This is the first installment of my infamous Crash fics series, Crash Goes Stupid. There are currently five installments, and this is where it all; begins. Note that I wrote these a long time ago, so it's before Crunch. Before N. Trance. Before all that. In fact, I think the farthest it goes is Crash 3.

Anyways, sit back, relax, and enjoy the stupidity!

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Crash Goes Stupid

by FNC

Far off the coast of N. Sanity Island, the scientist Dr. Embryo is expirementing with three bandicoots. Soon....

Embryo: YES!!! IT WORKS!!!

Suddenly, the three bandicoots jump up and smash everything in sight. They then escape through the back door.

Embryo: NOOOOOO!!!!

Who knows what these four idiots will do now that they are loose to wreak havoc on N.Sanity City?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Radio: It's time for AAAnimaaaniacs!

Director: What the....

The bandistooges are seen taking off.

Director: COME BACK HERE!!!

Oh, boy. Now, let's start over....

Far off the coast of...

NO, FOOL! NOT THERE!

Oh. Ladies and gentlemen....

It's time for CRASH GOES STUPID!!!

Deep in the streets and alleys of N.Sanity City, we hear hideous laughing coming from the streets....

Crash: HEEEHEEHEEHOOOHOOHAAAHAAA!!!

Coco: You sound more like Ripper Roo than Cortex!

Crash: Shut it!

Coco: Why?

Crash: 'Cause I said so!

Coco: Who cares what you say?

Tawna: Will you two stop it?

Crash and Coco: NO!

Tawna: This is what I get for sticking around with two losers like you!

Coco: Which makes you one of us?

Tawna: No, why?

Coco: 'Cause, last time I checked, YOU were a loser like us!

Crash: Stooge.

Tawna: DOH!

Crash: HOOHOOHAAHAAHAAAAA!!!

Coco: Hey, you're actually starting to sound like Cortex for a change!

Crash: Shut up. I don't need your input!

Coco: I said you're starting to sound like Cortex!

Crash: Uhh.. I said "Really?"

Tawna: Hey, check out this thing I found on the ground over there!

She pulls out a spray painted mask that looks like Uka Uka.

Coco: AAAAAAAH!!!

She takes off down the street.

Tawna: Well, there goes Ms. Scaredy Boots.

Crash: Yup.

Tawna: What a coward.

Crash: Yeah.

Tawna: Hey, wanna go to Crash Mart?

Crash: You mean it's finally open?

Tawna: No. When did I say that?

Crash: Well, I was thinking that if you wanted to go, then Crash Mart would be...

Tawna: Quiet! I was being sarcastic. It is open.

Crash: I'm confused.

Tawna: Then again, you always are!

Crash: Why, I oughta....

Tawna: Bring it on, tough guy!

Their fight is interrupted by Coco, who has just come back from her little jog. She sees the mask on the ground and takes off again.

Coco: AAAAAAAH!!!

She takes off down the street.

Tawna: Well, there goes Ms. Scaredy Boots.

Crash: Yup.

Tawna: What a coward.

Crash: Yeah.

Tawna: Hey, wanna go to Crash Mart?

Crash: You mean it's finally open?

Tawna: No. When did I say that?

Crash: Well, I was thinking that if you wanted to go, then Crash Mart would be...

Tawna: Quiet! I was being sarcastic. It is open.

Crash: I'm confused.

Tawna: Then again, you always are!

Crash: Why, I oughta....

Tawna: Bring it on, tough guy!

Their fight is interrupted by Coco, who has just come back from her little jog. She sees the mask on the ground and takes off again.

Coco: AAAAAAAH!!!

She takes off down the street.

Tawna: Well, there goes Ms. Scaredy Boots.

Crash: Yup.

Tawna: What a coward.

Crash: Yeah.

Tawna: Hey, wanna go to Crash Mart?

Crash: You mean it's finally open?

Tawna: No. When did I say that?

Crash: Well, I was thinking that if you wanted to go, then Crash Mart would be...

Tawna: Quiet! I was being sarcastic. It is open.

Crash: I'm confused.

Tawna: Then again, you always are!

Crash: Why, I oughta....

Tawna: Bring it on, tough guy!

Their fight is interrupted by Coco, who has just come back from her little jog. She sees the mask on the ground and takes off again.

Coco: AAAAAAAH!!!

She takes off down the street.

Tawna: Well, there goes Ms. Scaredy Boots.

Crash: Yup.

Tawna: What a coward.

Crash: Yeah.

Tawna: Hey, wanna go to Crash Mart?

Crash: You mean it's finally open?

Tawna: No. When did I say that?

Crash: Well, I was thinking that if you wanted to go, then Crash Mart would be...

