**AUTHOR'S NOTE**
Okay, they finally talk in this chapter, and boy do they talk. Nice long
chapter for you all this time. And, of course, I have to give a shout out
to the band Chicago (hey, Chicago, how ironic?), because I used their song
in this chapter, and I also named my chapter after it.
Chapter 5: Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry
"Here we are. I think this is it," Carter stopped and looked around.
"You think?" Abby asked nervously. Her hands were clasped firmly around his neck as she looked around as well.
"Well, either way we're safe. We're far enough away, and I haven't heard any gunfire for a while." He gently put Abby on the ground and began to exam her ankle. He hardly touched it at all, but Abby still winced in pain. "Sorry," he apologized. "It is broken. I'm going to have to set it and wrap it."
"Here?" Abby asked.
Carter gave her a look that said, "What other choice do I have?"
"Okay," Abby gathered her courage. "Just get it over with quick." She closed her eyes and put her arm around a tree for support.
"Ready?" he asked, holding her ankle firmly.
Abby nodded her head. In one swift motion, he set her ankle. Abby tried her best not to scream in pain, but she only succeeded in lowering her voice slightly. It hurt like hell, so she had no choice but to let out some kind of noise.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Abby nodded her head and let out a deep breath. "It feels a little better now, actually, but man...Now I know why they knock people out before they do that."
"Yeah," Carter replied, removing his outer shirt to wrap around her ankle. "I know what you mean...Do remember Lucy?" Abby nodded. "Well, once I dislocated my shoulder and she had to pop it back in for me without any meds. I know how you feel..."
"How did that happen?"
"Well, we were trying to find out where this cock fight was..."
"A what?" Abby asked, starting to laugh.
Carter looked up and, realizing how funny it must sound, he began to laugh as well. "Well, it's a long story. We were trying to find this patient's father, and his friends sent us on a bit of a wild goose chase...It was a long day..." He finished tying up her ankle. "There, all set," he said, admiring his work. He looked up at Abby and they just sort of stared at each other for a minute.
"Now what?" Abby asked, looking around. The seriousness of the situation began to sink in. No one knew where they were, Abby was injured, and neither of them had any way of knowing if it was safe to go back to the hospital.
"Well..." Carter began as he moved to sit on the ground next to her. Their backs were leaning against a large tree. "It doesn't look like we're going anywhere for a while...It'll be dark soon. We might as well continue where we left off with our walk...Well, minus the walking part..."
Abby smiled half-heartedly. "Where were we?"
"I don't think we even really started. I vaguely remember calling myself an idiot..."
"Hmm, that part's kind of fuzzy...Do you think you could refresh my memory?" Abby said slyly.
"Okay," Carter said as he turned to face her. "Abby, I am so incredibly sorry that I was such a dumb bastard, a complete idiot, a moron, a loser, and an awful jerk."
"Now, I don't remember all that..."
"Well, I'm ad-libbing a little here," he added before he turned off his teasing voice and switched to his serious one. "Abby, I'm sorry."
"I still don't understand why..." she said after a minute. The teasing in her voice was gone as well.
"Why, what?" Carter asked sincerely.
"Why did you leave me?" Abby asked.
* * *
Carter took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "It...it was a lot of things...a lot of things at once. It wasn't you—not really. I just...I felt like I was drowning. The sadness over Gamma's death and the responsibility of the foundation and the family and the funeral...They were all weighing me down. It was all piling up, and I felt like I couldn't get out from under it. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to deal with first...I turned to you...You were the only thing going right in my life...You were my only anchor, and you left. I know you had to, and I know your brother needed you, but so did I. I needed you, and when you left I felt like I had nothing. Nothing and no one...I'm not saying I blame you. I really don't. I know how much your brother means to you, but I couldn't see that then, or I didn't care. All I knew was that I needed you..."
There was some silence before Abby spoke. "It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make... I hated having to choose between the two of you. It tore me apart...but I chose Eric. My motherly instincts from when we were little kicked in, and I had to protect him. I had to be there for my little brother. Can you understand that?"
"I do now."
Abby continued. "But you left me too. That's what hurts the most really...You promised me that night in my apartment. That night when I found out Eric was bipolar, and he was arrested. You promised me you weren't going anywhere...but you did. You went to Africa even though I didn't want you too."
"I never stopped thinking about you..." Carter continued. "Do you remember when I first came back, and you asked if I thought about you? Well, I did. Especially when...God, I don't think I've told this to anyone. We were here, right here in this spot," he motioned around them. "Gillian, Luka, and I and some other doctors and patients...We had to leave the clinic one night when there was fighting nearby. We stayed a night or so, and we went back. We were about to leave the clinic when some rebels came by. They made us all kneel on the ground. They pointed a gun to my head, because we had treated the enemy. I thought that was it; I thought I was going to die. All I could think about was you. All I could think about was that I would never see your face again..." His voice trailed off.
