Chapter 11
Four seasons in one day,
Lying in the depths of your imagination.
Worlds above and worlds below,
Sun shines on the black clouds hanging over the domain.
Crowded House, Four Seasons in One Day
"Well, here we are," she announced, tentatively. "Make yourself at home, I guess."
I can tell that she still feels really weird about the whole situation. I can't really blame her though, can I? She spent the last few years of her life believing I was dead, and learning to deal with that. It makes me feel kind of guilty. I mean, I know it's not really my fault, it's not as if I can even remember leaving, but this still must be tearing her up inside. All this just because I had the nerve to walk back into her life.
"Would you like some coffee?" she offered.
"No, thanks."
An uncomfortable silence followed, well uncomfortable for her, not me. I've never understood why people always feel the need to talk when they're in someone else's company. It's not as if they talk about anything important either, just the weather or their journey or something. I mean, what's the point? It doesn't get people anywhere. I guess it's just because I hate small talk, I've never been one for conversation. Even though, it was clear that I was making Rinoa uncomfortable with my silence. I felt that I had to say something, even if it was only for her sake.
"So…do you live here on your own?"
"Yes" she replied.
"How long have you lived here?"
"More than three years now. Ever since I left my father's." Her eyes were revealing a tinge of sadness, hinting at the fact that it was obviously an upsetting subject for her.
Way to go Squall.
"Erm, you don't mind if I make myself a drink do you?" she asked.
I shook my head in reply.
"Sure you don't want me to make you a coffee? It's no trouble, I'm making myself one anyway."
"I'm sure."
She looks like she needs something stronger.
I watched in amazement as she gulped down her coffee, almost in one mouthful.
"It's been a godsend these last few years," she explained. "The cure for many a sleepless night."
I wasn't sure whether she was joking, or being deadly serious, so I said nothing, silence, in my opinion, always being the best ploy.
"Well, you better sit down." She gestured towards a sofa on the other side of her apartment, which was covered with various magazines and newspapers. "I'll just clear up a bit for you." I followed her to the other side of the room, where she had already collected an armful of magazines. As she turned to put them away, however, she dropped the bundle on the floor.
"Dammit," she cursed loudly. I got down on my knees to help her clean up, only to find that she had done the same, causing our heads to clash.
"You okay?" I was immediately conscious of how close she was to me, her lips barely an inch from my face. I could feel my heart beat quickening in my chest, pounding with some…some feeling.
What in Hyne's name? What is this?
As I lifted my own eyes to meet hers, I saw something that frightened me, something I can't explain or describe. She moved inexorably closer to me.
What the hell do I do? More to the point, what the hell is she doing?Still, she moved closer. I didn't know whether I should stay rooted to the spot, or whether I should move. She was so close to me now that I could feel her warm breath on my skin. It was…intoxicating.
Hyne what am I thinking? This isn't fair to her.
I got to my feet as fast I could, stumbling as I rose from my knees, trying to shake those feelings from my mind, unsure of what just happened. I sat down on the sofa and tried to concentrate on reading one of the magazines, but it was to no avail. I just couldn't stop thinking about how close we were.
Dammit Squall. It's not as if you're with her anymore. Hell, she's probably got another boyfriend anyway. And what does it even matter? You can't even remember who the hell she is.
I tried to talk some sense into myself, to some success. I found myself actually studying the magazine closely, until something jumped out of the page at me.
"You wrote this?"
She nodded, not looking me directly in the eye. I guess she must have been embarrassed.
Embarrassed or hurt.
"I don't usually keep anything I write, but that was the first piece I did that was published."
"Well, congratulations." I didn't really know what else to say. "I didn't know you were such a good journalist."
"Honestly, I'm not," she protested modestly.
"Whatever."
He laughed at my last comment.
What? What is it? What's so funny?
"I'm sorry," she said, as if she could read my thoughts. "It's just something you always used to say."
"Still do."
"So I see."
At this, she exited the room, entering another, which I presumed to be her bedroom. She returned carrying a large metal box that looked far too heavy for her to lift. I would have offered her a hand but she seemed to be managing fine on her own. She placed the box at me feet.
"Open it."
I obliged, looking at the contents of the box.
The first thing I noticed was a picture that had obviously seen better days. It showed Rinoa and I, together, smiling, in what looked like a flower field.
Flower field?
That seemed important somehow, something seemed to click, as if another piece of the jigsaw was falling into place.
"What'll become of me?" I looked across at Rinoa, puzzling at the question. Although I was definitely in the same flower field shown in the photograph, it was certainly a different time. Our clothes were different and I didn't feel as if I should be smiling. It was as if there was a weight pressing down upon my soul, threatening to plunge me into darkness.
"Don't worry about it. There have been many good sorceresses. Edea was one. You could be like her."
Good sorceresses? Was this really me?
"But Edea's still…" She paused. "I can't guarantee anything, either, if Ultimecia possesses me again."
Ultimecia? The sorceress? So that was how Rinoa got her powers.
"You saw me…She controlled me in outer space and made me break Adel's seal. What might happen next time? What will I end up doing? Will I end up fighting everyone? Scary thought isn't it."
"Rinoa…even if the world becomes your enemy, I'll…I'll be your knight."
I was really thinking that. I would have protected her no matter what. I guess I was lied to about sorceresses. I mean…she doesn't seem like a threat. She said she was possessed right? That it wasn't her?
"If I fall under Ultimecia's contol again…SeeD will come and kill me right? And the leader of SeeD is you, Squall."
