Nobody speaks the truth when there's something they must have.
Elizabeth Bowen, The House in Paris
I had always been the one to see the darker side of Squall Leonhart. Most people believed that he was cold, emotionless, but I knew differently. His way of life had taken an undeniable toll on him. In the weeks before he left Garden, I could tell that he was having more and more trouble keeping up his façade during the daytime, when he was working. I was the one who he would come home to at night. I knew how much stress he was under. He would often come back in such a foul mood, angry at whatever foreign diplomat he'd had to meet and greet and be polite to. Yet, however bad his mood, he had never lost his temper with me. He'd just sigh, and force a smile at me, apologising for burdening me with his troubles. Never had I seen him like this.
He was storming down the main street of Winhill, leaving me trailing in his wake. I had to keep trying to remind myself that this wasn't the Squall I knew. It was futile, however.
During our conversation, I realised just how little he had changed. His mannerisms were identical, as was his attitude. It was only his memories that were different.
I stopped, suddenly in my tracks, as Squall halted and turned to face me, the look of anger being replaced by one of confusion.
"What did you say my name was?" he demanded.
"Squall," I replied patiently, guessing how difficult this was for him.
"No, my surname."
"Leonhart."
"L-e-o-n-h-a-r-t?" he asked.
I nodded as a reply. "Why?"
"Because that's his name," he growled.
"Ah, Leon, you're home. I see you met…" Maron was cut off abruptly as Squall grabbed him by the collar, pinning him up against the wall.
"Squall," I shouted. "You'll hurt him."
Sure, I don't particularly like Maron, but he doesn't seem like he's a bad person. I know how dangerous Squall can be when he isn't in a temper, so now, I was afraid for Maron's safety.
"Tell me the truth, Squall shouted, threateningly, ignoring my pleas for calm.
"What truth…I…I don't know what you're talking about," he protested.
Squall released his grip on the frightened man, causing him to fall to the floor in a heap.
"I know you've been lying to me, about where you found me. You know more about my past than you're telling me don't you?"
"No."
"Liar," Squall spat. "You're nothing but a liar."
"You didn't need to know. I saved you."
"Saved me from what."
I felt more than a little awkward stood there, in the middle of the argument. I wasn't sure whether or not to leave, or whether it would be better for me to stay, to find out the real truth about what happened four years ago. It was no contest. I felt compelled to stay.
"I saved you from your terrible life. You were a SeeD. Nothing more than a lowly mercenary, only fighting for money."
"That's not true," I screamed. "Squall's not superficial like that. When I first met him, that was my opinion of mercenaries, but he changed that. He didn't fight for money, he fought because that's all he had ever known."
"See, they're bred to be killers."
"No. He changed. He began to fight for his friends." I turned towards Squall, looking directly at him. "You…you fought for me."
"I knew I recognised you. You're the sorceress," exclaimed Maron. "See what I saved you from?" he asked Squall.
"So it was true? I did accept you as a sorceress."
"Fool," spat Maron. This was the final straw for Squall. He drew his pistols, aiming them at Maron's head, much to his horror.
"Tell me how I came here."
"I was fishing off the Esthar coast. I saw two bodies on the shore. I thought that both were dead. I checked them, finding that one was indeed dead, but the other was alive."
"Me?"
"Yes. You were wearing a SeeD uniform and carried a gunblade. From your uniform, I could see you were the commander. The ID I found only confirmed it. I should have left you there to die."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because my sister loved you."
I didn't understand was Maron was talking about. Who was his sister? And why would she love Squall?
"Our surnames. Is that why they're the same?"
"Yes. You're mother was my sister."
"Raine was your sister?" I asked, astounded. "Then how could you ever let Squall be given away to the orphanage?"
"He's lucky I didn't drown him at birth. He's the son of an outsider. One who abandoned my sister with a child, offering no support or even word of where he was. Everybody knew who his father was. It was better that he was sent away. Everybody hated that Loire. His son would also be hated here."
"So you sent him away under the name of Leonhart?" I asked. "To protect him?"
"You have to understand that I loved my sister. She told me to take care of Squall, and I have done."
"You lied to me, you don't care for me. I won't stay here any longer."
Maron looked at me. "Could you leave us for a minute?"
That evening, Squall was sat in my hotel room, surrounded by a single bag, containing the only belongings that he wished to keep.
"So what happens now?" I asked. I needed to know whether he would even want to be around me, or whether he would just want to be alone from now on.
"I don't know. I have to leave. I can't spend any longer in this place. Maron said I could take the boat, but I have nowhere to go. I don't even know where or how I used to live." He held his head in his hands. I was amused by the fact that he still did this whilst thinking. I guess some things never change.
"Well, certain memories have come back to you, right?"
"A few."
