Crash Goes Stupid 3 has long been hailed as the best in the saga. I'm SURE you'll love it, with a 100 money-back guarantee!

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Crash Goes Stupid 3: Aww, it's a rerun!

By FakeNeoCrash a.k.a. FNC

In the lair of Dr. Embryo...

Embryo: Yes! To catch the bandicoot maniacs on the loose, I have created...

He opens a large graffiti-ridden shutter to reveal the Rainbow-Matic 2000 Rainbow Maker: capable of catching and carrying anything that gets caught in the rainbow!

Embryo: THIS THINGY!!!

Suddenly, the lights go out, and the Rainbow-matic is seen moving. The lights turn back on, only to reveal that the invention is gone!

Embryo: DARN YOU LEPRECHAUNS!!!

Ladies and gents, it's time for....

All of a sudden, we see a TV screen. Our well know idiots are staring at it like it's an idol.

Crash: Aww, it's a rerun!

Coco: ...CRASH GOES STUPID 2: STUPID THAN B4!!!

Tawna: This is the part where those three idiots mutilate the script!

Litle does Tawna know that the three idiots are actually themselves!

But didn't you expect that?

Ladies and germs... germs?

Crash: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Director: Come back here!

He chases the stooges, never to return...

Director: I'LL BE BACK!

Suddenly, the Terminator is seen beating the life out of him.

Terminator: Oh, no you won't!

Okay, I don't want the kids seeing this, so let's just cut to the chase.

IT'S TIME FOR CRASH GOES STUPID THREE!! AWW, IT'S A RERUN!

We open to see the idiots still locked onto the TV. Crash suddenly steals the remote from Tawna.

Crash: Gimme that! Dagger Babes is coming on!

Tawna: No way! I'm watching Fishbowl VII!!!

Coco: Forget you two! I'm gonna watch Minjen Doko Men Ima Awto Stinga!

Crash and Tawna: IN ENGLISH!!

Coco: SERPENTSPHERE X!

Crash: That's stupid!

Coco: And like Dagger Babes isn't?!

Tawna: Well, you two fight on, 'cause I've been wanting to see that movie for weeks now!

Coco: What is it besides a bunch of fish swimming around in water?

Tawna: Fish are cool!

Coco is suddenly seen with a heat source and a visor. SAhe starts to mingle with the TV.

Crash: What are you doing?

Coco: I'm making this TV block out Dagger Babes AND ANY stupid Fishbowl movies!

Crash and Tawna: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Coco: That brainless rubbish will deteriorate your minds!

Crash: Brainless rubbish not deteriorate mind!

Tawna: Garbage good for Tawna.

Coco: Oh, dear. It's already started!

Crash: What?

All of a sudden, the evil Dr. Neo Cortex busts through the front door of Moron Manor.

Cortex: FREEZE!!!

Crash: Huh? Hubba hubba moojah?

Coco: Mok mok yap yap blah blah dribble dribble dribble!

Tawna: Cockamaligamschmit jo or yap yap dribble!

Cortex: WHAT? I can't understand a word you're saying!

Crash: BLAH BLAH YAP!

Tawna: Dribble yap blah!

Coco: Jok?

Cortex: You guys are wierd! You belong in here!

He runs out the doors, closes them, and turns them into Swiss Cheese.

Now it is proven that the idiots speak idiot!

Crash: Yap yap blah? (What was that all about?)

Coco: Lom tox yat. (I don't know)

Tawna: Cockaligamin menjo haw gart yap yap blah dribble! (I couldn't understand a word he was saying!)

Note that if you can translate what the idiots are saying, you are an idiot yourself! You can know if you're translating it if there are parentheses with English words inside next to the idiot language.

Suddenly, the Dunce Doorbell rings.

Crash: I GOT IT!!!

Coco: You can't!

Crash: Why not?

Tawna: THE DOORS ARE SWISS CHEESE!!!

Crash: Then eat it!

Tawna: ARE YOU CRAZY??? I HATE SWISS CHEESE!!!!!

Coco: I'm allergic to it!

Crash: I'm lactose intolerant!

Coco: Uh oh...

Tawna: We're in a pickle!

We see Moron Manor floating in a pickle.

Crash: I GOT IT!!!

Coco: NO YOU DON'T!!!

Crash: No, I mean I know how to solve our problem!

