A Failure's Tale - Chapter One
Failing everyone
Now that I look back, it was pathetic really. I lay back in the bunk that I was on and threw the covers over me, I was depressed. I didn't bother to wash, eat or drink in two days. The smuggler, Rivu, was getting a little concerned over me. She was a Twi'lek. She was a wonderful shade of purple and she probably got a lot of flack and jealousy from fellow Twi'lek females.
"Hey you. Wake up already." I heard her say, I groaned at her and threw the covers further over my head however Rivu kept persisting in getting me up and about. "Hey, I don't want you dying on this ship or customs are gonna get a bit mad at me.. I don't like corpses. Now take this!" She shoved a drink onto my stomach and I appeared from under the covers.
"Thanks.. But no thanks." I told her, I shoved the drink back in her hands.
"Hey! That's my speciality you ignorant Rancor!" Rivu reminded me of Mission, terribly. I just glared at her emotionlessly.
"Excuse me?" I asked. She shoved the drink up to my lips silently and frowned at me. I got the message and began to drink her concoction. I pulled a face and spat it out, it tasted gross! Unfortunately I spat it out onto Rivu's shirt. "Er..." She shook her head at me as she began to brush the horrid concoction off her shirt.
"Oh well.. At least it got your attention. What's the matter? How come you've barely moved?" I put my hand over my eyes, averting them away from the bright light of the bunk room.
"Go away.." I told her, she shook her head.
"I'm worried." She replied. I looked in the mirror that was placed on the wall by my bunk, I was terribly pale and I needed a shave. My short light brown hair was greasy.
"You're not like the everyday smuggler." I told her as I turned, facing her.
"You're not like the everyday human. So who was she?" Rivu asked. The words made me shudder, why did she have to bring a woman into the equation? Well, I knew why. She's a woman and women have a sense for these things. I suppose I was heartbroken over Revan, if you *could* say that. What I mean by that is, I hadn't thought of Revan for two days, I had a penchant for forgetting things. Revan was one thing I'd love to forget. But I knew that she would always nag at me in the back of my mind for a long, long time.
"I'm waiting." She told me, as she folded her arms and tapped her foot on the cold floor in impatience.
"Carry on then, sister." I said as I threw the covers back over my head and groaned in my own self wallow and pity. She grabbed the covers and threw them off my body revealing my naked form. I groaned and covered my lower body with both my hands. "Did you have to do that?" I asked her in an annoyed fashion. She giggled, albeit a little nervously.
"Sorry. I didn't know." She said averting her eyes away from my body
"Stop ogling me already and BACK off kid!" I shouted at her, she looked at me in surprise and ran off with my bedsheet covers. "Right! What's your problem?" I yelled after her as I got up chasing her as best a man can whilst being totally nude.
I peeped my head and torso around the opening in the corridoor, Rivu was standing on the other side of the room. "That was rude, Rivu." I told her, she was only young. To hazard a guess I would have said at the time that Rivu was twenty maybe twenty one.
"Like I said. I'm sorry, I didn't know." She replied to me sniffing the bedclothes and cringing at their stench, I must have smelt pretty bad.
"If you were sorry, you would have given them back to me, sister." I reminded her kindly as I beckoned for her to throw me my bedclothes back. She had other ideas however.
"If you weren't such a nasty old kook you wouldn't have yelled at me and you'd have your bedclothes back, BROTHER." She retorted to me, disgust etched on her face. She was definitely young.
"Look..-" I sighed. "Look. Ok, I'm sorry for shouting. Can I have my bedclothes back now please?" I asked her nicely, she grinned at me evily.
"No." She said.
"What?" I asked in total surprise and confusion, she started to walk towards me.
"I was kidding Mister Serious. Gee-Whizz!" She said to me as she handed me my bedclothes.
I sniffed them and coughed. "You were right Rivu, these smell pretty bad." I said to her.
"Not half as bad as you Mister." She replied to me, it occured to me that I hadn't told her my name yet. I wrapped the bedsheets around my lower body and came from around from the corner. "That's better!" She exclaimed to me as her head tails wrapped around her neck defensively.
"Hey! I don't look that bad do I?" I asked her with a smile. How did I manage to keep up a uncracked exterior when I was being torn to shreds inside? I'd always been this way. Always fighting my demons that threatened to burn me to cinders.
"I dunno. Human Males aren't really my scene, I'm into Twi'leks. Duh." Rivu replied to me with sass.
"Ok, sister." I told her, I felt bad for her really. I was incredibly dangerous cargo. The Republic and the Sith wouldn't mind getting their hands on me and torturing me to death at that point. Although that thought was kind of attractive to me and reflected the way I felt. I was a failure at many things after all. "I'll go get refreshed and then I'll keep you company, alright?" I told her, Rivu just nodded in my direction and I retired to my quarters.