At this point, both he and Abby had tears in their eyes. He wiped his away and sniffled before he continued, "By some miracle, they spared us. One of the men remembered that I also treated his brother, and he begged the man with the gun not to shoot me...After the rebels were gone we left. I got on a plane that night and headed back to Chicago."
"And you came to see me first?" Abby asked, although she knew the answer. Carter nodded. "And I just threw you out...I didn't even give you a chance to..."
"Hey, hey," Carter turned her chin so she was facing him. "I didn't deserve your time or your forgiveness. I didn't try hard enough to explain. We had coffee. You gave me a chance to talk, and I didn't say anything. I just stood there."
"Well, we're talking now," Abby added. "Our timing sucks, as always, but we're talking now." Abby sniffled, wiped the tears off her face, and yawned. "Oh my God, I'm so tired."
"Here," Carter lifted up his arm so she could lay her head on his chest. He then placed his arm over her protectively. Abby felt so safe in his arms, but she still needed him to say it out loud, like he did for her before.
"Tell me we're going to be okay." She spoke into the soft cotton fibers of his t-shirt.
"We're going to be okay." He assured her. And with those words he was speaking not only of their present predicament, but of the two of them in general. They were going to be okay. Carter gently rubbed Abby's back and began to sing to her in a quiet voice:
"Everybody needs a little time away/ I heard her say/ From each other/ Even lovers need a holiday/ Far away from each other/ Hold me now/ It's hard for me to say I'm sorry/ I just want you to stay/ And after all that you've been through/ I will make it up to you/ I promise you/ And after all that been said and done/ You're just a part of me I can't let go.
"Couldn't stand to kept away/ Not for a day, from your body/ Wouldn't want to be swept away/ Not for a day, from the one that I love/ Hold me now/ It's hard for me to say I'm sorry/ I just want you to know/ Hold me now/ I really wanna tell you I'm sorry/ I could never let you go/ And after all that we've been through/ I will make it up to you/ I promise to/ And after all that been said and done/ You're just a part of me I can't let go."
Abby lifted her head up just far enough to give Carter a soft and slow, but passionate kiss. Then she put her head back down and drifted off to sleep.
**AUTHOR'S NOTE** I don't know...This kind of seems like an ending, but I'm not ready to end it yet. I hope it wasn't too gushy or mushy for you all, but I think they have some things that really need to be said to each other, so I made them say them. Let me know what you think. And let me know if you'll be at all disappointed if I continue...
Special shout outs to my repeat reviewers. I feel like you're my friends even though I don't know you, because I see your names pop up in the reviews after almost every chapter. Your words mean a lot. I love you guys!!! Awwww... :)
Chapter 5: Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry
"Here we are. I think this is it," Carter stopped and looked around.
"You think?" Abby asked nervously. Her hands were clasped firmly around his neck as she looked around as well.
"Well, either way we're safe. We're far enough away, and I haven't heard any gunfire for a while." He gently put Abby on the ground and began to exam her ankle. He hardly touched it at all, but Abby still winced in pain. "Sorry," he apologized. "It is broken. I'm going to have to set it and wrap it."
"Here?" Abby asked.
Carter gave her a look that said, "What other choice do I have?"
"Okay," Abby gathered her courage. "Just get it over with quick." She closed her eyes and put her arm around a tree for support.
"Ready?" he asked, holding her ankle firmly.
Abby nodded her head. In one swift motion, he set her ankle. Abby tried her best not to scream in pain, but she only succeeded in lowering her voice slightly. It hurt like hell, so she had no choice but to let out some kind of noise.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Abby nodded her head and let out a deep breath. "It feels a little better now, actually, but man...Now I know why they knock people out before they do that."
"Yeah," Carter replied, removing his outer shirt to wrap around her ankle. "I know what you mean...Do remember Lucy?" Abby nodded. "Well, once I dislocated my shoulder and she had to pop it back in for me without any meds. I know how you feel..."
"How did that happen?"
"Well, we were trying to find out where this cock fight was..."
"A what?" Abby asked, starting to laugh.
Carter looked up and, realizing how funny it must sound, he began to laugh as well. "Well, it's a long story. We were trying to find this patient's father, and his friends sent us on a bit of a wild goose chase...It was a long day..." He finished tying up her ankle. "There, all set," he said, admiring his work. He looked up at Abby and they just sort of stared at each other for a minute.
"Now what?" Abby asked, looking around. The seriousness of the situation began to sink in. No one knew where they were, Abby was injured, and neither of them had any way of knowing if it was safe to go back to the hospital.
"Well..." Carter began as he moved to sit on the ground next to her. Their backs were leaning against a large tree. "It doesn't look like we're going anywhere for a while...It'll be dark soon. We might as well continue where we left off with our walk...Well, minus the walking part..."
Abby smiled half-heartedly. "Where were we?"
"I don't think we even really started. I vaguely remember calling myself an idiot..."
"Hmm, that part's kind of fuzzy...Do you think you could refresh my memory?" Abby said slyly.