Coco: And how will you do that?

He then pulls out the one and only...

Crash: CROCODINGO!!!

Crocodingo: Arg arg arg!

Crash: Go eat the Swiss Cheese, Crocodingo!

Crocodingo: ARG!!!

He dashes to the door and starts to inhale the Swiss Cheese. We now see five people who could pass for Cortex, Tropy, Bero, Tiny, and N. Gin, but it's not them....

Crash: Who are you?

Cortex dude: Finally! Someone we can understand!

Tropy guy: Someone that speaks our language!

Crash: Hey! WE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU, TOO!

Coco: Who are you?

N.Gin weirdo: Well, to make a long story short...

Idiots: WE'RE THE COPY RATS!!!

Cat: Meow!

Crash: Hey! Weren't you guys in that fic,

TV: OUT OF HERE, SCARED OF THERE!!! BY RYAN SEYERSDAHL!!!

Crash: Aww, it's a rerun!

Coco: I can identify each of you!

She first points to The Cortex dude.

Coco: You're Trepy!

Cortex dude: Uh...

Next, she points to the Tropy guy.

Coco: You're Teeny!

Tropy guy: HEY!

N.Gin weirdo...

Coco: Bero!

N. Gin weirdo: Wait a...

Brio Wacko...

Coco: CERTOX!!!

Brio Wacko: It's a...

And finally the Cat.

Coco: AND ENJIN!!!

Cat: ...meow???

Cortex dude: No, wait. To make things clearer... I'm Certox,

N.Gin Weirdo: I'm Enjin...

Brio Wacko: I'm Bero...

Tropy guy: I'm Trepy...

Cat: Meow meow. (And I'm Teeny!)

Coco: I knew that.

Tawna: I can't believe it's actually you!

Trepy: Now, about why we're here...

Coco: You want to give us your autographs? SWEET!

Crash: YEAH!!!

Tawna: DUUUUUUUUDE!

Enjin: No, that's not it...

Coco: Oh, so ya wanna give us free merchandise!

Crash: YEAH, BUDDY!!!

Tawna: ALRIGHT!!!

Certox: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly, the movie is interrupted by a special news broadcast.

TV Reporter: Ladies and gentlemen, we have serious breaking news! The Empire State Building, the Sears Tower, and Big Ben have all collapsed foir no reason at all! And they did it at exactly the same time! This just in! All of London seems to be under a radioactive attack by a group of terrorists never seen on this planet!!! And now the Egyptian Pyramids have been vaporized by alien UFOs! Newest news: Zombies seem to be rising from the former location of the Twin Towers and eating the brains out of all its citizens! You should see it now!

The news shows a picture that looks like it was taken from Resident Evil. Zombies are running around the streets in large crowds. It seems like half the population of New York is running around as the living dead.

Reporter: The world is in sheer panic! This madness could be the end of all of humankind!

Suddenly, everything in the Manor turns off. A small electrical sound is heard.

Crash: Well, better go check the sattelite!

Coco: But we don't have a sattelite!

Crash: Okay!

He walks through the Swiss Cheese and is heard climbing onto the roof.

Tawna: What a moron!

Coco: Now, about that free stuff...

Everything in the Manor mentioned earlier starts to go beserk.

Bero: Where's your circuit breaker?

Coco: In the basement. But watch out for the wild alligators.

Bero: Gulp... alligators?

Tawna: Yes. We found 'em and kept 'em!

Coco: They were stray!

Bero: Oh, boy. Well, I'll try to fix the circuit breaker without getting killed.

Bero's thoughts: Cool! Maybe I should try that!

He goes down to check the breaker, but sees nothing wrong. Meanwhile....

Trepy: Do you guys have any snacks?

Tawna: Sure do! Let me lead you to them!

She walks off to the kitchen. Crash is heard coming down from the roof.

Crash: Nothing was wrong with the sattelite!

Coco: But we don't have a sattelite!

Crash: Okay!

Everything shuts off again, and then turns back on. Nothing bizarre is happening anymore.

Coco: I guess Bero fixed the problem!

Certox: I'll go check on him. Crash, come with me!

Crash: Why?

Certox: JUST DO IT!

Crash: OKAAAAAAAAY!!!!

They walk down the stairs to the basement. Meanwhile, upstairs...