***
I returned after my sonic shower and sat in the co-pilots chair in the cockpit admiring the streams of hyperspace passing me by. "Where are we going?" I asked her.
"Anchorhead, Tatooine." She replied to me taking a long sip on some Caffa. I needed a Cigarra. I wasn't one for smoking but I had to relax, I had to escape from all my thoughts, my troubles. I needed to talk to Rivu, she would be my only company for a while.
"Say Rivu.. You got any Cigarra's?" I asked her. I watched her pat her left pocket then she moved to her right as she reached in and got some Cigarra's out, handing me her packet.
"The Onasi kid said you'd like them, he said they were your favourite." Rivu told me. That was a long time ago, when I *was* one for smoking. These were my favourite brand, they were called Kepirs. I stared at the packet before opening it up and placing a Cigarra in my mouth. I lay back in the chair and took one long puff staring up at the ceiling at nothing in particular.
"So you know Dustil?" She asked me, a hint of suspicion in her voice. I barely heard her question as I kept staring at the ceiling thinking about the past few days on Manaan. "Well did you?" Rivu asked, a bit more agitated now. This time I heard her but I kept on smoking my Cigarra and staring at the ceiling. I pondered how to answer this question. I lied.
"No." I answered her, she burst out laughing.
"You must be in a lot of trouble to deny that you don't even know your own son Carth Onasi." She told me. I turned towards her and raised an eyebrow, so she knew who I was after all.
"'Kay Rivu.. How'd you know?" The question earned me another cruel laugh.
"Dustil told me of course!" She exclaimed, I just smiled at her.
"What else did he tell you?" I asked her. I was scared of the situation now, I didn't want Rivu to go blabbing her mouth off to anyone.
"Nothing. Just that you were his father, Carth Onasi. Of course, everyone knows that name and your face but say.. Since you shaved.. And.. Well.. Earned that scar across your cheek I'd say you look a little bit different." She informed me, my Cigarra was running out now and I rubbed my cheek. I felt the nasty scar on the side of my face.
When I rubbed it I compared it to my love for Revan. It will always be there and never heal, she might as well have dealt me the scar instead of Canderous. Oh, how I wanted her out my mind and out my life after our last encounter.
Fortunately, I had the latter.
"I need a new name." I told her, my Cigarra burnt out and I rubbed the butt of it on the panel that seperated the co-pilot from the pilot. She nodded her head.
"I have a nice one. How about.. Revan?" Rivu said. I groaned and pulled a face at her, the kid knew how to make me angry.
"It's a girls name." I replied through my teeth as the mention of her name was enough for me to pull another Cigarra out the packet and light up.
"What was she like.. Revan.. The Star Forge adventure and all that?" Rivu asked me, she was curious over Revan and I didn't want to fill in the gaps for her curiosity.
Yet.
It became apparent to me however that she didn't know anything about the special affiliation I had with the Sith *or* Revan for that matter.
I shrugged my shoulders and sighed as I slumped in my chair. "I really don't want to talk on it. Can you please think of a name sister?" I asked her, Rivu was defeating me. She was a bit like Mission and I found myself growing fond of the kid.
"Ok.. Ok.. Time to be serious." She informed me, then a grin crept across the corners of her mouth. "However.. If I help you with a name, you have to tell me about Revan later. Deal?" She asked me, I groaned and I rubbed my hand across my face.
"I guess it'll have to be." I told Rivu. She smiled and nodded in my direction.
"How about Jaro?" Rivu asked me, I loved the sound of that name as soon as I heard it. I grinned.
"That's fantastic. Jaro-what though? I need a second name." I told her, she slumped down in her chair and sipped on her Caffa. I pulled the Cigarra to my mouth and took another long inhale, then I remembered to look at my packet of Cigarra's in the first place. I looked at the name.
Kepirs.
Now it was my turn to smile.
"Say Rivu.. If I think of a second name the deal has to change." I told her, she frowned at me and was probably thinking of all the dirty names she could possibly call me.
"How much?" Rivu enquired with a hint of annoyance in her voice.
"Well. If I don't like what you ask me about *her* and the Star Forge.. I have the right to stop the conversation-" I said to her, she was about to interrupt and I glared at her "Let me finish." I said to Rivu. "And once I tell you about it I don't want you to ask me about it ever again." I told her, she thought about it for a while and I'd almost finished my second Cigarra. "Also, you're not allowed to ask me questions about my past.. My life in the Republic as an officer and all that. I'll only sate your hunger of the admiration of your.. Heh... Hero.. Or should I say heroine?"
"Fine.. But she isn't my heroine.. She could have let the Star Forge be destroyed. " Rivu muttered almost inaudibly. I ignored her.
"My second name shall be Kep. Jaro Kep."
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Big thanks to Aroseb who helped with the name :). yay! you go girl.
Mara Jade2: Woot! Thanks for reviewing :).
