Disclaimer: I haven't taken my Prozac, so be warned. Oh, and, by the
way, this is a non-profit Fanfiction. Please don't sue me, Ms.
Takahashi-sama!
Hazards of Redemption
Chapter One: Oni the Lonely
Hell is not the absolute monarchy most people think it is. Instead, it is a massive bureaucracy, with numerous offices and divisions, each one dedicated to dealing with a particular aspect of sin, temptation, or response to summonings. In one particular office, at the back of a very long line, stood Takamaru Yoshi. Needless to say, he wasn't too happy.
He had been standing in line for over eight hours, and he seemed to be no closer to the desk, far off in the distance. This would not do. No, this would not do at all. "By the Terrace of the Mirror of the Wicked, I demand to reach the front of the line! I am the last scion of the Takamaru clan, and Master of the Black Arts!" He raised his hands, and summoned all of his dark power.
Which wasn't very much. One would think that the power of black magic would be stronger in Hell than it was on Earth. Of course, it is, as long as you are either a demon, or alive. Yoshi was neither of these at the moment. All he managed to summon was a small flame on the tip of his index finger, which promptly snuffed out as it burned him. He started hooting and hollering, and leapt about like a Mexican jumping bean.
After a few minutes, he finally settled down, and resumed his place in line. That was when a particularly large demon, with eight horns, reached down, and plucked him from his spot. "Get in the back," it growled.
"But this is my spot!" he declared.
"GET IN THE BACK!" roared the demon.
Gathering his rather disheveled kimono around himself, Yoshi glared at the fiend, then slowly walked to the back of the line. The walk took him ten minutes.
-------------------------------------------------
No matter where Ranma went, the stars were one of the few constants in his life. Some fled with the seasons, while others stayed where they were, but they were there, year after year. When he needed time alone to think, the stars listened, and didn't judge. They simply were there.
Tonight's deep thoughts revolved around the Oni that was attempting to reform. Kenchiro, he had named it - rather, him. So what happens? They decide that Ken is now Ranma's 'cousin' to the world at large. Oh, great. If Kuno hears about this, I'll never get him off my back.
On the other hand, if Ken doesn't get the hang of the whole inner peace thing, he's likely to get rather frustrated. And that could mean a whole lot of trouble. So, perhaps it was better to try to help him out.
The big problem was the general chaos surrounding Nerima. If Ken were to get caught up in the whole mess, things could get ugly. And, in his natural form, Ken was pretty ugly. That could probably trash the Oni's attempt to reform, if that was what he was doing, and they'd have to deal with one ticked off demon. Not that they couldn't, but the less mass destruction the better.
Ranma was distracted by the telltale sound of a ladder dropping into place against the roof. Glancing over, he saw the short, black hair of his fiancee. That is, he saw one of his fiancees. It was Akane, to be precise. "Ranma, are you sleeping up here tonight?"
He stayed on his back, but crossed one ankle over the other. "Well, where else'd I sleep? I have a new cousin, now, an' he's probably sharing the room with me an' Oyaji. With those two, there's not much room fer me, ne?"
"Actually, he's not sleeping anywhere," she giggled.
"Huh?"
"Baka, he's a spirit! He doesn't need sleep. He's sitting by the koi pond, meditating," said Akane.
Ranma sat up, and stretched a little. "Oh, um, okay. I, um, gotta get to bed them. We got school tomorrow. Um, they're not gonna make him come to school with us, are they?"
Akane glared at him. "He's several thousand years old, to begin with, and his form, body, whatever, looks about thirty. He'd look funny at Furinkan, wouldn't he?"
"Um, yeah." He looked at her, and froze. The moon was full, and the blue-white light was shining in Akane's eyes. She was half smiling at her own joke, and he didn't think he could breathe. "Ahh..." began Ranma.
"Yes?" asked Akane.
"Ahh..." he continued.
"Well?" she demanded.
"Ahh..."
