An Admiral's Tale - Chapter Eleven
Cold Trip
I was surrounded, trapped inside a vast ocean of water. It was as cold as ice. When I hit the water, it knocked me unconcious.
"Carth...." No... Please... Not this...
"We need you...." Not now...
"Don't leave me...." I'd never leave you intentionally...
"Do I have to beg?" Don't...
"It isn't safe here.. You know that.." I thought it was...
"I just have a bad feeling..." Do I have to beg my own mind not to show me this?
"Don't go back..." I had to.. I had to do my duty..
"Stop justifying yourself with bantha fodder.." Ugh..
"You..." I..?
I opened my eyes. Morgana was staring at me, conviction in her eyes. Her hands were placed firmly on her hips and she was berating me. I'd seen this memory.. Too many times. Her long brown hair flowed freely and her big brown eyes were greeting mine. Not the usual way they greeted me though, they were full of fire. Strangely enough, I couldn't remember her exact face. I never really could, no matter how hard I tried.
"You can't leave. You can't. You've only just come back! What about Dustil?" She asked me, I shifted around uncomfortably and stayed silent. "So you're just gonna stand there and stay quiet? Carth! You make me sick!" She spat at me.
"You make me sick too, with your lack of understanding Morgana." I told her. She looked at me with disgust and tears in her eyes.
"Lack of understanding? I've.." She choked softly on tears before continuing, I wanted to reach out to hold her. To tell her I was sorry for retaliating like I did. "I've only seen you once in the past year.." A few tears rolled down her cheeks. "How can we be a family when you're never here? I have this terrible feeling Dustil won't even know his father."
I sighed. "Look.. The Sith can be defeated, we triumphed against the Mandalorians and we'll do the same again. Please Morgana, I have to fight for your freedom, for little D's too. The Republic needs me.. As soon as it's all over, I'll come back. I promise." I walked over to her and gingerly wiped away her tears with my fingers.. Gently.
"I just get scared something terrible will happen" She told me. I sighed and nodded. I wrapped one hand around her waist and used my other hand to stroke her silky hair. I made sure I buried her head in my shoulder.
"It'll be ok." I whispered into her ears, over and over as I carried on stroking her hair. When I look back. I was a failure as a husband. I failed to listen to her, she was headstrong, persistant. Sometimes damn foolish.. Just like Revan. "I love you, Morgana.."
I was suddenly spinning and not able to stop, the colours of the room blurred viciously. And now I was on Telos, it was burning.
I ran aimlessly, just like I did when it happened for real.
Fire.. Blood.. Despair.. Anguish.. Fire.. Blood.. Fire.. Red.. Ruins.. Smoke.. Air.. Oxygen.. Trees.. Red.. Trees.. Blood.. Dying.. Death.. Anger.. So angry now.
Angry at myself. Hating myself. The failure that I am.
Morgana.
Blood.. Despair.. Anguish.. Fire.. All around. Anger.. Hate.. Death..
MORGANA!
Tears.. Everything burning... Everything.
My fault.. Could have stopped it.
Could have... But couldn't.
Failure.. Blood.. Redness.. Hands filled with blood.. Morgana.. Morgana's face filled with blood.
No.. No.. Please...
Screaming.. Help me please... Shivering.. So cold.. Trembling.. Someone help...
Mor-Morgana...
Precious Morgana..
MORGANA!!!
Dead.
Gone.
I was clutching her body in my arms tightly, I was spinning again and unable to stop.
Endar Spire. The Cantina.
I opened my eyes as I sipped my poison gently, I scanned around me and took in everything that was going on.
It was empty. Except for one lone woman smoking her cigarra, her tightly curled auborn hair fell softly onto her shoulders and her emerald green eyes met mine. I stood by her.
"You're the one the Jedi's requested be placed onboard." I greeted her with, she looked up at me and nodded slowly. Smoke came up to my face and I blew it away calmly. "May I?" I asked her as I drawn the chair out gently from under the table.
"What are you asking me for? You're going to do it anyway." She shrugged to me. I sat down and kept drinking my ale.
"What's your name?" I asked her. Her eyebrows furrowed and she took another deep inhale of her cigarra.
"Nima D'Graven." Came her reply. I smiled at her.
"Pretty name. I guess I don't need any introductions." Nima looked at me quizzically. She regarded me gently and then broke the silence with a sigh.
"Surprise me. I don't know you." I was shocked, after the Mandalorian wars a lot of people knew my face, knew who I was and knew my deeds. Nima didn't however.