Coco: Hey, Enjin! Do you and Teeny wanna go with me to meet Tawna and Trepy in the kitchen with the munchies?

Enjin: I guess...

Teeny: Meow...

Coco: Okay.

They walk into the kitchen. Then they walk out with panic on their faces. Crash and Certox dash up the stairs with that same look.

Coco: GUYS! YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS!!!

Certox: We have a wild story too!

Coco: You first!

Certox: BERO IS GONE!!!

Enjin: So are Trepy and Tawna:

Crash: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Suddenly, everything turns off and on. Tawna, Trepy, and Bero are all there again, with beat looks on their faces.

Crash: Where were you guys?

Trepy: In another dimension!

Coco: But you were only gone for 25 seconds!

Bero: It's a long story!

(To find out what the three stooges did on their little trip, please read "The Dumb-Ension." Also included in this special DVD!)

Certox: Seeing that this place is cursed, we'll be going now.

Enjin: WHAT?!?!?! ALL THAT AND WE STILL DIDN'T GET OUR CUP OF SUGAR?!?!?! YOU IMBASSIL!!!

They exit with Enjin screaming the whole way.

Crash: Whew! I'm sure glad that's done!

Coco: Ack!

Crash: Well, I'm heading to the bedroom. If ya need me, I'll be there.

Tawna: Okay!

Crash heads up and crashes on the bed. He closes his eyes and begins to daydream....

We now see Crash, who is now about 5 years old, standing and laughing his head off in front of a burning building. In his left hand he is holding a newspaper. The headline "CRASH CRASHES SIXTH SCHOOL THIS WEEK!!!" is circled in red.

Young Crash: BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I AM THE SUPREME RULER OF THIS CITY! N.SANITY SHALL FEEL MY WRATH!!!

Teacher: Oh, really?

Crash: Uh oh...

Teacher: And what do you have to say for yourself?

Crash: Uhhh... I didn't do it?

He wakes up from his dream.

Crash: Whoa...

He then daydreams again. This time he is in a classroom, now about 13.

Teacher: You're darn right you didn't do it!

Crash: Well...

Teacher: In fact, you've only done 1 assignment this entire semester! Now march right down to that principal's office!

He slams the class door behind him. He then sees a foreign exchange student who looks like he's Spanish.

Crash: Hehehehehehehehe! Hey, kid!

Spanish Kid: Huh? Me speak almost no English.

Crash: Oh. Well, el follow me!

Crash leads the kid to a fire alarm lever.

Crash: Pull this and you'll open a secret classroom!

Kid: Oh, mucho gracias!

He's about to pull it when Crash's teacher walks up.

Teacher: So, leading another foreign exchange student to the magical entrance to the secret classroom, eh?

Crash: Aw, man!

He wakes up again.

Crash: Oh....

He daydreams again. This time, he's about 21. He's inside a movie set.

Director: Okay, Crush, it goes like this...

Crash: For the last time! You've got the wrong guy! I'm Crash, not Crush or whatever you call him!

Director: Oooookaaay... anyways...

Crash: AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!!!

Director: THAT'S PERFECT!!!

Crash: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

Crash wakes up yet again.

Crash: Man. What a life I had in the past. It makes me glad I'm the idiot I am today!

Voice: Oh, really?

Crash turns around to see his teacher standing there.

Crash: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Crash wakes up.

Crash: Whew! I hate double dreams! I'm getting outta here!

He walks down the stairs to the Living Room. Coco, Crocodingo, and Tawna are sitting at the coffee table.

Coco: Hey, Crash! You're just in time!

Tawna: We're about to play Parcheesi. Care to join us?

Crocodingo: Arg?

Crash: Okay, I guess...

Half an hour later...

Coco: You and your stupid ideas, Tawna! This is indeed the Parcheesiest game I've ever played in my life!

Tawna: You're the one who was begging me to play it so bad!

Crash: WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP?!?!?!?!?!

The girls look at him with astonished looks on their faces.

Crash: Sorry about that. It's just about what I was doing up there in my room.

Coco: So?

Crash: I was thinking about my distant past, and got somewhat depressed.

Tawna is now sitting in a psychiatrist's chair.

Tawna: And?

Crash: Well, I was remembering the days when I was just an average bandicoot. I had no trace of stupidity in my mind whatsoever. But now, ever since Dr. Embryo failed that experiment, I just haven't felt like... myself.