"Come on, what?" she growled.
"AH-CHOO!"
"RANMA NO BAKA!" Blam!
Down below, Kenchiro the Oni glanced up at the scene above him. "Fascinating. I did not know the boy had enough mastery of his chi to fly, yet."
------------------------------------------------
In a black-curtained office, King Chuan Lun Wang, High Yama King of all Hell, drummed his fingers on his huge, ebony desk. The clicking of his metal, finely manicured talons echoed through the cavernous room. The only light came from the monitor of the computer sitting on his desk. Being Hell, it was only a 286, despite his lofty position. His clothing was fine, and without stray threads anywhere, and perfectly tailored for his skeletal frame. As his left hand drummed out its staccato beat, the right hand fiddled with the mouse on its Disney mouse pad.
At the far end of the room, doors large enough to allow the Hindenburg through slowly cracked open. A small voice croaked in the shadows. "Y-you asked for m-me, your Grand Supreme Evil Omnipotence, sire?"
"Yes."
An uneasy silence filled the room. The underlit black skull that served as a face for King Chuan Lun Wang turned slowly to gaze upon the tiny imp that slowly crept in to his august presence. "Um, S-sire, w-what can I d-do for my mighty and p-powerful Master?" squeaked the imp.
The drumming of the fingernails stopped. That hand slowly left the table, and dipped gently into a large bowl on one corner of his desk. Withdrawing translucent, writhing shapes, he placed them in his fanged mouth, and slowly chewed. He swallowed, then spoke with the dusty voice of the grave. "One of our number has decided to leave us."
"Sire?" The imp could not believe he had heard the High Yama King correctly.
"He was in the Department of Vengeful Summonings. His mortal master died most untimely, thus negating part, but not all, of the reason for his summons. With an open ended contract, rather than taking advantage of it, he decided to attempt to reach something called 'inner peace'. This must not be." King Chuan Lun Wang reached into the bowl again, bringing out more of the squirming contents. "Find the mortal known as Takamaru Yoshi. He will be in the line at office number 547B. Bring him here."
The imp snapped to attention. "At once, Master!"
Motioning at the bowl, the High Yama King continued. "Also, bring me some more of these mortal delicacies. Gummi worms, I believe they're called."
-------------------------------------------------
Splash!
"So, does this conflict occur every morning?" asked Kenchiro, as he sat just inside the dining room.
"Growf!" Genma held up a sign, saying, 'Of course! The boy's gotta train!'
Ranma, still in male form, punted the panda back into the koi pond. "Seems ta me that you're so outta shape, you gotta train s'more, too!" A paw reached out, and snagged the young man's red shirt, tossing him in as well. "Glarble!" was all he could manage to say in protest, since his head had gotten stuck in the soft mud at the bottom of the pool.
"Breakfast is ready!" called Kasumi.
Genma hopped out of the pond, dragging Ranma out along with him. It wasn't intentional, however; one of his claws was still stuck in his son, er, daughter's shirt. The two almost reached the table, when Kenchiro stopped them. "For the sake of my sensei, I must insist that the two of you clean up first."
"Guuhr?" Genma noticed the pigtailed martial artist dangling from one of his claws, and shook her off. She landed with a rather wet 'splut'.
Wiping the mud off her face, Ranma-chan glared up at her father. "An' I got first dibs on the furo!" she exclaimed, completely clearing the dinner table and those at it, landing on the stairs already running.
By the time Genma had gotten cleaned up, turned human, and gotten downstairs, there wasn't much left for him to eat. Grumbling to himself, he devoured what was left, as Ranma and Akane raced off to school.
"Oh, Kenchiro-san, they forgot their lunches again. Would you take them to them?" asked Kasumi.
"Of course, sensei. Where are they going?" said the Oni. In a few minutes, the demon was on his way to Furinkan High School, and the start of a really bad day for many students there.
