you could be!" He stuck with the positive thought hoping it was something she could cling to at least for a couple of days. But his forced smile was quickly broken when she shook her head,
"No…"
"What do you mean, 'no'?"
"I mean no," she clarified bluntly, "I'm not…"
"Oh," he answered finally realizing it and feeling stupid for not catching on earlier. "It's not your fault… it's really hard for Slayer's to get pregnant."
"So it is my fault…"
"No…"
"Angel, just go home."
Angel took a deep breath and walked out of the bedroom rubbing his temples.
------------------
Hours past and all eyes were secretly on Faith's bedroom door. Angel made it clear that he didn't want anyone going in to bother her and he promised she would come out soon enough. After eleven p.m. rolled by Buffy walked up to Angel who was sitting, brooding in the corner.
"Are you going to stay the night?"
"Faith didn't seem to want me to…"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know… she's… I don't know."
"Then I'm going to go bother her," Buffy concluded out of nowhere.
"I don't know," Angel doubted. Buffy ignored him and walked over to the bedroom, tired of the wait. She opened the door and looked in. She saw Faith sitting in the corner by the bed leaning over her legs which were pulled to her chest as she stared at the smoke she was exhaling in thick clouds. She didn't even flinch when the door opened; she just stared into the streams of grey. As soon as the smoke dissipated she would take another large puff on the cigarette and repeat the ritual again.
"Faith…" she called out softly. Out of no where Faith grabbed the empty bottle of Tequila and sent it flying straight at her. The only way she was able to avoid getting hit directly in the face was for her to raise her hand. The bottle broke on her arm cutting it in several places. "What the fuck is the matter with you? You're fucking psychotic!" Buffy blurted out angrily without thinking.
"Buffy!" Angel scolded, grabbing her and pulling her out of the room. He looked over at Faith before closing the door and she had resumed staring at the intricate curves of the clouds of smoke.