"My name's Carth Onasi, I'm an advisor for this mission.. Hence the plain clothes sister." I said with a soft smile, Nima still regarded me however. She was none the wiser. She shook her head and giggled.
"Can't say I know you." She said to me, she smiled.
"Right. Well.. I'm a Commander in the Republic Fleet, I was on my vacation when I was told to do this ridiculous mission.. Believe you and me, I'd rather not be here." I smiled back at her and she took another puff of her cigarra. Her face was set in stone and shown no emotion or sympathy with me. "Right.. Well.. I'm off. See ya Nima." I said to her and promptly left.
She was one strange woman! Hah. Now I knew why.
I exited the door and I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I was meant to be in a corridoor. Instead, I was in the Endar Spire's mess hall.
"Beat him down, Nima!" One of the officers exclaimed, I watched as their was a fight ontop of one of the tables. Bastila was standing beside me, she was in shock. Her hand covered her mouth in surprise. I jumped up onto the table and threw the officer off Nima and looked at her.
"What do you think you're doing?" She spat at me. I just looked at her in surprise. I offered her a hand to help her up but she knocked it away from me. I turned to look at Bastila and I shrugged.
The room was spinning out of control and I felt dizzy.
I was in my office. Nima was sitting opposite me, I had to discipline her for starting the fight, I'd seen this memory a few times. It was one of my more fonder memories.
"You know that was wrong, right recruit?" I asked her. She nodded.
"Yes Sir, it won't happen again Sir." She told me, I lay back in my chair and sighed, it was getting late. "I don't want to go through all the reasons why, I'm pretty sure you're sensible, sister." She smiled. The first time I had noticed her beautiful smile since she introduced herself to me. "Dismissed." Nima stood up and saluted at me, when she got to the door she stopped.
I was waiting for her to say it, but my mind played tricks on me. She didn't.
She was supposed to say, "You're a pretty cool officer."
She came back and started punching me across the face, time after time again.
"Wake up!" Nima called to me, her emerald eyes glowing. I closed my eyes and opened them. I was still in the same room.
I screamed. Black veins, colourless eyes. Revan. She was punching me and begging me to wake up.
"Wake up! Wake up!" She called out to me. I kept screaming uncontrollably.
"WAKE UP!!!"
"REVAAAAAAAAN!"
------------
Madison Desdemona: Oops :). He isn't dead obviously :).
Anyone else out there reading this? ^_^.
Cold Trip
I was surrounded, trapped inside a vast ocean of water. It was as cold as ice. When I hit the water, it knocked me unconcious.
"Carth...." No... Please... Not this...
"We need you...." Not now...
"Don't leave me...." I'd never leave you intentionally...
"Do I have to beg?" Don't...
"It isn't safe here.. You know that.." I thought it was...
"I just have a bad feeling..." Do I have to beg my own mind not to show me this?
"Don't go back..." I had to.. I had to do my duty..
"Stop justifying yourself with bantha fodder.." Ugh..
"You..." I..?
I opened my eyes. Morgana was staring at me, conviction in her eyes. Her hands were placed firmly on her hips and she was berating me. I'd seen this memory.. Too many times. Her long brown hair flowed freely and her big brown eyes were greeting mine. Not the usual way they greeted me though, they were full of fire. Strangely enough, I couldn't remember her exact face. I never really could, no matter how hard I tried.
"You can't leave. You can't. You've only just come back! What about Dustil?" She asked me, I shifted around uncomfortably and stayed silent. "So you're just gonna stand there and stay quiet? Carth! You make me sick!" She spat at me.
"You make me sick too, with your lack of understanding Morgana." I told her. She looked at me with disgust and tears in her eyes.
"Lack of understanding? I've.." She choked softly on tears before continuing, I wanted to reach out to hold her. To tell her I was sorry for retaliating like I did. "I've only seen you once in the past year.." A few tears rolled down her cheeks. "How can we be a family when you're never here? I have this terrible feeling Dustil won't even know his father."
I sighed. "Look.. The Sith can be defeated, we triumphed against the Mandalorians and we'll do the same again. Please Morgana, I have to fight for your freedom, for little D's too. The Republic needs me.. As soon as it's all over, I'll come back. I promise." I walked over to her and gingerly wiped away her tears with my fingers.. Gently.
"I just get scared something terrible will happen" She told me. I sighed and nodded. I wrapped one hand around her waist and used my other hand to stroke her silky hair. I made sure I buried her head in my shoulder.
"It'll be ok." I whispered into her ears, over and over as I carried on stroking her hair. When I look back. I was a failure as a husband. I failed to listen to her, she was headstrong, persistant. Sometimes damn foolish.. Just like Revan. "I love you, Morgana.."
