How many dawns?
How many dusks?
One old affair frequently hangs on my heart.
Faye Wong, Jun Xin Wo Xin.
I had hoped that the walk along the beach would have cleared my head. Anything to forget that, that…dream? Or was it a vision? What am I talking about, of course it was just a dream. A vivid dream, but a dream all the same. I shouldn't worry about it, it doesn't mean anything.
Then why can't I forget?
I gazed out towards the horizon, letting the cold sea breeze sting my cheeks, as I have done so many times before, wondering where I was really from. I have no idea where I was born, where I grew up. Somewhere out there is my home. I just don't know where.
I sighed, as I often did when I became too absorbed in my own thoughts. I knew from experience that thinking this way only resulted in me feeling even more depressed and unsure about who I really am.
That's the reason I first started hunting the monsters that occasionally found their way into town. I needed something to occupy my time, to stop me thinking about my past.
I began to walk once again, heading towards the one place I knew I wouldn't be disturbed. The one place I knew I could be alone. I spent much of my time in that cave, hidden slightly by the rocky coastline of the Winhill shore. The slight dripping sound of the water as it hit the cave floor, comforted me slightly, bringing a sense of familiarity. I found a large cavern and began to exercise, as I had done every day since I arrived. I'm not sure how I know the set of exercise I perform, but I can tell that Maron does, and he's hiding it from me. Once, a few weeks after I came here, he caught me exercising and lost it. He told me that I should stop immediately, that it was wrong and would make people believe I was a true outsider. He said I would be cast out of the town. That is why I like to be alone so much. I know I don't belong here.
I relax a little, feeling my muscles contract and relax in that familiar pattern that is so natural to me. And then, it happened again.
I was still performing the same set of exercises, but the setting was different. I was in a spacious, airy room with a set of double doors leading to a balcony above the ocean. The room itself was fairly plain, a grand piano in the corner being the only distinguishing feature.
"You do realise that you can have a lie-in, don't you?" I looked around for the person who had spoken to me. It was her. "You are the Commander, you can have time off whenever you like." She was sitting upright in the double bed at the centre of the room. "Come back to bed."
I was once again stood in the cave, surrounded by nothing but rocks and water. The room around me had disappeared and I was alone once again. I shook my head, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Was this just another dream? But how can it be a dream if I'm still awake? I didn't even pass out. What the hell just happened? Maybe I should go and see a doctor? But what good could that do? They won't know what's happening to me. There's no use even trying to make sense of this.
I began to exercise once again, trying to clear all thoughts of what had just happened, but before I could completely immerse myself in my actions, I became aware of a presence. Turning around, I saw the figure of a young woman standing in front of me.
It was her.
Sure, she looked a little different, older perhaps. Her hair was slightly shorter, falling just on to her shoulders, and she seemed to have lost a little weight, but it was unmistakeably her.
"Squall?" she whispered.
Who's Squall. And just who is she? How is she invading me mind? How is she getting into my head? I don't even know her. She ran into my arms. Instinctively, I pushed her away.
"Who the hell are you?" I demanded. I saw her fall to the floor, hitting her head. I felt a twinge of guilt. I hadn't meant to hurt her.
"Squall? Squall, it's me." What is she talking about? I don't understand.
"I don't know who the hell you are, but my name's not Squall, alright?" My name is Leon. Why was she calling me something different?
As soon as I said this, she began to cry, fleeing from my presence. I couldn't just let her go. I needed to know who she was, and why I saw her in my mind. I followed her, keeping a safe distance behind, watching her run gracefully along the beach. The scene unfolding before me seemed somehow to be familiar, my mind racing, trying to discover why it felt like I had done this before.
I was running along a beach with pure, golden sand underneath my feet. Turning around, I saw her running after me, laughing heartily. For some reason, I didn't pick up my pace as I noticed her catching up to me. For some unknown reason, buried deep within me, I wanted her to catch me. She moved closer and closer to me, until finally she threw her arms around me, tackling me to the ground. We rolled on the sand, until we both came to a stop. I was lying directly on top of her, smiling as she collapsed into a fit of laughter. She laced both of her arms around my neck, pulling me closer, our lips almost touching.
I have to sit down, unable to run any longer due to the shock I was in. Why does this keep happening to me? What is it that's happening to me? Only one person can possibly have the answer to all of my questions, and that person was quickly leaving my sight. Taking a deep breath, I get back on my feet and begin to run after her.
I finally caught up to her when she entered the hotel on the main street. I was just about to step through the doorway, when I heard something that made me stop in my tracks.
I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
Is that her singing? She has the voice of an angel. She plays the piano too? I propped myself against the frame of the door, watching her, listening intently to every syllable that she sang.
