A Failure's Tale - Chapter Ten
Morgana
The hotel I decided to take my refuge in was seedy but I realised that I really had no other choice. I settled down onto the bed and I felt myself drifting, floating away from all my troubles and into the arms of a wonderful lady.
"Morgana.." I whispered. Why did she have to plague my memories, why now?
"Carth.. I'm finally safe." She whispered back, burying herself into my warmth. I put both my hands into her hair, running my fingers through the silky strands. This wasn't like the other dreams I'd dreamt of Morgana before.
This was no nightmare either.
This was almost real.
If I could say I wasn't asleep, I'd immediately claim that this was happening to me. Unfortunately, life doesn't go that way and even when something like this does happen it's usually some trick of the mind. I played along with my mind however and held her in the embrace. "I failed you, love." I told her, words I wished I could tell her all the time.
Words that I screamed inside my head and out loud more than a thousand times.
"You didn't fail me.." Morgana replied as she started to dance slowly, she closed her eyes and her head was still buried in my chest.
"But I did.. You died.. It was all my fault.. It was the end of me." I told her as I held her tightly against me, replying with my own dance steps if you could call them that.
"Don't blame yourself for something you couldn't prevent." Morgana told me, the words shot through my very heart. Was this a mixed up flashback? A cruel joke? Or was this really Morgana speaking to me through my dreams?
"I.. It was my fault.. I let Saul get away with it.. I let him slaughter you. How can I be a man? How could I be the husband you married?" I asked Morgana, staring down at her. She was so content, so at peace..
"You were the man I loved, you have to carry on. You shouldn't contemplate throwing your life away. The only thing that was your fault was Revan.. You were dishonest to her for a long time when you failed to see that the chance was slipping away from you.. That's when you failed. That's when you were no longer a man but a coward." Morgana trailed off, I stared down at her and grabbed her by the shoulders fiercely. I pushed her away from me softly.
"How did you know? I.. You're dead Morgana.. This is just a dream.. This is just a dream.." I said over and over like a mantra before reducing it to a mere whisper "This is just a dream..." For a moment, I felt like I was quoting my own Jedi Code.
"Calm down, Carth. I want you to be happy.. Revan's death was just the beginning for you.." Morgana said to me. Tears streamed down my cheeks softly, I wanted to stay there forever.
"This is just a dream.." I whispered once more as I wiped my tears away.
"As for the lies you've been told.. Blood is thicker than water.. You should believe those of your own lineage." Morgana said to me as she started to step backwards, further and further away from me. I watched as she started to disappear from my view. The last words I heard her say were "When the time is right.. You and Revan will find each other.. Their will be no need to seek her and their will be no need for her to seek you. You will see each other by complete coincidence." I saw her fade out of view and I dashed towards her. I tried to grab her to stop her from leaving me, leaving me in my pain.
"Mor-" I choked softly as tears streamed down my face. "Morgana..." I fell to my knees as the pain became terribly intense.
"Don't leave me again... Morgana..."
I choked in tears.
"Please just let me say goodbye.."
I weeped in pain.
"I'm sorry for failing you.."
Morgana
The hotel I decided to take my refuge in was seedy but I realised that I really had no other choice. I settled down onto the bed and I felt myself drifting, floating away from all my troubles and into the arms of a wonderful lady.
"Morgana.." I whispered. Why did she have to plague my memories, why now?
"Carth.. I'm finally safe." She whispered back, burying herself into my warmth. I put both my hands into her hair, running my fingers through the silky strands. This wasn't like the other dreams I'd dreamt of Morgana before.
This was no nightmare either.
This was almost real.
If I could say I wasn't asleep, I'd immediately claim that this was happening to me. Unfortunately, life doesn't go that way and even when something like this does happen it's usually some trick of the mind. I played along with my mind however and held her in the embrace. "I failed you, love." I told her, words I wished I could tell her all the time.
Words that I screamed inside my head and out loud more than a thousand times.
"You didn't fail me.." Morgana replied as she started to dance slowly, she closed her eyes and her head was still buried in my chest.
"But I did.. You died.. It was all my fault.. It was the end of me." I told her as I held her tightly against me, replying with my own dance steps if you could call them that.
"Don't blame yourself for something you couldn't prevent." Morgana told me, the words shot through my very heart. Was this a mixed up flashback? A cruel joke? Or was this really Morgana speaking to me through my dreams?
"I.. It was my fault.. I let Saul get away with it.. I let him slaughter you. How can I be a man? How could I be the husband you married?" I asked Morgana, staring down at her. She was so content, so at peace..
"You were the man I loved, you have to carry on. You shouldn't contemplate throwing your life away. The only thing that was your fault was Revan.. You were dishonest to her for a long time when you failed to see that the chance was slipping away from you.. That's when you failed. That's when you were no longer a man but a coward." Morgana trailed off, I stared down at her and grabbed her by the shoulders fiercely. I pushed her away from me softly.
"How did you know? I.. You're dead Morgana.. This is just a dream.. This is just a dream.." I said over and over like a mantra before reducing it to a mere whisper "This is just a dream..." For a moment, I felt like I was quoting my own Jedi Code.
"Calm down, Carth. I want you to be happy.. Revan's death was just the beginning for you.." Morgana said to me. Tears streamed down my cheeks softly, I wanted to stay there forever.
"This is just a dream.." I whispered once more as I wiped my tears away.
"As for the lies you've been told.. Blood is thicker than water.. You should believe those of your own lineage." Morgana said to me as she started to step backwards, further and further away from me. I watched as she started to disappear from my view. The last words I heard her say were "When the time is right.. You and Revan will find each other.. Their will be no need to seek her and their will be no need for her to seek you. You will see each other by complete coincidence." I saw her fade out of view and I dashed towards her. I tried to grab her to stop her from leaving me, leaving me in my pain.
"Mor-" I choked softly as tears streamed down my face. "Morgana..." I fell to my knees as the pain became terribly intense.
"Don't leave me again... Morgana..."
I choked in tears.
"Please just let me say goodbye.."
I weeped in pain.
"I'm sorry for failing you.."