Minutes later, Kenchiro, the disguised Oni, walked the streets of Nerima with a total focus that rivaled few in this world. And most of those with this sort of focus were named 'Hibiki'. You see, he was lost.
How can a reformed demon spirit get lost, one might ask? The answer is simple. He may have known how to reach the Realm of the Recently Dead from the bottom of the Hell of Boiling Alive, or how to find the Terrace of the Mirror of Souls when lost in the Maze of Blades and Fire, but the Tokyo street system baffled him. Right now, he was walking in front of a certain okonomiyaki shop, lunches for Ranma and Akane in hand.
"Mortals. I will never understand their sense of aesthetics. Everything here looks the same, with only the signs to differentiate them," he muttered. Glancing around, he saw a young lady of approximately the same age as his quarry sweeping the floor of the okonomiyaki place. "Perhaps she knows where I can find this Fur-in-kan."
Stepping in through the door, he got a better look at the girl. Very slender, and very pretty, she was dressed very formally. In fact, one could almost say she was overdressed for merely cleaning up. Something about her bugged him, tugging at the back of his brain, until he realized what it was. She had an Adam's apple, despite a predominately female chi aura.
"Excuse me, young man, where can I find Fur-in-kan school?" he asked.
The young, effeminate man looked up, startled. "Well, sir, I could show you, but I have to get the store open before Ukyou-sama gets back from there." He motioned to the door, and the two stepped out. "Go down this street two more blocks, then follow the canal down for half a mile. It will be on the right."
"Thank you." Bowing slightly, Kenchiro turned in the direction the young man had pointed out, and began his trek.
---------------------------------------------
Takamaru Yoshi found himself sitting in a very bizarre waiting room. The benches were covered in human skin, with the face on the seat back occasionally murmuring to itself. The so-called potted plant was composed of the skeletons of various creatures, most of which may have been extinct for hundreds of thousands of years. The rug was a giant flatworm, whose lidless eyes seemed to follow his every movement as he paced back and forth. The walls, ceiling, and floor were painted black; at least, he thought the ceiling was black. It was so high that he could not see it. At the far end of the room, a pair of doors over seventy feet high actually repulsed the eye, as if some secret were hidden in the carvings that no mortal could comprehend, and stay sane.
Stationed along the wall to the left of the doors was a secretary and her desk. She would have been a very pretty, if it wasn't for the fine greenish scales, tentacles on her head for hair, and dozens of blade-like wings that sprouted from her back. Her jade-green eyes flashed red for a moment, then motioned to him. "He will see you now."
"I-it's ab-bout time," he stammered. Before his eyes, the door on the right opened itself, creaking open with the stately dignity of a funeral procession. Taking a deep breath, he entered the presence of the High Yama King, King Chuan Lun Wang.
A brilliant red light shone in through the window, between the black curtains. The cavernous office echoed his every footstep for several seconds as he timidly approached the ultimate master of hell. He stopped halfway, unsure of just how far he should go. "Y-you summoned me, Great Lord?"
"Yes. Approach." The whispered voice carried easily to Yoshi's ears, and seemed to whisper even more in his mind. He decided to ignore the unease, and tried to recapture the arrogance he had as a mortal.
Stepping to within ten feet of the massive ebony desk, he pulled himself up to his full height, almost five foot three, and threw his chin up. "What may this poor mortal do for your magnificence?"
"You summoned one of my minions. Your death freed him from the contract. Now, he has become a renegade." One taloned hand pointed at him. "You will take one of my soldiers, and reclaim him. In return, you will be given a lighter eternal torture."
"How benevolent of you," muttered the sorcerer.
"Beware your hubris, mortal. However, I do believe that further explanation is in order. There is a mortal that is guiding him, one of your ancestral enemies. Claim her for Hell, and you shall gain rank. The prisoner shall become the prison guard, as it were." King Chuan Lun Wang motioned to one wall. A long, white screen lowered itself, and a slide projector rose out of the floor opposite it. "This is she."