I never will forget that look upon
your face
How you turned away and left
without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you
I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me
As she finished her song, she just sat there, sobbing quietly to herself. I wanted to go to her, but I didn't know what to say, so I just waited until she noticed me. As she wiped the tears from her eyes, she looked straight at me, saying nothing. It was as if she was waiting for me to make the first move.
"Sorry, for before," I began awkwardly. "I just need to know who you are." She rose from her position at the piano and walked slowly towards me.
"You…you really don't know who I am, do you?" she sobbed, looking up into my eyes.
"Sorry. All I know is that I see you in my head, and I don't even know who you are."
"Squall, look at me. Can you honestly say that you don't know who I am?"
"Why do you keep calling me Squall? My name is Leon."
"No, no. You're name is Squall Leonhart," she cried, throwing her hands to her head in frustration.
"How have you been getting into my head? What are you, a sorceress or something?"
"No, well, yes, but that has nothing to do with it. I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean getting into your head?"
"So you're a sorceress." I pulled out my twin pistols and aimed them directly at her head. If there was one thing I had been taught since I came here, it was that a sorceress cannot be trusted, and they must not be allowed to walk free.
"Squall. What are you doing? You never cared about me being a sorceress before. You accepted me for what I was, what I am. What's happened to you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Is she crazy or something?
"I'll prove it to you." She took her purse out of her pocket and opened it, removing a piece of paper, which she handed to me. On closer inspection, I found it to be a battered photograph. Nothing spectacular, lots of people carry photographs with them. However, what I saw on the photograph shocked me so much, I let my pistols drop to the floor, astonished by what was in front of me.
She was on the picture, standing in an exquisitely decorated ballroom in a long, flowing red dress, which complemented the deep brown shades of her hair that cascaded over her shoulder. What really shocked me, however, was the man who had his arm around her shoulders.
It was me.
Admittedly, my hair was a little shorter than it is now, but it was definately me. I was wearing some sort of uniform, military I guess, and I was smiling, actually smiling. When was the last time I did that?
"Sit down," she ordered me, seeing how shocked I was at the photograph.
"When was this taken?" I asked.
"About five years ago. It was a ball to commemorate the one year anniversary of the defeat of Ultimecia."
"Ultemicia? The sorceress?"
"You don't remember that either?" I shook my head, confused over what was to remember.
"It was us that defeated her. Well, it was really you that defeated her. You were a hero, the Commander of Balamb Garden."
"Garden? That's where SeeDs are trained isn't it?" Maron had always told me that SeeDs were terrible people, killing anybody for money. And now, this stranger was trying to tell me that I was once a SeeD. Why should I believe her? Then again, there was the photograph, and the fact that I saw her with me. Maybe I was seeing the past.
"You remember?"
"No, it's something somebody told me about. Are you a SeeD?" She laughed slightly, despite herself.
"No, I was never a SeeD. I was your client for a time. You took me with you when you fought Ultimecia. I lived at Garden with you after that."
"With me? You mean, we were…you know?" That would explain why I saw her in my bed. She nodded, once again breaking down into tears. I could see how much I had hurt her by not being able to remember her.
"Is that why I can see you?"
"What do you mean?"
"The last few days, I…I've seen you in my head. At first, I thought they were just dreams, but now…"
"What did you see?"
"I was alone at a dance in that ballroom." I pointed to the photograph, sure that it was the same place. "You dragged me onto the dance floor. I wasn't very good at first, but you helped me. I think the music was called Waltz for the Moon."
"So you can remember."
"That really happened?"
"That was the first moment we met. I was sure you hated me for dragging you out there."
"I didn't hate you. At least, I don't remember hating you."
"Can I ask you something? Why does Maron think you're his son?"
"He doesn't really think that I'm his son. He looked after me when I came here four years ago. In fact, he was the one who found me."
"Found you? Four years ago? That was when you left."
"I left?"
"On a mission. You…you never came back." It was obvious that this still hurt her. She couldn't look me in the eye when she said it.
"I left on a mission?" My mind began to race. If I was on a mission, wouldn't I have been in uniform? Wouldn't I have I.D. with me? Wouldn't I have a weapon with me? Maron had never mentioned any of these things.
Maron.
"Are you alright?" she asked. "You…you look angry."
"Maron," I growled, leaving the hotel and heading through the streets towards his house.
A/N: Thanks to CharlieGirl and Discordia the Goddess of Irony for pointing out some of the mistakes. I'm sorry if the tenses don't seem to flow too naturally, it's just the style I write in, but I'm trying to improve on that at the moment. I also have to apologise about putting 'me' instead of 'my' a lot. That's down to the way I talk, as I'm from 'up North' and find it difficult sometimes to write in a different way than I talk. Also, I'd like to say thank you to everybody who's reviewed this, and all my other fics, so far.