Failing everyone
Now that I look back, it was pathetic really. I lay back in the bunk that I was on and threw the covers over me, I was depressed. I didn't bother to wash, eat or drink in two days. The smuggler, Rivu, was getting a little concerned over me. She was a Twi'lek. She was a wonderful shade of purple and she probably got a lot of flack and jealousy from fellow Twi'lek females.
"Hey you. Wake up already." I heard her say, I groaned at her and threw the covers further over my head however Rivu kept persisting in getting me up and about. "Hey, I don't want you dying on this ship or customs are gonna get a bit mad at me.. I don't like corpses. Now take this!" She shoved a drink onto my stomach and I appeared from under the covers.
"Thanks.. But no thanks." I told her, I shoved the drink back in her hands.
"Hey! That's my speciality you ignorant Rancor!" Rivu reminded me of Mission, terribly. I just glared at her emotionlessly.
"Excuse me?" I asked. She shoved the drink up to my lips silently and frowned at me. I got the message and began to drink her concoction. I pulled a face and spat it out, it tasted gross! Unfortunately I spat it out onto Rivu's shirt. "Er..." She shook her head at me as she began to brush the horrid concoction off her shirt.
"Oh well.. At least it got your attention. What's the matter? How come you've barely moved?" I put my hand over my eyes, averting them away from the bright light of the bunk room.
"Go away.." I told her, she shook her head.
"I'm worried." She replied. I looked in the mirror that was placed on the wall by my bunk, I was terribly pale and I needed a shave. My short light brown hair was greasy.
"You're not like the everyday smuggler." I told her as I turned, facing her.
"You're not like the everyday human. So who was she?" Rivu asked. The words made me shudder, why did she have to bring a woman into the equation? Well, I knew why. She's a woman and women have a sense for these things. I suppose I was heartbroken over Revan, if you *could* say that. What I mean by that is, I hadn't thought of Revan for two days, I had a penchant for forgetting things. Revan was one thing I'd love to forget. But I knew that she would always nag at me in the back of my mind for a long, long time.
"I'm waiting." She told me, as she folded her arms and tapped her foot on the cold floor in impatience.
"Carry on then, sister." I said as I threw the covers back over my head and groaned in my own self wallow and pity. She grabbed the covers and threw them off my body revealing my naked form. I groaned and covered my lower body with both my hands. "Did you have to do that?" I asked her in an annoyed fashion. She giggled, albeit a little nervously.
"Sorry. I didn't know." She said averting her eyes away from my body
"Stop ogling me already and BACK off kid!" I shouted at her, she looked at me in surprise and ran off with my bedsheet covers. "Right! What's your problem?" I yelled after her as I got up chasing her as best a man can whilst being totally nude.
I peeped my head and torso around the opening in the corridoor, Rivu was standing on the other side of the room. "That was rude, Rivu." I told her, she was only young. To hazard a guess I would have said at the time that Rivu was twenty maybe twenty one.
"Like I said. I'm sorry, I didn't know." She replied to me sniffing the bedclothes and cringing at their stench, I must have smelt pretty bad.
"If you were sorry, you would have given them back to me, sister." I reminded her kindly as I beckoned for her to throw me my bedclothes back. She had other ideas however.
"If you weren't such a nasty old kook you wouldn't have yelled at me and you'd have your bedclothes back, BROTHER." She retorted to me, disgust etched on her face. She was definitely young.
"Look..-" I sighed. "Look. Ok, I'm sorry for shouting. Can I have my bedclothes back now please?" I asked her nicely, she grinned at me evily.
"No." She said.
"What?" I asked in total surprise and confusion, she started to walk towards me.
"I was kidding Mister Serious. Gee-Whizz!" She said to me as she handed me my bedclothes.
I sniffed them and coughed. "You were right Rivu, these smell pretty bad." I said to her.
"Not half as bad as you Mister." She replied to me, it occured to me that I hadn't told her my name yet. I wrapped the bedsheets around my lower body and came from around from the corner. "That's better!" She exclaimed to me as her head tails wrapped around her neck defensively.
"Hey! I don't look that bad do I?" I asked her with a smile. How did I manage to keep up a uncracked exterior when I was being torn to shreds inside? I'd always been this way. Always fighting my demons that threatened to burn me to cinders.
"I dunno. Human Males aren't really my scene, I'm into Twi'leks. Duh." Rivu replied to me with sass.
"Ok, sister." I told her, I felt bad for her really. I was incredibly dangerous cargo. The Republic and the Sith wouldn't mind getting their hands on me and torturing me to death at that point. Although that thought was kind of attractive to me and reflected the way I felt. I was a failure at many things after all. "I'll go get refreshed and then I'll keep you company, alright?" I told her, Rivu just nodded in my direction and I retired to my quarters.