On the screen, the face of a lovely young girl appeared, her brown hair in a ponytail draped over her shoulder. "She is one of the Tendous, Great Lord?" asked Yoshi.
"Yes. She is Tendou Kasumi. And it is her soul you must claim."
--------------------------------------------
Kenchiro wandered the halls of Furinkan High, trying to find his erstwhile cousin and his fiancee. This, of course, was easier said than done, since he did not understand the layout of the building. Several times, he heard bells, and the halls would flood with students, bustling about, and changing rooms. Of course, this only served to baffle the Oni even further. He finally grabbed one student during one of these times. "I am sorry, but do you know where I can find Saotome Ranma and Tendou Akane?"
The student nodded. "Yeah, they're probably in the lunch room right now, that was the lunch bell. You here to fight him and carry her off?"
"Umm, no. I'm here to bring them their lunches." He glanced around. "Which way is the lunch room?" As the two walked there, he added, "Does that sort of thing happen often?"
"Nah, only about once a month," answered the student.
It took them five minutes to find the squabbling pair. "Look, Akane, I thought you grabbed them!", said Ranma.
"Baka, I thought you grabbed them! Now we don't have lunch... unless one of your girlfriends shows up with free food for you," growled Akane.
"Excuse me," said Kenchiro. "I have been sent with these for you by Sensei Kasumi." He held up the two bentos he had carried across half of Nerima.
"Oh, thank you, Kenchiro-san," said Akane.
Handing them their lunches, the Oni sat down beside them. "So this is what has become of educational institutions. What manner of knowledge is passed on here?"
"Jus' the usual," said Ranma. "History, Grammar, Mathematics, P.E., and more boring stuff."
"Ah, I see." He shifted in his seat, and frowned. "Something is coming, my erstwhile cousin. Something dark, and evil."
No sooner had those words escaped his mouth, when the wall of the lunchroom exploded inwards. "Nihao!" cried a buxom young, purple-haired Chinese girl. "Shampoo come bring lunch for Ranma!"
Akane leaned over, and whispered in the Oni's ear. "That wouldn't be the dark, evil thing, would it?"
"No," he whispered back. "She is filled with positive chi. A little negative, as with all things, but mostly positive."
"Umm, hi, Shampoo," stammered Ranma.
"Who man sitting beside Violent Girl? New boyfriend?"
"No, I am not. I am Saotome Kenchiro, cousin to Ranma-
kun, here." The oni stood, and bowed, then reclaimed his seat.
"Oh, then we in-laws, yes?" the Amazon beamed.
"In-laws?" asked Kenchiro.
Ranma hastily explained. "So, according to her village laws, we're married. But we ain't!"
"Hmph. I will never understand, I guess."
"Ranma eat meal fixed by Shampoo, yes?" asked Shampoo.
Sniffing the air, the Oni spoke. "I wouldn't if I were you. It smells like it's got White Saffron in it as well as a few other things."
"Huh?" asked both Ranma and Akane, together.
"Love spices," he responded.
"No listen to stupid man! Ramen good for you yes?" She held up the bento box as if it were the holy grail.
"Um, not now, Shampoo. Kasumi fixed me lunch today, heh, heh."
"Hmph." She turned to glare at Kenchiro. "You no want to become obstacle," she said, bounding away.
"What did she mean by that?" he asked.
Akane piped up. "One of her favorite quotes is, 'Obstacles are for killing'. By the way, what could this 'dark evil' be?"
The oni rubbed his chin, looking off into the distance. "It is possible my infernal masters could take offense at my apparent defection," he mused.
"Ya mean they'd send a demon after us," said Ranma, filing the way he said the word 'apparent' away for future use.
"Yes," said his new cousin. After a brief pause, he continued. "Whatever it is, it is very close, and getting closer."
One splash of water later, and Ranma heard the one word that most filled him with disgust.
"SWEETO!"
