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Chapter 8: Jewellery Robbery Number Five.

Captain Jack Sparrow sat in the small cell in Port Royal jail. Some people next door kept yelling at a dog. They were trying to coax it over using a single Brussel's Sprout.

'You can keep doing that forever, the dog is never going to move,' Jack said.

'Oh? And why's that? Eh? Eh? Eh?' the guys next door said.

'Because it's actually a canary,' Jack explained.

'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,' the guys said, realising their mistake.

Suddenly some guns went off.

'I know those guns!' Jack yelled. 'It's the Pearl!'

Then the guys said something about there being no survivors. And Jack said 'Where do the stories come from then?' And the guy said that if the Black Pearl was seen coming into a town, and then there were loads of bodies everywhere, it was good enough for him. Jack said the guy should shut up and quit messing with the story.

Meanwhile, at the Governor's house, Elizabeth was sitting in bed.

'It has been a hard day for you, Miss, I'm sure,' the maid said.

'Yes. I can't believe I lost my elevenses. Thirteen shillings worth of mackerel that was,' Elizabeth said mournfully.

The maid then broke into a loud and tuneless version of 'The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow', so Elizabeth threw a book at her.

'Will Turner is a nice man, Miss,' the maid said.

'That is too bold. Can't you see I hate him?' Elizabeth threw another book at her. It was sheer bad luck it was Harry Potter 5 which she picked up first, but that has nothing to do with the story, so let's move on.

Will was throwing swords at a doodle of Norrington in the forge but he heard a noise. He ran out to see pirates attacking the town!!! People ran away, screaming as pirates chased them, trying to rap 'A Pirate's Life for Me.' Will grabbed a sword, an axe, and an elvish bow with LEGOLAS written on it. Then he walked out to see what was happening.

Will threw an axe at a person he thought was Norrington, but it turned out to be a random pirate. He apologised cheerfully and returned inside to continue playing 'Hit Norrington With A Sword Just Like The Posh Git Got Given At The Bloody Overrated Promotion Ceremony'.

At the house, Elizabeth got out of bed because pirates were attacking. She quickly ran to the stairway. Then there was a knock at the door. The stupid doorman opened it.

'Pizza delivery for Governor Swann?' a small weedy man with glasses and a name badge which read 'Dexter' said.

'The Governor is not here, but thank you. Three shillings, plus a sixpence service rate. Here you go.'

Then some pirates invaded the house. Elizabeth ran and hid in a cupboard and put a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door.

The pirates found her and said 'Hello. Please may we have your medallion?'

'Parlez!' Elizabeth screeched. 'Take me to your leader!'

The pirates sighed. 'That means we have to take you to our captain. Wouldn't it just be simpler to hand over the - '

'No!' Elizabeth shouted. 'Parlez!'

So the pirates took her away to see Barbossa, the evil captain.

On board the Pearl, Elizabeth met some pirates.

'I am here to speak to the pirate man,' she screeched.

Then a pirate hit her on the nose. 'You'll speak when spoken to!'

Then Barbossa stepped up to the squawking Elizabeth and scowled at the pirate.

'And ye'll not lay a hand on a woman with D cups and nice legs. Now go away.'

The pirates stepped back.

'Now, what is it you want?' Barbossa said.

'Leave ma town right noo,' Elizabeth said.

'We are naught but humble morons. We don't understand,' Barbossa replied in a dumb voice.

'Piss off,' Elizabeth screeched.

'You can't make us,' Barbossa said.

'My daddy is the governor,' Elizabeth squawked.

'Bite me,' Barbossa shrugged.

'I'll chuck your purty medallion to the sharkies!' Elizabeth threatened.

'Go on then.'

'Fine. I will.'

'Ok.'

'I'm doing it.'

'Yes. You said.'

'I'm chucking it over.'

'Yep, we know.'

'I really am.'

'Yes...you've said.'

'Any minute now.'

'Righty-ho.'

'I really am. In a minute.'

'Yup.'

'Cos, I don't care about the medallion, and you say you don't care about the medallion.'

'That's right.'

'So, nobody's upset if I chuck it in the sea.'

'Nope.'

'Right, I'm doing it then,' Elizabeth said, trying to be clever.

'Yep,' a pirate said.

'OK!'

'OK.'

Elizabeth paused. 'I'm going to chuck it, you know.'

Barbossa suddenly snapped. 'YOU IRRATATING LITTLE AIRHEAD! WOULD YOU JUST CHUCK THE DAMN MEDALLION! PLEASE!'

Elizabeth paused again. 'I sure will.' There was a long silence while everyone stared at her.

Then she really did go and try to chuck it over. But a friendly dolphin caught it and chucked it back up again.

'That's Frederick. He works for us. What is your name,' Barbossa demanded evilly.

'Mrs William,' Elizabeth said.

'Mrs...WILLIAM,' Barbossa said triumphantly, like he had discovered something big. All the pirates cheered. 'That makes no sense at all,' he concluded.

'I mean Miss Turner,' Elizabeth screeched.

'Miss TURNER.' Barbossa said. 'Can I have your purty medallion for my sixties themed birthday party?'

'Only if you leave my nice town and stop blowing things up,' Elizabeth said sweetly.

'Alrighty,' Barbossa said cheerfully.

So Elizabeth gave him the medallion.

'Now take me back to shore,' she demanded rudely.

'How about NO. What do I look like, a bloody water taxi driver? You should have said, you dopey moo,' Barbossa said.

'My daddy and Commy Doory Norry will find me and kill yooooooooooooou,' Elizabeth screeched, stamping on the deck with her fuzzy Kermit slippers.

But the ship sped away and nobody took any notice of her.

Wow...this chapters kinda long...hmm, never mind. Please R&R...

and really bad eggs...

I was thinking about doing a Harry Potter spin off after this one. Whaddaya think?? Let me know...