Tawna: Quiet! I was being sarcastic. It is open.

Crash: I'm confused.

Tawna: Then again, you always are!

Crash: Why, I oughta....

Tawna: Bring it on, tough guy!

Their fight is interrupted by Coco, who has just come back from her little jog. She sees the mask on the ground and takes off again.

Coco: AAAAAAAH!!!

She takes off down the street.

Tawna: Well, there goes Ms. Scaredy Boots.

Crash: Yup.

Tawna: What a coward.

Crash: Yeah.

Tawna: Hey, wanna go to Crash Mart?

Crash: You mean it's finally open?

Tawna: No. When did I say that?

Crash: Well, I was thinking that if you wanted to go, then Crash Mart would be...

Tawna: Quiet! I was being sarcastic. It is open.

Crash: I'm confused.

Tawna: Then again, you always are!

Crash: Why, I oughta....

Tawna: Bring it on, tough guy!

Their fight is interrupted by Coco, who has just come back from her little jog. She sees the mask on the ground.

Coco: Sigh...

FNC: Gotcha!!!

Were you tired of reading the same thing over and over again? Were you tired of reading the same thing over and over again? Well, boy did you look stupid! Cause you know what? I LIVE IN YOUR MONITOR!!!

Boss: No you don't. Now get back to work!

Oh, fine.

Coco: Whew! I'm pooped!

She glances over at the mask.

Coco: AAAAAAAH!

She takes off yet again.

Tawna: NOT AGAIN!!!

Crash: COCO!!! STOP!!!

Too late. She's nowhere to be seen.

Crash: Man!

Tawna: So, Uku Uku, what should we do now?

Crash: Uku Uku?

Tawna: Well, duh!

Crash: What a stupid name!

Tawna: Better than a stupid bandicoot!

Crash: Like you?

Tawna: No. Like YOU!!

Crash: Whoo, big comeback.

Tawna: I have better, like my five knuckles that are about to be in your face!!!

Crash: I've heard better threats from a mouse!

POW!!! Crash sees stars for the next 10 seconds.

Tawna: And THAT, kids, is why you should never egg on a fight!

Crash: I heard that!

Tawna: So, Uku Uku, what should we do now?

Uku Uku: ...........

Tawna: Okay! To Crash Mart it is!

Crash: You moron! That stupid mask didn't say squat!

Tawna: Yes he did! He said "Crash Mart! Where everything's smart! I don't really like this job, but at least I get paid!"

Crash: Earth to Loser, that was the Crash Mart Mascot over there!

He points to a black Corvette which a giant Crash dude is driving.

Mascot: Booyah, grandma, booyah!

Tawna: Hmm, she looks a little too young to be his grandma.

Crash: True.

Tawna suddenly pulls out a saw.

Tawna: I saw this in a movie once!

She cuts a hole of air. It reveals what looks like a top secret gang meeting.

Gang Leader: Hey! Get outta here!

He starts to shoot at them. Tawna pushes the hole out of the way. Crash starts to back up into the hole Tawna created in the street.

Crash: Did ya see anything?

He suddenly looks down and realizes he is standing on top of a hole.

Crash: Huh? AAAAAAAHHH!!!

He falls through the air and back through the hole.

Crash: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

He continues this pattern like so....

Crash: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Tawna: Crash?

She starts to look around the area.

Crash: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Tawna: Oh Crash?

She then looks in the air to see Crash falling again.

Crash: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Tawna: Crash?

She then looks down just as Crash falls through again.

Crash: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Tawna: MY TURN!!!

She pulls the hole from the ground, causing Crash to hit the street.

Crash: Owww...

Tawna then puts her head through the hole while she is holding it.

Tawna: Cool...

Crash: Whaddya see?

Tawna: A little ant farm with an ant yelling at me.

Crash: That ant is me!

Tawna: You're an ant?

Crash: No, moron! I'm a bandicoot, but I'm the guy in the so-called ant farm yelling at you!

Tawna: Ohhhhh....

Crash: STOOGE!

Tawna: DOH! Hey, I think Coco's back!

Crash: Nah, that's just somebody out for a morning jog.

Tawna: Oh. HEY! There she is! With what looks like an angry mob chasing her!

Crash: No, that's just a marathon.

Tawna: Oh. And another thing. I THINK I'M STUCK IN THIS HOLE!!!

Crash: No you're not. Just pull your head out!

She pulls it out.

Tawna: Thanks!

Crash: Okay...

mumbles Stooge...

Tawna: I HEARD THAT!! Hey, there she is!

Yeah. THIS time it really is Coco.

Coco: Pant pant pant pant....

She sees that darn mask again.

Coco: AAAAAAAHH! SAVE ME SOMEONE!!!

She runs back down the block.