Hyne, I was supposed to kill her.
"Squall's sword will pierce my heart. I guess it's okay if it's you Squall. Nobody else. Squall if that ever happens…"
I could feel my anger boiling up inside me, raging at the suggestion she had just made.
"That's enough. I'll never do anything like that. The sorceress I'm after is not you, Rinoa. My enemy is the sorceress of the future, Ultimecia."
"Ultimecia lives in the future and possesses me. She uses my body as her extension into this world. How, how will you save me?
I found a way. I must have saved her. That was all I wanted.
"I'll come up with something. There's gotta be a way. Don't worry. Trust me."
"I trust you." Those words. They made me fill with happiness. Suddenly I felt as if I could take on the whole world. She trusted me. "Well, until you find a way, maybe I should stay in Esthar."
"No, that'd be pointless. I'd only end up going after you again. Rinoa…just stay close to me."
I must have loved her. Those feelings, before…were they fragments of the past. Or maybe they were something else.
"Oh, those words."
"What?"
"That's what started everything."
Started things between us?
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't remember?"
Not a thing.
"Something I said?"
"Oh, just forget it."
"Feeling better?"
"Yeah. Can I tell you a story? I had a dream. It was a scary dream. We make a promise. We promise to see shooting stars together. I get dressed up and put on your ring. But the thing is, I can't remember where I'm supposed to meet you. I start to panic. I really want to see you, Squall, but I don't know where to go. I start running through the mountains, the desert, the plains...through Timber, Balamb and Galbadia...When I realize I can't run any longer...I...I just want to see you so badly...So I scream, Squall, where are you? Then I woke up. I was crying. I'm sorry. You don't have to say anything. I just felt like I had to tell you."
"How about this? I'll be here."
"Why?"
"The reason why you couldn't find me was because we haven't promised yet."
"Promised?"
"I'll be waiting for you, so if you come here, you'll find me…I promise."
I promise.
"I'll be here," I repeated, a little louder than intended.
"Why?" she breathed, expectantly.
"I'll be waiting for you, so if you come here, you'll find me…I promise."
She looked at me, disbelief registering on her features, a single tear flowing down her cheek.
"I waited for you," she sobbed.
"What?"
Where did she wait for me? Why?
"I waited, Squall. I waited for you, where we made our promise. You…you never came."
There was nothing I could say to comfort her, she was too distraught. She must have gone through hell. I know I meant what I said when I promised but…dammit, if I only I could've remembered that one thing. This could all have been avoided.
"Sorry," I mumbled, knowing that it would be of no consolation to her, I just had to try and clear my conscience.
"It's not your fault," she replied. "Take a look at the rest of your things."
I studied the contents of the box, finding that it contained a weapon, which I recognised to be a gunblade of an extremely powerful variety, a few clothes, including a jacket that I liked the look of, a few little trinkets that I didn't have a clue about, a video tape, and a small, leather bound book.
"That's your journal," she said pointing to the book I held in my hand. "Don't worry, I didn't read it."
I slipped it into my pocket, hoping to get some time to read it later. Maybe these were the answers I was seeking.
"What's on the video?"
"It's from the party to celebrate our defeat of Ultimecia."
"Can I see it?"
She nodded, putting the cassette into the video and turning the TV on. It flickered into life, showing the scene of a ballroom, littered with people, all surrounding a podium on which I was standing, looking incredibly nervous. I shifted awkwardly in my seat, almost as if the nerved I had once felt were emanating from the tape and into me.
"Erm, well…I'm not very good with words, so I want to hand over to the headmaster," I announced.
"No, speech, speech," screamed a girl wearing a yellow dress.
"Yeah, go Selph. You tell him." I presumed that voice came from behind the camera as I couldn't tell who it had come from.
"Fine, well…congratulations to you all," I announced, before leaving the podium swiftly to a round of applause, accompanied by laughter.
The film continued for a few minutes, showing many people I didn't recognise, the girl in yellow, a guy in a cowboy hat, a tall, blond woman dressed in orange and somebody choking on a hotdog. It was the end of the tape that really caught my attention. Rinoa was on the balcony, pointing in the air, as if somebody was there with her. Before I could see anything else, the tape ended, but somehow, I still knew how it ended.
I walk over to her, put my arm around her waist and kiss her.
The realisation hit me. We really were together once. More than that, but I really did like this woman.
I…I think I love…no. Stop thinking, Squall. Just stop thinking.
"You…you remember, don't you?"
I nodded. I couldn't say anything. I was too shocked. Thankfully, I was saved from any further awkward moments by a knock at the door. Rinoa got up to answer.
"Rinoa. It…it's been too long," I heard a voice say.
"Quistis?"
Quistis? She was one of my friends, right?
"I'm sorry for just turning up like this, your father told me you were in Timber, so I made a few enquiries and found you here. There's something I need to tell you."
"No, Quistis," Rinoa interrupted. "I have some pretty big news."
"Please, I need to tell you this. It's important. I need to tell you the truth about Squall. I couldn't tell you before you left, I was under orders and I hope you can forgive me. He was…he was killed by…"
"Go on," Rinoa urged.
"Well, the leader of the rebels was…was…"
"Just tell me dammit."
"Seifer."
Seifer?
A/N: Thanks to everybody who's reviewed so far. Just to clear up any confusion, Quistis' diary is written in the present. Also, the other characters will be putting in an appearance soon.