-----------------------------------
And the actors are in place... almost time for the show to really begin!
- Valandar the Red of the Empty Tankard
Hazards of Redemption
Chapter One: Oni the Lonely
Hell is not the absolute monarchy most people think it is. Instead, it is a massive bureaucracy, with numerous offices and divisions, each one dedicated to dealing with a particular aspect of sin, temptation, or response to summonings. In one particular office, at the back of a very long line, stood Takamaru Yoshi. Needless to say, he wasn't too happy.
He had been standing in line for over eight hours, and he seemed to be no closer to the desk, far off in the distance. This would not do. No, this would not do at all. "By the Terrace of the Mirror of the Wicked, I demand to reach the front of the line! I am the last scion of the Takamaru clan, and Master of the Black Arts!" He raised his hands, and summoned all of his dark power.
Which wasn't very much. One would think that the power of black magic would be stronger in Hell than it was on Earth. Of course, it is, as long as you are either a demon, or alive. Yoshi was neither of these at the moment. All he managed to summon was a small flame on the tip of his index finger, which promptly snuffed out as it burned him. He started hooting and hollering, and leapt about like a Mexican jumping bean.
After a few minutes, he finally settled down, and resumed his place in line. That was when a particularly large demon, with eight horns, reached down, and plucked him from his spot. "Get in the back," it growled.
"But this is my spot!" he declared.
"GET IN THE BACK!" roared the demon.
Gathering his rather disheveled kimono around himself, Yoshi glared at the fiend, then slowly walked to the back of the line. The walk took him ten minutes.
-------------------------------------------------
No matter where Ranma went, the stars were one of the few constants in his life. Some fled with the seasons, while others stayed where they were, but they were there, year after year. When he needed time alone to think, the stars listened, and didn't judge. They simply were there.
Tonight's deep thoughts revolved around the Oni that was attempting to reform. Kenchiro, he had named it - rather, him. So what happens? They decide that Ken is now Ranma's 'cousin' to the world at large. Oh, great. If Kuno hears about this, I'll never get him off my back.
On the other hand, if Ken doesn't get the hang of the whole inner peace thing, he's likely to get rather frustrated. And that could mean a whole lot of trouble. So, perhaps it was better to try to help him out.
The big problem was the general chaos surrounding Nerima. If Ken were to get caught up in the whole mess, things could get ugly. And, in his natural form, Ken was pretty ugly. That could probably trash the Oni's attempt to reform, if that was what he was doing, and they'd have to deal with one ticked off demon. Not that they couldn't, but the less mass destruction the better.
Ranma was distracted by the telltale sound of a ladder dropping into place against the roof. Glancing over, he saw the short, black hair of his fiancee. That is, he saw one of his fiancees. It was Akane, to be precise. "Ranma, are you sleeping up here tonight?"
He stayed on his back, but crossed one ankle over the other. "Well, where else'd I sleep? I have a new cousin, now, an' he's probably sharing the room with me an' Oyaji. With those two, there's not much room fer me, ne?"
"Actually, he's not sleeping anywhere," she giggled.
"Huh?"
"Baka, he's a spirit! He doesn't need sleep. He's sitting by the koi pond, meditating," said Akane.
Ranma sat up, and stretched a little. "Oh, um, okay. I, um, gotta get to bed them. We got school tomorrow. Um, they're not gonna make him come to school with us, are they?"
Akane glared at him. "He's several thousand years old, to begin with, and his form, body, whatever, looks about thirty. He'd look funny at Furinkan, wouldn't he?"
"Um, yeah." He looked at her, and froze. The moon was full, and the blue-white light was shining in Akane's eyes. She was half smiling at her own joke, and he didn't think he could breathe. "Ahh..." began Ranma.
"Yes?" asked Akane.
"Ahh..." he continued.
"Well?" she demanded.
"Ahh..."
"Come on, what?" she growled.
"AH-CHOO!"