Tawna: Oh, boy.

Crash: Well, until she comes back, I'm just gonna sit here under this cardboard box.

He walks over to a cardboard box in the nearest alley, picks it up, goes out to the sidewalk, sits down, and puts the box over top of him.

Crash: Ahh, that's better.

Tawna: Hope you don't suffocate.

Crash: What is this "suffocate"?

Tawna: Good luck!

The marathon passes by at him, and then the box starts to get pelted with something.

Crash: AAAAH!!! THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!

Chicken Little: Yeah, and my refrigerator is running!

A fridge is seen running in the marathon.

I hate the vague cliches they put in stories like these.

When the pelting stops, Crash looks outside and sees about a million dollars worth of quarters lying around the box. On one there is a note. On the back is a letter. And attached to the letter (which by the way is G), there's a message that reads:

Dear Hobo Guy,

Take this as a gift from us.

Signed,
The N.Sanity Marathon Runners

Crash: Sweet! I guess being a hobo really does pay off!

Tawna: DOH!

Coco comes back, and doesn't see the mask... wait, let her! JUST KEEP RUNNING YOU FOOL!

Coco: AAAH! I'M GONNA KEEP RUNNING, JUST LIKE THE NARRATOR TOLD ME TO!!!

About 15 minutes later, Coco finally collapses.

Coco: Gahh....

Crash: So now what do ya wanna do?

Tawna: I know! Let's hold tryouts for new members of our group!

Crash: YEAH!

Coco: Aaagh...

Later, in a small backstage looking place, we see Crash, Coco, and Tawna each talk to some people. First we look at Tawna.

Tawna: So tell me, what else do you do...

Baby: ......

Tawna: besides drool?

The baby crawls off.

Tawna: SAME TO YOU! NEXT!!!

Harry: I really would like to join...

Tawna: YES!!!

Harry: But, I must warn you of one thing....

Tawna: What?

Harry: MESS WITH ME AND I'LL USE MY MAGICAL POWERS TO DESTROY YOU!!!

Tawna: We'll call you.

Crash: Call him what?

Tawna: Crash!

Crash: 'Cause I can think of a few things.

Tawna: NEXT!

John John: I... have... attention dicefit disorder.

Tawna: Really?

John John: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!?!?! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE!!!!

Tawna: Uh... yeah....

John John: SWEET!!! THIS IS SO COOL!!!

Tawna: Okay, so now that I'm talking to you, I...

John John: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME AGAIN?!?!?!

Tawna: Yeah...

John John: ALRIGHT!!!

Now we go to Coco:

Coco: So, what do you do?

Crocodingo: Arg....

Coco: Fiercer than that!

Crocodingo: Arg....

Coco: Excellent! You're in!

Crocodingo: Arg?

Coco: NEXT!!!

Scenile: So am I in?

Coco: Well...

Scenile: 'Cause if not I'll...

Coco: We'll call you!

Finally we see Crash.

Crash: So you guys' names are Moe and Joe too?

Bob: No

Rob: No

Crash: Then we'll call you.

Bob: Sweeeeet....

Rob: Duuuuude....

Crash: Where's my car?

Coco: You don't have one!

Crash: Oh.

The three losers all huddle in a secret room.

Tawna: All I got are a baby who drools and has no respect for others, some guy who does magic tricks, and a guys who needs to pay attention more.

Coco: I got the cutest little guy who could growl like a dog, but I also got a guy who was pretty scenile!

Crash: I got two guys who

Tawna: Stole your car!

Crash: No way! Really?

Tawna: No, you don't have a car! STOOGE!!!

Crash: DOH!

Coco: So who do we want in?

Tawna: Definetely none of my guys!

Crash: Mine are gone.

Coco: That Scenile guy is too dangerous!

Crash: Then that leaves...

ALL: CROCODINGO!!!

Crocodingo: Arg?

The next day, back at Idiot Street, the now four idiots are just doing the same thing they always do; being stupid!

Coco: So now what should we do?

Crash: I don't really know!

Tawna: Shall we ask Uku Uku?

Coco: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Tawna: Oh, fine, ya big baby!

In case you missed Tawna's secret hint, please read the last section over again.

FNC: GOTCHA AGAIN!

Boy, that time you not only looked stupid, but you WERE stupid!

Boss: Hey! One more insult and I'll...

SHUT UP!

Boss: That's it!

I shove the door in Mr. Boss's face and lock it. Ther! That should keep HIM out for awhile. Now anyways, after I was rudely interrupted....

Crocodingo: Arg!

Coco: Aww, ain't he cute?

Crocodingo: RRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Coco: AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

She runs off.

Tawna: Oh, well.

Crash: Hey, let's have a contest!