***
I returned after my sonic shower and sat in the co-pilots chair in the cockpit admiring the streams of hyperspace passing me by. "Where are we going?" I asked her.
"Anchorhead, Tatooine." She replied to me taking a long sip on some Caffa. I needed a Cigarra. I wasn't one for smoking but I had to relax, I had to escape from all my thoughts, my troubles. I needed to talk to Rivu, she would be my only company for a while.
"Say Rivu.. You got any Cigarra's?" I asked her. I watched her pat her left pocket then she moved to her right as she reached in and got some Cigarra's out, handing me her packet.
"The Onasi kid said you'd like them, he said they were your favourite." Rivu told me. That was a long time ago, when I *was* one for smoking. These were my favourite brand, they were called Kepirs. I stared at the packet before opening it up and placing a Cigarra in my mouth. I lay back in the chair and took one long puff staring up at the ceiling at nothing in particular.
"So you know Dustil?" She asked me, a hint of suspicion in her voice. I barely heard her question as I kept staring at the ceiling thinking about the past few days on Manaan. "Well did you?" Rivu asked, a bit more agitated now. This time I heard her but I kept on smoking my Cigarra and staring at the ceiling. I pondered how to answer this question. I lied.
"No." I answered her, she burst out laughing.
"You must be in a lot of trouble to deny that you don't even know your own son Carth Onasi." She told me. I turned towards her and raised an eyebrow, so she knew who I was after all.
"'Kay Rivu.. How'd you know?" The question earned me another cruel laugh.
"Dustil told me of course!" She exclaimed, I just smiled at her.
"What else did he tell you?" I asked her. I was scared of the situation now, I didn't want Rivu to go blabbing her mouth off to anyone.
"Nothing. Just that you were his father, Carth Onasi. Of course, everyone knows that name and your face but say.. Since you shaved.. And.. Well.. Earned that scar across your cheek I'd say you look a little bit different." She informed me, my Cigarra was running out now and I rubbed my cheek. I felt the nasty scar on the side of my face.
When I rubbed it I compared it to my love for Revan. It will always be there and never heal, she might as well have dealt me the scar instead of Canderous. Oh, how I wanted her out my mind and out my life after our last encounter.
Fortunately, I had the latter.
"I need a new name." I told her, my Cigarra burnt out and I rubbed the butt of it on the panel that seperated the co-pilot from the pilot. She nodded her head.
"I have a nice one. How about.. Revan?" Rivu said. I groaned and pulled a face at her, the kid knew how to make me angry.
"It's a girls name." I replied through my teeth as the mention of her name was enough for me to pull another Cigarra out the packet and light up.
"What was she like.. Revan.. The Star Forge adventure and all that?" Rivu asked me, she was curious over Revan and I didn't want to fill in the gaps for her curiosity.
Yet.
It became apparent to me however that she didn't know anything about the special affiliation I had with the Sith *or* Revan for that matter.
I shrugged my shoulders and sighed as I slumped in my chair. "I really don't want to talk on it. Can you please think of a name sister?" I asked her, Rivu was defeating me. She was a bit like Mission and I found myself growing fond of the kid.
"Ok.. Ok.. Time to be serious." She informed me, then a grin crept across the corners of her mouth. "However.. If I help you with a name, you have to tell me about Revan later. Deal?" She asked me, I groaned and I rubbed my hand across my face.
"I guess it'll have to be." I told Rivu. She smiled and nodded in my direction.
"How about Jaro?" Rivu asked me, I loved the sound of that name as soon as I heard it. I grinned.
"That's fantastic. Jaro-what though? I need a second name." I told her, she slumped down in her chair and sipped on her Caffa. I pulled the Cigarra to my mouth and took another long inhale, then I remembered to look at my packet of Cigarra's in the first place. I looked at the name.
Kepirs.
Now it was my turn to smile.
"Say Rivu.. If I think of a second name the deal has to change." I told her, she frowned at me and was probably thinking of all the dirty names she could possibly call me.
"How much?" Rivu enquired with a hint of annoyance in her voice.
"Well. If I don't like what you ask me about *her* and the Star Forge.. I have the right to stop the conversation-" I said to her, she was about to interrupt and I glared at her "Let me finish." I said to Rivu. "And once I tell you about it I don't want you to ask me about it ever again." I told her, she thought about it for a while and I'd almost finished my second Cigarra. "Also, you're not allowed to ask me questions about my past.. My life in the Republic as an officer and all that. I'll only sate your hunger of the admiration of your.. Heh... Hero.. Or should I say heroine?"
"Fine.. But she isn't my heroine.. She could have let the Star Forge be destroyed. " Rivu muttered almost inaudibly. I ignored her.
"My second name shall be Kep. Jaro Kep."
--------
Big thanks to Aroseb who helped with the name :). yay! you go girl.
Mara Jade2: Woot! Thanks for reviewing :).