"Okay," Carter said as he turned to face her. "Abby, I am so incredibly sorry that I was such a dumb bastard, a complete idiot, a moron, a loser, and an awful jerk."
"Now, I don't remember all that..."
"Well, I'm ad-libbing a little here," he added before he turned off his teasing voice and switched to his serious one. "Abby, I'm sorry."
"I still don't understand why..." she said after a minute. The teasing in her voice was gone as well.
"Why, what?" Carter asked sincerely.
"Why did you leave me?" Abby asked.
* * *
Carter took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "It...it was a lot of things...a lot of things at once. It wasn't you—not really. I just...I felt like I was drowning. The sadness over Gamma's death and the responsibility of the foundation and the family and the funeral...They were all weighing me down. It was all piling up, and I felt like I couldn't get out from under it. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to deal with first...I turned to you...You were the only thing going right in my life...You were my only anchor, and you left. I know you had to, and I know your brother needed you, but so did I. I needed you, and when you left I felt like I had nothing. Nothing and no one...I'm not saying I blame you. I really don't. I know how much your brother means to you, but I couldn't see that then, or I didn't care. All I knew was that I needed you..."
There was some silence before Abby spoke. "It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make... I hated having to choose between the two of you. It tore me apart...but I chose Eric. My motherly instincts from when we were little kicked in, and I had to protect him. I had to be there for my little brother. Can you understand that?"
"I do now."
Abby continued. "But you left me too. That's what hurts the most really...You promised me that night in my apartment. That night when I found out Eric was bipolar, and he was arrested. You promised me you weren't going anywhere...but you did. You went to Africa even though I didn't want you too."
"I never stopped thinking about you..." Carter continued. "Do you remember when I first came back, and you asked if I thought about you? Well, I did. Especially when...God, I don't think I've told this to anyone. We were here, right here in this spot," he motioned around them. "Gillian, Luka, and I and some other doctors and patients...We had to leave the clinic one night when there was fighting nearby. We stayed a night or so, and we went back. We were about to leave the clinic when some rebels came by. They made us all kneel on the ground. They pointed a gun to my head, because we had treated the enemy. I thought that was it; I thought I was going to die. All I could think about was you. All I could think about was that I would never see your face again..." His voice trailed off.
At this point, both he and Abby had tears in their eyes. He wiped his away and sniffled before he continued, "By some miracle, they spared us. One of the men remembered that I also treated his brother, and he begged the man with the gun not to shoot me...After the rebels were gone we left. I got on a plane that night and headed back to Chicago."
"And you came to see me first?" Abby asked, although she knew the answer. Carter nodded. "And I just threw you out...I didn't even give you a chance to..."
"Hey, hey," Carter turned her chin so she was facing him. "I didn't deserve your time or your forgiveness. I didn't try hard enough to explain. We had coffee. You gave me a chance to talk, and I didn't say anything. I just stood there."
"Well, we're talking now," Abby added. "Our timing sucks, as always, but we're talking now." Abby sniffled, wiped the tears off her face, and yawned. "Oh my God, I'm so tired."
"Here," Carter lifted up his arm so she could lay her head on his chest. He then placed his arm over her protectively. Abby felt so safe in his arms, but she still needed him to say it out loud, like he did for her before.
"Tell me we're going to be okay." She spoke into the soft cotton fibers of his t-shirt.
"We're going to be okay." He assured her. And with those words he was speaking not only of their present predicament, but of the two of them in general. They were going to be okay. Carter gently rubbed Abby's back and began to sing to her in a quiet voice:
"Everybody needs a little time away/ I heard her say/ From each other/ Even lovers need a holiday/ Far away from each other/ Hold me now/ It's hard for me to say I'm sorry/ I just want you to stay/ And after all that you've been through/ I will make it up to you/ I promise you/ And after all that been said and done/ You're just a part of me I can't let go.
"Couldn't stand to kept away/ Not for a day, from your body/ Wouldn't want to be swept away/ Not for a day, from the one that I love/ Hold me now/ It's hard for me to say I'm sorry/ I just want you to know/ Hold me now/ I really wanna tell you I'm sorry/ I could never let you go/ And after all that we've been through/ I will make it up to you/ I promise to/ And after all that been said and done/ You're just a part of me I can't let go."
Abby lifted her head up just far enough to give Carter a soft and slow, but passionate kiss. Then she put her head back down and drifted off to sleep.
**AUTHOR'S NOTE** I don't know...This kind of seems like an ending, but I'm not ready to end it yet. I hope it wasn't too gushy or mushy for you all, but I think they have some things that really need to be said to each other, so I made them say them. Let me know what you think. And let me know if you'll be at all disappointed if I continue...
Special shout outs to my repeat reviewers. I feel like you're my friends even though I don't know you, because I see your names pop up in the reviews after almost every chapter. Your words mean a lot. I love you guys!!! Awwww... :)