Chapter 2

Life levels all men:

Death reveals the eminent.

George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman.

Diary of Quistis Trepe

2nd May

Today was a poignant day for me.  It's been four years without him.  Those four years sure have dragged.  I didn't realise how much I'd miss him being around.  It's been really difficult.

That day.  It was the beginning of the end for all of us really.  The six of us thought we'd be there for each other always.  We went through so much together, but Squall's death?  We couldn't deal with that.

A few days afterwards, Rinoa left.  She didn't even say goodbye.  I guess I can understand her wanting to leave.  If I was in her position, I'm not sure if I'd want to stay in Garden.  Still, I wish she'd have said goodbye.  I know I was a little jealous when Squall and her fell in love, but she was my friend.  I miss her.  I don't even know if she's alright.  I haven't heard anything from her for four years.  I don't even know where she is.  I visited her father's house soon after she left, but he said she wasn't there.  Now, I'm not sure if he was telling the truth.  Maybe I should try and find her.  I miss her.

A few weeks later, Irvine went back to Galbadia Garden.  He said that there was too much sadness here.  I kind of agree with him.  Selphie was broken hearted though.  She's not been the same since.  It's strange to think that she used to be bright and happy.  Now, she's forever down, and she's become so serious about her duties at Garden.  I can't blame her.  Garden is the only thing she has left.

And as for Zell.  Well, Zell still lives in hope.  It's admirable really.  In the beginning, we all had our hope, but now…now, that hope is dead.  Zell, on the other hand, still believes Squall's out there.  He's been taking a lot more missions on since that day.  I know he's only doing them in the hope that he'll find Squall.  Sometimes, I just wish he'd face up to reality.  Squall's dead.  He's not coming back.

He's not coming back.

On a brighter note, it's also the four year anniversary of me becoming the Commander here.  I still don't feel like I've earned it though.  Everywhere I go, people stare at me, as if they're saying,

"Squall should be the Commander, not you.  You're just second best."

I hate that, but at the same time, I know it's true.  If Squall were still here, he'd be Commander.  I guess I didn't earn this.  I guess that's why I stay awake at night.  I guess that's why I dream of him.  Dream of him being angry with me.  He calls me a traitor, says I've stolen his place in life.  Maybe I have.

Maybe I'm just a fraud.

Thanks to:

Riona

Diskord

CTHKSI

Angelprinczess29

Rinoa Leonhart73

Rebekka

Do you guys really think I'd be mean enough to kill of Squall?  Well?  Maybe I am.  I guess you have to wait to find out!!  Aren't I cruel?

Ps.  If you want to, please read my Kingdom Heart's fic, For Love and Honour, as it focuses on Squall and even starts off in the world of FF8.  There's some Squinoa too.  Thanks.