I was suddenly spinning and not able to stop, the colours of the room blurred viciously. And now I was on Telos, it was burning.
I ran aimlessly, just like I did when it happened for real.
Fire.. Blood.. Despair.. Anguish.. Fire.. Blood.. Fire.. Red.. Ruins.. Smoke.. Air.. Oxygen.. Trees.. Red.. Trees.. Blood.. Dying.. Death.. Anger.. So angry now.
Angry at myself. Hating myself. The failure that I am.
Morgana.
Blood.. Despair.. Anguish.. Fire.. All around. Anger.. Hate.. Death..
MORGANA!
Tears.. Everything burning... Everything.
My fault.. Could have stopped it.
Could have... But couldn't.
Failure.. Blood.. Redness.. Hands filled with blood.. Morgana.. Morgana's face filled with blood.
No.. No.. Please...
Screaming.. Help me please... Shivering.. So cold.. Trembling.. Someone help...
Mor-Morgana...
Precious Morgana..
MORGANA!!!
Dead.
Gone.
I was clutching her body in my arms tightly, I was spinning again and unable to stop.
Endar Spire. The Cantina.
I opened my eyes as I sipped my poison gently, I scanned around me and took in everything that was going on.
It was empty. Except for one lone woman smoking her cigarra, her tightly curled auborn hair fell softly onto her shoulders and her emerald green eyes met mine. I stood by her.
"You're the one the Jedi's requested be placed onboard." I greeted her with, she looked up at me and nodded slowly. Smoke came up to my face and I blew it away calmly. "May I?" I asked her as I drawn the chair out gently from under the table.
"What are you asking me for? You're going to do it anyway." She shrugged to me. I sat down and kept drinking my ale.
"What's your name?" I asked her. Her eyebrows furrowed and she took another deep inhale of her cigarra.
"Nima D'Graven." Came her reply. I smiled at her.
"Pretty name. I guess I don't need any introductions." Nima looked at me quizzically. She regarded me gently and then broke the silence with a sigh.
"Surprise me. I don't know you." I was shocked, after the Mandalorian wars a lot of people knew my face, knew who I was and knew my deeds. Nima didn't however.
"My name's Carth Onasi, I'm an advisor for this mission.. Hence the plain clothes sister." I said with a soft smile, Nima still regarded me however. She was none the wiser. She shook her head and giggled.
"Can't say I know you." She said to me, she smiled.
"Right. Well.. I'm a Commander in the Republic Fleet, I was on my vacation when I was told to do this ridiculous mission.. Believe you and me, I'd rather not be here." I smiled back at her and she took another puff of her cigarra. Her face was set in stone and shown no emotion or sympathy with me. "Right.. Well.. I'm off. See ya Nima." I said to her and promptly left.
She was one strange woman! Hah. Now I knew why.
I exited the door and I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I was meant to be in a corridoor. Instead, I was in the Endar Spire's mess hall.
"Beat him down, Nima!" One of the officers exclaimed, I watched as their was a fight ontop of one of the tables. Bastila was standing beside me, she was in shock. Her hand covered her mouth in surprise. I jumped up onto the table and threw the officer off Nima and looked at her.
"What do you think you're doing?" She spat at me. I just looked at her in surprise. I offered her a hand to help her up but she knocked it away from me. I turned to look at Bastila and I shrugged.
The room was spinning out of control and I felt dizzy.
I was in my office. Nima was sitting opposite me, I had to discipline her for starting the fight, I'd seen this memory a few times. It was one of my more fonder memories.
"You know that was wrong, right recruit?" I asked her. She nodded.
"Yes Sir, it won't happen again Sir." She told me, I lay back in my chair and sighed, it was getting late. "I don't want to go through all the reasons why, I'm pretty sure you're sensible, sister." She smiled. The first time I had noticed her beautiful smile since she introduced herself to me. "Dismissed." Nima stood up and saluted at me, when she got to the door she stopped.
I was waiting for her to say it, but my mind played tricks on me. She didn't.
She was supposed to say, "You're a pretty cool officer."
She came back and started punching me across the face, time after time again.
"Wake up!" Nima called to me, her emerald eyes glowing. I closed my eyes and opened them. I was still in the same room.
I screamed. Black veins, colourless eyes. Revan. She was punching me and begging me to wake up.
"Wake up! Wake up!" She called out to me. I kept screaming uncontrollably.
"WAKE UP!!!"
"REVAAAAAAAAN!"
------------
Madison Desdemona: Oops :). He isn't dead obviously :).
Anyone else out there reading this? ^_^.