Playing God

Chapter 4- Regret

Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, I would sleep in the hallways and eat in their lockers and work out in their gym and pretend I was part of the story line... but since I don't own Degrassi, I can't do that!

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She felt so stupid and vulnerable. What was she thinking? How could she go out and be so reckless and not even think about what the consequences of her actions would be. The girl last night was someone Emma didn't even know. Sneaking out, getting drunk, bringing drunk guys back to your house. If he wasn't a half decent guy he could have taken total advantage of her. Luckily, she passed out before anything really bad happened. She had done more then she had ever done before, but she hadn't gone all the way. Thankfully. She felt so insecure and alone. I was just a little over my head. A little? Who was she kidding?

Sean was so understanding. She was there, lying in bed, while Sean was nursing her hangover. Lucky her she has a guy that actually cares. Hmph, lucky. Tears were forming in her eyes as she thought of all that happened last night and that's when Sean came downstairs with some Advil and a glass of juice. He eyes were full of concern. She refused to tell him what had exactly happened the night before.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"That's good."

She accepted what he had brought for her and swallowed the pills with a sip of juice.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Emma didn't make any notion to his question. She just sat there staring at the opposite wall with the glass in her hands.

"Come on, Em. I can handle it."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "But I can't."

"You're smarter then other girls, Emma. How stupid could you have been?"

"Pretty dumb, Sean."

"Just tell me."

Emma sighed. He was going to keep asking until she finally spilled. She mine as well tell him right now. "Well I left because I couldn't stand being here for another second. And then I got into my car and started driving. Then I just kind of ended up at that club down on 52nd street."

"And then..."

"And then some guy offered me a beer and I said sure. Then we danced and he followed me home. And then we came down here and..."

"What'd you do?"

"What did I do? Do you want to know what I did Sean? I fucking went down on a fucking guy I didn't even fucking know!" Emma couldn't face Sean, not now. After he said I love you, she practically cheated on him even though they weren't technically going out. She didn't want to have to look at him, every time she felt so guilty. She got up to leave her room but Sean grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. He caressed her hair and she sobbed into his shirt.

"Shhh, it's ok. It was just a mistake. You didn't mean to."

"I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid. You're the smartest girl I know."

"Well I did something stupid."

"I'm not denying that."

She looked at him questionably. That comment was kind of uncalled for when he was suppose to be comforting her.

"How could you go out like that when you know you can come to me?"

"You were the last person I wanted to see, Sean."

"Why though?"

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Saying I love you back." Does that mean she loves me? "I was scared you might hurt me again. I was scared that if I actually said that, it would be real."

"I will never hurt you ever again."

"I know."

"I love you, Emma."

"I love you, too."

He held her close for a long time. Right now she didn't need someone to make out with. She needed someone to hold her and be there for her. So that's what he did.

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Beepbeepbeep The sound of Emma's alarm clock rang throughout her room. School was the last place she wanted to go. Hopefully nobody would know what had happened Friday night. She hadn't seen anyone that she knew. She shed the thought from her mind and got out of bed to go take a shower.

After getting ready she grabbed her bag and headed out the door. As she stepped outside, her stomach growled. She ignored it and decided to grab something to eat at school. She had been to sad to eat during the weekend, but she didn't want to be late for school. She hopped in her car and drove down the road. When she arrived she got out of her car and walked up the steps, heading for her locker. She felt as though eyes were following her as she walked along. She ignored the feeling though, being all too familiar with it after what happened with Rick. She stopped at her locker and started to pile her books into it when Sean came by.

"Hey." he said to her. His voice was shaky and uncertain.

"Hi."

"Look, Em... maybe you should go home."

"Sean, I already missed Friday, I can't possibly miss another day of school. There would just be to much work to make up. Quizzes.. tests.. extra homework assignments. If I missed another day I-"

Sean cut her off before she got any further into her explanation. "Chris was there."

"Who was where?"

"Chris was the D.J. Friday night."

"So?"

"So her saw you with that guy."

"So what? I was only dancing with him at the club. It's not like anything happened there."

"You couldn't really remember anything from the club remember? Maybe he's just spreading rumors... but he's saying you did stuff at the club too."

"I broke up with Chris, but he wouldn't do that to me."

"Apparently he would," Sean said as some girl walked down the hall staring at Emma.

"I'm going to go talk to him..."

"Look, you should really just go home and let me deal with it."

"You can't fight all my battles, Sean. Let me deal with this one." She pushed him out of the way as she practically sprinted down the hallway towards Chris's locker.

"Emma." Chris greeted her in a cool tone.

"Chris, what are you saying about me?" Emma demanded.

"People ask, I'm just telling them the truth."

"Then what is the truth exactly?" She partially knew, but since she was so drunk she couldn't really remember what had happened.

"Well considering how drunk you were, you wouldn't remember would you?" It was like he was reading her mind.

"What rumors are you spreading?"

"Aaron's my brother's best friend. He told me. I know."

Emma felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. "So you are telling everybody what I did with him?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"Basically."

"How could you do this to me?"

"Payback." His tone was harsh.

All day Emma went through being started at and talked about. Paige had comforted her. She said she knew what she was going through. Which was partially true. But Paige had said no. Emma was too drunk to say anything at all. Everyone probably thinks I'm some dirty slut who goes out, gets drunk, and does it with random guys. Thank god the day was almost over.

As soon as the last bell rung, Emma stopped at her locker as fast as she could, ran out of the school and straight to her car. She had wanted to cry all day, so as soon as she was away from everyone, she just let it all out. She stammered down into her room once she got home, laid down on her bed, and cried herself to sleep.

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A/N: Oh no, more tough times for Emma! :/. I was kind of afraid to make what happened to her happen, but whatever I did it anyway. So deal with it and again, please don't get mad at me because you think that's something Emma wouldn't do because she is a environmental crusader, a babysitter, a nurse... blah, blah, blah. YOU ARE TURNING INTO OLD SEAN! STOP YOURSELF! Ok! I updated fast again didn't I? I'm so good! Just kidding, but seriously, review!