"RANMA NO BAKA!" Blam!
Down below, Kenchiro the Oni glanced up at the scene above him. "Fascinating. I did not know the boy had enough mastery of his chi to fly, yet."
------------------------------------------------
In a black-curtained office, King Chuan Lun Wang, High Yama King of all Hell, drummed his fingers on his huge, ebony desk. The clicking of his metal, finely manicured talons echoed through the cavernous room. The only light came from the monitor of the computer sitting on his desk. Being Hell, it was only a 286, despite his lofty position. His clothing was fine, and without stray threads anywhere, and perfectly tailored for his skeletal frame. As his left hand drummed out its staccato beat, the right hand fiddled with the mouse on its Disney mouse pad.
At the far end of the room, doors large enough to allow the Hindenburg through slowly cracked open. A small voice croaked in the shadows. "Y-you asked for m-me, your Grand Supreme Evil Omnipotence, sire?"
"Yes."
An uneasy silence filled the room. The underlit black skull that served as a face for King Chuan Lun Wang turned slowly to gaze upon the tiny imp that slowly crept in to his august presence. "Um, S-sire, w-what can I d-do for my mighty and p-powerful Master?" squeaked the imp.
The drumming of the fingernails stopped. That hand slowly left the table, and dipped gently into a large bowl on one corner of his desk. Withdrawing translucent, writhing shapes, he placed them in his fanged mouth, and slowly chewed. He swallowed, then spoke with the dusty voice of the grave. "One of our number has decided to leave us."
"Sire?" The imp could not believe he had heard the High Yama King correctly.
"He was in the Department of Vengeful Summonings. His mortal master died most untimely, thus negating part, but not all, of the reason for his summons. With an open ended contract, rather than taking advantage of it, he decided to attempt to reach something called 'inner peace'. This must not be." King Chuan Lun Wang reached into the bowl again, bringing out more of the squirming contents. "Find the mortal known as Takamaru Yoshi. He will be in the line at office number 547B. Bring him here."
The imp snapped to attention. "At once, Master!"
Motioning at the bowl, the High Yama King continued. "Also, bring me some more of these mortal delicacies. Gummi worms, I believe they're called."
-------------------------------------------------
Splash!
"So, does this conflict occur every morning?" asked Kenchiro, as he sat just inside the dining room.
"Growf!" Genma held up a sign, saying, 'Of course! The boy's gotta train!'
Ranma, still in male form, punted the panda back into the koi pond. "Seems ta me that you're so outta shape, you gotta train s'more, too!" A paw reached out, and snagged the young man's red shirt, tossing him in as well. "Glarble!" was all he could manage to say in protest, since his head had gotten stuck in the soft mud at the bottom of the pool.
"Breakfast is ready!" called Kasumi.
Genma hopped out of the pond, dragging Ranma out along with him. It wasn't intentional, however; one of his claws was still stuck in his son, er, daughter's shirt. The two almost reached the table, when Kenchiro stopped them. "For the sake of my sensei, I must insist that the two of you clean up first."
"Guuhr?" Genma noticed the pigtailed martial artist dangling from one of his claws, and shook her off. She landed with a rather wet 'splut'.
Wiping the mud off her face, Ranma-chan glared up at her father. "An' I got first dibs on the furo!" she exclaimed, completely clearing the dinner table and those at it, landing on the stairs already running.
By the time Genma had gotten cleaned up, turned human, and gotten downstairs, there wasn't much left for him to eat. Grumbling to himself, he devoured what was left, as Ranma and Akane raced off to school.
"Oh, Kenchiro-san, they forgot their lunches again. Would you take them to them?" asked Kasumi.
"Of course, sensei. Where are they going?" said the Oni. In a few minutes, the demon was on his way to Furinkan High School, and the start of a really bad day for many students there.
Minutes later, Kenchiro, the disguised Oni, walked the streets of Nerima with a total focus that rivaled few in this world. And most of those with this sort of focus were named 'Hibiki'. You see, he was lost.