Tawna: Okay, whoever can stay quiet the longest gets 20 bucks!

Crash: Okay, silence starts.... NOW!

Tawna: .....

Crash: .....

Crocodingo: .....

Tawna: .....

Crash: .....

Crocodingo: .....

Coco runs back to them and runs into them.

Coco: Watch it! Stupid girl coming through!

She kicks Crocodingo out of the way.

Crocodingo: Arg!

Crash: YOU TALKED!

Tawna: I WIN!!!

Crash: DOH!

Tawna: Now, about that 20 bucks....

Suddenly, they are all warped to a strange lab place where the four idiots are trapped in glass cylanders.

Crash: Hey! Where are we?

Tawna: Don't look at me!

Coco: Whoa!

Crocodingo: Arg!

Suddenly, four people walk through an automatic door in the room.

Crash: Hey!

Coco: They're clones!

Tawna: Cool...

Crocodingo: ARG!

The clones start to talk amongst each other....

Clone 2: So, Crush, are these the ones?

Crush: Yes, Tawnu, they are.

Caca: They look... stupid!

Dingodile: That's because they probably are!

Crash: COOL!!!

Coco: Their names are just like ours!

Tawna: Far out!

Crocodingo: ARG!!!

Crush: Ah, it's idiots like these who make society bad.

Caca: Yet, quite stupid indeed.

Tawnu: What morons.

Dingodile: YEAH!

Crash: Ah, it's geniuses like these who make society cool!

Coco: Yes, quite awesome indeed!

Tawna: What heroes!

Crocodingo: ARG!

Did you notice that they all said the same thing! NO! 'Cause they didn't! The idiots said just the opposite of what the clones said!

FNC: GOTCHA YET AGAIN!!!

Have you been continuously fooled by three certain letters? Well, you're not the only one, bub!

The door gets busted down, but not by the boss, but...

AWW, &$!!! IT'S THE COPS!!!

One of them puts handcuffs on me.

Cop: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of law.

I shut up mas they drag me away.

Okay, I'm the new narrator, peoples. I hopefully WON'T be as insultive as that other jerk.

So, the four clones take the four idiots in for some questioning. First we look at Tawna and Tawnu.

Tawnu: So how come you've made me look like an idiot?

Tawna: IT'S REALLY YOU!!!

Tawnu: Yeah... so why?

Tawna: 'CAUSE I LOOOOVE YOU!!!

Tawnu: Love? That's an extreme word!

Tawna: Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry, I'm acting like a total idiot... sooooooy un pedrador... I'm a loser Tawnu, so why don't ya kill me?

Tawnu: 'Cause I forgot my laser gun at home.

Next we see Dingodile and Crocodingo.

Dingodile: So, mate, why have you been trying to act like me?

Crocodingo: Arg?

Dingodile: Huh?

Crocodingo: Arg?

Dingodile: Huh?

Crocodingo: Arg?

Dingodile: Oh, my! I'm in love!!!

Crocodingo: Arg?

Next is Crash and Crush.

Crush: Boy, this shirt is getting itchy.

He takes it off.

Crash: Yoink!

He snatches the shirt and takes off.

We return to Tawna and Tawnu.

Tawnu: Here, can you hold my eyeliner for me?

Tawna: Sure!

As soon as she gets her grubby little paws on it, she takes off.

Tawnu: Hey! COME BACK HERE WITH THAT!!!

Tawna tries to escape, but she falls through the floor and lands right on Dingodile.

Dingodile: WHOA!

His extremely sharp teeth fly out of his mouth and into Crocodingo's.

Crocodingo: Aaaarg!

Dingodile: My teef... gimme my teef back!

Crocodingo: Arg arg!

The idiots run off with the clones in hot pursuit. Down with Coco and Caca....

Caca: Oh no... here we go... stay right here, I'll be right back.

Coco: Okay!

Caca leaves Coco alone to see what's going on two floors up.

Coco: Hey! She left her laptop adaptable CD-Rom drive here!

She snatches it and leaves. She soon runs into the other three idiots.

Tawna: Come on! Let's get out of here!

They escape the lab just as the clones are about to catch them. They then go to Moron Manor to rest.

Crash: Now my outfit is complete!

He slips on Crush's shirt.

Coco: Now I can get CD-Roms for my laptop!

She plugs Caca's CD-Rom drive into her laptop.

Tawna: Now I have eyeliner!

She puts some of Tawnu's eyeliner on.

Crocodingo: Arg!

He is seen with Dingodile's sharp teeth.

So, what new adventures will our morons face in the near future? Find out in Crash Goes Stupid 2: Stupider than B4!!!!

THE END

Note: This takes place before Dingodile was introduced into the Crash series.