Tawna: Okay, go on...

Crash: And now I think that my stupidity is wearing off, like I'm turning back into my normal self. Like this idiocy is just a sickness I've had, and now I'm healing from it....

Tawna: So?

Crash: But I still want to be stupid! I mean, some of my happiest memories are during the short 2-month period that I was a moron. If I become normal, I won't be able to understand you guys anymore. I won't feel right here in Moron Manor. I'll literally be exiled from your group. And when I was normal, nobody understood me. But, now I'm beginning to wonder...

Tawna: What?

Crash: Did Embryo really fail the experiment? I'm beginning to think that this stupidity just happened to awaken at the time of the experiment, causing a sort of backfire in the system. And the backfire also relayed to your minds, causing you two to become idiots like me.

Tawna: Oh...

Crash: But I've learned something. I've learned that I'm the only one that has the ability to regain my former knowledge and become normal. Since you two became stupid by accident, I'm afraid you don't have the same ability, so when I change back into my former self, you guys won't. You guys will be idiots forever. But I don't want to leave you. I mean, we've grown a sort of bond between us. It has just been the four of us. You, Coco, Crocodingo, and myself. It makes me want to cry thinking we'll be separated very soon. In fact, I could return to being normal in as little time as 5 minutes!

Tawna: Huh? Bana mexa loc ma dribble blah yap!

Crash: NO! IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED!

Tawna: Blah yap blah dribble lok!

Coco: Drab mib drap blah.

Crocodingo: Log.

Crash: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Crash wakes up.

Crash: Where am I?

Crash looks around.

Crash: Whew. It was only a dream.

Tawna: Crash!!! Are you okay up there?

Crash: Are you making gravy?!

Tawna: No. Whoever said I was?

Crash: Just wondering!

Tawna: WHAT???

Crash: Nothing!

Tawna: No, you just said something!

Crash: I said are you making... wait a minute! FNC almost fooled us again!

FNC: Aw, poopy! I almost did it, too!

Crash: Sorry, Slim. Not today.

Crash walks out of the room and meets Tawna and Coco downstairs.

Crash: Boy, did I just find something out.

Coco: What?

Crash: Spending an extended period of time inside one's own bedroom can be physically dangerous and mentally harmful.

Tawna: What's he talking about?

Coco: It seems that Crash's tired state has seemed to have caused an intellectual flare! I'm quite astounded!

Tawna: CRASH! Is that you?

Crash: Hug me!

Coco: That didn't last long!

Crash: HUG!

He hugs Coco and Tawna.

Coco: Okay, okay!

Tawna: We get your point!

Crash: What point?

Tawna: I wish SOMETHING would go right today!

A cardboard box with wheels attached to the bottom runs her over.

Tawna: Hello!

Crash: Aw, man. This is bad!

Coco: You feel the same way?

Crash: Yes!

Coco: Yes. How strange!

They pause for a moment.

Crash and Coco: Last one to the kitchen is a rotten egg!

They dash off. Tawna gets up.

Tawna: Wait! Come back! 'Cause that's my pancake!

She staggers off in the opposite direction. Crash pops out just as Tawna has wandered into the laundry room.

Crash: Oh, Tawna! Where are you?

Coco: Oh, not again!

Tawna: WHOOOOOOAAAA!!!

Coco: Tawna!

Crash: Let's go get her!

They run to the laundry room. Tawna is stuck in the washing machine.

Tawna: I was checking to see if any clothes were left in, and it shut on me and I'm locked in!

Crash: Uh oh...

Coco: With proper greasing the door should just slide open!

Crash: But where will we get some grease?

Coco: Dish soap should work fine!

Crash: Glad I thought of it! We'll soap up the door and get Tawna to worship us!

Coco: That wasn't my plan!

They walk off to the kitchen.

Tawna: Hurry! This thing could start at any moment!

In the kitchen...

Crash and Coco are searching for dish soap in the cluttered kitchen. Coco is in front of the shelf with the soap.

Coco: How anybody could find dish soap in this mess is beyond me!

She looks at it.

Coco: Ah, there you are!

Crash: Ah, there you are!

He pulls out the sink.

Crash: Weird bottle, huh?

Coco: What? AGAIN?!?!?!

Crash: It's only the third time this week!

Coco: THAT'S IT!!!

She starts to pummel the life out of Crash. Tawna walks in.