How can a reformed demon spirit get lost, one might ask? The answer is simple. He may have known how to reach the Realm of the Recently Dead from the bottom of the Hell of Boiling Alive, or how to find the Terrace of the Mirror of Souls when lost in the Maze of Blades and Fire, but the Tokyo street system baffled him. Right now, he was walking in front of a certain okonomiyaki shop, lunches for Ranma and Akane in hand.
"Mortals. I will never understand their sense of aesthetics. Everything here looks the same, with only the signs to differentiate them," he muttered. Glancing around, he saw a young lady of approximately the same age as his quarry sweeping the floor of the okonomiyaki place. "Perhaps she knows where I can find this Fur-in-kan."
Stepping in through the door, he got a better look at the girl. Very slender, and very pretty, she was dressed very formally. In fact, one could almost say she was overdressed for merely cleaning up. Something about her bugged him, tugging at the back of his brain, until he realized what it was. She had an Adam's apple, despite a predominately female chi aura.
"Excuse me, young man, where can I find Fur-in-kan school?" he asked.
The young, effeminate man looked up, startled. "Well, sir, I could show you, but I have to get the store open before Ukyou-sama gets back from there." He motioned to the door, and the two stepped out. "Go down this street two more blocks, then follow the canal down for half a mile. It will be on the right."
"Thank you." Bowing slightly, Kenchiro turned in the direction the young man had pointed out, and began his trek.
---------------------------------------------
Takamaru Yoshi found himself sitting in a very bizarre waiting room. The benches were covered in human skin, with the face on the seat back occasionally murmuring to itself. The so-called potted plant was composed of the skeletons of various creatures, most of which may have been extinct for hundreds of thousands of years. The rug was a giant flatworm, whose lidless eyes seemed to follow his every movement as he paced back and forth. The walls, ceiling, and floor were painted black; at least, he thought the ceiling was black. It was so high that he could not see it. At the far end of the room, a pair of doors over seventy feet high actually repulsed the eye, as if some secret were hidden in the carvings that no mortal could comprehend, and stay sane.
Stationed along the wall to the left of the doors was a secretary and her desk. She would have been a very pretty, if it wasn't for the fine greenish scales, tentacles on her head for hair, and dozens of blade-like wings that sprouted from her back. Her jade-green eyes flashed red for a moment, then motioned to him. "He will see you now."
"I-it's ab-bout time," he stammered. Before his eyes, the door on the right opened itself, creaking open with the stately dignity of a funeral procession. Taking a deep breath, he entered the presence of the High Yama King, King Chuan Lun Wang.
A brilliant red light shone in through the window, between the black curtains. The cavernous office echoed his every footstep for several seconds as he timidly approached the ultimate master of hell. He stopped halfway, unsure of just how far he should go. "Y-you summoned me, Great Lord?"
"Yes. Approach." The whispered voice carried easily to Yoshi's ears, and seemed to whisper even more in his mind. He decided to ignore the unease, and tried to recapture the arrogance he had as a mortal.
Stepping to within ten feet of the massive ebony desk, he pulled himself up to his full height, almost five foot three, and threw his chin up. "What may this poor mortal do for your magnificence?"
"You summoned one of my minions. Your death freed him from the contract. Now, he has become a renegade." One taloned hand pointed at him. "You will take one of my soldiers, and reclaim him. In return, you will be given a lighter eternal torture."
"How benevolent of you," muttered the sorcerer.
"Beware your hubris, mortal. However, I do believe that further explanation is in order. There is a mortal that is guiding him, one of your ancestral enemies. Claim her for Hell, and you shall gain rank. The prisoner shall become the prison guard, as it were." King Chuan Lun Wang motioned to one wall. A long, white screen lowered itself, and a slide projector rose out of the floor opposite it. "This is she."