"They all involved you, though. Never my time with SeeD."
I smiled, despite myself, relieved that he did have some recollection of me.
"You were a SeeD when you met me. All your memories would have been from when you were a SeeD."
"There's so much I don't know about my own life."
"I can fill you in on the boat, but before we leave, I have something you need to see."
"Are you lost?" he asked me, frustration showing through in his voice.
"I'm not lost. I wasn't sure where I was going in the first place."
He still had elements of SeeD within him. It seemed he was growing impatient with just wandering aimlessly. As a SeeD, he had always needed a plan before going anywhere. He would always have a map in his back pocket, even if we were only going for a picnic. It would seem that old habits die hard.
"Why did you even set out if you didn't even know where we were going?"
"Because you really need to see this. I've never been there, but you have. That's why I'm not sure where it is."
We walked in silence for a few minutes, until I noticed the smooth marble slab rising up above the brow of a nearby hill.
"We're here," I told him.
He knelt down next to the marble slab, and wiped away the weeds that had grown over the previously spotless surface. I was shocked to find that it was untended. Laguna would always come here, but it looked like it had been abandoned for some time.
I wonder if he's alright?
"Raine Loire," Squall read, once all of the inscribed letters had become visible. "My mother?" he asked.
I nodded, and walked a short distance away, sensing that this was a private moment for him. I sat down gently on the grass, plucking a nearby flower from the ground.
I thought about how long it had been since I held a flower. I had always loved flowers, their fragility and beauty would fascinate me. I tentatively sniffed at the petals, inhaling the sweet scent, bringing back memories of the flower field at Edea's orphanage. It reminded me of the promise that Squall had made me.
"I'll be here…waiting…so if you come here… you'll find me…I promise."
I had waited there for him, during my darker days. I felt sure that he would show up, after all, he had promised. But after a while, it was clear that he wouldn't be there. That was when I truly believed he was dead, when he broke that promise. I suppose a part of him did die. The part that knew and loved me. I tried to prevent a single, lone tear from escaping, but it was in vain. It dripped onto the flower, running down the petal towards the tip, staining the deep crimson colour slightly.
As an afterthought, I picked several more flowers, gripping the stems tightly in my hand. I hadn't had any flowers for so long. My room would always be brightened by their presence. I loved them so much, Squall would buy me a different bunch every week, and smile at the look on my face as I received them. After a while, it ceased to be a surprise, but the sentiment was still there. He had bought me some the day before he left. When I heard that he wasn't coming back, they withered and died. At the time, I envied them. I wanted nothing more than to do the same.
"Rinoa. Why did she die alone?"
I rose from the ground, walking over to him. I gently placed to flowers in my hand onto the gravestone. It was fitting that she should have them.
"Rinoa?"
"Raine was the adoptive mother of an orphan named Ellone. She met your father, Laguna, when he was an officer in the Galbadian Army. She found him, badly injured and nursed him back to health. Gradually, they developed feelings for each other. One day, the Estharian military, under Sorceress Adel, invaded Winhill. They kidnapped Ellone, after learning that she could see the past. Laguna and Raine were both devastated by this. Laguna, along with his old friends Kiros and Ward, set out to find Ellone. It was shortly after they left that Raine discovered she was pregnant. She had no way of contacting Laguna, and he didn't even find out that he had son until many years later. Unfortunately, Laguna was unable to return to Winhill before you were born. He had found Ellone, but could not allow the citizens of Esthar to live under the harsh rule of Adel. He led the resistance movement who defeated her and was made President of Esthar. He told me once that he had returned to Winhill shortly afterwards, only to find that Raine was dead. Nobody told him about you. I presume you had already been sent to the orphanage. He returned to Esthar, and only found out about you when Ellone took him to see Raine's past. He was devastated that he had missed out on so much time with you, and seen as you were a success at SeeD, he didn't want to ruin your life by trying to make contact with you."
"Have I ever met him?"
"Yes. He commissioned us to defeat Ultimecia. Afterwards, he revealed that he was your father. You were upset at first, but you learned to live with the fact, and started to spend some time together. You were working for him on your last mission."
"I don't remember any of this. I mean, this place seems vaguely familiar to me, but I don't recall anything that you're telling me."
"Maybe you just need time. Or maybe you should visit the places in your past. They may trigger off some of your memories."
"Maybe. That's what happened with the others."
"We should go to Timber first. I have a lot of your belongings there. Hopefully, it'll bring something back to you."
A/N I have started editing this fic. The Prologue and Chapter 1 have been completed. The others will be done shortly. Thanks to:
Rinoa Heartilly
Keiry
CharlieGirl
CTHKSI
Discordia the Goddess of Irony
Riona
Yunalesca78
LeopardDance
Star Slight
Rinoa Leonhart73
Hiasha