Tawna: And exactly what is going on here?

Coco: WHOA!!! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!?!?!

Crash suddenly has a heat radiator in his hand.

Crash: Can I make a tree fort out if this?

Tawna: Crash, where did you procure that heat radiator?

Crash: Over there.

He drops the radiator on Coco's foot and points to a hole in the wall.

Coco: Ow!

A pipe is leaking steam.

Tawna: WHOA! QUICK, SOMEBODY! SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF!!!

Crash: I got it!

He shoves the sing into the pipe.

Crash: Fixed!

Tawna: No, Crash! NO!!!!

She toys with the sink, but finds it's jammed.

Tawna: Oh well. Good enough for now.

The girls and Crocodingo all walk over to the coffee table and sit down.

Tawna: Do you guys wanna play a game?

Coco: I guess, but what?

Tawna: How about Parcheesi?

Coco: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! LET'S PLAY THAT!!

Tawna: Okay.

Crash stares in awe as Tawna retrieves the game and sets it up on the table.

Tawna: Care to join us?

Crocodingo: Arg?

Crash: Okay, I guess...

Half an hour later...

Coco: You and your stupid ideas, Tawna! This is indeed the Parcheesiest game I've ever played in my life!

Tawna: You're the one who was begging me to play it so bad!

Crash: WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP?!?!?!?!?!

The girls look at him with astonished looks on their faces.

Tawna: Geez!

Crash: Oh, no!

Coco: What?

Crash: This is exactly what happened in my dream up there!

Tawna: So you mean FNC tricked us again?

Crash: No. This is different. It's a long story. But let's continue, okay?

Coco: Yeah, let's continue this super Parcheesi game!

Tawna: SHUT IT!

Half an hour later...

Coco: What is with you, Tawna? You only keep sending my guys back to start!

Tawna: Well, sooooorry! It's not my fault it's the only thing I can do!

Crash: My turn!

He rolls two twos (no, he doesn't roll dresses, although that would be an interesting gag). Since his last piece only has four spaces to move till home, he moves his guy into home.

Crash: I WIN!

Coco: Still undefeated!

Crocodingo: ARG!

Tawna: Yeah, sure, whatever. mumbles: Cheater.

Crash: Excuse me? Is there something you'd like to share?

Tawna: Uh, no.

Crash: Good, 'cause we're playing Yahtzee now!

Coco: NOOOOOO! Not that!

Crash: And we're watching Dagger Babes while playing!

Tawna: We can't.

Crash: And why not?

Tawna: Remember? Coco blocked that and Fishbowl out.

Coco: So we're watching Serpentsphere X!

Tawna: Great!

Later still....

Coco: Ha! YAHTZEE!!!

Tawna: Not again!

Coco: Well, that's a bonus 50 points!

Crash: This game's stupid! You always win!

Tawna: Just like you always win Parcheesi?

Coco: Hey! You always beat us at Scrabble!

Tawna: So?

Crash: This is getting very stupid!

Suddenly, Moprob Circleshorts comes on.

Moprob: IIIIIIII'M READYYYYYY!!!

Coco: Hey, what happened to the 12-hour-marathon of Serpentsphere X?

Crash: It's over!

Coco: It can't be! That's not fair!

Tawna: Life isn't fair.

Crash: That's not fair!

Tawna: Geez.

Coco: Oh well.

She shuts it off.

Coco: Hey, guess what?

Crash: What?

Coco: I FINALLY BEAT THE TANK MISSION ON GTA2!!

Tawna: Yay.

Crash: We're so happy for you!

Coco: So, anybody wanna go to Eat n' Gas?

Tawna: Well, I guess so.

Crash: The let's go!

20 seconds after they leave Moron Manor, we hear a hideous scream.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

What moronic things have the morons done at this moronic moment? Find out in the moronic next story to the never ending saga of the morons, Crash Goes Stupid Four! Stupidity should be...

An anvil falls on my foot.

OOOOOOOWW!!! Painful!

Whew! I'm glad that's over!

Boss: Okay, now just 9 million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-six fictions to go!

Oh, great! This is all thanks to that jerk !

Boss: But he wasn't even in this fic!

Exactly!

Boss: Whatever. This is getting deducted from your pay!

DOH! WHY I OUGHTA...

Boss: Don't make me!

I'll be quiet!