On the screen, the face of a lovely young girl appeared, her brown hair in a ponytail draped over her shoulder. "She is one of the Tendous, Great Lord?" asked Yoshi.
"Yes. She is Tendou Kasumi. And it is her soul you must claim."
--------------------------------------------
Kenchiro wandered the halls of Furinkan High, trying to find his erstwhile cousin and his fiancee. This, of course, was easier said than done, since he did not understand the layout of the building. Several times, he heard bells, and the halls would flood with students, bustling about, and changing rooms. Of course, this only served to baffle the Oni even further. He finally grabbed one student during one of these times. "I am sorry, but do you know where I can find Saotome Ranma and Tendou Akane?"
The student nodded. "Yeah, they're probably in the lunch room right now, that was the lunch bell. You here to fight him and carry her off?"
"Umm, no. I'm here to bring them their lunches." He glanced around. "Which way is the lunch room?" As the two walked there, he added, "Does that sort of thing happen often?"
"Nah, only about once a month," answered the student.
It took them five minutes to find the squabbling pair. "Look, Akane, I thought you grabbed them!", said Ranma.
"Baka, I thought you grabbed them! Now we don't have lunch... unless one of your girlfriends shows up with free food for you," growled Akane.
"Excuse me," said Kenchiro. "I have been sent with these for you by Sensei Kasumi." He held up the two bentos he had carried across half of Nerima.
"Oh, thank you, Kenchiro-san," said Akane.
Handing them their lunches, the Oni sat down beside them. "So this is what has become of educational institutions. What manner of knowledge is passed on here?"
"Jus' the usual," said Ranma. "History, Grammar, Mathematics, P.E., and more boring stuff."
"Ah, I see." He shifted in his seat, and frowned. "Something is coming, my erstwhile cousin. Something dark, and evil."
No sooner had those words escaped his mouth, when the wall of the lunchroom exploded inwards. "Nihao!" cried a buxom young, purple-haired Chinese girl. "Shampoo come bring lunch for Ranma!"
Akane leaned over, and whispered in the Oni's ear. "That wouldn't be the dark, evil thing, would it?"
"No," he whispered back. "She is filled with positive chi. A little negative, as with all things, but mostly positive."
"Umm, hi, Shampoo," stammered Ranma.
"Who man sitting beside Violent Girl? New boyfriend?"
"No, I am not. I am Saotome Kenchiro, cousin to Ranma-
kun, here." The oni stood, and bowed, then reclaimed his seat.
"Oh, then we in-laws, yes?" the Amazon beamed.
"In-laws?" asked Kenchiro.
Ranma hastily explained. "So, according to her village laws, we're married. But we ain't!"
"Hmph. I will never understand, I guess."
"Ranma eat meal fixed by Shampoo, yes?" asked Shampoo.
Sniffing the air, the Oni spoke. "I wouldn't if I were you. It smells like it's got White Saffron in it as well as a few other things."
"Huh?" asked both Ranma and Akane, together.
"Love spices," he responded.
"No listen to stupid man! Ramen good for you yes?" She held up the bento box as if it were the holy grail.
"Um, not now, Shampoo. Kasumi fixed me lunch today, heh, heh."
"Hmph." She turned to glare at Kenchiro. "You no want to become obstacle," she said, bounding away.
"What did she mean by that?" he asked.
Akane piped up. "One of her favorite quotes is, 'Obstacles are for killing'. By the way, what could this 'dark evil' be?"
The oni rubbed his chin, looking off into the distance. "It is possible my infernal masters could take offense at my apparent defection," he mused.
"Ya mean they'd send a demon after us," said Ranma, filing the way he said the word 'apparent' away for future use.
"Yes," said his new cousin. After a brief pause, he continued. "Whatever it is, it is very close, and getting closer."
One splash of water later, and Ranma heard the one word that most filled him with disgust.
"SWEETO!"
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And the actors are in place... almost time for the show to really begin!
- Valandar the Red of the Empty Tankard